Feb. 17, 2015, 6 p.m.
Dirt On Your Name: That Is The Guy Who Makes The Biggest Mistakes
E - Words: 3,098 - Last Updated: Feb 17, 2015 Story: Complete - Chapters: 7/? - Created: Jan 03, 2015 - Updated: Jan 03, 2015 200 0 0 1 0
Man, you guys! Thank you so much for giving me the motivation to keep posting. Seriously, your response (and mmerainbows excellent listening skills and constant reassurance that Im awesome) are whats gotten me through this hell of a week. I love you, keep the reviews and ratings coming, hehe!
Edit: hoooly fuck, AncientGleek over on AO3 drew my attention to the fact that I mentioned self-harm and didnt tag. Accordingly, I also didnt warn you here. I am so, so sorry about that. Its just a little mention when Blaine starts talking about Kurt opening up, but to anyone who read this and felt uncomfortable (or worse), I am so very sorry! If it reappears as planned as another tiny mention in Chapter 6, Ill definitely warn you.
Friday morning saw Blaine Anderson up, dressed, and sitting in a coffee shop half an hour before he was even supposed to meet Kurt. He had woken up at 7, and in his fear of oversleeping, hadnt been able to conk out again. He had been ready by 8, and paced his room until he couldnt take the claustrophobic feeling anymore and went for a walk. By 9:30, he thought it was late enough that it wouldnt be pathetic for him to wait inside the shop anymore and entered, walking up to the counter and ordering a medium drip before sitting down at a table to wait. His foot was tapping a nervous staccato against the table leg as he fiddled with his phone, trying to focus on playing 94 seconds but scoring poorly, until suddenly, a paper cup clattered down on the table and a chair scraped across the floor.
"Hi. Sorry Im late, did you have to wait long?" Kurt sounded breathless; his cheeks were flushed a beautiful rosy pink, his eyes were vibrant in their shimmer, and a strand of hair had come loose from his artful coif to dangle over his forehead. Blaines breath hitched at the sight.
"H-hi. Uh… not, not at all. I was early," Blaine stammered. "So, uh, coffee?"
Kurt picked up his cup and shook it a bit with a smile. Blaine barely suppressed the urge to bang his head into the table repeatedly.
"Sorry I didnt ask if you wanted a refill. Its physically impossible for me to enter a coffee shop and not order my non-fat mocha right away," Kurt joked. "I could get up and get you one now, though…?"
"No, no, thats fine. Yours was supposed to be on me, but I wasnt sure what you liked and-"
"Blaine. Its fine." Silence ensued around them, and Blaine wondered whether it would always be this awkward unless they were fighting or singing. Speaking of…
"So, why are you not enrolled in the musical program?"
Kurt sipped his coffee and closed his eyes, just briefly, on the tiniest moan. "God, this stuff is so much better than anything they had to offer in Ohio," he commented, almost to himself, then blinked up at Blaine, as if he was remembering only then that he was there with him. "Oh. Yeah, I actually thought about it, but I wouldve wanted to go down the musical theater route. I decided that if I got into NYADA, Id pursue that, and if I didnt, Id apply for fashion design as another option. I actually got into Parsons as well, but NYU offered me a 75%-scholarship and its still super renowned, so… here I am."
"Here you are," Blaine repeated with a soft smile. "So NYADA was a bust? I can hardly believe that, youre like… really good."
Kurts answering grin was somewhat pained. "Yeah, well… I was a finalist and my audition was technically perfect, if I say so myself, and Ms. Tibideaux was impressed, but apparently, I lacked emotional depth. I dont know how I was supposed to show emotional depth with Not The Boy Next Door, but its what ultimately got me rejected."
"Seriously? Hugh Jackman? Did you wear those super tight gold pants, too?" Blaine teased, and his eyes widened when Kurt smirked with a nod.
"Yupp. Golden pants, hip thrusts, acrobatic dance moves, the whole nine yards."
Blaines eyes completely involuntarily roamed over what he could see of Kurt, the parts that werent hidden away behind the table they were sat at. "Id give anything to see that." His voice was low and gravelly, and when he looked up at Kurt, he could see that his breath was coming somewhat shallowly and his eyes had taken on a grey hue.
"Maybe," he quipped, voice carefully controlled. "Someday, maybe."
A smile broke out on Blaines face and Kurt snorted when he saw it, and then they were both laughing, the moment and any possible discomfort arising from it broken, and Blaine couldnt help but be grateful because that was the (almost) best way this could have worked out.
They talked a bit more, about their respective homes ("Shut up! Thats two hours away from where I grew up!"), their mutual love for Broadway musicals ("I saw that Rent poster, Blaine Anderson, dont even try to deny it." –"I wouldnt dream of it, Hummel."), and Kurt even broached the subject of his mother, who had died when he was 8 and whod awoken his love both for music and fashion, who had always let him play dress-up with her and had left him the piano they used to sit at for hours, playing and singing The Beatles. It was clear he loved her very dearly even now, 10 years later with barely any memories of her fully intact, as he admitted in a hoarse voice. Blaine rested his hand on his, letting his fingertips graze his wrists and told him how beautiful and amazing she sounded, and that shed be proud he carried her legacy with him, even if his memory of her had become hazy.
The smile breaking out on Kurts face as a result made him feel like he had just amended every wrong he ever committed in his life. It didnt hurt that he still had a grasp on Kurts hand, and the teen hadnt withdrawn it or yelled at him for being a sexually harassing creep yet. Instead, he turned it beneath his so their palms were connected; Blaine was tempted to lace their fingers together, but figured he was lucky enough to have gotten this much already and shouldnt push it too far. He was astonished, truly astonished, about how much he was reverting back to the insecure teenager he once was; but unlike with his one-night-stands, he was vaguely aware that this thing between Kurt and him had the potential of becoming something great, that he was on the cusp of discovering something he would regret leaving uncharted.
It was with an obvious startle that Kurt noticed the time, and cursed under his breath, looking at Blaine apologetically, who in turn just smiled sadly.
"Im guessing you have to go?"
"Yeah, Im so sorry, I promised Id meet Elliott for lunch…" Kurt bit his lip and looked at Blaine as if he was gauging his reaction. The man in question closed his face off and cleared his throat.
"Oh, yeah, you shouldnt keep him waiting. Doesnt do to be late for dates."
"Its friends going to lunch, Blaine, calm down."
"Im chill!" Blaine protested with raised hands. "Its not like I have any claim over you anyway, so why would I be upset?"
"Youre right, you dont have a claim over me. But Im still telling you theres no need to be jealous, because it couldnt be more obvious that you are," Kurt retorted, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
Blaine nodded. "I know. I know, its just…" He sighed. Time to act like the grown-up he was supposed to be. "You… are a league of your own. I know were friends, or whatever, but… I feel connected to you, I guess. Its sort of weird, actually. Maybe you should forget I said anything." So much for acting like a grown-up.
Kurt averted his gaze and blushed. He was so lovely, Blaine barely dared to look at him, and it wasnt even because he had just thoroughly embarrassed himself.
"I… thank you, Blaine," he began, staring at the floor. Blaine tilted his head and was about to reply that Kurt was very welcome, he supposed, when the pale boy continued. "I know what you mean." His eyes were blazing when he met the hazel, disbelieving ones across from him. "But I need time. I cant just jump into this. Hell, this entire conversation is more of a jump than I had planned. I thought we could go for coffee a few times, maybe have lunch or dinner or just hang out here and there before we even bring this up."
Blaine stood from his chair and sat down on the one next to Kurt instead of across from him, then scooted even closer to grasp his hands in his. This time, he did interlace their fingers, consequences be damned.
"We can go as slow as you need to. Well start off just like you said, and well see where that leads us. Sound good?"
The hands in his squeezed, gently and briefly, and Blaine smiled softly as he returned the gesture.
"Yes. Yes, that sounds really good," Kurt admitted, his own shy smile adorning his angelic features.
He left with promises of texting Blaine later, and the senior couldnt help but jump a bit in his seat and fist-pump when he exited through the door, not even caring a little bit about the stares he got from his fellow patrons.
A few weeks passed, and Blaine had established a standing coffee date with Kurt on Tuesday and Thursday mornings before the Intro to Business Administration class Kurt attended and Blaine tutored. They also met for lunch most Fridays, when the freshman didnt have meetings with the Fashion Business Club. In addition to that, they hung out a lot in the evenings and on the weekends, just talking, or watching movies and trashy reality TV shows, or sometimes jamming. From time to time, Elliott would join them for the latter, and Blaine would be lying if he said he didnt mind when he did. It wasnt even simply that he turned green at the way Kurt smiled at him, so beautifully, so unreserved; it was that when Elliott was around, it seemed harder for Kurt to open up. He became distant, his interactions allowing just a shallow scratch on the surface of his real self. When he was alone with Blaine, they didnt always talk about meaningful things because they both thought that was exhausting, but they did talk about topics other than fashion or music or the latest gossip or funnies out of the life of Kurts oaf of a step-brother.
Kurt told him, for example, about his history with said step-brother; how he used to toss him into dumpsters along with his fellow Neanderthals because he sounded girly and dressed like the gay weirdo he was and he was ugly and they therefore couldnt stand the sight of him, and thats why they needed to punish him. Needless to say, Blaine tried his best to reassure Kurt that neither of those statements held any truth to them, to which Kurt responded with a trembling smile and a shaky, "I know. I know that now. I just wish I had 3 years ago."
He had also shown Blaine the scars on his forearms – the result of his ignorance, and it was all Blaine could do not to try and kiss each one of them better as he lightly trailed his fingertips over the faded mark, listening to Kurt tell him that hed stopped a few months after hed joined Glee Club, and letting him know in return how proud he was of him. Kurt tried to downplay it by telling him that the reason why he had a single room was that he still felt somewhat skittish around people he didnt know, and self-conscious, and that sometimes it got really bad. His Dad knew, so hed pulled some strings afforded to him by his status as Congressman and that was how Kurt had gotten on the same floor as "the seniors and nerdy juniors," as he reminded Blaine of his wording from the night theyd met.
Blaine, in turn, told Kurt all about how hed basically grown up with a nanny, his parents always too preoccupied with the family business, his older brother too busy chasing girls to really care about, let alone care for him at all. He told him how his parents were really only still married on paper, but that his father hadnt even been back to the States in several years, and that his mother had stopped wearing the ring around the house, should she ever be there, where no one could judge her for her naked finger. He also didnt spare any details when it came to his coming-out story and the mess that followed the admission that he was gay; his mother especially had done anything, pulled every crappy trick from the how to not react when your kid tells you theyre gay book there was, from threatening him with bible camp to putting him in very awkward situations with her business partners daughters. Eventually, he managed to forge some kind of truce with her, wherein he never asked for more than the generous allowance he was given, and in return, never called or visited or expected to speak with her unless she was the one to initiate contact.
Kurt looked devastated at the mere idea, and Blaine understood after everything hed told him about his father and how close theyd gotten over the past couple of years, but he tried to soothe him by telling him that really? It was all he knew.
He did get a really long and heartfelt hug out of it though.
So all in all, Blaine thought that when Elliott wasnt around, Kurt was more transparent, felt more confident and safe in sharing important tidbits of his life and of who he was with Blaine. Thats why he preferred when the junior didnt invite himself to sit at their table with them, or just came knocking on Kurts door when they were pretending to watch a movie but were really just talking throughout the entire duration of it. However, he found that when he overlooked the seething jealousy and unreasonable annoyance Elliott seemed to invoke in him, he actually liked the guy; he was fun and laid-back, and refreshingly reasonable, almost always unperturbed by the drama which resulted from piling a bunch of teenagers together in a house.
And drama there was, especially when it came to him and Kurt. People had spotted them on their first coffee date, and not even 12 hours later the whispers had taken on a buzzing quality, following him everywhere he went like a swarm of bees. Kurt noticed, of course, but he tried to act like he didnt care the entire student body thought they were sleeping together – at first, at least.
Until one day, on another Friday afternoon, as they were sitting in a diner devouring burgers, one of Blaines "exes" spotted them and stepped over to their table.
"Well isnt that cute. Looks like you got a… girlfriend?" the tall guy, Blaine thought his name might have been Jeremiah, jeered, looking down his nose at Kurt. "Im honestly not sure. Tell me, did you switch sides, Anderson?"
Kurt glared at him, the effect impressive even though he was sitting and… Jeremiah? was hovering above him.
"Dont you need to go tend to your enormous horse teeth?" Kurt shot back, making Blaine chortle.
"Easy, Betty White, I just came over here to have a chat with a dear old friend of mine," guy-whose-name-Blaine-wasnt-sure-about retorted with a smug grin.
"Look, dude," Blaine began, trying to dissolve the situation before it got out of hand, but unable to completely reign in the anger he felt at Kurt being insulted, "were just trying to eat, and youre being an annoying, rude shit, so why dont you, you know, scram?"
"You dont even remember his name, do you?" Kurt stage-whispered next to him. The guys face was priceless when he saw Blaine mouth an emphatic, "no clue."
"Whatever, Anderson. Its not like Im losing sleep over you either. No one really wants to be associated with your rep. Betty White here only hangs out with you because she doesnt realize what a joke you are, and because shes an idiot who thinks shell be the one exception to your rule."
Kurt suddenly jumped up, fists clenched at his sides as he got really close to the guy.
"Listen here, you fucking shit, and you can relay what Im about to say to every one of your mindless cronies who dont seem to be able to think farther than one foot ahead of them," he snarled, his arms shaking, and Blaine idly wondered if he was refraining from punching the bastard as he stared at the pale man in awe. "The real joke is you, and everyone whose life is so empty that all you can think to talk about is Blaine and me. Youre bitter because he wont give you the time of day once hes done with you for the night, and do you know why that is? Because theres nothing about you, any of you, thats worth it during the day. So why dont you run along and continue your pathetic existence elsewhere, huh?"
The guy laughed, the sound derisive, like he was covering up the hurt he felt from Kurts words with the gesture. "Sure, Betty. You go believe that while you prance around with the biggest manwhore in town and become the most notorious dimwit at NYU for it. Guys like him never change."
Before either of them could reply, the guy returned to his own seat, sitting with his back to them. Kurt glowered at the bend of his spine as Mr. Horse Teeth leaned over the table, the people around him speaking in hushed voices that started to carry the more outrageous the – no doubt fake – retelling of their encounter became.
"No way!" one of the girls, an over-styled fake blonde wearing leopard-print tights, shouted and unsubtly glanced over at them. "Thats gotta be the dumbest guy who has ever been admitted to college, and –"
One of her friends nudged her in the arm, causing her to lower her voice again.
"Wow," Blaine commented under his breath, chuckling in disbelief. He grabbed one of Kurts hands and stroked his thumb over the soft skin on the back of it in an attempt to calm him down. The blue-eyed beautys blazing gaze caught his, and mellowed once they registered the soothing smile playing on his lips. "Youre better than all of them, okay?"
"I know. I just hoped I wouldnt have to deal with the constant drama; I hoped people would be more mature here, but no. Its like McKinley 2.0, bigger and better and even more tragic." He leaned back in his seat with a sigh, covering Blaines hand holding his with his own free one. "Lets get out of here. We can get this bagged and take it to my room and watch the new episode of How To Get Away With Murder."
Blaine grinned and nodded, and a few minutes later they were on their way out, Kurt flipping the guy from earlier off when he waved them off sarcastically.