March 15, 2015, 7 p.m.
Say Something: Its All About Trust
E - Words: 2,878 - Last Updated: Mar 15, 2015 Story: Complete - Chapters: 22/? - Created: Oct 19, 2014 - Updated: Oct 19, 2014 135 0 0 0 0
The angst is coming to an end...yeah! This chapter is the start of their trust building. It wont be all sunshine and roses right away, but it is looking up! :)
As soon as he was out of Kurts sight, he pulled his phone out and called Rachel.
"Blaine." She said as a form of greeting. "Did you find him?"
"Hey Rachel. Yes, I did." Was all he said.
"Whats wrong?" She asked, worried.
"Nothing. Hes on his way back now."
"Why arent you with him?" She asked, wondering what had happened between the two boys in the last 10 minutes.
"He needs time and Im giving it to him." The sadness was evident in his tone.
"Time for what?"
"Time to decide if he can give me another chance."
"Hes already told you he would. Whats this really about?" She asked, confused.
"I really fucked him up, Rachel, and Im not sure if he can open himself up to me again."
"He loves you Blaine. He wouldnt have put up with you all these years if he didnt."
Blaine laughed hollowly. "But what if Ive messed up too badly? He doesnt trust me. At all. And Im not sure if Ill ever be able to earn that trust back."
"You will. And you are certainly on the right track. The flowers today were a thoughtful."
"Yeah," he chuckled darkly. "I ordered them last night. Funny, huh? Now hell just think I did it to make what happened today better. As if anything could."
"Blaine, thats not true."
"Yes, it is. And you know what else? I dont deserve another chance. Today proved that." He let out a sob so heartbreaking that she wanted to reach through the phone and hold him.
"Blaine, please." She tried, but he couldnt hear her through his crying, so she waited until he quieted down. "Blaine?"
He sniffled and answered with a soft "Yes?"
"What today showed me is how much Kurt means to you. I havent been your biggest fan these last few years, but the changes Ive seen in you just in the last few days have proven to me that you really do care about Kurt."
"I love him, Rachel. God, how could I not have seen that before? I love being with him and my hands ache to touch him whenever hes near. My heart feels like its going to leap out of my chest when he speaks, and dont even get me started on him singing." He paused and took a deep breath. "Hes such an amazing person and Ive hurt him so bad. How can we move on from that?" He hiccuped, holding back another sob.
Rachels heart went out to him. She knew how much hed hurt Kurt in the past, but she could also tell that this boy was just as broken by everything as Kurt was.
"You need to talk to him. Tell him everything you just told me. He doesnt need grand gestures, just little things that show him you are serious about sticking around this time."
It was quiet for a moment, then Blaine burst out, "Thats it! Thank you Rachel, I know exactly what to do now. Its perfect." She could swear he was smiling through the phone. "Seriously Rachel," his voice held complete sincerity, "I really cant thank you enough."
"Just make my boy happy. Thats all the thanks I need."
"I promise." He said, before saying goodbye and disconnecting their call.
The next two days passed slowly for Kurt. Hed been surprised with the flowers and the sentiment on the card, "Thank you for giving me another chance. I promise I wont let you down again." It was a sweet gesture, but it hurt to look at them, because it reminded him of how he was the one that screwed up this time. He made things harder than they had to be. And now, he was hurt and confused and had no idea what to think.
He had received hourly texts from Blaine, usually just short messages.
Just checking in.
I hate finals.
Getting coffee at your favorite place. Thinking of you.
Its a beautiful day. You should go for a walk.
Ill miss you over Christmas.
I need your beautiful smile to light up this dreary day.
And his favorite yet, The color of the sky today reminds me of your eyes. It feels like you are everywhere, watching over me.
He usually sent back one line responses, but it felt so forced. He really needed to talk to Blaine, but after their last conversation, he felt like he needed to give him some time, so he just waited.
On Thursday, he turned in his final Fashion paper early and spend the rest of the morning packing. Rachel was flying home with him, so they had a conversation through the curtains as they packed, talking about going home and seeing family and how excited they both were for the holidays.
Kurt was excited, he really was, but this last week had been one of the most emotional weeks of his life and he was just so tired. He couldnt wait to go home and curl up in his old room and forget for a while.
Kurt had refused to talk to Rachel about Blaine, avoiding her as much as possible at the apartment, but on the plane, he had no where to go, so she decided that was her best chance to get him to open up.
They made small talk at first, but after the stewardess gave them their drinks, she turned to Kurt and said, "Ok, theres no escape now. Its time you tell me where you head is."
Kurt tried to act like he didnt know what she was talking about, giving her a confused look, to no avail.
"Do we really have to do this?" He asked, clearly exasperated.
"I know where Blaines head is, now I need to know where yours is." She explained.
"Rach...wait. What do you mean you know where Blaines head is?" He asked.
"When he called me after he found you...we talked." He looked at him guiltily.
"Wait, so you talked to him two days ago, and you havent told me?" He was clearly getting irritated now.
"You were avoiding me."
He looked down and began fiddling with the napkin under his diet coke. "Ok, yes, but you still should have told me." He waited for her to speak, and when she didnt, he prompted her. "Well, what did he say?"
"Hes afraid." She said tentatively.
"That hell hurt me again?"
"No. Hes afraid that hes hurt you too much already for you to really trust him. And you cant build a relationship without trust."
Kurt put his hands over his face and scrubbed them up and down. "Ugh. I really want to trust him, but Im not sure if I can. And how am I supposed to feel about him disappearing again?"
"What?" Rachel asked, confusion written all over her face. "I thought hed been texting you all the time."
"He has. But he doesnt want to see me or talk to me. Hows that supposed to make me feel?" Tears began to form in his eyes and he blinked them back quickly.
"Oh Kurt," Rachel said, reaching out to take his hand. "Hes trying to give you time and space, but still show you hes not going anywhere." The brunette nodded for her to continue. "Hes texting to let you know hes still there and thinking about you, but hes also giving you time to decide if you can trust him again. If you cant, you two dont have a chance."
Kurt let that thought roll around in his head for a moment. He knew he loved Blaine, but would he really be able to trust him again? On the other hand, if he didnt start trusting Blaine, he would lose him. Was he willing to do that? Just the thought of not having Blaine in his life left him empty.
Sure, hed been ready to say goodbye not a week ago, but that was to protect his heart. Now things were different. Blaine was different. Hed shown in so many way these last few days that he was trying. And I sabotaged every attempt he made, Kurt thought.
"Ive been an idiot, Rachel." Kurt said, after organizing his thoughts.
"No, youre just trying to protect yourself, and Blaine understands that. Thats why hes so willing to give you time and space. Im sure its killing him as much as it is you right now."
Kurt looked up hopefully. "You really think so?"
"I do." She nodded. "After seeing how worried he was about you the other day, and then talking to him afterward, I believe he is truly sorry for everything. That boy loves you, Kurt." She told him gently.
"God Rachel, I love him too, so much. And Im so scared." He leaned forward then and rested his forehead on her shoulder and she reached up to rub his back.
"Love isnt easy, but I really think you should give him a chance to earn your trust again. I think hes worth it." She laughed and shook her head. "God, I cant believe I said that."
Kurt straightened up and laughed with her. "Yeah, especially after our last Blainevention."
Her laugh trailed off, but she was still smiling when she said, "Exactly. But seriously, I think hes for real and I think you two can have something really special, but youll both have to work hard at it and make sure you communicate everything."
"Youre right. And I plan to start as soon as land." He said smiling a genuine smile for the first time in days.
The rest of the flight found the two friends laughing and joking about the upcoming break and trying to get the old Glee club back together for a reunion of sorts. True to his word, as soon as they landed and had exited the plane, Kurt pulled out his phone to send a quick text.
Just landed in Ohio. Excited about seeing my family but sad I have to go another 5 days without seeing you. -K
Smiling, he tucked his phone away and headed toward the baggage claim, his arm linked with Rachels and his thoughts on the curly haired boy hed just texted. He wasnt expecting a text back right away, because he knew Blaine would be traveling home as well, but just didnt know when, so he was pleasantly surprised when he phone beeped with a reply.
Awe... -B
Where are you? Kurt texted back almost immediately.
On plane. -B
You shouldnt be texting me from the plane! -K
I know, but I didnt want you to think I was ignoring you. -B
Ok, now I know. Now turn off your phone before you get in trouble! -K
Yes sir, turning off my phone now, sir. -B
Hmmm, I like it when you call me sir. Wink, wink. -K
Later...
I made it! Its good to be home. -B
I know what you mean. I really missed my old room. -K
Yeah, theres something so comforting about being back. -B
Can we talk? -K
We are, silly. -B
No, I mean for real. -K
Kurt... -B
Blaine, please. -K
Im just not sure thats a good idea right now. Im trying to give you time to sort some things out. -B
Please. I need to hear your voice. -K
Ok, but I cant right now. Family thing. Are you free later? -B
How much later? -K
IDK, 11:00? B
Oh, that much later. :( -K
I told you...family thing. It runs late. If its too late, maybe we can just talk tomorrow. -B
NO! I want to talk tonight. Please. -K
Ok, Ill call you when Im free. -B
Ill be counting the minutes. -K
Kurt... -B
Blaine... -K
Later. -B
Cant wait. :) -K
11:05pm
Im sorry, but Im not going to be able to call. -B
:( Why not? -K
We have lots of family visiting and I am sharing a room with my cousin. We are both in the room now, so I wont really be able to talk. -B
Is there anywhere else you can go? I just really need to talk to you. -K
Our house is overflowing with family...so no, its not possible. Sorry. -B
Are you avoiding me? -K
No, I swear. -B
I really need you to be honest with me, or else this wont work. -K
I know. Ok, so for the last few days, yes, I was avoiding seeing or actually talking to you, but I promise that tonight I really cant call, and believe me, I want to. But I need you to tell me honestly why you want to talk to me now. -B
I dont want to have this conversation via text, but since we dont have a choice, Ill give you a brief rundown. I talked to Rachel and she said some things that really made me think. -K
OOOOK. Care to elaborate? -B
Not in detail, but I will say that I really want to have a relationship with you. I want to start from scratch. We cant erase the past, but I am ready to let it go and move on. -K
Kurt waited nervously for Blaines response, but it didnt come. He stared at his phone and wondered if hed overdone it. Had he scared him away? He felt that familiar pain enter his chest and took a deep breath. No, he wasnt going to go down that road again. There is a good reason he didnt text back right away. Maybe his phone died, or his cousin was talking to him, or...
His thoughts were interrupted by the phone he held tight in his hand. He breathed a sigh of relief, and looked down at the screen to read the message, then suddenly realized it wasnt a text. The phone was actually ringing and he was staring at a picture of Blaine. He stared at the picture so long, he almost missed the call, so he quickly slid his finger across the screen, accepting the call.
"Hello?" He said, tentatively.
"Kurt...Oh my God, its so good to hear your voice." Blaine gushed.
"I thought you couldnt call." Kurt questioned.
"I told my cousin that I left something in the car. Its the only place I could think of on such short notice. I...after reading your last text, I knew I had to talk to you. A-are you sure?" The vulnerability in his voice brought tears to Kurts eyes.
"Yes, Im sure. After Rachel and I talked, I realized that if I couldnt let the past go, Id lose you forever, and thats just not something I am willing to do." Blaine didnt respond right away, but Kurt heard sniffling and realized he was crying. "Are you ok?"
A choked laugh came from the other end of the line. "Im more than ok. Im perfect." He answered.
"It doesnt sound like it." Kurt joked.
"Hey now, Im allowed to cry when Im happy." Blaine countered.
"Well, you might need to work on that, because I dont want you crying everyday."
"Are you suggesting that you plan to make me happy everyday?" Blaine asked.
"Actually, I was hoping we could make each other happy everyday." Kurt heard a sharp intake of breath at his statement and smiled.
"I think that sounds like an awesome plan." Blaine said, and Kurt could tell he was smiling as well. "Im sorry, but as much as I would like to continue this conversation, and believe me I really would, but Ive got to go before my dad sends a search party. He wont be happy to find me hiding out in a car talking to my boy...um talking to a boy."
Kurt heard Blaines slip and attempt to cover it up and he was instantly filled with an incredible warmth flooding his body. Hed almost said boyfriend. Sure, they werent even close to being there yet, but the fact that Blaine even wanted them there made Kurt want to dance around his room and squeal in happiness. Ok, when did he turn into a hormonal teenager girl?
He calmed himself down enough to reply simply, "Ok." He didnt think his voice would be able to handle anymore syllables at the moment.
"Im not sure if Ill get any free time to call tomorrow, but Ill try. And if I cant, Ill text you all day, ok?" Blaine asked, still a little worried about his slip up.
"Thats perfectly fine." Kurt paused and took a deep breath. "Blaine, thank you for calling me. I really did miss hearing your voice, and Im glad we were able to talk about things."
"Me too, Kurt, me too. I really miss you, and I cant wait to see you. When will you be heading back to New York?" Blaine asked, a plan forming in his head.
"Not until Tuesday. What about you?"
"I go back Monday. Maybe I can pick you up at the airport?" Blaine asked hopefully.
"Maybe. My step brother is coming back with Rachel and I, so Im not sure if youd have room for all of us and our stuff. But you could come over when I get back." Kurt said, a little sadness in voice at not seeing Blaine right away.
"Yeah, Id like that. Just let me know the details closer to time, ok?"
"Sure." Kurt paused, not wanting the call to end. "I guess Id better let you go." He sighed and heard a similar noise from the other end of the line.
"I miss you, Kurt, so much." Blaine said, his voice almost a whisper.
"I miss you too. Text me in the morning?"
"First thing. Bye Kurt. Sweet dreams." Blaine said just as quietly as before, not wanting to break the spell.
"You too. Bye."
When Kurt hung up the phone, he was silent for a moment, basking in the conversation theyd just had. Then, he began flailing his arms and legs up and down on the bed and threw his pillow over his head and screamed into it.