070 - He can have both.

Every day feels a little better, a little more hopeful, that maybe this wasn't the end of everything after all. Losing his Book of Dreams had been so unexpected and shocking that it put him into a state of mind, where everything lost it's meaning, like he had lost everything else in his life too. But he had forced himself to continue, angry enough to the old him, that is threatening to pull him back down, to do the exact opposite and force himself to go on with his life. He's been to school, he's done all the school work, and he's consiously spent time doing things he likes like cooking and reading. He's written a lot, about his feelings and about other things, in between.

And as he's forcing him to continue with it all, slowly things are starting to look less severe, less hopeless. He feels himself cured bit by bit with the almost daily conversations with his Dad, with the talks with Rachel (trying to explain to her than no, he doesn't blame Blaine but he also can't forgive him, and yes it's a bit of an oxymoron, but that's human emotions for you), and the one or two run-ins with Aino, who seems so happy with her own life currently but still always has some time for her friend to listen or just take his mind off things. The sense of loss is still strong, but it's starting to become the loss of a very important book, a beloved possession, instead of a loss of his mother, his dreams and everything the physical evidence of his mother's love had made him brave enough to believe in.

It's almost scary how fast he is feeling better about it all, compared to how devastating that first day had been. He feels guilty, like he's letting his mother down by getting over it so fast, even though his father keeps saying that she would have wanted him to not let something like this keep him down. That she would be proud. And he also feels afraid that it's somehow not real, that him getting better is just a huge lie his brain is making up to mess with him, a lie that will one day be revealed and take the ground from under his feet again. He feels like he shouldn't be feeling better, and at the same time he's so very relieved that he is, because letting life and hope win you over again feels like breathing in the fresh air of the mountains.

So he's stuck between letting himself be the strong, resilient guy he has recently found himself becoming, and not believing in himself enough to trust that guy to be true. But despite the doubts, he's forcing himself to go on, and every day it feels a bit easier.

He misses Blaine, so much. That's the feeling that isn't getting better - if anything, it's getting worse. He misses Blaine, because he knows his support would be a given, he would have it if he would just reach and take it, and it feels so tempting to not face all this alone. He misses Blaine, because he knows Blaine is feeling equally bad about how things are, probably missing Kurt just as much, and he wants to make Blaine not feel like that anymore. But mostly, he misses Blaine, because he loves him, and wants to spend time with him, he misses his beautiful eyes that are always so sincere, his hands that are always ready to touch, his wonderful mind that can go from serious to excited in mere seconds if he gets an inspiration, the ridiculously loveable way he can say 'Night sky' and make Kurt feel whole and home and safe. And that is why somewhere deep down he knows that he won't let go of Blaine like this, not because of something so trivial as a book, no matter how important the book may be.

To be honest, at first his inability to forgive had been the main reason he didn't contact Blaine. But it's not really the biggest reason anymore, after two weeks of thinking and re-evaluating things and regathering himself. He thinks that, if it was only because of the blame, he might have already gone to Blaine, told him he's forgiven and that Kurt is sorry for leaving Blaine like that, and asked him to please take Kurt back and be there for him again. But he can't. Because there is something in his head and heart that says he simply can't do that, not yet. And after all this time spent thinking about his feelings, he knows exactly what it is.

It's the same thing that worried him before all this mess. He had been so scared that his newly found courage was all Blaine's doing, and that he wouldn't have it without him. He hadn't really feared that he would lose Blaine, because there really was no reason to fear that Blaine would leave him, but he had feared losing his own independence. And now that all this happened, it's like his whole being is putting up some sort of self-defence mechanism, not allowing him to seek help from the guy he had feared he couldn't go on without. Not until he's proven himself that he actually can go on without it.

He has to show himself that he can survive alone, that he could have a life without Blaine, before he can make any decisions. Going back to Blaine now would essentially mean really giving up his independence, and his survival instincts don't let him do that. Not until he knows his happiness isn't wholly dependent on some other person. Because other people can never be trusted to always be there, and it's not a bitter statement but purely a fact of life.

It's the last day of Blaine's exhibition and Kurt is very much aware of that. He knows that if he wants to see the exhibit, today is the last chance. He's been avoiding the place this far, but really, it feels like he would lose so much if he never sees it. His Book of Dreams meant a lot, but this exhibit and those photos put up there in public to honor his mother and himself mean a lot too. He's just so afraid to see Blaine until he's ready for it, because he doesn't know what he should say or how to say it, and he's also afraid that he might lose the determination he's found and just let himself go back and be comforted by Blaine, if he actually saw him.

Which is why today morning he had finally decided not to go, and travelled to the Theater district, simply because it's far away from the library where the exhibit is held, and because it offers him bright lights and intriguing posters to distract him. Pretty soon though, he figures being out there in the middle of the day isn't all that interesting, so he finds a small café nearby and settles down to drink some coffee and watch the people walk by. It's calming, to see so much life, despite most of the people being in so much hurry he doubts they actually realise they're living. It's calming because he feels part of this city and these people.

Then someone sits at Kurt's table and he's startled out of his musings. He looks up, surprised as the café isn't even half full, only to see the guy from a few weeks back, Adam, smiling at him friendly. Wearing a beanie and hair artfully tousled, looking almost disturbingly handsome.

"Hey, Kurt, right? You never called me," he says, and it's a flirt, but there's no uncomfortable teasing or pushing, just a friendly conversation starter. And he really feels like Adam is a nice guy, someone who he might have fallen for, in some other universe where he hadn't met Blaine. It's somehow a little bittersweet, because Adam had been the one to start all his fears about whether he would even be able to be with anyone other than Blaine. And now Adam's stitting there and Kurt thinks he should be at least a little angry, but it's really not Adam's fault. Adam had just been the nice guy who had offered him his phone number and a smile. The nice guy who had been interested, but really knew nothing about him. He smiles back at the boy, and surprisingly wholly means it.

"Hey. Kurt is correct. And you're Adam, right?" Of course he knows Adam's name, but it seems a bit too much to let that out. Adam seems pleased that Kurt remembered his name, as his smile widens and Kurt can't help but notice the dimples.

"Yeah, it's a relief to hear I left at least some sort of impression." He smiles the smile that manages to be both flirty and completely friendly and non-threatening.

"What brings you here?" Kurt asks, to say something.

"Oh, I had an audition.. I could ask the same of you?" Kurt knows it's a simple question, and he could lie without Adam pushing for the truth. But for some reason he goes for the truth, or at least some version of it, anyway.

"My boyfriend.. well, I think he's still my boyfriend," Kurt starts, and Adam let's a short, half-joking 'shame', before nodding to him to continue. "Anyway. He's a photographer. And he has this small exhibit up, consisting of pictures of me, but just before it opened he accidentally destroyed something really dear and irreplaceable to me, and now I don't really know what to do about it." Adam's still smiling, but it's turned to something like contemplation and compassion and wanting to help. And Kurt doesn't even know this guy, but somehow he feels like he can and wants to trust him. So when he asks Kurt to elaborate, Kurt ends up explaining the whole story, from their meeting to them starting the project, to them becoming boyfriends, to Kurt slowly learning to trust and changing from a shy timid boy to a much more daring one, to Blaine dropping the book into dishwater and making everything fall with it, and finally to this day and the exhibit closing and Kurt's inability to choose whether to go or not.

"Quite a story," Adam comments and there's no malice in it, just understanding.

"Yeah," Kurt agrees, a little self-deprecatingly.

"And now you don't know what you should do," Adam says, and it's merely a fact.

"No, I don't." They're both quiet for a while, and then Adam reaches to take Kurt's hand that's still holding his empty cup on the table. It takes Kurt by surprise and he looks up to Adam's eyes to see if he's miscalculated the boy after all, but it's just a gesture of support.

"Well.. For what it's worth, at least to me, it seems like you've already proven that you are a pretty strong guy who can trust himself to survive the toughest things." Adam's tone almost sounds like he's impressed and a little awed. "You are a pretty great guy, Kurt. I'm kinda sad that you're taken, but this guy of yours is lucky to have you. I hope you'll figure it out."

Somehow that regret Adam openly shows for not having a chance with Kurt, and that hand still holding his, so warm around it, makes him see something he hadn't before. He thinks of that other world, where Kurt didn't have Blaine, how he might have met Adam and how Kurt might have said yes when Adam asked him out. He thinks about that parallel universe where they might have been lovers, where it would have been Adam instead of Blaine who comforts him through the hard patches and who Kurt helps with his own in return. He sees them, walking hand in hand on the streets of whatever English town Adam is from, or bringing him to meet his dad and showing him around in rural Ohio. It's not such a bad picture at all. In fact, it seems almost appealing.

And it's this thought, this other future he can see for himself, that makes him realise that he already has a future. A future he has chosen, when he chose to trust and love Blaine. And as he sees himself having other options, sees life going other ways and him being equally happy in these other versions of the story, he knows that he isn't and shouldn't be with Blaine simply because there is no one else there for him, or because he would be nothing without Blaine. He can see himself being content without Blaine, and somehow that is exactly what he needs to realise that Blaine is the one he wants to be content with. It makes him realise, that he can really be with Blaine with no worries of compromising himself, because now he knows he isn't giving up his own independence by being with him. It's simply him choosing this option, choosing Blaine, because Blaine feels right, and Kurt already loves him with all his heart, and Blaine is the guy he realises he can forgive even for something as big as destroying his Book of Dreams. It's a wonderful, and so very relieving realisation, because it tells him that he can have Blaine and he can have himself, too. He doesn't have to choose in between the two, he can have both. And he wants both.

He can also go see the exhibit, because it's the other the Book of Dreams that he still has, the one that Blaine built with him, in words and in photographs. And there's no question anymore, whether it's a good idea to go. He squeezes Adam's hand swiftly and then slides his own away, giving Adam a thankful smile.

"I think I know what to do now," Kurt says and gets up from his chair with a happy, hopeful, slightly breathless grin. "I have to go, because I'm too far and there's almost no time, but thank you Adam, really, for listening and for everything." His thank you is rushed, but comes from the bottom of his heart, because this wonderful, nice guy had helped him to understand something very important. As he looks at those blue eyes, he can see something like regret in them amongst the friendly support, and he thinks maybe he should apologise for something.

But Kurt doesn't have more time to think about it now, because he has somewhere very important to be.

071 - A moment

"You came," he lets out and his throat feels dry.

"Yeah. I came," Kurt says, smiling weakly, and it's so small and tentative and unsure, but so very real. Kurt takes a hesitating step toward Blaine and Blaine can see he's trying to say something but it's not quite coming out.

"Did you…" Blaine starts, and he doesn't even know what he's trying to say, but it seems to remove whatever block Kurt had, anyway.

A deep breath, and then "I love you, Blaine." His eyes are so very clear and shining, and Blaine thinks that he might see his own eyes in them if he'd be close enough. "I love you and I want to be with you." Want. It's the word that Zach had told him, the word that made all the difference. It's everything he wanted to hear, even if nothing is solved yet. Want.

"But.. what about the book? I.. I dropped it, and I'm so unbelievably sorry, but sorry can't bring it back to you…" Blaine says, although it hurts to say, because it's the truth that he can't change. Now he needs to know if either of them will be able to move past it, before he lets any kind of hope come to him. Kurt takes another deep breath, and Blaine gulps, because this moment feels so loaded, so monumental.

"I.. I know that, and I forgive you Blaine. I think I forgave you long time ago already. It hurts, of course it hurts, and it's not going to stop hurting anytime soon, but it's still just a book. And I know, I always knew, that you didn't mean it and that you would never do something like that to me. And I don't want to let something like a book, an accident, to take you away from me." Kurt's eyes are digging into his, or that's how it feels. Blaine tries to hear, and he does, but the whole thing feels so massive in this moment. He wants Kurt, he wants them together, he wants so many things, but there are so many questions still, so many fears and worries.

"Can you really move past it? Just like that?" Some little shimmer of desperate hope comes through his words and he knows Kurt can hear it. Kurt gives Blaine a smile that is half fake and doesn't go deep, but it's an offer, real in the sense that it's intented to reassure. It feels good, to Blaine.

"I can't promise you to just forget it, or move past it, this fast. And there is still a part of me that resents you for it. But it's already going away, Blaine, and it's going, because I realised that I can get over it. And more importantly, I want to get over it, because it's just a book, and I didn't lose anything else with it, I didn't lose myself or my mother's memory.. But if I let you go, then I really lose a lot more. I'll lose your love and your friendship, I'll lose the most wonderful person I know, who I love, for all his good things and for all his flaws. And that would be so much worse."

While Kurt's talking, he slowly moves towards Blaine, and by the end he's right next to him and takes his hand in his own, smiling softly at him. And it is exactly like Blaine thought, it's huge, it's a monumental moment. But it's good, so good. Blaine's heart beats faster, like he's excited or maybe scared, or merely just knows how important this is and is making sure that his brain has enough oxygen to process this. Kurt's hand on his feels almost too warm, the touch feels highlighted, because it's exactly what he's been missing these two weeks. Just touch, just knowing Kurt's there. I love you too.

"If.. If you already forgave me earlier, then.. what kept you away?" Blaine asks, because suddenly he really has to know. He needs answers and he needs the right ones, before he can let himself believe. He watches thoughts and emotions flicker on Kurt's face, and for a second he seems unsure, but then he settles with determination.

"I stayed away, because I needed to prove myself I could. That I could survive without you." It hurts Blaine, and he knows it probably shouldn't, but it's like a confirmation of all the fears he had before, all of those fears of being unneeded and left behind, and his face falls. He doesn't mean it to, but it does.

"What?" Kurt asks, and his voice is so caring and so worried, and Blaine doesn't want to feel like this, because it's the thought pattern he's trying to get rid of, but it's just not that simple and easy. He looks down, because he doesn't dare to look at Kurt while saying this.

"I..I was so afraid that, once this project was over and.. and now that you've become so much braver and unafraid.. that you wouldn't need me anymore and that you would leave me for someone better, someone more interested, or I don't know.. just leave me." He hates how insecure, how broken he sounds. This is not how Blaine is, or wants to be. But it's the truth, it's exactly what he's been fearing, before and after all this mess, and it still feels real even after Zach told him that it's exactly the worst way of thinking. When Blaine looks up again, Kurt's eyes flash with something, understanding and maybe compassion. It makes Blaine realise, that Kurt is probably the best person to understand insecurities and fears, he's fought and got over so many of them. Usually it's the other way around, but Kurt supporting him is equally right, because Blaine is not Kurt's supporter, they're equal in this.

"Oh, Blaine.." Kurt says, and his voice is full of some new kind of insight, like he finally knows what's going on. A revelation of some kind.. "I knew there was something going on with you, too, before all this book fiasco. You were so clingy and so close all the time, but it felt almost desperate… Was this the reason?"

"Yes," Blaine breathes. It was, but Kurt's concern still doesn't make the earlier comment make sense or hurt less. "But.. I don't understand. Why did you need to stay away from me?" Kurt looks at him in a way that tells him to please listen and understand him in this.

"I had my own problems, just like you. I had given myself over so completely, I'd fallen in love with you, given myself to you body and soul, and I could never regret that.. but it was also terrifying.. Because I was so happy, and you helped me with so much, and I was afraid that all this," he points at himself, "all of me and my newfound courage was only because of you and that I would lose it if I ever lost you. I didn't trust myself." Kurt's eyes reflect the pain that comes with this admission, but also there's the sense of being over it, like Kurt's understood something Blaine doesn't yet know.

"What changed? What made you come to me now, then?" And it's perhaps the most important question of all.

"It worked. I stayed away and I proved myself that I could be alone, be without you and still keep a hold of myself." The smile that comes is small and yet so triumphant it almost startles Blaine. "I realised that I could be without you, and that I don't need you Blaine, not in the sense that I would be nothing without you." Again, with the hurt, and he's pretty sure it's simply a learned reaction to the words 'don't need you' at this point. Because he'd like to think he gets it. "But I want you, and I want to choose you, if you'll still have me, because you are the best possible thing I could choose for myself." And there it is. The crucial words, the confirmation that Zach's advice had made him wait for, what he truly wanted to hear, because he has his fears, but when he looks past them, this is what he wants to know. That Kurt wants to be with him, no conditions necessary.

Suddenly, there is no way he could last another second without kissing this beautiful man in front of him, standing so close and still holding his hand. So that's what he does, he brings his free hand on Kurt's cheek and leans toward him, slowly but insistently, and Kurt makes no move to stop him. Instead, he seems more than happy to reciprocate, and their lips move in what is less a kiss and more like a reunion, a connection being remade, tying them back together. It doesn't last long, just a second or two, but it's everything and more to Blaine. Kurt lets out a laugh, that is full of hope and promise at the same time, and it's more beautiful that Blaine could have ever imagined a mere small laugh could be.

"I love you," Blaine tells Kurt, because he hasn't yet said it, and he really needs to.

"I love you too, Blaine, you don't even know how much," Kurt says, eyes shining with happiness that's new and tentative, but getting stronger every passing second.

Then it's Blaine's turn to laugh, and Kurt looks at him in confusion.

"Oh, Kurt.. Do you realise how backwards this is?" He says, and let's out a chuckle that is dangerously close to a sob. "I was so afraid that you don't need me anymore, that you aren't dependent of me anymore.. and at the same time your biggest fear was that you are… And we were both so wrong, really. Because I shouldn't even want you to be there because you need me, and you.. well, it's so painfully clear to me, that your strength and determination and courage is all you, and I might have helped some, but really, you did it all by yourself. I couldn't have done anything to help you, if you didn't have it all inside you already. There was never any doubt of that." By the end of it, Kurt's eyes are swimming and his smile is wobbly but real.

"Do you.. do you really think of me like that?" Kurt asks, and it's his turn with the insecurities. Blaine thinks they really are just two big fools. And it's time to get over their heads and see, for both of them, what kind of people they really are. How strong, how beautiful, how worthy of loving and keeping. It's high time they both understand and believe that. He gives Kurt another short kiss and then pulls him towards the photo of Kurt fighting the practise dummy.

"Look at yourself here, really look. What do you see?"

"I.. I look fierce," Kurt admits, in a voice that's almost awed, like he's never seen it quite that way.

"Yes, you do. You were always that strong, from the very beginning. That's all you, right there, fighting the world. No one could do something like that for you. It's all you, Kurt. This wonderful, amazingly strong person is all you." Blaine explains, and squeezes Kurt's hand, trying to make him really believe it. And it looks like he's starting to.

"Yes.. It's me." It's a declaration, no matter how tentative.

"You," Blaine confirms with a smile. Then Kurt turns to him, ready for a lesson of his own.

"And it was also because of you, Blaine, because you are this wonderful, understanding, kind, patient man, and you stayed by my side through it all. And you really shouldn't think so low of yourself, that you would need to give and give to be wanted and accepted, because Blaine, even if you didn't do a single thing for me besides just loving me and being there with me to experience whatever life brings us, it would be enough. It would be all I want. Because I love you and it's enough to make me want to stay with you and never even dream of leaving. You don't need to do anything to be irreplaceable for me, you are that simply because I love you and you love me back."

Somehow they fall back to each other, first kissing and then just holding each other, feeling the moment surround them and wrap them in all the realisations, revelations and promises that have been said and thought, and they just stand there, holding each other and feeling the hope it brings them. The hope that things will be alright, more than alright, and that they will be good together.

A while later a library worker comes to tell them the place is closing for the night. They pull away slowly and they can see her eyes flashing in recognition as he takes in Kurt. A happy smiles comes to her lips, her eyes shining.

"Oh! It's you. The model. We've all been hoping and waiting for you to come." Kurt looks at Blaine, trying to figure out if Blaine has told them something, because why else would she say that?

"Don't worry, we don't know anything, me and the other girls just think Blaine here is so talented and obviously has strong feelings for you, a blind person could see it in these photos. But we never once saw you, and it seemed like something was wrong, so we were just hoping you would come and return Blaine's smile back to his eyes." She smiles kindly, and Blaine feels awed, that even these people, these strangers who knew nothing about them, had been rooting for their love and relationship. It feels reassuring, and warm, and he sees the same kind of feeling in Kurt's face. Blaine pulls Kurt to him and the middle-aged woman gives them another happy smile.

"Do you need a moment? We're closing, but I can come back later for you, if you want to stay for a while longer." They say their thanks and Blaine watches the woman leave. And then he feels Kurt's fingers pulling and fiddling with the cuff of his woollen sweater. When he looks, he sees Kurt frowning in concentration as he works with something Blaine doesn't quite see.

"What are you doing?" he chuckles at the sight. Kurt looks up.

"There were some loose ends peeking out of your cuff. I just tied them together, so your sleeve wouldn't start to unravel." He says this looking completely serious, but there's a slightly mischievous tint in his eyes, and Blaine suddenly gets the metaphor.

"Thanks, Night sky. Wouldn't do to leave the loose ends untied." Blaine says, and knows that there are still loose ends left for the two of them, a lot of loose ends to tie up and secure with knots. Nothing becomes perfect in one moment or one day or even ever. There is always something to work on, and they certainly still have a lot of work to do with their relationship. But it's fine. They feel fine, knit together and held together with a thousand interwoven strings. This moment feels a lot like hope.

"Come, you need to really see this exhibit at least once, before it's taken down." Blaine says, and brings Kurt to the first picture.

072 - Little

They walk around the room for one more time (for Blaine, the first time for Kurt) before they are going to be taken down and put to storage somewhere. Kurt doesn't actually know what will happen to these copies, because the library paid part of their printing in support of Blaine's art, but it's not really a problem. No matter where these copies go, the photos and all that happened during making them are still with them, safe in their hard drives and their memories. Kurt has learned a lesson of when to let go, and when to hold on to something.

About half an hour later the same librarian comes back, telling them that unfortunately they can't stay any longer. She wishes them luck as she closes the main doors behind them and Blaine and Kurt are left on the street just after sunset, unsure of what happens next, but holding hands like they're afraid to lose the other in the city lights if they let go for a second.

"What now?" Kurt voices the question he's sure Blaine is thinking too. Blaine looks at him for a second, a small smile on his lips, the one that just isn't going away. The smile that tells about relief and hope and new kind of understanding. Kurt's sure there's one of those smiles on his lips too.

"Well.. Zach asked me before to join him and Aino for a night in Callbacks, to celebrate the closing of the exhibit. But.. we don't have to go, if…" Blaine sounds unsure, and Kurt can understand why. He feels the same, because the most important thing has happened, they've apologised and made piece with a lot of stuff, but it's still so fragile and new, all that hurt and confusion still so near to them in time and place, that this peace feels both solid and utterly breakable at the same time, in the weirdest mix of feelings. It's hard to believe in something that happened so fast after so many bad feelings; there's so much unsurety, but it's also the most natural and right feeling he could imagine. And, he thinks, meeting their friends and having a simple, fun evening at a karaoke bar doesn't sound that bad at all. Their friends are a part of all this - rather beautiful - mess, after all.

"I would love to go," he smiles at Blaine. "I've missed Zach's grazy and Aino's sensibility combined." That brings in his mind another person, who's a part of this too and deserves to know that he's son is fine and grateful.

"But I want to call someone first, if you don't mind?" Kurt asks, moving to take out his phone, but not yet doing anything. This new start of them has brough out some renewed awkwardness, unsurety of what is ok and what's not. Blaine nods and huffs a jokingly exasperated "Of course." It makes Kurt feels a bit silly and relax. This is them, it's familiar. He finds the number and waits for the answer he knows will come fast.

"Hey, kiddo!" He hears from the other end, happy but full of caring. "How's everything?" For the first time this week, Kurt can let an honest smile echo in his voice as he answers.

"Hi, dad! I'm fine. Like, really, really fine." A pause. "I made up with Blaine," he breathes out and smiles at the boy in question, who squeezes his hand in response, content to listen Kurt speak.

"That's great! What happened?"

"Well, it's a long story, so I'll tell you later..But.. I finally realised what you meant when you said I need to figure out what is worth fighting for. I figured it out, I guess."

"Is he there right now?" Burt asks, with an obvious grin and so much happiness in his voice, all for Kurt, all because he loves and cares what happens to him.

"Yeah," he says, and can't help but to press the tiniest, fastest kiss on Blaine's cheek, just because he really is there.

"Can you give the phone to him, just for a sec?" Burt asks and for the life of him Kurt can't figure out the tone.

"Um.. sure?" He says, slightly confused, and offers the phone to Blaine, who looks equally confused and mildly scared. Blaine brings the phone to his ear and says a quiet but firm "Hello, Sir." Kurt presses his ear close and can just make out his father's side of the conversation.

"I'd say nice to meet you, Blaine, but I haven't met you yet." Burt chuckles at his own joke. "I just wanted to make sure, that you understand that if you ever hurt my son, I have a gun and I will find you." Kurt sees Blaine gulp and shudder a little at the threatening voice, and he wants to be angry at his dad for scaring Blaine, but really, it's just too funny when you know the real Burt Hummel and just how un-scary he is.

"I understand, Sir, but I swear, I never would want to hurt Kurt. I love him way too much for that." Blaine answers, and Kurt has to be proud of how sure and calm he sounds, compared to how shaken he looks like. He hears his father fake grumble, and then change his tone completely.

"That's all I needed to hear. Welcome to the family, kiddo."

/

Two hours later they are in Callbacks, the small bar, with karaoke already in full swing. Zach and Aino are there, and they are waiting for Rachel, who Kurt knew would never forgive them, if she wasn't included in a night like this. For one, because it's Callbacks, her favourite bar, and for another, it's a party obviously turning into a celebration of a theatrically romantic reunion of two lovers, which is like crack to her dramatic soul. Besides, she belongs with them and they all want her there.

When she finally get there, she squeals and hugs both Kurt and Blaine, telling them how happy she is that they've found each other again, and then promptly goes to write her name on the list, apparently to sing a song dedicated to them and describing her feelings about their love. It's a little bit too much, but it's still perfect, because she's his best friend, both of their friend, and she so obviously cares.

When they are all sitting around the table, sporting their drinks, Zach clings his glass to get their collective attention.

"So, ladies and gentlemen. We're here to celebrate a few things," he starts with an overly formal voice," for one, Blainers here has just successfully finished his first exhibit, and has already gotten an offer for an internship at a local news paper for his skills." Kurt turns his head to Blaine, surprised, and Blaine shrugs as if to say that he just didn't get around to telling that yet. Kurt grins and presses his lips to his cheek in congratulations. Zach coughs with totally fake annoyance. "Ahem. We all already knew you two are too syrupy sweet for anyone's cup of tea, but let's continue. It's actually related. It seems we're also here to celebrate these two dummies finally figuring some stuff out," Zach says, and despite the words his smile is soft and honest. "You two really deserve all the happiness," he says, breaking the character for a second, before continuing.

"But there's also one more thing we should celebrate. As you may or may not know, I applied for an exchange program for a year in Finland, and I just found out I've been accepted." He says and looks at Aino expectantly. Her face tells that at least the acceptance part comes as a total surprise. For the first time Kurt has ever seen, Aino completely loses her cool and jumps to hug Zach as tight as she can, clinging to his neck.

"Oh my god, oh my GOD! I knew you were thinking about it, but oh G- You'll be in Finland, with me?!" She does a good job at flailing while still holding Zach's neck tightly.

"Yes, I'll be in Finland with you," Zach says, with the most loving tone Kurt can imagine coming from Zach's mouth. Aino settles a little bit, although still grinning widely.

"I'm going to Europe, bitches!" Zach suddenly cheers, before quieting and turning fake-sad. "Admittedly, to the coldest, darkest godforsaken corner of Europe, but-" He's stopped by Aino hitting his head.

"That's my home country you're bashing, idiot!" They all laugh at that, and Kurt just knows that if he and Blaine are going to work out, despite their problems, then Zach and Aino surely will too.

/

After a while, they're all dancing, while some stranger is singing YMCA in a way that is surprisingly only a little embarrassing. Kurt realises he's slightly drunk, not much, but there's a pleasant buzz that he's not at all used to, but feels like he could grow to like. It makes him feel relaxed and free, and like he can just feel and fully enjoy all the relief and happiness that this day had brought him. He feels a surge of some new kind of excitement and courage, and presses his lips to Blaine's, despite being in public.

"You should kiss my old self goodbye, Blaine, because I'm planning on getting rid of him, permanently." Kurt whisper-shouts in Blaine's ear, grinning, but still very sincere. Because that's exactly what he's going to do, starting today.

"Are you going to defy gravity?" Blaine catches on the reference, and it's so silly and so easy, and every comment in this silly banter is just making him more and more confident that Blaine was the best choise he could have made for himself. Finally - selfishly just like he should - he's making decisions for himself, based only on what he really wants.

"Yeah, and just so you know, you won't bring me down!" Kurt sing-songs and makes a small pirouette to underline his point, and possibly to channel his giddiness and relief of the day somewhere.

"Wasn't planning on it," Blaine says, and somehow his voice is back to amazingly tender, even as he laughs at Kurt's antics.

When it's Kurt's turn to sing, he goes and picks Defying Gravity and sings it with his whole heart, strangely not even nervous despite singing in front of strangers for the first time in probably ever. He's good, even by his own standards; the applauding people are smiling, and he feels like he really is flying and all those people are admiring his spread wings. He looks at Blaine and is slightly shocked by the pure awe he sees in his eyes and smile, as he opens his arms for Kurt to settle into them.

And Kurt knows this won't be the end of everything, not by a long shot. Nothing is truly resolved yet, and they have so much to talk about, so much to let out, so much air to clean between them. This is just the beginning of them being ok again. Kurt knows that there will be times, when he will still hold losing his Book of Dreams against Blaine, and Blaine will in turn resent him for blaming him. And then Kurt will feel guilty for the thinking like that and then Blaine will feel guilty for being angry, and for dropping it in the first place. There will be times when Kurt will doubt himself again, and times when Blaine will doubt his own self worth, because that kind of things never truly go away, and the best you can do is to learn to hold them at bay and deal with them when they won't stay there. And there will be fights, there will be misunderstandings, and they will both eventually mess up something or other again. Because that's how they are, that's how people are in general. But there will also be apologies, offered and accepted, there will be comforting words and touches and there will be forgiveness and acceptance and support.

He knows that they are going to be fine. They are going to be good. And he knows that it's going to be totally worth all of that, and so much more.

/

"My little Night sky," Blaine whispers tenderly, pushing some hairs out of Kurt's sweaty face. It's almost achingly sweet, but the notion still makes Kurt laugh, because they just had sex, and Blaine had been screaming and moaning some much less tender kind of words mere minutes ago. And the nickname really is just that ridiculous, especially when combined with that particular adjective.

"Skies are by definition pretty big, though," Kurt giggles.

"Shush, you're just special. My little Night sky," Blaine repeats, nodding and looking completely happy with himself.

"And you're my little…" Kurt comes up plank. No good ideas for a retort.

"Little what?" Blaine prompts, sounding smug.

"Just.. little," he huffs. And oh, that actually works. "You're my Little. It's pretty accurate, you're so tiny," Kurt laughs as Blaine tries and fails to look offended. And then Kurt's silly post-sex mind is going to places and his mouth has somehow lost all the filters. "You could be Stuart Little!" he snorts, not so attractively.

"Why not Chicken Little?" Blaine deadpans.

"Or.. or Eliza Doolittle!"

"Little John?"

"You can't be Little John, he's actually big!"

"So I can be a mouse or a poorly educated woman, but an actual man is too far-fetched?" Blaine's tries to sound incredulous, but really just sounds amused.

"Well, of course. Also, Little John is in the wrong format!" Kurt exclaims triumphantly. Blaine scrunches his nose, before he gets an idea.

"Zeddie Little! I could be the ridiculously photogenic guy!"

Kurt considers Blaine's face mock-seriously for a second, tilting his head as if contemplating the idea, before declaring "No. Stuart it is." A laugh ruins Blaine's otherwise fairly impressive offended pout. It makes him give up, instead turning to pick his phone from the bedside table.

"Come on Kurt, pose with me," He says, while he points the phone at them and snaps a photo of them half-laying on the bed side by side, sporting ridiculous bed-heads, looking exactly like they've just had sex, and grinning widely.

"I look horrible, why'd you do that?" Kurt whines, trying to take the phone from Blaine so he could delete it.

"I recall you dreaming about finally figuring out a ridiculous nickname for me too. I just wanted to capture the moment!" Blaine grins, as he fights to keep the phone out of Kurt's reach.