Kurt decided to wait, but this time he wasnt waiting around hopelessly. He had a newfound determination this time. Hed give it a month to wait it out and see, but that was it. Then, he would go and see Blaine. Until then, he was finishing up filming the season of Far From the End, and he couldnt distract himself from that. So he decided to be productive and, for the first time in weeks, happy. He spent more time with his friends and castmates and even Kayleigh until the month finally counted down.

Despite his best efforts, it was a long month.

Blaine was worse for wear. He was able to put on a happy face for all of his events that he had to attend and when he went back to working on things outside of his own project, he would work diligently and seemed perfectly fine. He fell back into the kind of stupor that he was in the year following Caseys death. He wasnt completely gone, but the light wasnt quite in his eyes these days. He was, however, carrying on.

Kayleigh tried her best to get him back up and running again but no matter how hard she tried, there was something there that couldnt be fixed by her. Blaine had to help himself on this one. All she could do was encourage him to do so. He had to start by forgiving himself and stop taking all the blame.

He was working at it, but the more he tried, the more it made him look back on everything that had happened in the past. If he were being honest with himself, he was terrible with relationships, whether or not they were romantic. He barely ever spoke to the few friends he had in high school, and any friends he had in college were mostly friends he met through Casey, and very few stayed in touch after Casey died and Blaine shut everyone out. He didnt have an extremely close relationship with any of his family members and Kayleigh was only such a great friend because she was persistent.

He realized he never really put effort into relationships unless the other person made a bigger effort first. Casey and Kurt were the ones to initiate relationships with him, and Kayleigh simply wouldnt let him shut her out.

How could he forgive himself if everything was his fault in the first place? He wouldnt be in this situation if hed tried a little harder.

Then again, would he? Because he had tried with Kurt. From the very beginning, hed wanted Kurt to know him, and he let him. Kurt knew things about Blaine that even Kayleigh didnt. It was just that by the end... By the end Blaine was too afraid to give Kurt the last thing he had to give. He wondered why that was.

Maybe, even though it had been three years and Blaine had gotten past it, Casey was still in the way. Not because Blaine was still hung up on what happened, but because he was afraid of what would happen if he gave someone his heart the way he had with Casey. What if he got hurt again? What if he lost someone else?

Maybe that was why he was so terrible with relationships. If he never got close to anyone, he couldnt lose anyone.

Thats not how it worked though. Hed been upset for the past month at the fact that hed lost Kurt. Maybe not in the same way, but he still lost him, nonetheless. The best he could do now was move on and work on making better relationships in the future.

Blaine was going through the self-blaming cycle in his head that hed succumbed himself to for the past month when he heard a knock at the door. Confused, he went to see who it could be. Kayleigh normally walked right in so it couldnt be her...

He was stunned to see Kurt at the door.

"...Kurt? What are you...? Um, come in." Blaine stammered as he moved away from the doorway so Kurt could come in. He hadnt heard from Kurt since hed left his house the morning after he stayed over. He figured Kurt had moved on and forgotten about him.

"Thanks..." Kurt said awkwardly as he walked into Blaines apartment like he had so many times before. He gingerly sat on the edge of the couch as he said, "I just wanted to see how you were doing. Especially after the last time I saw you..."

Blaine nodded and sat in the armchair next to the couch. "Im okay. Im really sorry you had to deal with me like that. I shouldnt have—"

"No, dont say that." Kurt interrupted. "Im glad you came to me. Its much better than the alternative." Kurt looked sincere as he spoke, and Blaine wondered in that moment what he had been doing the past month after that had happened. He looked good, like hed been taking care of himself and wasnt affected much by everything. Well, at least that made one of them.

"I guess," Blaine agreed. "Im sorry that I even got that way in the first place, though."

"Why did you? Why did you even go back there?" Kurt probed. Hed asked the same question that night, but this time when he asked he expected an answer, he wasnt just trying to comfort Blaine.

"I couldnt think or focus." Blaine answered, going into a little more detail than last time. "I was trying to write this song and all I could think about was getting that call at four in the morning from Caseys father. It was... that night was the night he died, three years ago. I just wanted to forget about it. I wanted... I wanted to go to you but that wasnt an option. Apparently my drunken self thought otherwise."

"So why did you come to me?" Kurt pressed.

"I told you already. I just kind of... ended up there." Blaine watched Kurts determined eyes and he wasnt sure what else he saw there. Some kind of new confidence that was so subtle yet so strong was present, and also something else that came with the determination that Blaine couldnt quite place. He could have sworn hed seen it before, though.

"You ended up there because thats where you wanted to be. You just told me that. I just want to know why."

"I think you know, Kurt." Blaine didnt know why he was avoiding it. He felt pressured, and he didnt know which way was right or left anymore.

"I think I need to hear it. Please, Blaine." Kurt pleaded slightly, but there wasnt desperation in his voice. "I need you to talk to me when you havent just run from an almost quickie behind a dirty bar."

That stung a little bit, but Kurt was right. Blaine took a breath to try and calm himself.

"Kurt, I..." Kurt gave him a look that told Blaine not to sugar coat it. He wanted the absolute truth. "You make me feel safe. And I know you wouldnt have judged me. I knew I could go to you about it because you know what to do and what to say to make me feel... at home." Blaine glanced at Kurt through his eyelashes and saw that Kurt was looking at him intently.

"...Do you think, maybe, theres a reason for that?" He asked a little hesitantly, though he still had that soft determination in his eyes.

"Kurt..." Blaine shook his head and looked away. "I... I cant do this—"

"Why not? What is stopping you?" Kurt spoke firmly, demanding an actual answer from Blaine this time instead of getting a half-assed reply before he ran again.

"I cant hurt you again." Blaine mumbled his usual excuse.

"I have a hard time believing thats the real reason." Kurt looked unimpressed and waited again while Blaine tried to think straight.

"You dont know—"

"No!" Kurt suddenly yelled, startling Blaine. He stood up as he spoke, and began waving his hands frantically as if to jumble all of his thoughts together to get them across. "No, Blaine, I do know that! Because I know you! I know you cant stand it when its hot in your apartment because you like to bundle up in a ton of blankets every chance you can. I know you tell people that you like to keep your fingernails short because its easier to play guitar that way but the real reason is because youre afraid youll bite them if theyre any longer. I know that you havent even been able to look at chicken pot pie since Cooper made you one with bad chicken when you were sixteen and you got sick for hours. I know that you hate to tell people about Casey because you feel like they wont understand exactly how much he meant to you, and you feel like even your songs cant express that. I know thats the same reason you dont like to tell people your favorite color. I know that going up on your roof and looking at the stars gives you inspiration and calms you down when youre upset. I know youve never been good at admitting your feelings, and I know thats the reason why youre so afraid to be with me! I KNOW you, Blaine! But what I dont know, for the life of me, is why you keep refusing to admit how you feel about me, even to yourself."

Kurt was rubbing his temples by the end, and Blaine was almost too dumbfounded to speak.

"Its not—"

"It is, Blaine. I know how you feel about me, even though you wont say it." He paused for half of a moment, and continued with a strangely tangible calm, staring straight at Blaine with an unwavering gaze. "I love you, Blaine. I fell in love with you long before I wanted to acknowledge it. But I cant force you to admit you love me back. I cant force you to do anything. I can hope with all my might, but the rest is up to you."

Blaine remained where he was on the armchair, staring in astonishment. It took a moment, but he realized the look he saw in Kurts eyes that was steady since hed arrived was that of love. Kurt was still watching Blaine, waiting for a response while Blaine was trying to wrap his mind around everything Kurt had said.

There really was no one else who knew him better.

"I..." Words failed him. He tried again, but nothing came out.

"I didnt mean to yell; Im sorry." Kurt said as he started to back away towards the door. There were tears glistening in his eyes, but they didnt look like they were about to fall. "I just needed you to know. I love you and I needed you to hear it. I wish I could do something about it, but like I said... Its your choice." He turned and opened the door, glancing back just once at Blaine, where he still sat in disbelief on the chair, and then left with a barely there click of the front door.

Blaine remained where he was, shocked into his place where he sat staring at the front door to his apartment. A million things raced through his mind; all of Kurts words (God, he hoped he would have that speech memorized for the rest of his life), what his own brain was trying to respond to them. His thoughts muddled in and out of the forefront of his mind in a chaotic mess but one thing stuck out. The melody he knew all too well but could never seem to make sense of was playing itself over and over in between his thoughts. It was nearly forty-five minutes before he moved. He stood up and went into his music room to grab his phone and he immediately dialed Kayleighs number.

"Whats up, Buttercup?" She answered after a few rings.

"Im in love with him."