046 - Facing fears

Kurt feels like he really has no idea what he's even doing, as he stands behind Blaine's door and tries to find the nerve to knock. After the phone call with his dad on Thanksgiving, Kurt has spent a lot of time really thinking. He has tried to look past all the pain and hurt and fear and what other emotions the memories bring, and really see what is going on. What is beneath all this? Trying to figure out how much he still has to go, before he can really live and not just exist. Thinking, what it would mean if he went back to Blaine now, and how far he would really be willing to go, how much he is ready for? He's had some big revelations, but he still has no clue what is going to happen after he enters that door. He has no idea what the outcome will be. And that scares the shit out of him. But he takes in a deep breath and then knocks, because he promised this to Blaine and to himself. If I ever run away, I will always come back. This is him coming back. It takes just a few seconds and then Blaine's there.

"Hi," Kurt says with a tiny wave and even smaller smile. Blaine's answer is almost identical, as he opens the door and beckons him in. At first he stands in the middle of the room, taking in the room where nothing has changed at all, and it seems so hard to believe that it was only six days ago that he had last seen Blaine. It seemed like so much had happened, that it had to be weeks, months even. But it's just been six, short days. He doesn't know if that's enough time for anything to change that much. He's so afraid it hasn't been enough.

Blaine isn't looking that good, either, with messy hair and rings under his eyes, hands wrapped around his torso as if he's unsure of this all as well. It makes him feel almost sure that everything is already over. Then he looks up at Blaine's eyes again, and he sees the hidden yearning behind his careful look, and that makes him need just a tiny bit of confirmation before they talk, so that he can believe it's not yet over. He takes a small step closer to Blaine and raises his hands in an unsure gesture for a hug.

"Please?" he asks, and Blaine's eyes soften with affection as he wraps him in his arms. The feeling of rightness that comes with the hug is almost overwhelming, because he has been thinking things over and over and doubting everything, including Blaine's feelings as well as his own, so much that he had almost forgotten what it feels like to be in Blaine's arms and feel his heartbeat. And it feels so simple, so easily good, so safe and warm, even in this situation, when everything is so unsure and open. It makes him feel just a tiny bit better about this, hope even against his better judgement. Then Blaine pulls away slowly and brings them both over to sit on his bed. After a brief silence of looking everywhere else but each other, Blaine finally starts.

"Can you just please tell me what happened?" Blaine's voice is sad and it makes Kurt feel even worse of everything he's done. His father's voice echoes in his head, telling him how much he has been hurting Blaine by not telling him things.

"I guess that whole photo shoot just pushed me in the wrong way, I don't even know. I didn't feel that brave and it made me think about all the bad stuff in school and how I never fought back, and I was so afraid of losing control, and I - It was so stupid! I just felt desperate, and so useless, and I thought maybe if I could do that, have s-sex with you, then at least I could control that, and give you something you wanted…"

"Kurt…" Blaine's voice is pained, and almost angry. "What are you even saying?" It makes Kurt take in a sharp breath, feeling so afraid of what will have to come next. The whole story. He's so not ready for this, but he knows he won't ever be, and he owes Blaine the truth, no matter how it will make Blaine react and what will happen to them.

"Please, Blaine… I think - I think there's a lot I need to tell you. I've been.. hiding things from you, I guess." Blaine's eyes flash with hurt at that, and Kurt doesn't know how he is ever going to be able to say this right. It's already going so wrong. "I was hiding it from me, too, thinking it would all go away if I pretended it wasn't there in the first place. But it didn't work out."

"Why didn't you just talk to me?" Still, the hurt. Kurt's eyes are glued in his hands.

"I guess that's part of it… I was so afraid to talk to you, because I wanted to be with you and I knew you would realise one day that I wasn't good enough for you, and if I let you know every insecurity, every stupid flaw in me, then that day would just come so much sooner…"

"Kurt.. What are you even talking about? How could you think that?" Accusation. Confusion.

"I haven't told you that much about my past, but I don't have such a good track record with trusting people." Then Kurt pushes on to his monologue, the same one he had in his head while talking to his dad, explaining how each people he trusted ended up hurting him in some way or another, his mother's death, Jacob's betrayal, his teachers' unwillingness to help, his show choir 'friends' leaving him, the entire school taunting him while his step-brother looked the other way, the not having any friends, the hiding in libraries, in music and books, the not daring to trust any person enough to even talk to them, let alone get to know them. It takes a long time to tell. But this is the easy part, even if it already feels like the hardest thing he's ever done, laying his history in someone else's hand like this. This is the part that explains why he was like he was when Blaine met him, but it doesn't justify anything that came afterwards. He doesn't even know when he has last talked this much about himself - or anything - to anyone.

Somewhere along this story Blaine has put his arm around Kurt's waist, caressing his side slowly, trying to offer comfort. But Kurt knows it's not going to last, because he hasn't answered the real question yet. It feels impossible to confess all that he really had done, how he had pretended and pushed and even lied… He'd told his father, and in some extent to Aino, but telling it to Blaine is another deal completely. But he remembers how his father told him to face his fears dead on, and how this way you are only hurting yourself and him, and so he just takes what feels like the biggest leap to all that he has ever feared, and tells Blaine everything.

He tells about how little he thinks of himself, how ugly and stupid and worthless he feels himself, and how he never really believed that Blaine could like him. And how, when they had become boyfriends, he had been so scared, because he didn't know what was going to happen, what was expected of him, and so afraid to lose the relationship they had. How afraid he was to disappoint Blaine, not being good enough for him. How he had resolved to try to push himself to be the boyfriend Blaine deserved and tried to get over his fears, but how that had sometimes made him push just a little too far. How he had pretended that his small freak outs or insecurities or fears were nothing in front of Blaine, because he was so afraid to let Blaine know about how damaged goods he really is, afraid that Blaine would leave him and how much that would hurt. How afraid he still is to be vulnerable in front of people, even Blaine. In the end he tells Blaine about the conversation about his dad, and how he figured out that his problem to let anybody completely in is still there, affecting him, even though he didn't realise it fully.

It takes a lot of time to get all of it out, and Kurt falls into some sort of trance, not even fully aware of Blaine being there in the end. He talks to his hands, staring at them in his lap, lost in his own mind and just trying to get it all out in words. At some point Blaine's hand had disappeared from his waist, and Kurt hadn't even registered that, but then he finally comes to a stop, not knowing what else to say, and the absence of the warmth is suddenly glaringly obvious. He turns to look at Blaine, and he almost recoils at the look of betrayal and hurt on Blaine's face.

"I cared about you so much, Kurt, I did everything I could to make you feel comfortable and not push you to do anything you weren't ready for, I really tried my best to always be there for you, Kurt, and you still never trusted me? Never believed I wouldn't hurt you?" Blaine's voice is so betrayed and God, it's all going so wrong.

"Blaine, no! I know you wouldn't hurt me, and you really were perfect, you did everything to help me and be there for me, and you don't even know how much I appreciated it all, but I just…"

"No, you're right, I don't know, because you didn't tell me! What did I do so wrong that you couldn't trust me with your feelings?"

"Blaine,no… It was all me, and if there is anyone I could imagine trusting completely, it's you. And I honestly believed I was over my fears of trust with you, I believed I was doing the right thing." He is pleading for Blaine to understand.

"And the 'right thing' was to lie to me?"

"I didn't think I was lying… I thought I was making myself better, getting over the fears." His voice is small now, and he suspects this is going to be it. No more Blaine-my-boyfriend after this. "I'm so sorry, Blaine. So sorry I hurt you like this. I didn't mean to, I swear. You are such a wonderful person, so good for me, and I really care about you." They are both silent after that, and the intensity goes down a notch, but the atmosphere is still not that good.

"You know, I did see signs that something wasn't quite right, that something was off with you at moments, but I didn't realise it was this big of an issue before Monday. You hid it well. But you were my boyfriend, and I trusted you, and now I don't know how I can trust that what you tell me you feel is real. How can I be there for you, if you don't let me in?" The past tense strikes Kurt really bad.

"Were? Boyfriends…"

"Were? Are? I don't know?" A tear escapes Kurt's eye and he hates it for betraying him now. He doesn't need to be weak now. Then Blaine turns to look him in the eye, and the anger is gone, instead his eyes are so intense, filled with sincerity and searching. "Kurt, I really do care about you. I know you didn't mean it, I know life's been hard for you and it's your natural instinct to hide from people. I accepted it when I started this with you, and I told you it doesn't matter. You are a wonderful guy beneath all your layers, if you just let people see you, and I really like what I see there. You are worth so much, Kurt, and I really don't want to let go of you. And I don't care how slow or fast we go with anything, or how public we are with our relationship, the only thing I really want is for us both to be comfortable and enjoy being together, us being there for each other, letting each other in. That's all I wanted, not any perfect boyfriend you made in your head. But I don't know, if you are ready for it, anymore. Because I can see you are still so afraid,even now, and I just can't do this, if it means I have to fear that I will accidentally end up hurting you, because you won't tell me when things are wrong. I need you to be able to trust me like I trust you, but now I don't know if you really can. And I'm not saying this because I'm angry, or want to hurt you, but because I really can't stand the thought of hurting you, or me for that matter, and if this relationship is only going to be bad for you, then I don't want to do it, not for you and not for me."

Kurt thinks it through, and he can understand, but there is also one more thing Blaine really needs to know, before he calls it over.

"If you feel like you can't do it, I understand. But, Blaine, my dad told me that whatever I do, I can't run from my problems forever. I spent a lot of time thinking about that, and I agree. I don't want to kneel in front of my fears again. And you make me want to face my fears, and though I know it's going to be so hard, I really want to change, with you or without you, but preferably with you. I want to learn to trust again, and I want to learn to let people in, because that's called living. And I do believe I could do that with you. Because I do know that you would never intentionally hurt me. You are so wonderful, Blaine, you mean so much to me. And I would want to do it, no matter how hard it would be, for you, because getting to have this with you feels so worth everything I would have to do to have it."

047 - It's enough

Blaine listens, as Kurt tells how he has decided he wants to fight his fears and get over them, how he believes he can do it and be with Blaine, and he can't help but believe that what Kurt is saying is true. He did say before that he didn't know how he could trust Kurt's feelings to be true, but he sees something new in Kurt's eyes, a new kind of confidence and determination, even if the fear is still very much there, and he knows this is more than just desperation and fear of being left alone. But he is still angry, and there are stuff they need to get clear, before he can promise Kurt anything, because he is done with repeating his own mistakes, and things really need to change if they are going to continue together.

"Ok," he says, when Kurt is finished, trying to read Kurt's eyes. Kurt is looking back, and for once, he is letting his own feelings all show in his face, letting all the walls fall. And Blaine is hit with the idea, that this Kurt in front of him, how he is right now, is Kurt being more vulnerable than he has ever been, and he can see the plead in Kurt's eyes to please not hurt him now. Even if he is still angry, he can see that in this moment Kurt is giving it all to him, all of those things that he has been too afraid to give before, and Blaine can see that it's just as terrifying to Kurt now as it has been before, but he has chosen to have this conversation anyway, and it means a lot.

"Ok?" Kurt swallows. Kurt looks so, so scared, and it pains Blaine to know that it's because of him. But he chose to tell me anyway. The thought is like a lifeline in this, giving him hope that what they had, or thought they could have, can still be saved.

"Well, maybe not ok, but I understand what you say. It means a lot, that you told me everything today, because I know it must've been hard for you. And I believe that you want to try. But I need you to understand my side of the story too, because I need you just as much as you need me, I need you to be there for me too." Blaine is holding Kurt's eyes, and he can see that Kurt is genuinely listening, that he really wants to know. "I don't think you understand how much it hurt me, when I could see something was wrong with you, that something was hurting you, but you wouldn't tell me. I know it was all new and I didn't want to push, but it was really painful to see you hiding things from me, even when it was still just little things. And how you jumped away from me when I kissed you, after the last photo shoot - you never explained that?"

He sees Kurt look down again, clearly uncomfortable hearing what Blaine is saying, but Blaine doesn't know what, exactly, is making this hard for Kurt. "Oh. I - It was the blindfold, and.. and the whole concept was bringing me some bad memories, and I couldn't see you, so I panicked, even though I knew it was you. "

"I'm sorry, that I didn't notice, I really am. But, Kurt, it hurts me that you wouldn't tell me. I just saw you jumping away from me, so clearly afraid, and I had no idea what it was for, because you didn't tell me. You just told me some lie we both knew I wouldn't believe."

Kurt looks up, guilt and sorrow clear in his eyes. "I'm so sorry I lied, Blaine, I -"

"I know, Kurt. And it's ok now. But I can't handle that anymore. And on Monday, God, that was the worst I've ever felt, Kurt, because I saw you were hurting and I know it was because of what happened on the sofa, but it was you who started it, and pushed for it, and I had no idea what to do or feel. I didn't understand what was going on and you didn't tell me anything, and I couldn't even talk to you because you sent me away. And yes, I know I promised you, and that's why I left and didn't contact you, and I don't regret that. But I felt so helpless, and so alone, because you had shut me out and left me with no way to help you.

"And I wanted to help you, Kurt, I always want to be there for you, because I care about you and I hurt when you are hurting. And you can't understand how bad it felt, that I had ended up hurting you, because you hadn't told me something that I should have known. Now I know you did it, because you wanted to be a 'good boyfriend' for me, or whatever, but that's even worse. I don't want to be a tool for you to hurt yourself, and I really don't want anything from you that doesn't make you feel equally good. And you took the chance to decide from me, chance to say what I want from you, when you started acting out something that you thought I wanted, without asking me or telling me. You know, Kurt, I would have been happy with anything, with just hand holding and chaste kisses in private, as long as it was something that made you happy and comfortable, too."

That's when Blaine hears a broken sob from Kurt, a sob that Kurt is instantly trying to stop and push away. "Blaine.. I really didn't see that, I didn't think about your feelings at all, and I really should have, I'm so stupid-"

"No, Kurt, you were scared, not stupid. But you need to know my side of this story." Kurt nods shakily, allowing him to continue. "So, I know I told you earlier that my relationship with my family is not so easy. And on Tuesday, after all the stuff that happened, I had to go home and face the me that I have tried to leave behind as much as possible. It's never very easy to go back there, because all of my own insecurities come back faster than I can even realise, when I'm with my parents, and I felt like I would have really needed your support then, telling me that at least someone appreciates me, whether I succeed in things or not. And I realised that just like I want to be there for you, I really need you too. It's not a one way thing. I'm not as confident as I maybe look like, and it means so much to me, when you let me be with you and you show me that you want to be there, and that you like the person who I am inside. And my first instinct was to call you, and when I couldn't, it was hard-"

"Blaine, I'm-"

"Kurt, no, you don't need to apologise for that. It was something we both needed, really, and it was what I promised to you, and I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty or bad. I just want you to know, that you are important to me too, and it's kind of sad that you would just think that I would some day get bored of you, because I figured out that you had too much baggage, or whatever it is you fear that I will see. Because, believe me, I know that you haven't had such an easy life, and I know it still shows in a lot of things you do and feel, but it doesn't make me want to dump you and run away - do you really think I'm the kind of person who just leaves, when things get a little complicated? When I see that you are hurt by something, it makes me want to help you and support you, just like I need your help too, but I need you to trust me and be honest with me to do that. Otherwise I will just end up hurting you. "

And suddenly Kurt is almost on him, pulling Blaine tight into his arms, pressing his face in Blaine's neck, and Blaine feels a slight wetness on his skin. "Blaine, oh, I really want to be there for you, too. I should have realised- I've been so stupid, and scared, and I still am, but if you still want me, I want to do my best to change things, change myself and try to be brave for you." Kurt pulls away enough to look Blaine in the eyes, and they are pleading, but for what, Blaine's not sure. They are also brimmed with affection. "Not- not like I was when I tried to just push all the stuff away, but brave enough to fight them, like that photo shoot we did. It made me think that I can't be brave like that, when we did it, but now I want to be. You make me want to be the best I can, and I tried it the wrong way before, but I want to try it the right way now."

Blaine's heart clenches with the realisation, just how much he really cares for this boy in his arms. The boy who used to fear his own shadow, but now is there, holding him in his arms and crying for Blaine's pain. The boy who didn't even dare to speak to Blaine for weeks, but now is laying his whole being in Blaine's hands, even though it gives Blaine the chance to totally break him. The boy who has already gotten so far from what he used to be, and who now says he wants to go all the way no matter how terrifying it is for him, because he thinks Blaine is worth it. The boy with the most beautiful blue-green eyes, who has the ability to be more real and beautiful than any other person Blaine knows, when he lets his walls come down. His Night sky, his strange planet to carefully explore and figure out.

And he knows it's not over yet, he knows there is still so much they need to talk through and figure out and get over, because this talk has only been the very beginning. But he also knows that he really wants to keep Kurt in his arms like this, and do his very best to face things together with Kurt. Because no matter how hard it will be, as long as they are both really doing their all to change and to trust and to care for each other, Kurt is worth is as well.

So he pulls Kurt to a kiss, and it's so full of promises and affection and the need to do better, be better, that it makes him really believe, for the first time after Monday, that they can do this. That, if they really want it, they can get over whatever has happened and will happen, to find each other on the other side as well. He tightens his arms around Kurt's back and lets his palms caress the muscles slowly, feeling Kurt's arms lock around his neck and his fingers pushing into his hair. And things are not yet ok, but it's a start, a good start towards ok.

"I am so sorry, Blaine, for everything-" Kurt starts as they pull away for a breath, but Blaine stops him with a finger on his lips.

"No more apologies today, ok?,Night sky. There is still a lot to we haven't talked about, but let's just focus on changing what we can change, now." He sees Kurt's eyes warming instantly, to the point of overflowing, when Blaine uses the nickname, and it feels enough, for tonight. They are sitting, Kurt almost on Blaine's lap, on the edge of Blaine's dorm bed, on the edge of their old relationship and the new one that's going to start, and it feels enough.

048 - Not a child's play

They kiss for a while and then stay holding each other close for a while, just feeling the way their bodies connect and how natural that feels. Kurt is still feeling the remains of the fear he's felt during this whole conversation, the adrenalin still running in his veins. He's never been this defenceless in front of anyone, except maybe his father, and he had been so sure that Blaine would say no, and that it would be over, that Blaine would push him away and he would be faced with the rejection he has always been so afraid of. But now Blaine's heard a lot of the worst sides of Kurt, of his history and how he is now, he's heard all the lies Kurt told Blaine, all the ways he had hurt Blaine, no matter how unintentionally, and he's still there, kissing him and hugging him close. It's almost too much, because Kurt's instincts still tell him that it's not safe and he needs to escape and protect himself before it's too late, but Blaine's arms are tight and warm and so, so perfect around him that he can't move. He just lets himself relax in them, thinking that this is really the way he should have tried to be brave from the start, give himself up to Blaine and trust him to take care of him, not sexually or physically, but emotionally. That the kind of brave his dad meant is this, giving somebody the possibility to hurt him, in exchange for giving them the chance to know and care for the real him. No pretences.

He feels Blaine pull him down to lie next to him on the bed, and he freezes just for a second before relaxing into it. It's not because he's scared or uncomfortable, it's just that everything feels so raw, everything gets to him so strong at this moment. For the first time he's truly open with Blaine, with anyone, and everything feels heightened, multiplied. Everything is huge. But of course Blaine doesn't see it like that. He pulls away and looks at Kurt, face both worried and suspicious.

"If you are feeling scared, why didn't you say anything?"

Kurt's eyes widen. No, that's not it, at all. "I'm not scared. Or uncomfortable. Or anything. I want to be here and it feels good." He snuggles back to Blaine but he pushes him back to see Kurt's eyes.

"Are you sure? You suddenly just went tense." It's a subtle accusation, masked with worry.

"Yes, I'm sure." Blaine sceptical look doesn't change. Kurt wants to be patient, because he knows this is his fault, he had been acting before and of course Blaine will be unsure and suspicious. Blaine's hurt is not going to just magically go away, but Kurt just wants to be with Blaine for this one moment, and start what he promised he would. Be open. Because he really is not lying and why can't Blaine just see that? "Look," his voice turns pleading, "that whole talk with you, while necessary and a really good thing, wasn't that easy for me, and I was scared as hell to let you know all that stuff, and I'm still pretty overwhelmed. But I'm not trying to hide anything, because there is nothing to hide. I tensed, because it was a surprise move. A really nice move, just a surprise." Blaine's look softens a bit, but the suspicion is not gone yet.

"I promised you, not half an hour ago, that I would do my best to open myself for you and not keep making the same mistakes. And I mean to keep that promise. I can't promise you that I won't ever slip up or struggle, but I'm not going to just give up immediately. I really did think this through, and when I decided that I wanted to try to change, I meant it. It's not just some desperate idea." Blaine smiles at him, a small but still tender smile, and let's out a silent "Okay." Kurt lets out a relieved breath. He knows it is going to be like this, that there will be a lot to do before they will get over what happened, but at least they have passed the first test.

"I'm pretty sure there will be moments when I'm going to feel uncomfortable, or scared, or whatever, but I will tell you. I know it's my fault you can't trust me yet and feel the need to check, but please, I will tell you." Blaine let's out a sigh and pulls Kurt back against his chest.

"It's just not that easy. I'm still pretty upset." Blaine's voice is small.

"I know, Blaine. And I'd say I'm sorry but you forbid me to say it." Blaine let's out a small chuckle at that and they fall into silence again, just holding each other, thinking their own thoughts. Kurt thinks how nice this is. The bed cover is soft beneath his face, Blaine's body warm against his, his back muscles firm against his palms, and when he closes his eyes, he can concentrate on the pure feel of the moment. It feels safe. That thought almost shocks him, because this day has truly been one of the hardest he's ever had, and he did something he never thought he would be brave enough to do, and now, here he is, laying in the arms of this gorgeous boy without a single worry in his head. It's like, by letting all of the fears out, all his fears and doubts have become mute, with no words and no sounds in his head. He knows it's only temporary, and that they will be whispering to him again in no time, but this short moment of silence after the whirlwind is nice. It's a good feeling to know that they can be silenced.

They don't talk much more that night. They just lie there for a while more and then get up to say goodnight. It's been a long night and they both feel tired. They hug in front of the door and Blaine pulls him for one last brief kiss. Then he pulls back, his hands still around Kurt's waist, to look at him properly.

"I know, with all this going on, this is pretty out of place, but we really need to do more photo shoots soon. My project deadline is close and I still need one or two more, at the very least." His tone is a bit apologetic.

"Yeah, I thought about that, too. And I think it's good, we have something to do besides just talking," Kurt smiles a little teasingly, before the smile turns soft and tender. "The project is one of the best things about this semester. It means so much to me and that hasn't changed in any way."

"Good," Blaine smiles back.

/

It takes just three days to make the next photo shoot happen. Instead of talking about the serious things, they just concentrate on planning the shoot. It's almost as if they have gone back to the time before they became a couple, but it doesn't feel like pushing the problems away or denying their relationship. It just feels like a short interlude, a small intermission between acts, and they really need it. It's a time for them to just reconnect, letting the problems rest for a while, before they are ready to tackle them again. So instead they plan the photo and have some simple, uncomplicated fun figuring it all out.

It's a simple, fun piece, with no bad memories or serious wishes - just a silly little dream, almost like a story, that Kurt had written in his book before his mother's death, with bright colours and shaky handwriting. 'I want my fairy god mother to come and tell me I'm a lost prince and then she brings me to a big castle and I have tea parties with the other princes and princesses and they all love me', it says. So they find a small playground reasonably near the school, where there is a castle themed climbing frame, and it seems perfect for the shot. Aino, Zach and Rachel all agree to help; Zach even skips a lecture to join them, because "Who would choose lecture hall before a tea party in a castle?" That's how Wednesday morning finds them at the playground, portable chairs and a table covered with an exaggeratingly fancy silk table cloth, set with the most royal-like fake china tea set they could find among the props of the theatre department.

Kurt and Zach are dressed in so cliché Disney prince costumes that even Kurt can't take them seriously. Rachel and Aino's dresses are not far behind, overflowing with tulle and striking colours. Rachel's is pink and Aino's blue and white (which she chose because it reminds her of home, she said). Zach has a fake sword and keeps attacking them with it, snickering all the time, whereas Rachel whirls around in her dress and makes all the grand royal gestures with her hands, completely serious about owning her role as a princess, because 'there are no roles that should be taken lightly'. Aino is looking way too calm for the scene, just standing there and observing the other's antics with a small, amused smile on her face, in her extravagant princess dress and plastic crown. Blaine is putting up the settings in his camera and Kurt just laughs at the whole scene, feeling light and happy, and so strangely free with his silly new friends. He even let's go and takes his own fake sword in his hand, fighting back when Zach comes to challenge him to a duel. It's just a few hits before he goes back to observing, but it's more silly and spontaneous and lighthearted than anything he has done in a long time, and he almost isn't able to connect this guy with him, because seriously, would the Kurt he knows have a random sword fight on a playground?

When Blaine is ready with his camera, they start with the posing. They've set the table under the climbing frame, over the sand, the fake castle walls surrounding them on two sides. Sun is shining brightly, gleaming from the porcelain tea sit on three sides of the table, hold empty tea cups with pinkies elegantly up and jovial smiles directed to each other, nodding and laughing like they are having the most delightful, yet elegant conversation. It's hard to keep from losing the act, when some small kids that have come to the playground with their mommies, come watch the scene with open mouths and awe in their wide eyes. It seems the costumes are not at all a cliché for them, instead just giving them a completely believable illusion of their favourite fairy tales come to life. Rachel preens at one girl who whispers to her mother "Is she a real princess?", as if it's a compliment to her acting skills.

When Blaine declares he's finished, about twenty minutes later, they start to collect all the stuff away. One of the girls walks shyly closer to Kurt, who turns around and crouches down, when he notices the small girl tugging his pant leg.

"You're pretty," she says seriously, staring into Kurt's eyes like he's the most wondrous creature she's ever seen.

"Aw, thank you," Kurt smiles at her widely, feeling like that's the most perfect compliment he has ever gotten. He can't help the laugh that bubbles out,because the whole scene, the ridiculous outfits, the bright sun shining from a cloudless sky, this small girl's simple wonder, it's all just so breathtakingly easy and simple and fun. He knows it's just a moment, and there is a lot of hard things left for him to go through, but it's a glimpse of what it could be to really live instead of just existing, enjoying every moment life brings. It's beautiful.

They bring all the stuff they have borrowed back to the drama department, and then depart to go home or to classes or, in Kurt and Blaine's case, to have some coffee before their afternoon lectures. Before they get around the corner,though, Kurt notices Zach and Aino walking away side by side, laughing at something, clearly going somewhere together. Kurt points it out to Blaine, who raises his eyebrows in surprise.

"When did that happen?"

"I don't know, but they seem happy. It's nice," he sighs happily and puts his hand in Blaine's. He knows, by some unspoken agreement, that their little interlude is over now that the photo shoot is done, but he thinks he is actually ready for it, he wants to talk about the hard things, even, so that one day this can be his everyday life. It's something worth working for.