One day, barely two months after they had met, an unwanted scene would play out in Blaine’s life. Blaine would wake up to find Kurt in his arms as usual, but something would be different, wrong. Kurt wouldn’t respond to Blaine's voice or light kisses as he usually did, and Blaine would pull himself from under Kurt and call Burt, praying this wasn’t the ending he had tried so hard to push from his mind. Blaine would then call for an ambulance to take Kurt to the hospital, ringing Kurt’s doctor to tell him they were on their way.

But there was nothing any of the medical staff could do – as what was explained to them by the doctor when he had first broke the news. There was no cure for cancer, the tumor was inoperable, and Blaine could do nothing more than make sure Kurt was at least comfortable, and sit by his love’s bed, holding his hand, stroking back Kurt’s auburn hair, watching him inevitably slip away.

~*~

Blaine made the decision to leave New York. Once the funeral was over, he packed up his apartment and left the city, leaving behind his old dreams of Broadway.
Kurt’s family had offered him a home back in Lima, Ohio when Blaine had divulged he too was from the same state, however, he gracefully declined, promising to keep in touch.

In the two short months with Kurt, Blaine had become someone else.

Blaine stood behind the podium at the front of the chapel three days later.

“If, two months ago, you had asked me what my biggest achievement was, or what the most amazing moment of my life had been so far, I would have answered with something like… winning my first show choir competition solo in high school. Or even more recently… my first leading role at NYADA, or indeed graduating from NYADA. But within one night my answer to that question changed - twice. The first time it changed was after stepping out onto centre stage in my first Broadway role.

The second time was just hours later.

The moment I met Kurt Hummel, my life changed forever.

People talk about spending a lifetime with a person that completes them but a lifetime is a relative concept. I only got two months with Kurt, but it was like a lifetime. In those two months I changed and I grew because of Kurt. Being around him helped me discover parts of myself that I never even knew existed. I’ve spent twenty three years just living my life, but now I realize there is more to life than just living. There is more to life than what you see. There is more to yourself than what you feel.

When I first met Kurt, I felt like I had known him forever. It was like we had met in a past life… like I had known him all long. We had a connection that allowed us to understand each other, and help each other grow in a way I could never have imagined. Some lifetimes are longer than others, but no matter how short they are, they always have an impact on the world - even if it’s just on one person out of the hundreds of people that you meet.

At first I thought of wishing that Kurt had more time, more numbers, than he did. But I learned that there is no point wishing things are different, no matter how much you want to. So desperately I wanted to cling to Kurt, to his memory, and wish for him to have so much more. But he didn’t need any more. He knew better than any of us of the preciousness of life before he even got sick. He suffered heart break when he lost his mother, at only eight years old, and a man as amazing as Kurt, should have never had to suffer that as a boy. But he learned and he grew and it made him the strong man he became because of it.

I talk about numbers and time, but I was never any good at math. I was good at history, though, and I know you can’t change the past, but you can change the future. You can choose your own future. You can fight. Take what life throws at you and do the best you can with what you have.

Kurt Hummel was a fighter.

But Kurt was also insanely talented; praised for his performance of Hugh Jackman’s version of ‘Not The Boy Next Door,’ by the infamous NYADA Dean of vocal interpretation herself, Carmen Tibideaux – and it was only among one of his high achievements.

He was the fiercest man I have ever met. He never gave up, he never stopped fighting. He leaves behind a legacy of determination, and to always doing right by others, no matter the detrimental effect on himself. He fought to get out of small town Lima, Ohio, and he made it. He made it to New York, and no one can take that away from him. Kurt never gave up, and more significantly, he would never let anyone else give up either. He had the ability to show others a strength in themselves they didn’t even know they had and he fought until the very end.

The world keeps spinning, never slowing, never stopping. We live our lives day after day; we never think too far ahead because… we can’t. I mean, how could we all live anyway, if we were to do so by waiting every day for life to end? It wouldn’t be very productive or reasonable. So we hold on to the idea of forever and of being invincible because waiting isn’t living, not really. Counting time won’t get you there any quicker nor will it slow you down.

A wise man once said, ‘Number neither your days not your hours, lest they pass you quickly while you count them. Instead, treat them as friends and bid them tarry a while, and you will know long life and happiness.’

Time will continue to keep passing - like the grains of sand as they run through your fingers. You will never be able to hold onto them no matter how hard you try, but you can try - oh God, you can try - and when they eventually do run out, you can say you’ve tried and that will be enough - because trying to hold tightly – well, that’s all we have.”

~*~

It was the beginning of a new Blaine. Being with Kurt had taught him so much about himself, it was like something had flung them together, allowing them to support each other in very different ways.

Blaine had a new dream, a dream to teach. He would never forget how much he had needed a mentor at school, someone to help him figure out who he was - and now that is what he wanted to do for others.

A few years passed. Blaine went back to college in Los Angeles, he became an Elementary School teacher, and he loved his work. But every day the wound in his chest would tear open a little more. The memory of Kurt never left him for more than a few moments. He learned to live but not to forget. Never forget. The second Blaine closed his eyes, Kurt’s face would be there in front of him, and a new wave of sadness would wash over him like a tsunami. Every day Blaine had to fight the tears.

~*~

One day, five years after leaving, Blaine finally returned to New York, finding a room in a hotel at just a day’s notice. Blaine didn’t know at what point he decided to come back, but he felt it was the right thing to do in that moment. There was something still holding him here and something he could not let go of, like when just a few grains of sand are left in the palm of your hand, stuck in the crevices.

Blaine walked the streets of New York City. Not much had changed in the past five years. The posters and billboards held different names and different faces now but the same shows were still playing with a few new ones tucked away in the smaller theatres; some up and coming production team trying so desperately to make it in this harsh world. This world seemed a million light-years away from Blaine even though he had once been a part of it.
But that felt like a different life.

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
sat by the river and it made me complete
oh simple thing where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
so tell me when you're gonna let me in
I’m getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

As Blaine walked, memories stirred in the back of his mind when he found himself in a small street, almost like an alley way, filled with small boutique shops. He didn’t recognize the little shops but he squinted and he could picture the street in the dark. His mind had led him to the place he needed to be without even consciously realizing it himself. Blaine closed his eyes and allowed himself to sink to his knees, the memories flowing freely now.

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I’ve been dreaming of?

He remembered so much… Like the time he and Kurt had taken a taxi to Central Park and taken a short walk before Kurt had been desperate to show Blaine his favorite place in Times Square to sit and think…

Oh simple thing where have you gone?
I’m getting old and I need something to rely on
so tell me when you're gonna let me in
I’m getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

and if you have a minute why don't we go
talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
so why don't we go
somewhere only we know?

Blaine buried his head in his hands, the familiar feeling of dread wash over him, he knew what would happen if he let too many memories into his consciousness… he wouldn’t be able to contain his emotion.

Oh simple thing where have you gone?
I’m getting old and I need something to rely on
so tell me when you're gonna let me in
I’m getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

and if you have a minute why don't we go
talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
so why don't we go, so why don't we go,

Blaine missed Kurt; it was like a part of him had been ripped from his body, from his life. Blaine let the memories in; he had blocked them out for so long he couldn’t stop the walls he had built from tumbling down.
Blaine remembered Kurt's last words before he had closed his eyes for the last time…

“Blaine you are strong, stronger than you know. Just look deep and you can find it…”

this could be the end of everything
so why don't we go
somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know

this could be the end of everything,
so why don't we go,
somewhere only we know,
somewhere only we know,
somewhere only we know