Thinking over it, over it - how can I get over it?  Wondering what state I'm in.

Perfect Man – Rufus Wainwright

Blaine actually loved London.  Hed found his way around pretty quickly and once hed worked out how the tube system worked - colour codes only sort of helped, the lack of grid system meant you had to have a vague idea of how the city was mapped out - he found it easy to navigate.  On weekends he liked picking a random destination, getting off the tube and exploring.  He generally avoided Oxford Street as he found it too crowded, preferring to stick to Covent Garden and Soho.  RADA had set him up in student accommodation, but due to his late acceptance his flat was a little further out than most of the other foreign students, and he had a place to himself.  He didnt mind.  He had been a mess for the first couple of weeks anyway.

It had been cathartic - getting lost in the bustle of the ancient city.  He understood now what Kurt had meant about his first few months in New York.

Hed never struggled to make friends and he had quickly been adopted by a couple of Brits - all girls.  Hed come out quickly to avoid any embarrassment as one of the girls had been very flirty with him.  No one had batted an eyelid.

He hadnt gone home for any of the breaks.  He didnt need to with his Student Visa. Hed spent Thanksgiving like it was just another day and barely missed it.  The first Christmas his parents had flown over and taken him out for dinner.  Theyd stayed a week and done the typical tourist things - went to the Tower of London, Buckingham Palace, saw The Phantom of the Opera, and Wicked.  The summer came and went, Cooper with it.  Cooper had spent most of the time trying to get in the pants of one of his friends friends who happened to be a casting agent. 

The second year had flown by - he was involved in several societies at RADA, mostly acting, but a couple of musical ones.  He gained leads and was offered the role of Roger in a minor theatre production of Rent in the West End.  From that another role, then another.  Each bigger than the last.  He landed Sweeney in a short run of Sweeney Todd the Demon Barber of Fleet Street.  From there he was offered Fiyero in Wicked.  He was ecstatic.  His parents flew over with Cooper for his preview. 

It had been two years.  He could hardly believe it had been two years.  He looked at his watch - it was likely to be busy on the tube now and he was due to meet his parents in 20 minutes.  Hed just about managed to get out of costume and make-up and out the back door before being seen.  A bus passed him - his name and face on it advertising the show.  He couldnt get used to that.  He cut down a side street, then another - following a route in his head.  He could smell China Town before he saw it, his stomach rumbling in anticipation.  He found the shop he wanted and headed upstairs, like he had instructed his family - downstairs was for tourists.  He spotted them and joined them.  His mother was grinning.

Squirt, you were outstanding.

Thanks, Coop.  Dont call me Squirt.

Cooper laughed.

So, um... whats good to eat here?  His father frowned at the menu.  Blaine smiled.  It was all in Chinese.  The waitress came and Blaine ordered for everyone.

Tell us, Be-Be[1].  Anyone new in your life?  His mother was as subtle as a sledgehammer.

No, mom.

No one at all, Be?

No one at all, Inay[2]. 

Well that wasnt strictly true.  There was Thom.  Mid-way through the first term of his second year Thom had approached him - they both had British Theatre and Shakespeare modules.  Thom was easy to smile and utterly at home in his body - he reminded Blaine of a young Jack Davenport. 

                Hi. Thom had sat next to him on the tiered seating area of the small black box theatre their class was held in.  Blaine had subconsciously shifted to make room for him.  Hed not been able to clock Thoms orientation - most of the gay guys on his course, or in general at RADA, could be described as flaming.  For example Marco – Marco ‘Pinky' Jones had spent every day of the summer term last year trying to get in Blaines pants.  Marco started most conversations with Dharling! followed by air kisses and had a little gaggle of hags, each of whom he proclaimed Fabulous with a giggle. When Blaine had first been introduced to Pinky he had been dressed as a nun.  The irony didn't escape Blaine.

Im Thom, well, I'm actually Myles Thomas Phillips, but I prefer Thom.  Tom had held out his hand.  Blaine took it, his breeding effectively allowing him to mask his mild shock at Thom's forwardness.  Thom's accent was different to most of the others' – there was a sing-song quality to the way he spoke that reminded Blaine of Sir Anthony Hopkins.

Blaine Devon Anderson.  He returned, feeling mildly awkward using his middle name.  But Thom had given his so he felt he should reciprocate.  There was always something intimate about sharing that extra piece of often neglected information.

Were going to be great friends, you and I.  Thom had winked at him then turned back towards the stage as their lecturer started talking.

Blaine had spent most of the lesson studying Thom out of the corner of his eye.  Thom had had the common decency to pretend he hadnt noticed.  Thom wore his dark hair in a side parting, his fringe long but back and sides tidy. Blaine noticed his eyes were dark but he wasn't certain what colour they were.  He found he wanted to know.  He appreciated the glow of them - the way Thom smiled with his eyes.  Thom's clothes were understated – a black turtleneck and fitted jeans paired with black Chelsea boots – but Blaine could tell by the way they fit him that they were expensive.  He appreciated the way Thom's strong jawline gave him a manly quality – Blaine thought he looked like a public school boy who had grown up handsome, however, Blaine suspected that Thom was well aware of that.

The lecture ended and Blaine couldnt have told anyone what it had been about.  Thom had stood, placing his notepad in his bag and smiled at Blaine. 

Coffee?

Coffee had turned into a regular thing and Blaine and Thom had become inseparable.  Thom told Blaine all about his home life - his father had beat him when hed come out, and then disowned him.  His father's first name was also Myles, hence his preference to be called Thom.  His mother had left his father and moved them both from Craig Penllyn in South Wales to Stratford-upon-Avon in Warwickshire.  Thom felt guilty every day for choosing a university in London over one closer to his mum.  Thom had gone to an all boys school in Monmouth and so had lost his Welsh accent.  Blaine told Thom about the fateful Sadie Hawkins dance and his subsequent transfer to Dalton.  Blaine told Thom about Kurt, and Thom had listened.  Thom had told Blaine about Piotr and Matthew and Jacques and the ones whose names he could not recall -

Probably never asked, hed quipped. 

Thom had been ‘off the rails' last year.  Sweet, quiet, caring Thom had slept with every man who would have him in Soho. 

I just wanted to feel, Blaine. 

Blaine hadnt judged.  Blaine told Thom about the bleed in his brain - about the time bomb that resided there.  Thom hadnt looked at him with pity like Blaine had feared.  Thom had smiled and patted him on the back.  Better make the most of each day then, Yank.  Carpe diem and all that! 

Blaine and Thom became inseparable.  But Blaine and Thom were nothing but friends.  Thom had never tried anything.  Blaine would never try anything.  Yes, Thom was attractive, but that part of Blaine was in a box somewhere, locked away.  Since Kurt.  Since the diagnosis.  Thom was everything Blaine needed him to be - a constant in his life.  Filling the gap of best friend since Sam was back in the US.  Thom understood thats all Blaine wanted and seemed to respect that.

Told you wed see your name up in lights one day, Squirt. Cooper broke the awkward silence.  Blaine shot him a thankful look.

The rest of dinner went smoothly and after Blaine had walked them back to their hotel he made his way to his dogbox as Thom called it.  He checked his UK mobile phone, his US one long neglected in a drawer somewhere.

1 new message.

Thom: Hey, Yank.  Keep seeing your face everywhere.  Avoid Leicester Square tube station.

Blaine: Hey, Taff.  You love my face.

Thom: That I do.  How was dinner?

Blaine: Awkward.  Can we leave it at that?

Thom: Of course.  Want to talk about it?

Blaine: Im actually kind of exhausted...

Thom: Oh right, yeah!  Forgot about The Play.  :P  Go to bed.

Blaine: You ordering me around now?

Thom: Bet your sweet ass.  ;) :P  Sleep.

Blaine tossed his phone on the bed and stripped, almost falling into the shower then into bed.  He lay in the darkness until he lost consciousness with a smile on his lips.

His Facebook had been buzzing.  The news must have made it to the US. 

Sam: Duuuuuuude!  Congratulations, man!  You rock!  Wish I could see it.

Tina: Cant believe you managed to keep this quiet for so long!  Miss you.  When are you coming home to visit?  You need to tell me everything!

Wes: Blaine!  Knew youd make it.  Congratulations.

Trent: You star you! 

Sebastian: Hey, Killer.  Saw the flier in the NY Times.  Congrats.  May have cut your pic out for reference...

Tina: @Sebastian   Sure…'reference'.  Sicko.

Marley: YAY!  Only a matter of time!  First London then NY!  <3

Puck: Way to go, dude!  Bet youre tapping all that hot British booty now youre famous.  High five!

Finn: Puck just told me.  Awesome, man.  Told you you were freakishly talented.

Sam: Call me.

Rachel: Congratulations, Blaine.

His heart stopped. 

Shed only posted two pictures from the professional ones taken on the day.  They were full of comments about how beautiful she looked, how lovely the day was, and ‘congratulations'.  People she hadnt spoken to in 8+ years were commenting on a snapshot of her life.  She felt disgust.  She stopped using Facebook.

Rachel knew...that meant...  A knock on the door.  He closed his laptop and answered it to find Cooper, grinning like an idiot. 

Heya, Squirt!  Youre not even ready!  Come on!  Mom and Dad have gone shopping or something so I managed to convince them that I should take you out.  Have some one-on-one time with my super talented baby bro.  Get some clothes on - were going to hit the town.

Coop, I have work tonight.

Come on now, Squirt.  I want to get a picture of you in front of the theatre with your name on it - didnt get a chance last night.  Then we need to go get some good ol fashioned bangers for breakfast.

Blaine rolled his eyes and begrudgingly changed then followed Cooper out over to the theatre district.  He posed with no complaint, even following Coopers insane directions –

‘…Now put your arms out!  Not like that!  Like you're holding up your own name!  Yes.  Hold it!  OK.  Now it's the 20's and you're fresh off the red carpet!  Great!  Now you're in character!  Hold it!...'

 - and followed Cooper to a McDonalds for a breakfast bap.  Blaine refused one of his own and instead led Cooper out to Soho Square to sit while he ate.  His mind kept flitting back to Sam and Rachels messages.  He hadnt spoken properly to Sam or Tina, or anyone other than his family for over a year now.  He liked to think it was the distance, but really it was him trying to forget – to move on.  Sam had never once asked him to call before now, he was usually content to leave it until both happened to be on Skype at the same time.

He feigned sickness, his mind whirring, and headed back to his flat - Cooper would forgive him eventually.  He had to call Sam.

He was not online on Skype.

His hands shook as he opened his laptop back up.  He only checked Facebook when he was alerted to a new message or wall post.  He never checked anyone elses profiles.  He had no idea whether Kurt had blocked him.  He had no idea.  Did he want to know?

His phone buzzed.

1 new message.

Thom: Cwoffee?

Blaine: Rain check?

Thom: Whats going on?

Blaine: Look at Facebook.

No new messages.

No new messages.

No new messages.

Thom: Awwww.

Blaine: Not aww, Thom.

Thom: Your friends are happy for you, whats wrong? 

Thom: Is this Code K?

Thom: Im coming over.

Blaine: Dont.  Im fine.

                Harry:  Morning! Could you shout at Grae for being the Grinch and not liking Christmas?

                Sent at 08:00 on Wednesday

me:  Whats he done now?

                Sent at 08:00 on Wednesday

                Harry:  he doesnt like christmas

or buying presents

or receiving presents

or christmas trees

or getting terribly drunk on mulled wine

                me:  How did you even get into this discussion in June?

                Harry:  Absolutely no idea

but it happened

hes 26 and says he has everything he wants

he doesnt want anything more

 me:  Nothing wrong with that.

 Harry:  but thats nonsense

 me:  Is it?

                Harry:  yes

if i bought you say a bottle of wine you wouldnt say but Ive already had some wine once

 me:  Christmas is more about kiddies.

 Harry:  rubbish

its about getting drunk of gluhwein and egg nog

 me:  Weirdo

                Harry:  what?!

are you the grinch too?

                me:  No!

                Harry:  you sound an awful lot like Grae

                me:  Im disillusioned, maybe?

                Harry:  your whole idea of christmas must change

                me:  Your mission?

                Harry:  if you can remember it, it wasnt a good one

yes

                me:  I have never been drunk on Christmas

                Harry:  starting from now

                me:  Tomorrow is going to be fun then.

                Harry:  Ding Dong Merrily on High!

                me:  In Heaven the bells are ringing.

I love carols.

                Harry:  thats the spirit!

                me:  I sing them all year and hubby gets angry with me.

Apparently they are Christmas only songs.

                Harry:  Ding fries are done

Ding fries are done

Ding fries are done

                me:  Ding fries are done!

<3 Carol of the Bells. <3

                Sent at 08:09 on Wednesday

He couldnt get through on Skype so he decided to message him.

Blaine: Hey, Sam!  Whats up?

No response.  He opened Facebook back up.

Cooper Anderson has posted a photo of you.

Blaine cringed.  There for everyone to see was one of the photos Cooper had taken that morning of Blaine pulling a silly pose under his name on the front of the Apollo Victoria theatre.  He clicked the photo comments.

Sebastian: Looking good, Killer.

Artie has liked this.

Santana has liked this.

Tina: Still as cute and compact as ever! <3

Santana: This is all wrong.  Thats not The Hobbit musical.

Brittany: Have you met the Queen yet?

Santana: Dont be silly, Brit.  Hes A Queen not the Queen.

Brittany: Who is?

Sebastian has liked this.

Blaine stopped reading and closed his laptop.  His phone kept buzzing.

4 new messages.

Thom: Just bumped into this really cute guy with the most fascinating bright blue eyes...

Thom: Says hes a Yank like you...

Thom: Hes actually really hot.  I may fall off the waggon here.

Thom: Says hes your brother.  What are the odds, right?  :P

Blaine: Are you *trying* to kill me?

Thom: Oh, come on.  Hes worried about you.  Said you just ran off.

Blaine: Which should have been a hint to leave me alone?

Thom: Dont be silly.  Ill happily distract your brother for a while if you like though.

Blaine: Hes straight, Thom.

Thom: Doesnt stop me appreciating him….  ;)

Thom: Look, Ive got the morning free.  I have to be at the chapel by 4 for practice.  You want me, call me.  Ok?

Blaine: Thanks, Thom.

Blaine fell backwards onto the bed.  He felt exhausted.

He had no idea when he had fallen asleep but he woke with a start to his phone alarm telling him to head over to the theatre. 

No new messages.

1 missed call - Cooper.

Blaine: Everything alright, Coop?

No new messages.

He grabbed his keys and wallet and quickly headed out in the direction of the theatre.  The tube was relatively free flowing for the time.  He signed in at the stage door then headed to his room to get ready.

1 new message.

Cooper: Break a leg tonight.  So proud of you.  Hope youre feeling better.

Blaine: Thanks, Coop.

Cooper: Met Thom by the way.  Hot.

Blaine: Awkward.  Its not like that.  Were friends. 

Cooper: For now...

Blaine frowned and flung his phone onto the couch took a seat in front of the mirror and took a deep calming breath.  Pushing the torrent of thoughts aside he cleared his mind. 

Get a grip, Blaine.

[1] Slang.  From baby.

[2] Affectionate term for mother.