For all that I was not your ‘typical’ boy when I was four years old—I think the request for a pair of heels along with the hot pink streamers on my tricycle showed that much—my son was. He loved getting dirty and playing rough. He loved Tonka trucks and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. So when he told me that he wanted to be Leonardo for Halloween, I wasn’t surprised. I was, however, determined to make his costume for him rather than buying him something off the rack. Just, no.

And of course, being the awesome father and uncles that Finn, Puck, and I were, we decided to dress to match. Finn would be Michelangelo, Puck would be Donatello, and I would be Raphael complete with real sai swords.

“This is going to be epic!” Puck hooted as we all put the finishing touches on our costumes and makeup. I had to admit, we really looked the part. Taking into consideration the fact that one member of our quartet was only four feet tall, we were still pretty convincing.

Jude was running around in his costume swinging his Nerf sword with an enthusiasm that was readily matched by Finn with his foam nun chucks.

I laughed quietly to myself, shaking my head. “How much candy have you two had already?”

Finn stopped in mid-swing and plastered his best innocent face on which I easily saw right through. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, bro.” He widened his eyes comically as Jude bashed him repeatedly with his sword. “Jude! Calm down! Stop the turtle-on-turtle violence!”

Jude stopped, dropping his sword and held his hands up in surrender. Finn grinned down at him and put his fist out for a knuckle bump. He must have missed the gleam in Jude’s eyes, but I saw it and knew what was coming before it happened.

With an evil smile Jude leapt onto Finn’s chest, effectively knocking the jolly green giant—how fitting that nickname was at the moment—to the ground with a thud that shook the picture frames on the wall.

“Okay! Okay! Ahh!” Finn cried, laughing as he was pummeled by tiny fists. The mock punches soon turned to tickles and Finn had tears rolling down his face as he giggled like a schoolgirl. “I give! I give! UNCLE!”

Jude pumped his fist in the air in victory as Puck and I doubled over in laughter.

“Dude, you just got your ass kicked by a preschooler!”

“Language, Noah,” Carole chastised from the kitchen. “And don’t even think about eating any more of that candy. It’s for the trick or treaters and you boys have already finished one whole bowl.” She eyed Finn sternly who once again tried for the innocent face.

“Just give it up Finn; I know you and Jude got into it. You’re giggling like mad and he’s running around like a monkey on crack,” I chuckled.

‘I’m not a monkey! I’m a turtle!’ Jude signed to me, hopping up off Finn’s chest and proceeding to whistle the TMNT theme song and dancing.

“Yes you are,” I said patiently. I could tell that the sugar high wasn’t wearing off anytime soon, but when it did, he would crash like an out of control semi-truck.

“C’mon you guys, let’s get to it before all the good candy’s gone,” Puck said as he readjusted his eye mask. He’d gone all out for this, shaving his mohawk so that he could paint his entire head green. Finn and I stuck with painting our faces and using colored gel to slick back our hair. Jude had wanted to shave his head ‘Just like Uncle Puck’ but I refused. Those curls were precious and I would not let them go just so he could look more authentic. It took me three stores to find a TMNT mask and I’d had to paint the eye mask blue instead of red but he was happy with it, and I didn’t have to worry about hiding the scissors from him.

We were fortunate that my neighborhood was pretty kid friendly. We hadn’t even made it three blocks before Jude’s candy sack was half full. I was the only one in our group who wasn’t carrying a treat bag and I couldn’t believe that Finn and Puck had actually gotten candy from most of the houses we’d visited. People would open their doors and exclaim about our wonderful group costumes and weren’t we just the sweetest things then smile indulgently when the two grown men held their bags out.

Finn was digging in his bag in search of something to snack on while we walked and I smacked his hand.

He looked at me with wounded eyes. “What?”

“You don’t eat candy from strangers until it’s been checked, Finn!” I answered huffily.

“Dude! We’ve known our neighbors for years. The only one I wouldn’t trust is old Mrs. Freeman and she gave us toothbrushes. How lame is that?”

I rolled my eyes. “It doesn’t matter. It’s a good habit to have for when Jude gets older and does this on his own. Don’t set a bad example.”

“Fine,” he pouted, dropping back into his bag.

Two houses later and Puck stopped going to the doors, claiming he’d gotten enough candy to make Lauren happy. I stayed on the sidewalk with him and let Finn accompany Jude to the various porches and stoops, both of them still wound up tight.

Thirty minutes later, Finn was complaining about his feet and Jude was visibly drooping.

“You ready to go home, bud?” I asked to which he vehemently shook his head. He’d abandoned his mask halfway through the night and I could see how tired his eyes were despite his protests. I scooped him up in my arms and he immediately snuggled into my shoulder.

“Alright,” I relented. “But just one more block and then we’re heading home. He nodded sleepily to me as I carried him up the next house.

“Trick or Treat!” I said in greeting to the woman who answered the bell. She started to say something then laughed. I glanced at Jude, expecting him to hold out his bag, but he was fast asleep, his tiny fingers curled around the handles in a death grip.

“Oh! You two are just adorable! It looks like he’s tuckered himself out though.” She smiled warmly at us and I couldn’t help smiling in return.

“Yeah, I guess so. He was awake not two minutes ago, claiming he wasn’t tired at all.”

“Well, at least he’s got his big brother to take care of him,” she said.

I cringed a bit internally as I corrected her assumption. “Actually, he’s my son.”

“Oh,” she replied, surprised. I waited for the look of disapproval. He looked older than he was, being tall for his age and I could still pass for a high-schooler. Instead she just smiled wider. “Well, I think it’s wonderful that he’s getting to spend quality time with his daddy. And I think it’s sweet that you dressed to match him. I’ve not seen a lot of fathers tonight and you’re the first I’ve seen that dressed up.”

“He’s my world,” I stated truthfully. “His uncles dressed up, too.” I pointed to the other turtles waiting on the sidewalk. The woman just laughed softly and shook her head.

“He’s certainly a lucky boy to have such a caring family.” She grabbed a handful of candy and eased it into Jude’s bag, careful not to pull it from his grip. “You boys have a nice night.”

“Thank you.” I gave her one last smile and left the porch. “Time to head home and get this one into bed.”

Puck and Finn both nodded, grinning at the sleeping boy in my arms. I was glad we were less than a mile from home. Jude was a skinny thing but he was tall and surprisingly heavy as dead weight. We were almost home when my phone buzzed in my pocket. I tried unsuccessfully to maneuver Jude so I could reach my pocket.

“Give him here, Hummel. I know your arms gotta be killing you,” Puck said as he took Jude from me. He was right about my arms; they felt like they were made of cheese. I rotated my shoulders in an attempt to get some feeling back before looking at my phone.

From Blaine:

Hey, babe. Wont make it 4 movie tonite. Call u tomorrow. Sorry. Luv u J

I frowned as I read the message. Blaine’s band was playing a gig at a frat house and we’d made plans to watch cheesy horror movies after he finished. I had set up the first Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, and House of Wax on my Netflix list and bought a movie-style microwavable popcorn tub. Maybe the gig was running longer than planned and he didn’t want to drive so late. I just hoped he hadn’t been drinking. He really couldn’t handle his alcohol and I worried about him getting drunk at a party by himself. Or worse, in a party full of college boys.

It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him; I just still had a problem with my own insecurity.

I texted him back telling him to have fun, be safe and that I loved him more. I waited for the usual response of ‘no, I love you more’ that had become a game between us, only ending after six or seven texts, but it never came. I shrugged it off, he must have been between sets when he sent it and was now probably busy serenading the drunken masses.

I got Jude tucked into his bed with Puck’s assistance. The boy never even twitched. The crash had come and I just hoped he didn’t have a stomach ache in the morning.

Puck and Finn both let me help them remove their green face paint before Puck left with his candy, gloating over his haul. I shook my head in amusement as I locked the deadbolt on the front door.

“Isn’t Blaine coming over tonight?” Finn asked as I turned out the porch light. Carole and Dad were already in bed, the last trick-or-treaters long since gone.

“No, he texted me canceling. It’s no big deal,” I told him, hoping my disappointment wasn’t evident in my voice. He frowned at me. Damn, I really needed to work on keeping my emotions in better check.

“Well, we were just gonna watch some bad horror flicks in honor of the holiday. You interested?”

“Sure,” Finn replied, grinning. Then he broke out the puppy eyes. “Will you make us some popcorn and warm milk?”

I chewed my lip, pretending to debate before giving him an answering grin. “You set up the TV; I’ll fix the snacks, though I’m not sure how you can still be hungry. You practically ate your body weight in chocolate and caramel.”

“Did not!” He cried as the red Netflix screen loaded. “Maybe half my weight.”

“You are going to get fat one of these days, Finn. Your metabolism is going to slow down and all these years of overeating are going to catch up to you.”

“Nah, man. It’ll never happen,” he said munching another fun sized Twix bar. The end table next to him was already littered with wrappers and I just shook my head in disgust.

“You’re cleaning that up before you go to bed.”

“Yeah, sure thing.”

Of course, he fell asleep midway through the first Freddy Krueger movie and I cleaned up the mess of wrappers and popcorn that littered all surfaces surrounding him. I knew I could never hope to carry him up to his room so I just covered him with the afghan from the back of the couch and headed to my own bed. I checked on Jude before settling under my blankets, placing my phone next to my pillow in case Blaine decided to text me back.

Jude’s hair was sleep rumpled and sticking in every direction when he entered the kitchen the next morning. His usual enthusiasm for breakfast wasn’t present and as I’d feared he complained about his tummy.

“I warned you about eating so much candy. And don’t think I didn’t see you and Uncle Finn sneaking pieces while we were out last night,” I scolded lightly. The boy looked up at me with a mixture of guilt and pain from his abused stomach and it broke my heart.

“I guess you learned your lesson on that though,” I sighed. I took the Children’s Pepto from the counter and measured out a dose, sliding it across the counter to him. “It’ll make your tummy ache go away and then I’ll fix you some oatmeal.” He smiled at me and threw it back like a shot, grimacing at the taste.

Finn stumbled into the kitchen then, his hair almost as wild as Jude’s an arm clutched across his own stomach. I frowned at him.

“Don’t tell me you have an upset stomach, too.”

“No way,” he retorted, yawning loudly. “Just hungry.” His sleepy smile stretched across his face and he ruffled Jude’s hair affectionately. Jude glared at him in annoyance. We may have had a lot of differences but he had inherited some of my personality quirks.

“Good god, you’re like a garbage disposal.”

He stuck his tongue out at me before shoving half a pop-tart into his mouth. “So, me and Jess want to take Jude to her niece’s birthday party, is that cool?”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, Finn,” I reprimanded him. “And when would this party be?”

Thankfully, Finn swallowed before speaking again. “Today at one.”

“Finn! That is only a few hours away. How am I supposed to get a gift for this girl on such short notice?”

“No, you’re not supposed to get a gift. Jess’s brother and his girlfriend are like, hippies or something and they don’t believe in materialision or whatever.”

“Materialism,” I corrected absently.

“Yeah, that. They just want Lilly to have some friends over to hang out and play games. And they said they’re serving organic hummus and whole wheat crackers with tofu cheesecake for dessert. I figured that sounded healthy enough that you’d be okay with it.” Finn looked revolted at the thought of such foods being served at a party for kids but I thought it was a great way to introduce children to a healthier alternative diet.

“Okay, fine. But if you smell patchouli get my kid out of there.”

“Pa-what?”

“I’m kidding, Finn.” I rolled my eyes at him. “But seriously, if Jessica’s hippie brother or his girlfriend light up a doobie in front of Jude I will hold you personally responsible.”

Finn snickered. “I can’t believe you just said ‘doobie’.”

I just rolled my eyes and started making Jude’s oatmeal.

Jessica rang the bell before letting herself in just over an hour later. I was glad she and Finn were already close enough that she didn’t feel the need to wait when she knew the door was unlocked. They hadn’t been dating for too long before I’d realized that Finn was more than just smitten with this girl and that she was damn near perfect for him, too. She didn’t judge Finn for wanting to stay in our small town and work in the garage. She believed in the importance of family and didn’t want to pull Finn away from his. Hell, she spent as much time with Carole as she did with Finn, sometimes shopping or cooking or even just chatting about their days. She was a year ahead of Finn in school and well on her way to becoming a teacher and already had a job offer waiting for her at one of the elementary schools just outside of Lima. She was planning on staying in Ohio and it looked like Finn may have found someone to start a life with. I wished them the best, even if they hadn’t come to that decision just yet.

After they left I decided to drive over to Blaine’s dorm and surprise him with coffee and breakfast. Late night gigs tended to wear him out and I missed him even if it had only been a few days since we’d seen one another.

A few people greeted me in the hallway of the dorm building and I smiled back, unsure of some of their names but happy that they seemed to remember me. I’d been to Blaine’s dorm a few times in the last month and so far everyone had been really nice and accepting of us as a couple. It was refreshing to have someone not look at you like dirt when you were holding another boy’s hand.

I used the key that Blaine had given me when his roommate had dropped out two weeks ago and let myself in. I shut the door quietly in case he was still sleeping, but froze at the sight before me.

There he was, the love of my life, asleep, but not alone. He was wrapped around another man, a man whose brown hair was tousled and whose vibrant blue eyes cracked open as I stared.

“I thought Blaine’s roommate dropped out.” He stated in a sleep-thickened voice. My mouth was dry and I couldn’t move. We stared at each other for a few more minutes before he broke his gaze from mine and peered at Blaine with a tender smile. I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces and it took everything I had not to cry.

“Wake up, Blainers,” Blue-eyes said playfully, nudging Blaine with his shoulder. “You got company.”

I felt like I was outside myself. I heard myself talking, but it was like I couldn’t control it.

“No, don’t bother. I’ll just go and leave you two to whatever it is you were doing before I interrupted.”

I could hear the lack of emotion in my own voice even though I was screaming on the inside. There were many things I wanted to say but I was still running on autopilot, just going through the motions while my mind alternated from trying to come up with valid excuses for what I was seeing to meticulously planning the complete removal of Blaine from my life.

I turned to leave, setting the pastry bag and both coffees on the table by the door. I didn’t think I could stomach either item right then.

“Yo, octopus-arms! Get the hell off me,” I heard the nameless man grumble. Blaine’s sleepy grunt answered him and as I was shutting door I heard a thump that I assumed was Blaine hitting the floor. The bed was barely big enough for one, as I well knew.

No one tried to talk to me on my way back to the parking lot. Either that or I just didn’t notice; it was a distinct possibility. I was concentrating so hard on not breaking down that aliens could have landed in front of me with an intergalactic peace treaty ready for me to sign and I would have just smiled and nodded and politely moved past.

I don’t know how long I sat in my car just crying. It felt like forever. I don’t think it was actually more than ten minutes really, but I’m pretty sure time stops when you’re in that much pain. The law of relativity I believe it’s called. You know, ‘time flies when you’re having fun’? Well the opposite is true, too. Time slows to a crawl when you’re miserable, so that you can fully experience each horrible second.

Again, I was in a daze and I’m not sure how long it was going on before I noticed, but the sound of someone knocking frantically on my window glass suddenly permeated my brain. I turned slowly, my vision blurred with tears, but I was still able to make out the wildly curly hair and wide hazel eyes on the other side of the glass.

I rolled the window down, but stayed silent. I didn’t trust myself to speak.

“Kurt, I don’t know what Cooper said to you, but, please, don’t leave.” His expression was pained with an undercurrent of confusion. Why the hell was he in pain? I was the one hurting here dammit!

“So he has a name? That’s good, then. At least you know that much,” I said scathingly. I knew it was a low blow, throwing his past in his face like that, but I wanted him to feel at least a little of the pain I was feeling.

I could tell that it worked. He flinched back from me, his own eyes welling up. At least I wouldn’t be the only one crying today.

“I can’t believe you would say that to me,” he whispered. A single tear made its way down his cheek.

“I can’t believe I trusted you with my heart and then found you in bed with another guy,” I snapped back. His tears were falling freely now and as much as I wanted to see that as a victory, I couldn’t help but hurt even more, knowing that I’d hurt him. I still loved him, even if he had broken my heart.

“Kurt,” he pleaded. “Kurt, please just look at me.”

One last time, before you leave him forever. You get one last look, so you better make it good.

I met his gaze, holding his wet-eyed stare, knowing my own eyes were just as glassy and red.

“What, Blaine?” I meant it to come out harsh, full of the sass and bite I had been famous for in high school. Instead, it sounded woefully tired and defeated even to my own ears.

“He’s my brother.”