Kurt honestly felt terrible for reacting the way he was, because it was a lovely song and in any other situation he probably would have applauded and praised and forgot about his own stupid emotions. He honestly felt like the worst friend in the world, selfishly letting his own issues take over from the fact that Blaine had probably just done one of the bravest things anyone could do; sure singing to someone was a big deal as it is, but singing something he had written with such emotion… Well, Kurt honestly just didn’t know what to think anymore. He’d felt panic, fondness, like surging forward and not regretting anything, like telling the truth, confessing everything, like crawling into his bed and crying himself to sleep. He felt like he was falling and not moving at all, like everything had just completely stopped apart from him and Blaine in that room. And it wasn’t a romantic pre-first kiss stopping. It was a tense uncertainty, complete confusion and Kurt could practically feel the atmosphere around them, between them, like some static storm. The air felt heavy, congested and it was difficult to breathe in his state of half panic, half confusion, fighting back those damn tears which continued to pester at his eyes. He was trying everything he could to stop thinking about it, to keep his face neutral. Because in all honesty, he loved it - he really did - it was a beautiful song and he was flattered that Blaine had wanted to sing it for him, and he didn’t want to knock the musician’s performing or writing confidence at all since Kurt would much rather listen to that ten times over rather than the radio. However, it was difficult and he was cursing himself for not being a better actor so he could forget his emotions altogether until he was alone.

He could hear the soft sound of Blaine standing up, the light scrape of the piano stool on the floor and the heavier setting of his feet. He was prepared for Blaine to just leave or walk over the other side of the room or pretty much anything else but to take up his hand. He could feel the warmth, the rough brush of skin against his own and his heart felt like it had stopped and then sped up twenty times as fast. the only sound he could hear was his own breathing, which to him sounded obnoxious and far too loud. Everything felt hypersensitive, like he was just waiting for something as he clenched his eyes shut, feeling the warm tears slowly travel down his cheeks. He slowly turned to look at their hands, then up to Blaine’s face where he shook his head lightly. “Please, don’t be sorry… I’m glad you played it for me, thank you.” Kurt honestly couldn’t tell if Blaine actually did mean every single word, maybe Kurt had just been over analyzing certain parts of the song rather than others, which was incredibly likely since he tended to only listen to things that he wanted to hear. But the fact that Blaine was completely convinced that they were both in some similar boat, that Kurt wasn’t as strong as he liked to make out, frightened and intrigued the actor. Most people ignored these signs, but Blaine just seemed to look straight through them and see more. Blaine just knew more than most people who couldn’t care less because he was one of those people who was so genuine that he couldn’t not notice the small things. He gave Kurt his attention whenever he was speaking or moving, which was more than most; and he just saw things. Kurt was clearly aware of this, the number of times the musician had asked him if the was okay, picked up his coffee order without even asking and getting it right. It was seriously hard to not wonder if this amazing, talented guy standing there in front of him was even real.

Kurt took in a deep breath, looking straight into Blaine’s eyes as he looked up. He couldn’t feel more confused even if he tried and it was overwhelming and frightening. He hated this feeling of not being in control, the uncertainty of it all. That’s why he refused to get attached to anyone. Of course he couldn’t help it because as soon as he found someone who was even remotely willing to be nice to him, he couldn’t leave them because that rare feeling of being able to feel comfortable around someone was something that Kurt just wanted to hold onto right then and there. Then of course he quite frequently found himself falling for them despite knowing fine well nothing would come of it and he’d be the broken one at the end when he couldn’t contain his confession any longer. Kurt could feel his eyebrows turning into a slight questioning frown as he shook his head lightly. “I… don’t understand.” He whispered, searching for some explanation from Blaine’s face. Nothing was making sense, or he was seriously missing some huge clue dangling right in front of him. Kurt wrapped his arms around himself defensively, trying desperately to literally hold himself together as he watched the musician carefully. Why the hell did he get himself into these situations? If he’d just continued to avoid Blaine until he could figure out some sort of plan, then things would have been alright instead of being reduced to some blubbering, confused guy who had too many feelings he just didn’t know what to do with.

Blaine waited, as patiently as he possibly could, for Kurt to make some sort of movement. He had done just about everything he could, he sang his song, and when it looked as though the actor were about to leave he got up to stop him, plead with him…because Kurt had still yet to make his own move. But for a moment it seemed as though time had stopped - like in those movies when the character would come to some really tough decision in their life and time would suddenly stop in order for them create a plan before time finally sped back up again and they were fully prepared for what was to come…but Blaine didn’t have that feeling of certainty about what he was doing, he didn’t know what Kurt was going to think about the actions that he took, and he certainly had no idea how any of this was going to play out. That feeling of not knowing…of waiting for what seemed like hours rather then mere seconds to get any kind of reaction from the actor made him unbelievably nervous. He didn’t want to push him, well at least not more then he already had, but this waiting for something from Kurt was slowly starting to make his chest pain more and more.

Finally, after what seemed like ages, Kurt turned his face, and then his body towards him…but the sight nearly broke his heart when he noticed what looked like a couple tears rolling down his perfectly beautiful face. Blaine automatically lowered his eyes, he wasn’t sure if he could really handle seeing Kurt cry, to add to the number of other things going on at that moment. He let his hand slip away from the actor’s before raising it to rub his neck, not really being able to handle the tension and heavy air between them. “You’re welcome,” he responded quietly, not sure of what to add, or if he should just keep his words to himself for the time being to allow Kurt to finally say something with sustenance. Eventually, when he heard a deep breath come from his friend he glanced up, easily meeting the man’s eyes without any awkward feeling at all. It actually felt nice to be able to just connect eye contact and not have to worry about what the tone was between them, because somehow - despite the tension - he felt calm and safe looking in those blue-green eyes of his. You don’t understand? Blaine felt that confidence that he had built up only moments earlier start to falter again, how was he supposed to explain without messing this whole thing up even more? He had basically gone from zero to one hundred in some crazy record time, and he was perfectly aware of that. The fact that he had played himself off as straight, knowing all too well that he was terrified more then anything of his past and what his sexuality had done to both him and his best friend worried him to no end. Blaine closed his eyes momentarily, trying desperately to hold back all those flooding emotions as he had been since he was seventeen. “You think I’m straight…” Blaine opened his eyes and met Kurt’s once more, “…I’m not. And I know it’s kind of my fault for making it seem that way, I should have been honest in the beginning but I don’t know…nothing good has come out of it, for me at least. So…that’s why I didn’t say anything.”