Finn moved back home at the end of September. He and Puck had finished out their programs at Edison back in May, Puck in Auto Collision Repair and Finn in Auto Technology. Dad had been working on getting an addition built onto the shop for them to do body work in. If they stuck with it for a year and proved themselves, Dad would let them buy in a part ownership which would eventually turn into a 50/50 partnership between the two when he retired.

Finn had already known that one day Dad planned on turning the shop over to him, so while he was happy when the three of them sat down and discussed the arrangement, he wasn’t overly excited. Puck on the other hand was over the moon. His father had left when he was young, and ever since our unlikely friendship had developed, he had told me how much he admired my father. I guess he never expected anyone to take a chance on him, so when Dad started talking about how the shop would be half his one day, Puck teared up.

“Dude, are you crying?” Finn exclaimed. This earned him a wet-eyed glare from Puck and a smack on the back of the head from Dad. “Hey!”

“Shut up, Finn,” I snapped. “Don’t try to give me any of that ‘dudes don’t cry’ crap because I watched Charlie St. Cloud with you, I’ve seen your snot-filled waterworks for myself.”

Puck snickered at that and Finn looked outraged. “Dude! That was a bonding moment for us! That’s sacred knowledge.” He huffed and crossed his arms. “Besides you cried, too.”

“Of course I did, Finn, that movie was tragic. My point is, don’t make fun of Puck for having emotions when you have them, too.”

“I wasn’t making fun,” he grumbled. “I was just surprised is all.” He turned to Puck, who was still glaring, but seemed to have himself under control. “We still bros, man?”

“Yeah, Dude,” Puck said as they bumped fists. “But next time you get a beatdown.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Finn laughed. Then, like they had gone back in time and were twelve years old again, they started thumb wrestling. This of course led to an all-out in the floor grappling match in the middle of the kitchen.

I rolled my eyes and walked away. Boys.

I was just about to wake Jude from his nap when my phone buzzed in my pocket. One new message from Blaine.

From Blaine:

Hey! Since Jude is staying with puck n lauren this weeknd do u want 2 stay w me at my dorm fri nite?

This stopped me in my tracks. My mind began to overanalyze every word of the message. Why did Blaine want me to stay overnight with him? What would he expect if I said yes? We’d been dating for a couple months now and hadn’t made it past the makeout stage. Granted, most of our time spent together also involved a four-year-old and I wasn’t comfortable giving Blaine more than a closed mouth kiss in front of my son, but on the few occasions we were alone, our kisses would grow heated and desperate. Hands had roamed but always stayed above clothing and we always stopped before things got, erm, messy.

Was this his way of saying he wanted to go further? I knew most college kids had no qualms about sex, but I wasn’t most college kids. I was completely inexperienced with the physical side of relationships, my one sexual experience being (thankfully) too blurry to really remember.

To say I was nervous about having sex with Blaine was like saying the Great Lakes were puddles.

But I knew that he was more experienced than me and I was the one holding things back. I was afraid if I didn’t let things progress he would get frustrated and leave. A tiny voice in my head told me that that line of thinking was ridiculous, that Blaine loved me and would wait for me to be ready, but I was still horribly insecure.

My fingers were shaking and it took me three tries to successfully type out a reply that sounded much more confident than I felt.

From Kurt:

Sounds great! See you here at 6 Friday.

It was decided. I was just going to do it. I mean, people did it all the time, right? No big deal.

By the time Friday arrived I was wound tight with nerves. I knew the mechanics of gay sex and to be perfectly honest, it didn’t sound that great. I really wasn’t looking forward to the pain that every piece of information I’d scoured had said would be involved, at least at first. It was supposed to be very pleasurable once the initial pain had passed, but I really just couldn’t imagine how. But I was a gay man in love with another gay man and this is what gay men did.

The doorbell sounded and I raced down the stairs to answer it. He was early which normally would have made me happy, but today it just bugged me. It wasn’t his fault, but I couldn’t help how I was feeling.

Blaine’s smiling face greeted me and he leaned in for a kiss. I was too agitated to give him more than a quick peck, but he didn’t seem to notice my preoccupation.

I shut the door behind him and noticed the bouquet of flowers in his hand.

“Are those for me?” I asked him slowly. I was flattered, but flowers? I wasn’t a girl. Oh god, was this some sign that I was the girl in our relationship? I’d always hated it when people referred to one member of a same-sex relationship as “the girl” and the other as “the guy”. Was this how Blaine saw me?

“No,” he said with a nervous laugh. “They are for Carole. I just wanted to show her my appreciation for inviting me to dinner tonight.”

“I invited you,” I reminded him. “Last week.”

He laughed again, louder this time. “’Yes, but she didn’t know that and she called me yesterday to tell me that she was making lasagna and expected me here at six sharp!”

I forgot my nerves for a moment and just reveled in the fact that my family loved Blaine, too. Not as much as me, surely, because that would be a little strange, but enough that my stepmother went out of her way to make sure and invite Blaine to dinner because she knew he thought her lasagna was heavenly.

Dinner was eventful, to put it mildly. With Finn bringing his girlfriend to dinner also, the table was crowded. Elbows were bumped and occasionally a glass would get nudged causing liquid to slosh over the side. The real fun began when both Blaine and Finn reached for the last slice of lasagna at the same time. Blaine, ever the polite one, retracted his hand almost immediately and Finn grinned triumphantly. Before he could claim his prize, Carole slapped his hand and told him he should be more polite because Blaine was company. He pouted for a minute until Blaine spoke up, saying that they could share it. Some good natured arguing ensued about whose half was bigger but eventually everyone was finished and the dishes were cleared. When Blaine stood and began helping Finn load the dishwasher, Finn turned to me.

“Dude, your boyfriend is pretty cool. Anybody who’ll willingly share the last piece of Mom’s lasagna with me automatically makes my list of awesomeness.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at how serious he was when he stated this.

“Hey, I thought I was already on that list for saving you from that feral cat,” Blaine joked, nudging Finn with his shoulder as he rinsed a plate. The blow landed on Finn’s bicep. The height difference between the two was almost comical when they stood next to one another like that.

“That cat was cute and fluffy,” Finn protested.

“That cat had mange and was carrying a dead possum in it’s mouth,” I snorted. “In the state you were in, it would have taken you down in no time flat.” Blaine grinned at Finn’s look of disbelief.

“Whatever, dudes. Okay, that’s done. Now, I gotta go distract Mom before she starts showing Jessica my baby pictures or something even more embarrassing.”

I watched as Blaine dried his hands on a dishtowel and suddenly my nervousness was back with a vengeance. He smiled at me and I flashed him a small smile in return. He reached for hand and I prayed that my palms were still dry. If not I would blame it on the rag I used to wipe down the table.

“You ready for the rest of our date?” He asked me shyly. He had refused to tell me where we were going after dinner, saying he wanted to surprise me.

 “Sure,” I managed to choke out without him noticing that I was about to pass out from, well, I guess you could call it stage fright. I mean, it seemed like an appropriate enough term. In a sense I would be performing. I’d spent my teenage years doing musical theatre and the like so those kinds of analogies were second nature to me.

Blaine grabbed my hand, interrupting my inner monologue, and pulled me into the living room so we could say our goodbyes. I felt like a grade-schooler going on his first sleepover when I kissed my father goodbye and hefted my duffel bag.

In the confines of Blaine’s car I felt suddenly claustrophobic. I’d never had a problem with this sort of thing before, which was good considering all the dumpster tosses I’d experienced my freshman and sophomore years of high school, but now the air felt stale and I couldn’t wait for him to start the engine so I could roll down my window.

We drove in silence for the most part, me being too nervous about where tonight would lead and Blaine paying close attention to the crazy traffic. I had learned early on that when Blaine drove, he zoned in on the road. Any attempt at conversation was met with clipped, one word replies. I’d been offended the first time it happened, but he explained to me that he’d been in an accident when he was sixteen because he and his friends were goofing around. Luckily, no one was injured but from that day on he took driving way more seriously.

We pulled into the student lot at the OSU campus and I jumped out of the car as soon as we were stopped. Blaine eyed me curiously but I just smiled and took a deep breath. He may have been unaware of the tension in the car but I was about to choke.

I started to trek to the dorms but Blaine’s hand on my wrist stopped me short.

“Where are you going?” he chuckled lightly, eyebrows raised.

“I, uh, I thought we were going to your dorm?” I said feeling confused.

“Well, did you want to see the rest of our date?” He teased, his hazel eyes dancing. I couldn’t help but grin at the barely contained excitement in his voice. I had no idea what we were going to be doing but apparently Blaine thought it was pretty darn cool.

I nodded and he began pulling me in the opposite direction, telling me to hurry or we wouldn’t get a good spot. My confusion increased tenfold when I saw that we were heading towards the campus baseball field.

“Here we go!” He said merrily. I looked around at the mostly empty field. The spotlights that were usually lit for night games were off, with only a few sodium vapor lamps to cast an orange glow over the small groups of people spread out over the dirt and grass. I could see that a lot of the occupants were couples making out. One set in particular were getting into pretty heavily.

“Blaine, if this is some kind of back to nature orgy, you can count me out,” I said crossing my arms over my chest.

He threw his head back and laughed loudly, earning some disapproving glances from those present. I waited for him to finish laughing before going on.

“Seriously, why the hell did you drag me out here?” I asked, irritated. I didn’t like being laughed at, and my mood was already touchy.

“On our first date, you took me to a fireworks show,” he said simply. I nodded. “I wanted to show you something just as cool, but I didn’t want to wait a whole year, so when I heard about this I knew I what I wanted to do.”

I was still waiting for an explanation as to why I was shivering on a sports field in the dark with a bunch of other people. He stared at me, smiling like I should be just as excited as him, and when he saw that I wasn’t his smile drooped.

“I thought you would like this,” he said glumly.

“Blaine, you still haven’t told me what this is,” I said, my tone softening at his kicked-puppy look.

“Oh! It’s a meteor shower. Have you ever seen one?”

When I shook my head, he grabbed my hand and pulled me down onto a blanket that I hadn’t yet noticed was there. He must have set it up while I was inspecting our surroundings. Hell, in my nervousness I hadn’t even noticed he was carrying a blanket. I really needed to pay more attention to the world around me.

He settled himself leaning back on his palms and I chose that moment to be bold. Rather than sitting next to him, I crawled over and set myself between his legs, leaning back into his chest. I felt his breath shudder against my neck as he wrapped one arm around me and took my hand.

“I love you,” he whispered against my hair. I smiled, a warm feeling spreading throughout my chest at the words. It wasn’t the first time he’d said it, but it wasn’t something we were throwing around casually either. It was still fairly new to us and each time the phrase was uttered it sent my resident butterflies into a frenzy.

I pulled the hand that was holding mine to my lips, pressing a soft kiss to each knuckle. He gasped quietly at the contact.

“Love you, too,” I murmured. I was content to stay in that moment but soon enough there were squeals of excitement from all around us. I looked up to see that the shower had begun.

We were both transfixed by the amazing lightshow above of and when it ended I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointment. I glanced at my phone for the time and was shocked when it read ten-thirty. We’d been out there for two hours but it had seemed like only a few minutes.

I stood up slowly, my limbs stiff from sitting so still so long. I held my hand out to help Blaine up. He pulled himself to his feet but didn’t release my hand, instead pulling me into his arms. I rested my head on his shoulder, pressing a kiss to his neck. He shivered, tightening his grip on me, which I gladly welcomed. I loved how he held me.

“Tired?” he asked quietly.

I felt the butterflies swoop in my stomach. “Yes,” I whispered. I was afraid to speak any louder, in case my voice cracked. He pressed his lips to my temple and pulled away from me. I stepped off the blanket and helped him fold it, him carrying it and me my bag.

We passed a few people that Blaine knew on the way to his dorm. He was a pretty popular guy and it wasn’t hard to tell which of these people—guys and girls—were merely being friendly and which ones were checking him out. He didn’t seem to notice the attention, oblivious as he was.

We reached his door and I began to sweat. Not a little oh-it’s-a-bit-warm-in-here type sweat, full on in-a-sauna sweat. It was disgusting. As soon as the door swung open I excused myself to the bathroom within.

I stared at myself in the small mirror opposite the shower. My eyes were wide and glassy, my face pale with two bright red spots high on my cheekbones. I was a mess. I had to calm myself down or I would never be able to do this.

I splashed my face with cold water and hastily checked myself over. I was a little better, but I still worried about what Blaine would think of me.

When I retreated from the tiny room, Blaine was lighting candles. My butterflies were now the size of Mothara, beating against my insides as if trying to escape.

“Hey,” I said shyly. He turned around, smiling sheepishly.

“I’m not very good at this whole romance thing, but I thought—“

“Stop,” I said quietly. I crossed small room in two strides and I was there in front of him. “It’s very romantic and the meteor shower was absolutely wonderful.”

“Really?” he asked tentatively, his arms snaking around my waist. I looked at him, somehow managing to keep my gaze steady.

“Really,” I replied. He smiled broader then. “Now, how are we doing this?” I blurted out.

“Huh?”

“How are we going to do this? I mean, what, uh, who does which, um—“

“Kurt,” he interrupted me. Shit. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to bring that up. Maybe I should have just let him lead and just gone with whatever he wanted.

“Kurt, did you think I asked you to stay with me so we could have sex?”

I nodded slowly, staring at my shoes. I imagined I could count each thread in my Converse sneakers. Neither of us spoke for a long moment.

“I don’t want to have sex with you,” he said quietly. My head snapped up and I didn’t even try to hide the hurt on my face. His eyes widened and he began to backpedal immediately.

“No, no, no, what I mean is I don’t want to have sex with you tonight,” he said in a rush. It didn’t have the desired effect of making me happy, my eyes were glued to a spot behind Blaine’s head, and he quickly continued. “I want to, don’t get me wrong, just not right now.”

I was starting to feel a little better about the situation but I still wouldn’t look at him.

“Kurt, I love you, but I’m not ready to take that step with you yet.” He sighed and chewed his lip.

I met his gaze then as I processed what he’d said. He wasn’t ready. He was the reason we hadn’t gone any farther, not me and my half-virgin inhibitions.

I let out the breath I’d been holding in a rush. I was so relieved.

“I hope you’re not disappointed, but I—“

I cut him off with a kiss. Maybe not the best thing to do when your boyfriend is telling you he wants to take things slow, but I couldn’t help myself. I wasn’t offended when he pushed me back and looked at me like I was crazy for grinning.

“Kurt, I meant what I said. I’m not playing coy.”

“I know,” I assured him. “I’m not trying to seduce you. I wouldn’t know how, really. I’m just happy that you said what I didn’t have the courage to say.”

He just looked at me in confusion, his mouth working for a moment before he formed words. “But, you were asking, I mean, I thought you wanted to.”

“I thought you wanted to, but I don’t really know what I’m doing, so I was nervous, so I thought I should ask, and then maybe I wouldn’t be so nervous, but then I thought I was talking too much, but I’m really talking too much now, so I’ll shut up.” I was out of breath by the time I’d finished rambling. He just blinked at me.

“You’re a virgin and you thought I wanted sex so you were just going to do it?” He shook his head and pulled away from me. “Kurt, I can’t believe you would think I’d pressure you into something like that.”

“I didn’t think you were pressuring me, not at all,” I scrambled to explain before I ruined everything, “I want to be with you, but I’m scared because I’ve never done this before. Any of this. I’ve never even gone on a second date! But you make me feel so wonderful and I am so in love with you that I want to be able to be with you always and be with you in all the ways I can. I thought that this was what you wanted and I thought about and I want it, too, because I love you. But I never meant to make you feel pressured. I’m sorry.”

I reached out to him and he slowly stepped back into my embrace. I pressed my forehead to his, grateful that he wasn’t mad at me, and grateful that Blaine was so forward about what he did and didn’t want.

“I really love you, you know?” Blaine said, swaying us to some rhythm in his head. I followed along, content to let him lead. He knew what he was doing.

“I know,” I stated cheekily. Now that my nerves were gone I was feeling the excitement of the date again, just happy to be with him.

“I just don’t want to rush anything with you. We have our whole lives to discover each other, we can take our time.” His words ran like fire through me, stirring in me, but different than before. He spoke about us, implied that we would be together our whole lives. My forever was holding me in his arms and I would give him all of myself. But not that night, not until we were both ready and he was right about having plenty of time.

I had found the man of my dreams and I didn’t plan on letting him go, ever.