Kurt looked around his room, except it wasn't his room. It was the spare room and he'd never slept in it before. It was odd. There was some of his stuff in the room. His TV. d.v.d's and IPod. He'd put the picture of his mother face down in the draw yesterday it reminded him too much of those messages.

Be glad that your mother is dead. At least she doesn't have to see what a whore you've become.

There were flowers on his bedside table and he reached over to touch a bright yellow daffodil. He smiled slightly, Blaine knew he loved daffodils. The smile quickly disappeared when he thought about Blaine. He knew what had happened and he was still around. But he didn't know what Kurt was now, he didn't know how filthy Kurt was, how empty and how he knew there would never be a time in his life when he would feel comfortable with somebody touching him intimately again. He had to teach him, had to let him know that he was just too good for Kurt. He had to find somebody else, somebody better.

And what about Sebastian? Kurt's stomach flipped as his face came into his mind and he thought he would throw up. No he wouldn't think of that. He knew he'd have to tell Blaine, have to tell him that he was coming after him but he didn't think he could face it.

He felt ill and weak and shaky but he couldn't just stay in bed like this. He couldn't be left alone with his own thoughts. He needed to do something to clear his head, he needed to be busy. Surely if he'd been away for a week there must be some sort of homework around for him to do. He pulled his legs over the side of the bed and grabbed his dressing gown.

He felt shy as he poked his head around the kitchen door. It felt to him like he shouldn't even be here in his own house. Carole turned around and gave him a wide smile.

"Hey."

"Hi Hunny your up." She was over to him in a matter of seconds and wrapping him in a tight hug.

It felt weird and he wanted to push her away. Yesterday he was too confused to know what he was feeling. He had woken up when he knew he hadn't been asleep. It was hard to believe it had been a week, he hardly remembered what had happened he had some odd memories. They were like the flashes of dreams that you get halfway through the morning afterwards, you try to grab them, and to make sense of them but you can't. He got the feeling that there had been meals that he hadn't tasted and movies that he hadn't watched and conversations that he hadn't heard. His body felt like achy jelly and his mind even worse. He tried not to notice the pain in his arms. He did not want to think about that. He was not ready to deal with that.

Carole pulled away.

"Sit down I'll make you some lunch."

Kurt's stomach flipped again.

"No thanks."

She gave him a sideways look.

"You have to eat Hun."

"I will later, I'm not feeling well."
"Oh?" She said a little too loudly and high pitched.

"Don't make a big deal out it. " Kurt sighed.

Carole gave a reproachful look and turned around.

"Coffee?" She finally asked him.

"Okay." Kurt said feeling slightly guilty about snapping at her when she was just trying to help him. He just kept mucking up and causing his family pain.

"Why don't you go sit in living room, Blaine set the timer to record America's next top model."

"No."

Carole turned to give him another reproachful look.

"You have to do something Kurt."

"I know I was going to do some house cleaning. It's about time that I went through the magazine rack." Kurt said.

"Do you want to help me make dinner later?"

"Sure."

"I got a rack of lamb. If you want something else though.."

"Lamb's Dad's favorite."

"He can have it another day, we could have that goat cheese and pear salad you like."

"Lamb is fine." Kurt said clearly. He was really annoyed with all this 'special treatment' and being treated with kid gloves. He didn't deserve special treatment, he wasn't ill he was just stupid; he'd done this to himself. He didn't want them to fuss over him; he just wanted to be left alone so that he could come up with his own distractions.

Kurt took the coffee offered and went into the front room. He looked around with pr�cised and practiced eyes. The tops of the picture frames needed dusting, the mantle piece could be waxed, the magazines thrown out (vogue issues categorized and stored) hovering under the rug and he might as well do under the furnisher as well.

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Kurt looked up at the clock; he'd been cleaning for three hours. He was sweating and he felt a bit breathless and lightheaded. The room was now perfect though. Everything was waxed and washed and lightly fragranced with his own recipe of home made spray.

He looked around. The problem with everything being perfect was that there was now nothing left to clean. He needed to do something else. He grabbed the hover and headed upstairs.

He did Finn's room and Carole's and Burt then as he was doing the hallway he started to feel weird, shaky and sick. After another minute his vision blurred. He carried on.

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Kurt opened his eyes and groaned. Why was his head banging?

"Kurt?" There was a hand over his. He glanced over and saw his Father sat next to his bed. How did he end up on his bed? Hadn't he been in the hallway?

"What…"

"You callapsed Kurt." He said looking at him with a disappointed and worried look.

"Oh, sorry. Skipped breakfast."

"And lunch."

"Yeah."

His Dad sighed. Kurt hated knowing he was upsetting him. He'd done it again, he'd made another mistake.

"Sorry." Kurt said. "You didn't carry me did you?"

His dad looked down slightly.

"Dad, you're heart!"

"Hey, at the moment you are the weak one."

"I'm fine."

"You callapsed. Kurt. Want to tell me what this is about?"

"I was just spring cleaning."

Burt sighed again and patted his leg.

"I'm getting you a Sandwich and a slice of cake which you will eat and then you will go back to sleep."

"Okay." Kurt agreed. "But I'm having a shower first, I stink and my skin is terrible." Kurt said. He didn't really feel like doing his skin routine but he couldn't keep hurting his dad. He had to pretend to be feeling alright again. He had to smile and do the things that he usually did. It was the only way to stop hurting his family. Blaine was another matter though; he had to keep Blaine away. He couldn't act in front of Blaine he'd see right through it. He needed to keep him away and somehow he needed to keep him safe.

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There was a loud bang and Kurt woke up suddenly. For a second his heart raced and he didn't know where he was but then he spotted Blaine sporting a rather sheepish look.

"Hi Baby." He said.

"Hey." Kurt said. "Did you just break something?"

"Uh.. Picture frame, I'll replace it."

Blaine stared at him with an adorable expression that he recognized but an intensity that he did not.

"I love you." Blaine said. He was leaning in, Kurt didn't have time to panic or do anything except take a deep breath in that he didn't manage to finish before Blaine's lips were on his. The lips were so familiar, the pressure and the way they moved against his slow and sure. It was over quickly and as Blaine pulled back Kurt saw the unsure look in his eyes.

"Are you okay?"

Kurt looked him. His nervous look made his heartache. He loved him so much, but he was hurting him so much. He had to tear off the bandage, but he couldn't, not today. If he did it today he thought it would literally kill him.

"Yeah." Kurt breathed.

Blaine sat back down.

"You're dad told me you weren't feeling well today."

"I'm fine." Kurt said briefly wondering if it would ever be true.

Blaine nodded.

"So what did you do today?"

Blaine looked down for a second as if he was thinking up a decent lie.

"I told the glee club you were feeling better. They've all been asking after you. I think they might be clubbing together to get a 'get well soon' gift, and they know your love of scarves." Blaine said with a large smile.

"Hmm." Kurt said non-commitment. He did not deserve a gift. There was a long moment of silence. Kurt looked around trying to find something to talk about.

"The flowers are lovely." He said noticing the flowers by his bed again.

"I know. Sebastian might be a bit of a Jerk at times but he has good taste."

Kurt's stomach flipped he felt a rising panic. He was going to die, right here right now.

"Se.." He could not say the name his mouth had gone dry.

Blaine hadn't noticed.

"He brought the flowers for you, apparently news got to the Warblers that you were ill."

"GET RID OF THEM!" Kurt shouted. Blaine turned to him with a stunned look.

"PLEASE! BLAINE GET RID OF THEM!"

He reached over trying to grab the flowers. He just wanted them gone, his fingers brushed against the glass heavily and it fell to the floor and shattered water, glass and daffodils scattering everywhere.

"Kurt?" Blaine looked shocked. Kurt jumped out of the bed. There was a sudden pain in his foot he looked down and saw blood dripping from his foot.

Blood, there was blood everywhere. The water was hitting his face and back. He could hear a distance voice calling to him.

"Kurt?"

Blaine, the love of his life was calling to him.

Everything went black.