March 15, 2015, 7 p.m.
Say Something: Tough Conversations
E - Words: 2,043 - Last Updated: Mar 15, 2015 Story: Complete - Chapters: 22/? - Created: Oct 19, 2014 - Updated: Oct 19, 2014 129 0 0 0 0
This might be the last time I update until after New Years. I will be spending the week after Christmas at Disney with the family, and Im leaving the computer at home! Hope everyone has a great holiday and enjoy this next chapter. Ill be back the week of January 5th, so keep an eye out for an update then!
After their breakfast, the two took a walk through the streets of New York, hand in hand, eventually ending up in Central Park. Kurt hadnt been back to the park since that night hed confronted Blaine at the bar about New Years Eve.
Blaine immediately sensed a change in Kurt, and pulled him to a park bench to sit. The cold seeped through their pants quickly and both boys shivered involuntarily.
"Blaine, its cold, we should head back." Kurt said finally.
"In a minute. I want to know what just happened. When we walked into the park, you pulled away."
Kurt looked down at their hands and squeezed Blaines, silently telling him he was wrong.
"Not physically, Kurt. Emotionally. I can feel it. Whats wrong? Please talk to me." Blaine begged.
"I cant."
Suddenly it hit Blaine. "This is about me, isnt it?" He whispered, remorse evident in his voice. When Kurt nodded, Blaines whole demeanor changed. His grip on Kurts hands loosened, his shoulders dropped, and he couldnt meet Kurts eyes. The pain in his chest that had subsided throughout their time together this morning came back in full force, and he brought his free hand up to his heart, as if that could stop the hurt.
Kurt noticed this, and began to worry that Blaine was on the verge of another panic attack. No matter how much Blaine had hurt him, it pained him to see Blaine suffer, so he reached over and took Blaines hand off his chest, holding both hands in his.
"Blaine," Kurt said, trying to get Blaines attention. Nothing. "Blaine," he said more forcefully this time. "Look at me."
When Blaine looked up, there were tears on his face and he sniffed. "I-Im so, so sorry Kurt. I w-wish I could g-go back and c-change everything. I-I cant believe I h-hurt you so bad." He broke eye contact and dropped his head again, not strong enough to see Kurts pain.
Kurt was having none of it and used one hand to tilt Blaines chin back up, forcing him to look at Kurt. "I know you are sorry, ok. But if we want to move on, we are going to have to face some tough conversations, and I dont want to worry every time that you are going to have another panic attack."
Blaine sobbed. "I-Im sorry Im so w-weak. I just cant believe I-I was so stupid for so long."
"Yes, but luckily, you wised up just in time," Kurt joked. This brought a small smile to Blaines face. He took a deep breath to calm himself.
"So, now that Ive had my minor breakdown, are you ready to tell me what you have against Central Park?"
"I will, but you have to promise me you wont break down again." Kurt watched a pained expression cross Blaines face again, but he nodded his agreement, encouraging Kurt to continue. "This is where I ended up last year after our talk at the bar." Blaines face showed no understanding, so Kurt went on. "When I confronted you after New Years."
"Oh."
Oh.
Kurt was silent for a minute, then forged on. "I sat here for hours under that tree," he pointed. "I-I was devastated. You basically told me that the best night of my life had meant nothing to you, and I..." Kurt had to stop before he broke down. A tear began to escape, but before it had the chance, he was pulled into a tight hug.
Blaine pulled Kurt as close as possible, before just lifting him onto his lap. He held the taller boy, his hands gripping Kurts back almost painfully, but Kurt took no notice. He burrowed his head into Blaines neck and let the tears come. Blaine was rocking them and whispering softly to him. He even thought hed felt Blaine kiss his hair a couple of times, but was too focused on Blaines warmth to even care.
Finally, Blaines voice became louder, urging Kurt to hear. "I was lying. Oh God, Im so sorry. I was scared and weak and let my friends convince me that it was wrong. That night meant everything to me, baby. I swear. Being able to be with you all night, hold you and kiss you. It was everything I had dreamed of. But it also scared the shit out of me. Id never felt that way before, and I was freaking out. Stupidly, I confided in my friends, and they convinced me that what I was feeling was guilt and regret. They told me not to call you back and to distance myself from you and it would all work out. So thats what I did. And Ive hated myself every minute since then."
He tried to pull back from Kurt then, so he could look him in the eye and make sure he understood, but Kurt would not loosen his hold on him, so he just continued to hold him. He felt a vibration on his neck and realized Kurt was trying to say something, so he leaned back a little to allow Kurt room to speak.
"I want to believe you," came the timid voice. Those innocent words ripped a giant whole in Blaines heart and he knew that he would never be able to hurt this beautiful boy ever again.
"Oh baby, I know Ive said Im sorry again and again, but Ill keep saying it until you see. You are the most important person in my life. Even when we werent talking, I still thought about you everyday. I was just so arrogant and I thought that you would always be there, no matter how I treated you. Im sorry to say that it wasnt until I heard you sing about saying goodbye that I truly understood how screwed up I was."
Blaine felt Kurts breathing even out and knew he had settled down. He didnt want to lose the closeness they were sharing, but knew they had to move soon or they would be permanently attached to the frozen bench.
"Come on," Blaine said, pulling back slightly. "Why dont we go back to your place and watch a movie?"
"Ok."
Thirty minutes later, the two boys were huddled together on the couch, both sound asleep, a random Disney movie playing in the background. Thats how Rachel found them when she returned home. She knew neither boy had slept the previous night, and with all the emotions involved, she wasnt surprised to find them like that.
What did surprise her was how they were laying. Blaine was leaning up against the corner of the couch, with Kurt splayed across his lap and chest, his head snuggled into the corner of Blaines neck. Blaines arm was wrapped securely around Kurt, as if trying to keep him from leaving, and their hands were intertwined and laying directly over Blaines heart.
She really wanted to give Blaine the benefit of the doubt, but she still had her reservations. Of course, shed do anything to see Kurt happy again, and if that meant giving Blaine another chance, she would do so. She grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch and gently covered the two with it before slipping into her room.
When Kurt began to awaken, he realized two things...he was incredibly warm and all he could smell was Blaine. He assumed he was dreaming again and wanted nothing more than to hold onto this blissful feeling between sleep and consciousness, so he burrowed down further into the warmth.
It was the contented moan that brought him back to reality, because it hadnt come from him. He slowly opened his eyes and tried to pull back, but was held firmly in place by strong arms. It was then, he realized that his face was buried in someones neck. He breathed in deep and everything came back to him then. He was sleeping on Blaine. They must have fallen asleep watching the movie. Not surprising, considering neither boy slept much last night.
He felt Blaine take a deep breath and let out a contented sigh, before trying to pull back again. This time, he was allowed a small amount of room by his captor, whom he looked up at through sleep filled eyes. Blaine was looking down at him with the same dreamy look and a goofy grin on his face.
"Hey," Kurt said shyly.
"Hey," Blaine replied, leaning down to kiss Kurt on the forehead. "You must be magic. I havent slept that well in months."
Kurt smiled. "Well of course I am, but you must have some powers as well, because despite sleeping half sitting up, I feel more rested than most mornings." Blaines smile matched Kurts at this simple confession.
They sat quietly for a moment, just basking in each others warmth, when Blaine began to shift uncomfortably under him. Kurt pulled back then with a somewhat panic look, which increased when Blaine avoided eye contact, and he quickly slid out from under Kurts body. He mumbled something that Kurt didnt catch, and bolted down the hall.
Kurt sat on the couch, confused for a moment, before he realized where Blaine was. He didnt head for the exit, he ran to the bathroom. Kurt chuckled at first, then suddenly realized the reason Blaine had run for the bathroom. Hed woken up with a little problem and was embarrassed. He was still sitting there, smiling, when Blaine returned sheepishly.
"Sorry. Nature calls," he said quietly.
Kurt reached out his hand and pulled Blaine back down beside him on the couch. "Its ok. Nothing to be embarrassed about. It happens to all of us." Blaine blushed and shifted uncomfortably, before his stomach let out a loud rumble.
Kurt threw his head back and laughed, while Blaines cheeks became an even darker shade of pink, causing Kurt to flush too, but for a different reason. Kurt shook his head to rid himself of those thoughts. Too early for that, he told himself. Right. Like he hadnt been having those thoughts about Blaine for a long time.
There was another rumble, and this time, it was Kurts stomach. He looked up at Blaine and smiled. "I guess sleeping through lunch has its drawbacks," he joked, and Blaine smiled back, his embarrassment gone. "So, dinner?"
"Absolutely," he said, pulling Kurt up and toward the kitchen.
"You want to eat here," Kurt asked, surprised when Blaine headed toward the kitchen.
"Actually, if you dont mind, Id like to make you something." Blaine looked down at his feet and back up. Kurt stared at him like hed grown a second head. Here was Blaine, who was always so confident, who ran away from everything, in the middle of his kitchen, looking shy and wanting to cook Kurt dinner. Alright, where are the cameras? He must be being Punkd or something.
As he was having his inner dialogue, Blaine had taken his silence as a yes, and began opening cabinets and drawers, apparently looking for ingredients. When Blaine finally noticed that Kurt had not moved, he turned to him and said, "Hey, why dont you go watch a movie or something? Ill take care of everything."
"What, no, thats not necessary. I can help."
"I know you can, but I want to do this. For you. Please?" Blaine was giving him the puppy dog eyes, and he knew Kurt couldnt resist that. Damn him.
"Fine, Ive actually got some sketches I need to finish, so Ill go work on those." He turned to leave, then stopped. "Are you sure you dont want my help?"
"Next time, I promise. I just want to do something special for you this time, ok?"
Kurt hummed his response, his mind filled with the promise of a next time. Hed always enjoyed cooking, and when he had pictured his future, he imagined sharing the kitchen with his husband, working side by side, laughing and singing while they cooked. Now all he could picture was he and Blaine in the kitchen together, and it scared him. He couldnt allow Blaine into his future fantasies again. Not yet.
So Kurt disappeared into his room to work on his sketches, leaving Blaine in the kitchen alone. Blaine was familiar enough with Kurt and Rachels kitchen, having been to the apartment many times before over the past few years. Blaine shook his head. He wanted to create new memories for them, not dwell on the past, so he pulled out his ipod and slipped in his headphones and went to work.