Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?  How I wish, how I wish you were here.  Were just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year, running over the same old ground.  What have we found? The same old fears.

Wish You Were Here – Pink Floyd

                The room was small – a bed, a small kitchen and a bathroom.  Pretty standard really – all one person would need.  The view from the window was inspiring at least – beautiful Victorian and Georgian buildings towered over each other in all their granite glory.  Blaine sighed.  Shame it was raining.  Again.  The city was beautiful at night – the sodium of the streetlights shining off the slick stone.  Blaine watched the swarm of umbrellas swirling below him.  He gently leant his head against the cool glass of the window and sighed. 

Rehearsals in the new theatre had gone well and the show was back on – he felt as if he had never stopped.  As if London and Kurt was a distant dream – something that happened a long time ago.  They called each other as often as they could – they had known it would be difficult as generally Blaine was working when Kurt was not and vice versa.  Blaine had thought it would be OK – it was only a couple of weeks when you looked at it really.  It should be easy – they were both older, more mature, more able to cope with an adult long-distance relationship.  He'd tried calling that evening on the off-chance Kurt would be free – no answer.  He was not really surprised.  He sighed again and watched as the cool glass steamed up under his breath.  He drew a heart in the condensation, watching as it gradually disappeared.  He huffed against the pane again – watching as the heart reappeared briefly before once again vanishing.  He had spent hours as a child wondering at the magic of such a simple act – marvelling at the possibilities, imagining secret messages and spy missions.  His mind wandered to Sam.  They had been so close once.  He wondered what he was doing these days.  On a whim Blaine logged into Skype on his phone – Sam was not online.  But Thom was.

Blaine:  Taffy!  Guess where I am….

He waited.  He felt nervous.  Why?  He had no reason to feel nervous.  He was starting to worry – to let his mind run away from him:

                What if he doesn't want to talk to me?  It's been months.

What if he hates me.

                What if…

when his phone buzzed.

1 new message.

His hands shook slightly as he read the reply.

Thom:  Yankee!  How are things?  I've not heard from you in aaaaaaaages.  How the devil are you?  You should be in Edinburgh now – I thought of you when the posters started going up.  Must say – looking good.  ;)

Blaine: Correct!  I am indeed in the ‘burgh.  Sorry for the retinal burns my image must have caused you.   Let me buy you a drink to make up for it?

Thom: Sounds perfect.  Do you know where St. Mary's Cathedral is?  West end of New Town on Palmerston Place.  From your theatre go to the Hillside bus stop then take the 26 towards Clermiston get off at Haymarket and you're pretty much there.  Call me when you get here and I'll come meet you – I'm just finishing up.

Blaine: On my way.

He smiled – this is exactly what he needed – a friend and a distraction.

                He ducked into the shelter of the cathedral to escape the rain – he'd forgotten an umbrella in his rush to get over to Thom.  The building itself was beautiful – gothic style architecture at its finest.  Blaine shook his head slightly as another icy drop of water dripped from his hair down his neck.  He tried the door but it was locked unsurprisingly.  He could, however, hear a choir practicing.  Memories flooded back to him – Thom playing the organ in the small church in London, hours of practice where Blaine had kept him company turning the pages as Thom played.  The air heavy with dust and incense.  He smiled as he pulled his phone out and shot off a quick text.

Blaine: Outside.  May have forgotten an umbrella…  Someone ordered wet scarecrow right?

He shivered.  His heart was racing.  He heard talking and the sound of someone fiddling with the lock.  The door opened inwards slowly and he was met by a compact dark haired guy with piercing green eyes. 

                ‘Uh… hi.  I'm looking for Thom.  Thom Phillips?'

                ‘Blaine, right?'

Blaine nodded.  The guy smiled and gestured for Blaine to enter.

                ‘I'm Matt.  Mylesy sent me to let you in.  It's bloody chucking it down tonight isn't it!'  Matt stepped aside to let Blaine enter then closed and bolted the heavy door again.  ‘He'll be finished in a couple of minutes.  Come with me.'  Blaine frowned slightly at Matt's use of Thom's first name – he had almost forgotten that Thom was actually his middle name.  Blaine followed Matt around behind the back row of pews towards an anti-chamber.  He glanced up towards the altar as he walked and tried to spot Thom to no avail.

                ‘Myles talks about you all the time.  Can I get you a cup of tea?'

Blaine's attention flickered back to Matt.  He took in the man before him and was struck again by the shocking emerald of his eyes.  He was shorter than Blaine but their colouring was similar.  Matt's hair was cropped close to his scalp so it was difficult to tell whether it would be naturally curly like Blaine's or straight like Thom's.  He was dressed quite casually in dark jeans and a hoodie that bore the Assassin's Creed logo.  Matt smiled at Blaine as Blaine nodded his reply.

                ‘That would actually be amazing, thank you.  So, how do you know Thom…uh…I mean Myles?'

                ‘Mylesy and I go way back.'  Matt explained as he filled the kettle and re-seated it on its base to boil.  ‘We went to Monmouth Boys' School together – we were in the same house.'

Blaine frowned slightly.

                ‘A house is like in Harry Potter – you get sorted into houses then that is like your team for sports and such.  We were in Severn.  They're all named after rivers.  Sorry, I don't know where my manners have gone.  I'm Matthew Hywel Davies.'  Matt held his hand out and Blaine shook it.

                ‘Blaine Devon Anderson.'           

                ‘It's just Mylesy talks about you so often I feel like I already know you.  He was thrilled when you text him.  He literally squealed.'

                ‘I did nothing of the sort and you know it, Davies.'  Blaine spun around at the sound of Thom's voice.  ‘Well hello stranger!'  Thom enveloped Blaine in a hug that probably went on a little longer than was necessary.  When Thom released Blaine he noticed that Matt had returned to making the tea.

                ‘Milk and sugar?'  Matt asked softly.

                ‘Just milk for Yankee.  Wouldn't want to affect his figure which, I must say, damn Blaine.  Seriously.  You were always fit but all this time on stage is treating you well.  Don't you think so, Davies?'

Matt smiled and nodded as he handed Blaine and Thom a cup each of orange-brown liquid.

                ‘I apologise in advance – the tea here is awful.'  Thom grinned.  ‘So, long time no see!  How's life treating you?  What's it like being famous?'

                ‘I'm not famous.'

                ‘Bah!  You are famous enough for the reviewers to mention you by name.  What did that one paper say, Davies?'

                ‘Blaine Anderson is a name to note – you'll be seeing a lot more of him in the future.'  Matt filled in as he studied Thom and Blaine.  Blaine blushed slightly.

                ‘That makes me sound like a porn star or something,' Blaine laughed.  Thom almost snorted his tea everywhere.  ‘Sorry, Thom!  Shouldn't make you laugh as you drink!  Anyway, are you Myles again now or am I still OK calling you Thom?'

                ‘Oh, that.  Well there were two Phillipses at school so I got called Myles.  They used to call us by our surnames, see.  So, Davies here knew me as ‘Myles' from school and I called him ‘Davies' and they kind of stuck.  No one else here calls me Myles – they all call me Thom.'

                ‘That is not at all confusing, Thom.'

                ‘I know.'  Thom smiled at Blaine and Blaine found himself looking to see if anything about Thom had changed – there were one or two new lines around his eyes, but he looked relaxed and healthy and happy. 

                ‘So, Blaine.  How are things with that fashion writer you were seeing - Kurt, was it you said Myles?'  Matt said attempting to draw Thom and Blaine back into the real world and out of each other's eyes. 

                ‘Uh, yeah.  Kurt.  He's fine.  He's working London Fashion Week so he's back in London.'             

                ‘That must be tough, I mean after what happened last time you guys were apart...'  Matt gave Blaine a pitying look.  Blaine frowned and looked at Thom who looked panicked.

                ‘God, Blaine, I'm sorry.  I just… I tell him everything, you know.  He's my best friend.'  Thom tried to backpedal but Blaine just felt sick.

                ‘Everything, huh?'  Blaine could not hide the hurt he knew must have been clear as day on his features.  He had trusted Thom with his deepest darkest secrets and for Matt, a stranger to Blaine, to know something so personal…  Blaine stood up.  ‘Thanks for the tea.  It was nice to meet you, Matt.'  He left the room and headed straight for the door, fumbling with the bolt, his hands were shaking so badly.

                ‘Blaine!  I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry.  I don't know what came over him – I really don't.  He had no right to bring that up he doesn't even know you.'

                ‘No.  He doesn't know me.  He has no right to know anything about me, Thom.'  Blaine whirled around to face his friend, tears in his eyes.  ‘God, I'm so stupid.  Why did I even come here?'

                ‘Blaine, please.  I shouldn't have told him – I'm so sorry.  I just…I never thought you two would actually meet.'

                ‘What?  You knew I was headed to Edinburgh with the tour.  You knew I'd see you!'

                ‘No.  I didn't.  It's been almost a year, Blaine.  You were like a brother to me and then he comes back into your life and then suddenly you've no time for me!'

                ‘How could you betray my trust like that?  How can you think so little of me?'

                ‘I don't, Blaine.  I just…  I'm in love with you!'

Blaine took a step backwards he felt like he had been punched.  He remembered talking about Thom with Kurt when Kurt had re-entered his life so dramatically.

Hes in love with you.  You know that.

Blaine sighed. 

I dont love Thom.

You would have.  If I hadnt come back.  Youd have fallen for him; I think you were falling for him.  Part of him hates me because of that.

Blaine looked up to catch the distraught look on Matt's face at Thom's declaration.  Matt must have followed them.  Thom caught the look in Blaine's eyes and turned, panicked.

                ‘I can't believe you lied to me.'

                ‘Dav…'

                ‘No.  No, Myles.  You don't get to sweet-talk your way out of this one.  Not this time.  I could play second fiddle to a guy who wasn't in your life anymore, who you never had a chance with, because you were all mine when we were together.  You said you were over him.  You said I meant something to you.  You…  I can't do this, Myles.  Not anymore.  I waited for you.  I waited for you at school when your homophobic shit of a father had messed you up so much you hated yourself too much to let anyone love you.  I waited for you when you ran away and went to uni away from all your friends, far away from me.  I waited for you when you said you'd call and never did.  I waited for you when you slept with every gay, stray and bi guy you could find who was not me because they didn't love you so you could revel in self-pity.  But who was there for you when you cried for hours over this American guy who you were utterly in love with when his ex-boyfriend showed up again and took him away from you?  Who was there to pick up the pieces?  I have loved you, Myles, for years and I thought… I thought you finally loved me back.  What was this last year to you?  Some sort of game?  A consolation prize?  Dammit you are better than him.  You are worth more than some cheating Yank who waltzes into your life whenever he is lonely.  He's probably just on the pull again because his boyfriend is down in London.  Once a cheater always a cheater.'

                ‘Don't you dare talk about him that way.  You know nothing, Matthew.  You don't know Blaine, or Kurt or me.  You are so self-centred.  I thought you'd changed – that you'd finally grown-up.  This isn't school any more – this is real life.'

                ‘Where the hell do you get off saying that to me, Myles?  How do you think it made me feel to know you'd rather be with him?  How do you think it made me feel when you get all excited because of a random text out of the blue, huh?'

                ‘That's all it ever is with you, Matthew – me, me, me.  God, I'm so sick of it.  Nothing I do is every good enough.  We argue all the time – you are always talking me down in front of people – telling everyone who'll listen how I slept around in London.  Yes, I did.  I'm not proud of it!'

                ‘I think you are.  Deep down, Myles.  Deep down you know that no one could ever love you as much as I do.  You know you don't deserve it.  You're pathetic.  He's not interested in you.  Give up!  Don't bother crawling back to me when he leaves again or when he goes crawling back to his boyfriend and doesn't talk to you again for another year.  I'm done.  Goodbye, Myles.  I think you'd better find your own place to stay tonight.  I'll pack your things – you can pick them up tomorrow.'

Blaine watched mouth agape as Matt stormed back into the anteroom, slamming the door behind him.  Thom was shaking.  Blaine gingerly took a step towards Thom and gently pulled him into his arms.  Thom crumpled against him, shaking violently as sobs racked his body.

                ‘I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over him, he's… God… Blaine, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry…'

                ‘Hey, hey.  It's OK.  Shhhh…'  Blaine tried to soothe him, ‘come on.  It'll be OK, Thom.  You're so much better than that idiot.  He's nothing – just an angry, jealous fool.  Don't listen to a word he said.'      

                ‘But he's right, Blaine.  He's right.'

                ‘What about?' 

Thom pulled away slightly and looked up into Blaine's eyes.

                ‘I'm nothing.  You are so much better than me.'

                ‘Stop that right now.  You are one of the kindest, best people I have ever had the pleasure to know.  I've been a self-centred ass, Thom.  I'm so sorry.  Please forgive me.  I'm crap at this kind of thing.  I promise to keep in contact with people and I just end up hurting everyone I care about – first Kurt, then Sam, now you.'

                ‘Sam?'

                ‘I…  I promised to keep in touch with him.  He got me through the whole Kurt thing the first time around.'

                ‘I remember you saying.'

                ‘I should have learnt by now.  Relationships take work.  I self-sabotage.  Whenever there's distance involved – I don't call as often as I should and then so much time has passed I feel awkward picking up the phone.  I'm so sorry, Thom.  I should have been there for you.  I've been such a terrible friend to you.'

                ‘I'm sorry I told Matthew about… you know.  You and Kurt.  I just.  I was hurting really bad, Blaine.  That day you randomly bumped into Kurt in London – I was going to ask you out.  It had to be that day didn't it?  I missed my chance with you and at first I thought I'd back off and let you work out your head because Kurt reappearing after so long must have been so confusing for you, especially with all you'd been through with your operation and everything, but then it was like he'd never left.  You two are destined for each other.  I could never compete with that.  I just…  I wanted to feel that.  I wanted someone to love me as much as Kurt loves you.  As much as you love Kurt.'

                ‘And Matthew was there.'         

                ‘That makes me sound like such a terrible person doesn't it?'

                ‘No.  No it doesn't.  I understand, Thom.  I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry.'

                ‘I really screwed things up this time.'

                ‘It'll blow over.'

                ‘I don't think it will.  I'm not sure I want it to.'

                ‘What do you mean?'  Blaine frowned slightly.  Thom dried his eyes on his shirt.

                ‘I don't love Matthew.  I never have.  I was settling, Blaine.  I promised myself I would never settle.'

Blaine smiled slightly and Thom smiled back. 

                ‘Mind if I crash on your floor tonight?  I don't have anywhere else to go.'  Thom looked almost shyly at Blaine.  Blaine frowned.

                ‘Of course!  You don't have to ask you know.'

Thom frowned.

                ‘But…'

                ‘No buts.  You can stay as long as you like.  There's not much room but it's better than nothing.'

                ‘Will Kurt mind?'

                ‘I'll talk to him tomorrow but I'm sure he'll understand, Thom.  Come on – hopefully the rain has eased off a little.  Let's head back.'

Thom nodded slightly then went to pick up a folder of sheet music from a nearby pew and an umbrella.

                ‘I still can't believe you're here – in Edinburgh.'

                ‘I know!  It's crazy.  Just like old times, yeah?'    

                ‘Yeah.  Just like old times.'