040 - What is hidden

Blaine knows something is wrong with Kurt. Or, maybe not wrong, because 'wrong' sounds ominous, but there's definitely something he is not telling and doesn't want Blaine to notice. But of course he notices. He just doesn't know what it is and what he could do about it. He also doesn't know if it's something important or if it's not really any kind of deal at all. He watches Kurt and tries to figure it out, and he tries to give Kurt chances to talk about it, but it seems Kurt is determined to be fine, and if Kurt is like that, then Blaine doesn't want to assume. It's really nothing major or apparent, either, and if Blaine wasn't so tuned to watching Kurt's every reaction, he might not even have noticed anything.

It's just that sometimes when they're together Kurt puts up this smile that is mostly honest but there's just a slight hint of fake behind it, like he's covering something that is there behind the feelings he shows. And other times, Blaine notices Kurt's eyes leave his for just a second to look somewhere behind him, when they're close together and joking, or kissing, or cuddling or something similar. And a few times, he has felt Kurt's muscles tense, almost unnoticeably, before he relaxes into Blaine's embrace or kisses him.

Mostly it only happens when they are in a public place, so Blaine thinks it might be that Kurt is just shy and possibly afraid of the people around. And he's tried to honor it, he really has, because pushing Kurt to do something he's not comfortable with is the last thing he wants to do, and if Kurt is not comfortable for PDA, Blaine has no problem with keeping it private. But it's not that simple - he wishes it was that simple. Because most of the time it's actually Kurt initiating their kisses and touches in the public, and Blaine really doesn't want to push Kurt away, either. That could be just as hurtful, and God knows he enjoys every single of those kisses and touches that Kurt has offered. The only thing he doesn't enjoy is not knowing what causes those tiny, carefully covered up reactions from Kurt.

When they're alone, either in Blaine's dorm room or Kurt's apartment, Kurt seems more relaxed, if also a little bit shy. But this shyness is not something he's hiding, and it's also not something Blaine would worry about. It's just that this kind of intimacy of being with being alone with the other is new for the both of them, and maybe they're not sure what the other wants. But they haven't been truly alone these last few days after the mermaid photo shoot either, not in a place where they could be sure Zach doesn't burst through the door at any moment or Rachel isn't cooking some vegan meal with only a curtain separating them, so there hasn't really been any chance for them to get more physical than light making out. It's not really a problem for Blaine, he's fine with just spending time Kurt and has no hurry to go faster.

As of right now, he is sitting on Kurt and Rachel's sofa and watching Kurt help Rachel dress up for a date with some guy from her classes, good-naturedly criticising her outfit choices and rummaging through her closet to find something matching and fashionable. It seems to be a bit of a hard task for Kurt, especially because Rachel doesn't seem to agree with all of Kurt's fashion advice, but in the end they find a compromise that both Kurt and Rachel are reasonably happy with.

What makes the whole scene fascinating for Blaine is not Rachel's outfit but this whole new kind of Kurt that he can see now, a Kurt that has strong opinions and makes sarcastic comments, but with honest caring and gentleness behind the banter. It's a confident and in control Kurt, who has no problem to say what he thinks or go against someone's opinion. It's a really nice surprise, if you ask Blaine. He suspects this is something Kurt is only with very few people, and it makes him both jealous of Rachel and thankful for her, that she can get Kurt open up like this. But then again, it's not really a shock either, because Blaine has always had a feeling that there is this kind of Kurt beneath all his timid and shy behavior. This is just the first time he has seen it so clearly, and it's a wonderful thing to witness. Even if it's not with him. But it will probably take time until Kurt's ready to be that open with him. Dating is a completely new type of relationship to Kurt, after all, the kind that has the possibility to make Kurt much more vulnerable than a simple friendship can. Again, Blaine tells himself they just need time.

He looks up, when Kurt drags Rachel in front of him and shows her off with a flourish. "Tada! What do you think?" Kurt says, with a far more confident smile that Blaine is used to seeing. It makes his heart warm.

"I think your date is a lucky guy," Blaine tells Rachel with a friendly smile. Despite all her drama, he really likes her. The first time he had met the girl hadn't been on the best of terms, as Kurt had been crying because of Blaine and Rachel had called him to come over or die trying, but they had gotten past that after Rachel saw them kissing and had decided that they were really cute together. Rachel had cornered Blaine later to tell him that she would never let him enter any Broadway show she was starring in, when she became a star, if he ever hurt Kurt in anyway, and - a slightly scarier threat - that she wouldn't hesitate to call Kurt's dad, who apparently owns a shotgun and isn't afraid to use it. But then she had told him he was welcome to the family, and things had been fine between them.

Rachel beams at him and twirls around once, so that Blaine can see the entirety of her admittedly very beautiful red dress. Kurt jogs back to her room and returns with a small elegant black purse.

"Just take this, and you are officially ready." Kurt offers her the purse and then pulls her to a hug. Then he pushes her towards the door with a strict "Now go, or you won't get there in time. There is no such thing as fashionably late!" She giggles and shouts her goodbyes before closing the door behind her. "Knock him off his feet!" Blaine manages to shout before she's gone and Kurt and Blaine are faced with a sudden, startling silence. Kurt sits down next to Blaine with a sigh and snuggles into him, pulling Blaine's arm around him, so confidently, like he has forgotten he's not that confident fashionista all the time with Blaine. Then he seems to get out of the mood and Blaine can sense him getting a bit more cautious again, but he doesn't move away. They stay like that for a while, just feeling the calm after the storm called Rachel, before Kurt suddenly gets up and goes to retrieve his Book of dreams.

"I thought you said we need to plan the next photo shoot today. So, maybe we can get to it… Search for something in here," Kurt says, biting his lip as if he's not a t all sure of what he's doing, before he sits down next to Blaine and opens the book on both of their laps. Kurt flips the pages at random, almost distractedly, and Blaine can sense that something is making Kurt really nervous about this. Then he realises it's the first time he has given Blaine the chance to hold the book and go through the pages himself. He feels honored that Kurt would let him do this, but he also doesn't want to intrude. The book is really such an intimate thing, filled with Kurt's secrets and desires and pain. So he pushes the book to Kurt's lap.

"You don't have to show it all to me. Maybe you can just find some page you don't mind sharing and we can see if we find something interesting to use there." he smiles at Kurt gently, and even though Kurt mutters something about it not being necessary, he can see Kurt's shoulders sagging with relief, and he knows he did the right thing. He just wishes Kurt didn't push himself like this. Kurt goes through some pages, before he picks one and puts the book back down so that they both can see. Blaine turns to read and there's still some nervousness in Kurt but not nearly as much as before, and Blaine is confident that this is fine. This particular page is more toward the end, meaning these are written when Kurt was at least 15 or so. Then Blaine sees one line that makes him feel both deep compassion and the fierce need to make Kurt feel better and more like the confident Kurt that he saw a glimpse of today. '55. Sometimes I just want to hurt them like they've hurt me.'

He points it out to Kurt and he feels Kurt stiffen beside him, but before he gets to the point of backtracking, Kurt looks up at him, with some kind of mask on his face. Mask that Blaine can't see through to get any kind of sense of what Kurt is feeling. The mask is of confidence, but it's just that - a mask, not real like the way Kurt had been just a half hour ago.

"If you have an idea for it, then it's fine," Kurt says, voice unwavering, and the mask stays on. But Blaine knows this dream is not some childhood wish, it's something obviously written to let out pain and sorrow and anger bottled inside by a hurting teenage boy, and Blaine can understand how that is, even if he doesn't know anything about the actual situation that triggered the words. But Kurt surely remembers, and maybe the mask is there to protect him from all the vulnerability that the memory brings. It might hurt Blaine a little that Kurt feels he cannot trust Blaine with these feelings, but he knows they are not there yet, that Kurt is not there yet, and he just has to accept that. He can't force it and he doesn't even want to. What he can do is to make this shoot something that can make Kurt feel strength and control and the right to be angry at people who hurt him. He's already got an idea of how to do that, and he just hopes Kurt will understand what Blaine means to say with it.

041 - How pathetic he is

Thanksgiving is coming just the next week, and they kind of need to get the next shoot ready before it to stay in their schedule, so they have been working on the next photo shoot, going through Blaine's idea, choosing locations and finding and making the stuff that they need for it.

For the first time in a while, Kurt is really nervous about the next photo shoot. Not because he didn't think the idea was good but because it involved a dream that isn't really a dream, but more like a cry for help and memories that he'd rather not remember or deal with. He hasn't told Blaine what the dream was about and Blaine hasn't demanded him to tell it. Some small part of Kurt really wants to tell Blaine, because just like with other hurtful memories, it helps to rip off the bandages and open the wounds to get it all out. Mostly he's grateful, because he is just really afraid of the initial pain that comes with the ripping. He's afraid of the memories, and how letting them all out might affect him after all these steps forward that he has taken these last few months.

And if he's really honest with himself, he's afraid to tell Blaine, because it's a memory about the time when Kurt was the most vulnerable, the absolute weakest, a memory that gives people who know it the potential to really hurt him, and he's afraid to let anyone in that kind of position over him. He already is so weak in Blaine's hands that it really scares him, and that part of him just wants to not give him any more ammunition. Even if he knows Blaine would never hurt him intentionally. Blaine cares about him and just wants to help. He does know that. But there is a tiny voice behind the knowledge that whispers how can you ever be so sure about anyone, and what about the day when he realises you are not worth the trouble. A voice that Kurt isn't able to silence completely, no matter how hard he tries and no matter what reassurances Blaine's words and touches and looks gives him.

They decide to do the shoot on the campus on Sunday afternoon to avoid having too many people around, so they have a few days to prepare. On Friday evening they get to Blaine's dorm room with the supplies they need to prepare for the Sunday's shoot. Zach is there, too, and decides that he wants to help. He's surprisingly good with scissors, and is currently cutting a word out of white cardboard. Kurt is writing on a white t-shirt with a fabric pen and Blaine is drawing another word on a second piece of cardboard.

"What is this all for?" Zach asks curiously after a while. Kurt looks away; he doesn't know if he's ready to explain this to Zach or to anybody. Even without the story behind the dream, this particular shoot and the dream inspiring it have the potential to make him feel weak, and like he can't defend himself. Kurt hates that feeling. That feeling is what makes him wary of all people and pull away from all kinds of human contact. That is what makes him hide rather than face it. He doesn't know how he could stop Blaine from explaining the shoot from Zach, though. And he knows Blaine is doing all this to help him, that this particular photo shoot is designed to make him feel strong, so he simply can't admit how uncomfortable this also makes him feel. He can't do that to Blaine, who is just doing his best to help.

"Oh, yeah, we're doing this photo shoot on Sunday, about a dream from Kurt's book about defending yourself against the bullies. We'll go to the narrow alley between the old administration buildings on campus, you know the place, right? Then Kurt will be holding the word that you are just cutting in his hand like a sword and then this other one I'm doing. And he'll be in kind of a protective fighting stance and he's wearing this t-shirt Kurt's making to emphasise the point. And there will be a blindfold on his eyes, too." That, the blindfold is one of the things that make Kurt uneasy with this. Just the thought of wearing one in public sounds way too scary. Kurt listens to Blaine's explanation and almost, almost says out loud that he doesn't want to do this after all.

But then Blaine's voice softens and it gets this protective, loving tone, and just that is enough to make Kurt think that maybe it's all going to be ok. "I know Kurt's been through a lot, and a lot of people have to face bullying and hateful ignorant people every day, and I know how much it can hurt. So I just thought I would try to make these photos like a protective shield against all the hateful things other people can say and do. I want them to say 'hey, if you're looking at this, just know that you don't have to stay silent and take their hate in silence, you are allowed to be angry and fight'." And God, Kurt thinks, how could I never say no to doing this after that speech? No matter how scared I am. He wants to be brave enough to do it. He wants to be like Blaine described, rise up against the people and against his own fears and not be the weak thing he is anymore.

/

On Sunday, almost exactly at midday, they walk into the narrow alley between two now mostly deserted administration buildings that have deep red brick walls and all kinds of graffiti painted on are some more artsy ones, as well as some simple initials and hateful words, fitting for their theme. The small path between the buildings is so narrow that most of the time sunlight doesn't reach the cobblestones, but right now the alley is mostly filled with light, the shadows only cutting their legs in half. They choose a good spot and try some positions. It needs to look like Kurt's ready to fight, knees slightly bent and torso a little crouched, but his hands need to be enough on the side so that the words are readable. The other word, 'weapon' is in Kurt's right hand, held like a sword, and he's holding the word 'shield' like a medieval shield near his left shoulder. He's wearing simple black sweats and a white t-shirt that has two words written on it with bold black letters. 'Never again', it says.

When they're ready, Blaine takes the blindfold out of his pocket. It's there to symbolise him being the victim, giving a concrete sing of the vulnerabilities he has when faced with the bullies. Kurt hates it, both for the metaphor, and because wearing it really will make him more defenceless against anyone, who might decide to come to this deserted place on Sunday afternoon after all. Objectively, he knows there is no real danger, but the feeling stays. He hates being defenceless, and he doesn't want to show Blaine how afraid he really is to wear the stupid thing, so he just puts it on and doesn't mention when his heart starts to beat a little too fast and all these memories come flooding his mind. These photos are supposed to be about overcoming all that, but he can't help but feel he's definitely not over them, and it's painful to notice that. When Blaine has to position him again now that he can't see, Kurt almost shrinks away from his hands. But then he steels himself, because he doesn't want to be this weak, he can't be this weak, and most of all, he can't let Blaine know how pathetic he really is.

He concentrates on taking a confident, fierce smile for the photos. At first it's hard. But then, trapped in this dark world of adrenaline and fear and bad memories he somehow realises that this is really what he is fighting against, his own fear and the memories of all the hurting words and shoves and slushies he has had thrown at him, and he realises he really wants to win. Instead of running and hiding, he feels like he wants to stand and fight. The adrenaline in his body helps, the protective stance makes him feel powerful, the idea of the metaphorical sword in his hand makes him want to hurt back, and the words on his t-shirt feel like they're branding themselves on his chest, because never again, he doesn't want to feel that worthless and pathetic and useless ever again. The smile he's supposed to have feels more like a snarl now, but it's definitely fierce. He feels strong against the enemies attacking him in his head in the darkness. The outside world with Blaine and the camera and the alley streamed with sunlight are fading away.

They all crash back on him, though, when Blaine is suddenly there, pulling him into a fast kiss. Kurt freezes. He knows it's Blaine, it has to be, and he can smell Blaine and hear it's him and feel his familiar lips, but he can't see anything and he was shocked out of his mind so fast that he just can't help the sudden, blinding fear taking over.

"You were wonderful, so strong and fierce, Night sky." Blaine says with some deep emotion, like he's really touched and in awe of Kurt. Kurt hears it, but it doesn't get through all the way, because he feels Blaine's hands on his face, and instead of being comforting like it's supposed to, he can only concentrate on the fact that he's wearing a blindfold and Blaine's hands are holding it place so that he can't get it off. So in the end, even though he has told himself to be brave and be what Blaine needs and wants over and over again, in this second it is forgotten and he pulls off Blaine's embrace fast, takes a few steps back and fumbles frantically with the knot behind his head to get the blindfold off. When it falls down and he can see again, the brightness hurts his eyes but he forces them open, takes in the sunlight streamed alley and Blaine, safe and familiar Blaine, who Kurt realises is looking at him with a hurt, confused and very concerned expression.

The relief of being able to see makes the fear melt away and he's left with guilt and disappointment. Disappointment for being so weak and letting his fear win, of letting Blaine see it. Guilt for making Blaine worry when Kurt shouldn't be like this in the first place. He should be over this stuff already, and it's such a stupid thing to be scared for, it was always just Blaine there and he knew it was Blaine, so why was he afraid? So he goes back to hug Blaine, and tells him he's ok and that it was nothing,really, that the blindfold just felt uncomfortable and he wanted to get it off, repeating that it's fine every time Blaine asks if he's sure he's ok. He knows Blaine doesn't really believe it, because who would react that strongly just because a blindfold itches, but Kurt denies everything else, even from himself, because he doesn't want to deal with it now. Deep inside he realises he can't keep up with this pretending to be ready for stuff, this hiding his fears and discomfort from Blaine and from himself for forever. He knows that sooner or later there will be a situation when no pretence will be enough and Blaine will see how pathetic he really is. He just hopes it will be later instead of sooner.

042 - One wrong move

Blaine's flight back to Ohio is leaving pretty early on Tuesday, so they decide to spend Monday evening together at Kurt and Rachel's. Kurt's saving the money to go home on Christmas, so for Kurt it's going to be a whole new kind of Thanksgiving in their New York apartment with Rachel, a couple of her friends from NYADA and Aino, who Kurt invited to experience Thanksgiving at least in some way and also because he doesn't want to be the odd one out in his own house, when all the other guests know each other. Rachel is again spending her evening with the new guy Brody that she went out with earlier, so Blaine and Kurt have the place to themselves for a few hours. They had cooked a simple meal together and to Blaine the domesticity of it felt good in a simple and easy way. It feels like when he was on an almost empty ice rink as a kid, just skating around gliding on the ice, every move feeling effortless and smooth. Then he chuckles to himself: there he goes, making these silly analogies again. It's like Kurt just has this ability to pull them out of him. After dinner they are sitting on the sofa, going through yesterday's photos and trying to figure out which one Blaine should use. Kurt has his head on Blaine's shoulder, but he's strangely quiet and still, even for Kurt.

"What are you thinking?" Blaine asks, trying to come off curious instead of concerned. Even though he kind of is concerned; he has been since what happened after the photo shoot and whatever Kurt is not telling him. Because before he thought Kurt would come to him when he was ready to talk. And before he didn't think it was anything particularly serious, because Kurt wouldn't hide something like that, right? But yesterday Kurt had jumped out of his arms, clearly really scared, and even with the emotional load that the shoot must have given him, it was very alarming that he dismissed it immediately afterwards, saying it was nothing, pretending he was okay when Blaine could almost taste the remnants of Kurt's fear in the air. He just can't let it go again, because whatever it is, they obviously need to talk about it.

Kurt shrugs stiffly. "Nothing, really," he answers, trying to sound nonchalant, but Blaine can hear the discomfort beneath. He puts the laptop on the coffee table and pulls Kurt closer to his side, trying to offer comfort. He hears Kurt let out a sigh and he doesn't know if it's good or bad, but it's something.

"Ok, I know it's not nothing, I can practically hear the wheels rolling in your head," Blaine chuckles, trying to keep the mood light. Maybe it will be easier for Kurt to talk that way. "Is it something these photos made you think?" Kurt doesn't answer immediately, and he's body makes an involuntary twitch, as if to pull away, before he settles down again.

"Yeah." he admits, reluctantly. It's pretty clear to Blaine he doesn't want to elaborate, but Blaine's not having it.

"Just tell me," he says with a gentle voice. Again, a brief silence.

"It's just weird to see myself like that." He points to the direction of Blaine's laptop. "It doesn't look like me. I'm not strong like that." Kurt's voice is small and resigned. Blaine doesn't understand.

"How can you say that? You've had to endure so much and you're still here, still standing, aren't you? You haven't given up, even if it might feel like it."

"It does feel like it, though," Kurt whispers bitterly. "Back when I wrote that sentence, I was ridiculed every day , for being gay, for looking the part, for having this girly voice, for existing, or whatever they could think of, and there wasn't a single friend for me to talk to in my life. Rachel wasn't there yet. The only person I could trust wouldn't hurt me was my dad, and how sad is that? I tried to hide, I tried to stay away from people to not make them hate me more, but nothing worked. Nothing ever worked." Kurt sounds so defeated, when he tells this. But there is something there Blaine needs to point out, to make Kurt see how brave he was even then.

"But you were out of the closet, you were brave enough to do that." Blaine doesn't know what reaction he expected to get, but it wasn't Kurt pulling away from Blaine and glaring at him, bitter and angry.

"Yeah, because my one and only friend, well at least I thought he was a friend, sold my story out to the bullies to not be pulled down with me. Leaving the figurative sinking ship by telling the whole school I'm gay, making it a show even. Really fucking brave of me, isn't it?" Kurt sneers. Blaine is shocked, he doesn't know what to think. Who does something like that? What hasn't Kurt had to go wrong in his life? And he's not sure what he could have said that would have been a worse attempt to comfort than what he'd just said. Suddenly the ice beneath his skates that he imagined earlier doesn't feel that smooth and stable anymore.

"Oh, Kurt. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have assumed, I shouldn't… I don't even know, I'm just sorry for what happened and for what I said." Blaine takes Kurt's hand in desperate attempt to make things right again.

"Whatever. It's fine, Blaine," Kurt deflates a little, now looking just resigned and tired.

"No, it isn't. I'm sorry… Do you want to talk about it?" he asks, hesitating. He thinks it would be good for Kurt to talk, but it seems it's not an easy topic by any measure. He realises he kind of forced all those memories to come back to Kurt with the photo shoot, and he's not sure if he did more harm than help with it. He only wanted to make Kurt feel stronger, but he had no idea… Yeah, he had no idea.

"No." Kurt answers in away that leaves no room for the conversation.

"But.." Blaine starts, but something flashes in Kurt's eyes, hurt and maybe even desperation, and Blaine drops it. He looks down and so he doesn't see the moment, when Kurt's face turns into another kind of mask, a mask of confidence and teasing and want. When he looks back up, he sees Kurt sizing him up with something like need and fierce determination in his eyes. It's an unfamiliar look on Kurt and it's really very hot, it makes Kurt sexy in a whole new level that he normally is (and Kurt's normal is pretty sexy too), and Blaine wonders if Kurt has hypnotic powers, as he feels the need to just let Kurt do whatever it is he's thinking of doing, because who's he to say no to that?

There is also a small but insistent voice in his head saying that while it's undeniably hot, it also seems like another one of those walls Kurt builds around him, another mask to hide something from Blaine, and that it seems unlikely that Kurt's mood would have changed so completely in just a second. The voice gets stronger and Blaine almost lets it out, but then Kurt is suddenly pressing him down against the sofa and straddling him, kissing him hard and taking control so very deliciously. Blaine is still not that far from a teenage boy, and it feels way too good for him to listen to that voice anymore, so he just lets everything happen. And for a while, it's perfect. Kurt is pressing himself down on Blaine, kissing and licking his neck and letting his hands roam over Blaine, and Blaine realises he's doing the same with his own hands, and wow, Kurt's body feels exactly as wonderful as he has always imagined, pressed against him, flushed under his wandering hands. Somewhere deep the voice of reason is saying this is way too fast and way too heated and it's not the way he wanted this to happen, but it's really just too hard to listen to it in this moment, when everything is just bodies and lips and this hot boy hovering over him.

After a moment Blaine feels a hand on the top of his pants, moving to open the zipper, and that should have been a warning sign, because they haven't even discussed this yet and he is pretty sure Kurt would have said something earlier if he was really ready for this, but Kurt's hand is right there pressing on his crotch and it feels too fucking amazing to think. He realises that he had thrust up against Kurt's hand and moaned only when a second later the hot weight of Kurt is gone and he's left alone on the sofa, panting lightly and feeling utterly out of it, not understanding what is going on.

Then he sees Kurt on the other side of the room, arms wrapped around his torso, shaking a little and looking so, so very small and lost and terrified, and Blaine wants to hit himself or throw something, because even if it was Kurt initiating, he should have known it wasn't a good idea. And then he's just confused, because Kurt did more than initiate it, he had taken complete control, until he's suddenly there looking like he's been violated, and Blaine just can't see, what is going on.

"Kurt? Night sky… what happened?" But Kurt just shakes his head, grimacing like he can't keep the expression out of his face.

"Just… speak to me. Please." Blaine is feeling increasingly desperate. Kurt is still shaking his head.

"Did I do something I shouldn't? Did I hurt you?" Blaine asks, even though he doesn't really know what he could have done. That gets Kurt's head up and looking at him, at the very least. The panic in his eyes doesn't help much, though.

"No. Blaine, no it wasn't you, you did nothing wrong." That, at least, sounds completely honest, said with Kurt's pleading eyes boring into his. "It's all me, all me, I just couldn't.. I just can't, Blaine." And his eyes are filling with tears as he turns his head away.

"Kurt, whatever it is, just please tell 'll figure it out." Blaine is now pleading as well.

"Please, don't, Blaine… You are wonderful, but I just can't,not now.." a fast intake of breath, and then, so so quietly but still painfully clear, "You promised me earlier that I could run away, if I needed to."

A gulp. "Yes."

"I need to. Now. Please."

"Ok." And that's all Blaine can say, because he did promise that, and he will honour it even if he regrets ever saying anything like that now. He takes his laptop and his jacket and walks to the door. Then he turns once more to look at Kurt to say this one last thing.

"You remember you promised me back something as well?" Blaine asks, his voice just as insecure now.

Kurt looks him in the eye, and there is some small glimmer of hope for Blaine there, but it's so deep under all the panic and discomfort and pain that he can't be sure. "I'll come back to you. When I'm ready. I promised."

At least Blaine has that. It's just that he doesn't know what Kurt will be back for. To make up? To explain? Or to say goodbye? He doesn't know, and the one thing he can think of is how hard it is to connect the smooth skater from earlier that evening to this boy who has lost his balance and hit the ice hard. He's reminded that while ice can be so smooth when your gliding on it, it is also exceptionally slippery - only one wrong move and you're down.