Ive lost myself once and I see that I was weak at heart, and if you will stay here with me we face the hardest part.

Far Away – Cut Copy

His head was spinning and he felt violently sick.  He lurched towards what he hoped was the waste paper basket, shuddering.  What was happening?  Where was he?  Where was Kurt?  He ran a hand through his hair - shorter than he recalled it being and still gel-bound.  Like it had been before. 

    Shit.

Where was he?  When was he?  He palmed his eyes in an attempt to clear his vision and his mind.  He looked around the unfamiliar room for clues.  His stuff was here - that was a good start.  So it must be his room.  Most of it was boxed.  He couldnt have been here too long then.  He looked out the window.  The city scape was New York but the view was unfamiliar.  OK.  So hes in New York, hes not been here long, and this is his place.  He patted his pockets and found his phone, wrestling it out he checked his recent calls, e-mails and his calendar.  E-mail - his parents asking how he was getting on moving into the apartment.  E-mail - Cooper telling him to watch some TV program at 8pm to watch out for him as an extra.  Text from Tina asking him whether hed contacted Kurt yet.  Text from Sam telling him to send him pictures of the new pad.  Missed call from his mother.  Call to his mother.  20 minutes ago.  OK.  He got to his feet and wandered out of the room and into what appeared to be the open plan living area/kitchen.  It was spacious and immaculate.  He looked through each room for clues - there was a second bedroom which was mainly empty - a couple of Coopers(?!) clothes in the closet, otherwise it was a typical guest room.  Large bathroom with just his things.  OK.  It appears he lives alone and that Cooper visits.  Right...  Back to the living area - a stack of opened mail.  He rifles though - mostly bills, all addressed to him.  A mortgage document - addressed to him.  He owns this place?  He takes a moment to process the new information.  He notices the date.  That cant be right.  Hes gone backwards?  He hasnt gone backwards before and it is terrifying.  Hes gotten used to jumping forwards in time, not backwards.  Its a week after graduation at McKinley.  Hes not moved in with Dare - hes never met Dare because Coopers filmed some work as an extra in this reality his mind fills in for him.  Hes not played all those gigs.  Not been discovered.  He checks by quickly Googling his name.  No mention of interviews on Ellen.  No mention of singles or albums.  OK.   He doesn't know how to feel.  Or what to feel for that matter.  He runs his hands through his hair and his hand meets the resistance of the gel – right!  He'd forgotten about that.  He looks around and he's not sure whether it is the heat of the summer or the lack of space but he is starting to feel trapped in this apartment - his apartment.  He needs to get out.  He glances at himself in the mirror and groans.  He showers quickly rinsing out the gel - he hadnt missed the way it stung his eyes.  Towelling himself off he styles his hair as he had been for the past months - except that hadnt happened.  He shakes his head a little to dismiss the thought then raids the wardrobe - finds some black jeans and a fitted t-shirt then grabs wallet, sunglasses, and keys and heads out of the apartment.  He takes note of the street name where he apparently lives now and he starts walking.  No destination in mind he just needs air.  Needs to think.  Whats happening to him?  When it happens again which direction will he go in - forwards or backwards in time?  How much will change next time?  He doesnt even notice her until hes almost walked into her.  Santana Lopez is grinning.

Damn, Anderson!  She looks him up and down.  When did you get hot?

Um... excuse me?  Shes caught him off guard.  He hadnt expected to run into anyone he knows.  Who knew him.

Oh, this is just brilliant.  Does he know youre here?

Good to see you too, Santana.  I only just got here, it isnt a complete lie, and I was just orienting myself.  Was going to give you guys a call actually.

Lady Hummels going to flip.  She is grinning, plotting something, but her smile seems genuine.  You busy?  Want to grab a coffee?

Um... sure?   The distraction would actually be nice.

Great.  She links arms with him and leads him back in the direction hes just come from towards a coffee house he hadn't even noticed was there.  He reprimands himself – he needs to start paying attention. 

She opens the door and practically drags him after her.  He should have known something was up from the way shed been smiling.  Its been too long since hed been in her company and hed forgotten how to read her.  Kurt is there.  Rachel is there.  A guy is there.  He is vaguely aware that it is the guy that had been in the club before, but it isn't because that never happened.  Blaine wants to throw up again.  Hes lost control.

Lookie what Auntie Snixx brought you, Kurt!  She pulls him forward and theyve seen him so theres no escaping now.  He doesnt see the surprise cross Rachels face or the appreciative then mildly confused look cross the other guys features.  Blaine is only looking at Kurt.  Kurt obviously doesnt recognise him at first.

Satan, Im with Adam.  You know that.  Hes right here.  You cant just drag some guy in off the street, no matter how gorgeous they are...  Wait… Blaine?!  The recognition seems to deflate Kurt and hes gone the colour of beetroot.  Blaine removes his sunglasses and smiles apologetically.

Didnt mean to intrude.  Santana saw me and dragged me in here for coffee.  I had no idea.  Um... Ill go.  He turns to leave and Santana wolf-whistles.  Rachel appears to be in some sort of stunned silence - thats a first; Blaine doesnt have time to think on it.

Stay.  Stay!  Kurts plea causes him to turn around.  Kurt takes his hand and walks him back to the table.  Blaine this is Adam.  Adam, Blaine.  Blaine holds out his hand and Adam stands and shakes it. 

So youre the infamous Blaine.  Nice to finally meet you.  Adam is smiling but it looks a little hollow and doesnt reach his eyes.

Nice to meet you, Blaine flashes Adam a smile – he's a better faker and knows that his looks genuine; he's had a lot of practice.  Hi, Rachel.  Rachel is smiling and stands to pull him into a huge hug.

When did you get here?  Are you here permanently?  Where are you living now?  Rachels questions come fast and furious.  Santana smirks.  He finds himself seated between Kurt and Rachel - hes not sure how that happened.

Um... I was just telling Santana - I literally just got here.  Im actually living down the street.

 Oooooh, do tell.  Whats it like?  How can you actually afford around here?  You're not,' Rachel stage whispers, ‘selling yourself are you?'

Blaine laughs in surprise.

‘Rachel, just because Brody was a man-whore doesn't mean Blaine is.  Even if he is dressed like he's out to score some sweet man-candy.  Actually how are you affording to live around here?'  Santana leans around Rachel. 

‘Um…Well, the apartment is kind of perfect for me really.  Two bedrooms so I can take a lodger, but Cooper's threatened to visit when he's next on this coast.  I'll probably keep it free for guests  - that way no ones going to complain when Im composing when I cant sleep.  Rachel laughs.  I figured, Im going to be here a while and I like the area so I bought it.  Kurt coughs  - choking on his coffee.

You OK there, Kurt?  Santana is grinning like shes won the lottery.  But she is looking at him and he knows she noticed him avoid the real question.

Fine, he splutters.  Blaine notices Adam try to pat Kurt on the back, notices Kurt pull away slightly.  Interesting.

So, Blaine, got any plans for later?  We were all going to head to Callbacks.  Adam throws the offer on the table as if it were a gauntlet. 

Thanks, but I really should finish unpacking.  Maybe another night?  Blaine casually disarms him.  As twisted as things are right now he doesnt need things to get more complicated.

Come on, Blaine.  Would be good to catch-up.  Rachel tries her puppy-dog eyes forgetting hes immune.

Yeah, come on, Blainers.  Aint no way Im letting you just walk on out of here.  You got all hot and sexual now you got rid of that horrific gelmet you used to plaster on your head.  Youre going to be my arm candy and keep the guys off me, and were going to duet because I dont recall duetting with you and I know you can keep up when I dance.  You're not seriously going to leave me alone with hobbit, Lady Hummel and bad Dr Who are you?  Santana is looking at him pointedly.  He briefly wonders what her plan is.

Sorry, San.  Maybe another night.  He stands and makes to leave.  Lovely seeing you guys again.  Nice to meet you, Adam.  Ever the gentleman.  He turns.  Santana wolf-whistles again.

Damn.

Blaine smiles as he slips his sunglasses back on and heads out into the sunlight.  Hes lost in his own thoughts and doesnt notice someone has followed him until he feels a hand on his arm.  He stops and turns. 

What the hell, Blaine?!  Kurt is shouting at him.

                Whoa, Kurt.

                You cant do things like that!  You cant waltz into someones life looking like that and smelling like that and...

                Kurt, stop.  Like I said.  I just got here.  I had to get out of my apartment and clear my head and Santana saw me and it was good to see someone familiar.  I forgot how conniving she can be.  I had no idea youd be there.  Im so...

                You say youre sorry and Ill... I cant do this.  There are tears in Kurt's eyes and something in Blaine snaps.  Hes desperately trying to resolve the Kurt he was just with, his Kurt, into this Kurt who is Adams and furious at him.

                Whats wrong exactly Kurt?  Friends dont react like this when a friend appears in their city.  Because that's totally what you are, right, just friends.  Santana must have followed them.  Blaine looks up - Santana, Adam and Rachel are all staring.  Kurt turns on his heel and glares at Santana.

                This is all your fault!  Why cant you just keep out of things, Santana?  This isnt about you.  This has nothing to do with you!  You say youre my friend but all youve done since you moved in is try to sabotage Adam and my relationship.

                Oh, hell no.  You dont get to put this all on me Hummel.  Youre the one who tapped that, she gestured to Blaine, at that catastrophe Mr. Schue called a Wedding.  Youre the one who got all puffy and teary eyed when you chose to watch Moulin Rouge of all the films you own when we were snowed in.  You dont get to blame me for you running out of here just now and making a scene.  That was all you.

                Kurt, come on.  Not now.  Not like this.  Rachel is holding her hand out to Kurt, silently asking him to stop fighting and to go with her.  Kurt cant seem to look at anyone but Santana right now.  Hes glaring daggers. 

                Kurt, I think you and Blaine need to talk.  Adam has stepped forwards and puts his hands firmly on Kurts shoulders turning him slightly to try to break Kurt's death glare at Santana.  You cant blame Santana, here.  Not for something that is so painfully obvious, Kurt.  Its not her fault.  She shouldnt have forced you to deal with it but someone had to because what youve been doing is not fair to anyone; not me, not you.

                Damn you and your British stiff upper lip.  And damn you and your psychic Mexican third eye.  Kurt glares at them both as Adam steps past him to Blaine.

                Come out tonight.  It is not a suggestion though it is spoken softly and only to him.  Blaine nods slightly still frowning.  Hes not sure what just happened.  Good.  Adam claps him on the back.  Blaine thinks he might have liked Adam in another life.  ‘Well be there around 8pm.'  Rachel has latched onto Kurt and has started to lead him back in the direction of the nearest subway station.  Santanas smile has faded slightly.  Blaine holds up a hand in a silent wave and Santana nods as she turns to follow.

                 Hes still in love with you, you know.  I think he always will be.

                Look, you seem really nice.  You seem good for him and if hes happy thats all I want.  I didnt come to New York to win him back and Im sorry we met like we did.  Thats not how I would have wanted it to go.

                I know.  Adam smiles and the crinkles around his eyes deepen.  Hes happy sometimes.  But he doesnt love me.  I cant play second fiddle in a relationship.  I thought maybe I could, but I cant.  Not now youre in the same city.  A blind man could see it - the way he lit up when he saw you...  I cant compete with that.  I dont think he wants to move on.  Hes been playing at it, but his hearts not in it.  Everything he does he puts his heart into.  Not this, not us.  Look, if he lets you back in and you hurt him again...  I think his friends would kill you before I had a chance to but...

                I get it.

                 Good.  Adam sighed and held out his hand.  Blaine took it without hesitation.  I probably wont see you again.  Im heading back to England - I was going to tell Kurt tonight.  Unless he gives me a reason to stay...  Adam paused and looked at Blaine.  Nice to finally meet you, Blaine.  Oh, and Santana was totally right, damn.  Blaine and Adam laughed.

                ‘It's not really up to me, you know.'  Blaine's earnest.  Adam just smiled sadly.

                ‘Ask him again, Blaine.'

After Adam had left in pursuit of Rachel, Kurt and Santana, Blaine had started to walk back in the direction of his apartment.  His headache had come back and his mind was whirring.  He knew tonight would be interesting but he felt like it was not real.  That nothing mattered.  Hell, maybe tomorrow hed go back again and hed find himself in a dorm, or, maybe in a different state.  It was as if his life was showing him the possible outcomes of each of his decisions.  His vision slipped and he stumbled slightly. 

What is real?  Would anything matter?  What if he didnt go tonight, what if he did?  What if he had another episode and when he returned it was days/months/years later?  What if he went backwards again?  All he really had was the now.  No matter when that now was.  He had to live in this now for as long as it lasted.  If it wasnt real did it matter? 

Could he really keep putting his energy into trying to fix a relationship he is not going to be around to enjoy?

He re-entered his apartment, closing the door behind him, walked over to the sink in the bathroom.  He stood staring at his reflection in the mirror.  He felt so tired.  Like he hadnt slept in days.  He checked the time on his watch - he had a couple of hours before he had to make his way over to Callbacks.  He wandered into his bedroom, fell face first onto the bed and allowed himself to drift.