Blaine held Kurt tightly to him, now that he had found his words.

"I'll never leave."

He could feel Kurt's body sigh against his own, and ran a gentle hand down his back.

"Please talk to me." He felt silly making that demand when he couldn't even get a whole sentence out most of the time.

"P-please."

Kurt took in a deep breath and leaned against Blaine's surprisingly strong form. He'd always thought of Blaine as being so fragile… so afraid he'd break the smaller boy… but suddenly Kurt was the one who needed strength, and Blaine had it. When had Blaine said so many words in a row?

"You can. You can talk to me." Blaine dialed down his demand. Maybe he needed to make it easier for Kurt…

"Nothing even happened to me," Kurt finally muttered into Blaine's soft cotton t-shirt. "I'm fine. I've got to be fine. Nothing happened."

Blaine remembered too much to accept that. He sucked in a breath as the image of Kurt on his knees, begging the monster to take him instead, was suddenly all he could see. He'd been too drugged to fight, but not too drugged to see. Or hear. He didn't know why Kurt would risk so much just for him, but he knew that Kurt had.

Blaine shook his head against Kurt's on his shoulder.

"You know that's not true."

Kurt sat up suddenly. "You know that's not true?" Kurt had always assumed-well, hoped-that Blaine had passed out somehow, delirious from the drugs and pain.

"I… I saw. I couldn't move, but I saw. I tried to stop you, but you… y-you thought you had to… you were going to…" Blaine couldn't say anymore. His stomach turned just thinking of what Kurt had offered up to save him.

"God, Blaine, of course I was! I'd have done anything to... " Kurt heard the words coming out of his own mouth, but couldn't push the memory of his hesitation out of his head.

When it came right down to it, he hadn't done anything. He'd waited, and the gun had gone off.

Kurt brought his fists up to his eyes and ground his teeth together. The words came out fast and pointed, like bullets.

"I thought he'd shot you. I thought you were dead. And I killed you, because I wouldn't… I couldn't... " Tears streamed down his face, and Kurt scrubbed them away with his hands.

"Blood all over, and I did it. Because I couldn't be brave. Like you."

Blaine was shocked.

"But you were brave, Kurt. You saved me."

Kurt shook wordlessly as Blaine helped him lie back down.

"Kurt, you're the only thing that saved me. You found me back there and you pulled me out and…"

As the words left him, Blaine realized how fast and smoothly he'd been talking. For Kurt.

He nestled his body into the taller boy and wrapped an arm around him, finding a gentle rhythm to rub on his back. Touches from Kurt always helped Blaine focus and center himself. Kurt's breathing slowed a bit in Blaine's warm embrace.

"I'm here, Kurt. I'm here because of you."

Kurt breathed in Blaine's warm, sleepy smell and nodded, trying to find his words again. He had more to admit, but he wasn't sure he'd get to be this close to Blaine again after he said it.

Blaine wondered if Kurt had fallen asleep when he heard another whisper.

"You know, my dad made me go to the funeral. To… to like, prove he was gone. So I'd know it. You were still… um…asleep." Blaine kept up the soft pattern of his hand on Kurt's back. "It was supposed to give me… closure, or something, but I… I couldn't do it. I freaked out. I don't remember it, but I passed out, and they had to bring me back to the hospital."

So much for bravery, Kurt thought. Couldn't even watch them put him in the ground.

Blaine couldn't imagine having to see the… monster… again. Not even like that.

"That must have been terrifying. I'm sorry." He whispered back softly.

"I just remember thinking, I'm so glad he's dead. How awful does that sound?" Kurt continued. "What kind of a person does that make me? You're not supposed to be glad people are dead."

"Normal, Kurt. It makes you normal."

His final secret out, Kurt relaxed again. Blaine couldn't be disgusted with him if he thought it was normal. It was all going to be all right.

The word normal echoed in Blaine's head. Normal to feel things, normal to talk and feel and…

Suddenly Blaine's train of thought derailed.

What about when you turned off your brain and let them touch you?

When you focused on the picture of Kurt in your head and not the cold, hard floor underneath you?

Blaine's blood ran cold as the voice in his head became louder.

When you stopped screaming and fighting and just… let them do those things to you?

What was that?

He pulled a handful of the fabric of Kurt's pajamas into his shaking, clenched fist.

"Kurt," he gasped, suddenly out of breath.

The elder teen turned suddenly in Blaine's arms, sensitive to the way his body had suddenly tensed up.

Something was wrong.

"I'm here. I'm here." Kurt reassured.

"Thirty-three."

Kurt's forehead scrunched up as he tried to figure out what the number meant.

Be patient, He'll tell you. He always has. Just listen.

But Blaine stayed silent, eyes closed, afraid to look at Kurt.

Seconds passed, feeling like hours.

"Thirty-three what, sweetie?"

Blaine opened his eyes and found a star on Kurt's dark blue robe. White, and fuzzy at the edges, it faded in and out of focus.

He couldn't look up.

"Th-thirty-three times." He took a shuddering breath.

"They did it thirty-three times."

For a moment Kurt didn't understand.

And then he did.

His hand shot up to his mouth just in time for him to scream into it, and as the sound was released from his body, Kurt's stomach reeled. He clasped his hand tighter over his mouth and sat up violently in the bed, leaning towards the plastic trash bin at its side. Sobs wracked his body as he heaved into the trash, unable to stop his reaction.

Blaine's stomachclenches as well. But for an entirely different reason.

Oh god, he thinks I'm disgusting,

I'm filthy.

Used.

Awful.

I never should have…

The sight of Kurt in pain was enough to disrupt Blaine's thoughts.

Those thoughts weren't going to help Kurt.

He inched closer, and saw the tears rolling down Kurt's face as he bent over the bin.

"I'm-I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry Blaine, I'm-" the older teen sputtered.

Blaine gathered his courage from a place he didn't know he had, underneath all the fear and pain, and remembered what had worked before.

He stretched a warm hand out to Kurt's back and rubbed circles as he answered him.

"Kurt… Kurt, it's okay. I'm here. I'm… s-safe. I'm safe because of you."

Kurt finally stopped shuddering. All he could see was Blaine's scarred, starving body as Kurt had found him.

"I should have… I-I should have known… knew something was wrong." He sobbed.

"I let you… let them hurt you, over and over and over and… you were all alone, and I couldn't find you..."

"You got me through it."

Blaine's voice was firm, surprising himself.

Kurt looked up over his shoulder in confusion.

"All I could think of-all I ever thought of-was you." Blaine felt utterly exposed, and reminded himself that this was Kurt.

His Kurt.

He sucked in a breath and continued. "No matter what they did-"

A soft whimper escaped Kurt as he turned fully toward Blaine.

"I just… I kept thinking of you. I told myself you were coming for me and I'd get to see you again. In the dark I saw you, and I held on for you. When they… when it hurt too much, I'd feel you there whispering to me. - keeping me alive."

Blaine didn't know where these words were coming from. All of a sudden, he wasn't the frail, tiny patient who needed to be coddled and helped around the house.

He was… strong.

Stronger than he'd felt in months, maybe even years.

Blaine channeled the strength he'd seen in Kurt this whole time.

"Let's… go get you cleaned up."

He led Kurt to the bathroom and ran some warm water.

As Blaine dabbed a damp washcloth on Kurt's face, he couldn't help but think how often Kurt had done the same for him. Kurt had been holding this pain in the entire time, focused on helping Blaine heal.

Kurt breathed into the wet heat of the cloth, centering himself, and was able to look in Blaine's eyes again. He gathered his words slowly and deliberately.

"I'm just so, so sorry that I couldn't stop it from happening. You are…. the... most important thing to me, Blaine. And now that you're here with me, and safe again, I'm never going to let anything happen to you." Kurt used every single word he could think of but the ones pounding in his head. I love you, Blaine. I love you more than anything. He couldn't let himself say anything that might frighten Blaine and make him run.

Blaine didn't even realize that his arms were folding around Kurt until Kurt's head fell against his shoulder. They stood there in the silence for several minutes, just breathing each other in. Starlight fell through the bathroom window and Blaine smiled softly at the way it played on Kurt's hair.

"You found me," he whispered. He didn't reach for the words. He didn't stutter. "I know sometimes I can't tell you… but… I'm here."

Kurt squeezed Blaine and found his hand. "Let's go have a snuggle, okay?"

"Yeah."

Blaine couldn't suppress a tiny yawn. Kurt led him back to bed under the twinkling stars of his room, and they settled Thumpy and Versace into place between them.

Their conversation wasn't nearly over that night, and for the next few hours both boys drifted in and out of sleep between soft whispers. Kurt told Blaine over and over how brave and wonderful he was, and Blaine's confidence soared as he gingerly opened up in the darkness.

He told Kurt how much his own father's words had hurt him, and later his fists. Kurt held him so gently, so carefully that Blaine finally felt safe to talk about how he'd left that house, completely alone, hoping that one day he'd find somewhere to belong.

Kurt answered him with a hand in Blaine's curls, one that didn't pull but softly played.

A hand that belonged there.

Kurt whispered back that the bullying at school had gotten so bad, around the same time, that he'd felt completely alone in his own house, unable to burden Burt or Carole with his worries.

Eyes cast down in the dark, he admitted that the blade in the shaving kit Blaine had found had been his, and that he'd considered trying to dull his pain that way.

"But the worst is over. I don't care what anyone thinks of me anymore."

Blaine's forehead wrinkled with concern under Kurt's touch, no matter how much Kurt papered over his worries. He knew that Kurt was amazing at shoving down his own hurts to care for others, but he wanted him to know that he never had to. And then Kurt finished his thought:

"Not now that you're home."

Blaine's heart was so full, he almost couldn't speak.

But he found the words, for Kurt.

"I'm home."

***********************************

Blaine woke up to a new note from Thumpy. He couldn't help but smile.

Good Morning Blaine!

Thanks for the cuddles last night... I needed that. Can you believe that Kurt was beginning to think he was too old for me!? I owe you one!

Love,
Thumpy