If I Could Use Your Love
raeofultraviolet
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If I Could Use Your Love: Chapter 26


T - Words: 2,909 - Last Updated: Apr 30, 2015
Story: Complete - Chapters: 36/? - Created: Jun 23, 2014 - Updated: Jun 23, 2014
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Author's Notes:

No songs for today but fear not! There weill most definitely be some in the next chapter!

As always, thank you for reading!!

-Rae (tumblr)

Been&Done: [PHOTOS] What is this? Photos featuring one of our favorite couples leaked online?! Photographer Kayleigh Rooney uploaded a few photos featuring Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson to her website earlier this week with the following comment:

"I asked a friend to help me out with some new shots for my portfolio, and he brought a friend along with him. These were never intended to be published, but (with permission, of course) I couldnt resist! It was so much fun working with the two of them!"

Miss Rooney, we cannot thank you enough! These shots are too perfect for words! What do you think? Leave a comment below!

***

MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS TO US

God bless this woman.

Hey, isnt she the girl that was at almost all of Blaines shows?? She was in the background of all of those pictures with a camera around her neck!

Check out her website, she has a few pictures from the shows up!

She needs a medal. These pictures are so cute!

I bet she ships them as much as we do.

^^^Of course she does. Look at those photos!

Can we just talk about how fucking adorable they are? She needs to upload more 3 is not nearly enough.


If Blaine thought New York City in the summertime was amazing, it was nothing compared to New York City during the holiday season. Everything was still decorated and lit up in a way he hadnt seen before. The gigantic Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center was still lit up as they walked by, and the light snow on the edges of the sidewalk from a few days prior made everything glisten even more. Blaine was fascinated by the decorations and atmosphere all around while Kurt just watched happily as Blaines eyes lit up in delight.

The first night there, theyd gone to another performance—"Its Wicked, Blaine. There is no excuse for not seeing it live when Im practically dragging you to it, so sit back and enjoy, dammit."—and took a walk through Union Square before grabbing a cup of coffee and heading back to their hotel. They talked endlessly about the show, Blaine going on and on enthusiastically about the music and the actors and the performance as a whole.

"I cant believe Ive never seen that before. Ive heard all of the music and everything, but I just cant even believe—the whole production was incredible." Blaine remarked. "Also, I really would like to know who the hell beat out that guy for Fiyero, because that understudy was phenomenal, seriously!" Kurt laughed as he walked with his arm linked through Blaines.

"He was." Kurt agreed. "Hes probably one of the best Ive seen, actually. And Ive seen this show... oh, nine times now? Something like that."

"I cant imagine what it must have been like to live here right out of high school. Its so different from L.A.; it had to have been at least a little bit of a culture shock to move there." Blaine tossed his empty coffee cup into a trashcan as they rounded the block to the street their hotel was on, taking Kurts empty cup and doing the same.

"It was a little. Mostly I just had to get used to everything again." Kurt pulled open the door to the lobby and let Blaine lead them in. "At the time I had so much going on with filming that I couldnt really focus on anything else, so it just sort of fell into place eventually." Blaine hummed his acknowledgement as they made their way up to their room. The remainder of the night was without fuss; both of them had agreed that it would be best to settle into bed relatively early in order to get some rest before the long night ahead of them the following evening.

Now, they were sitting by a large window looking down over Times Square as the people crowded around and cheered as the minutes ticked by, growing closer and closer to midnight.

"So were you ever one of those people out there starving, and freezing on the sidewalk?" Blaine asked with a chuckle as he glanced around the crowd below them.

"Unfortunately, no, I wasnt too keen on being stuck in a crowd for long that people have to pee on the sidewalk next to you." Kurt quipped.

"Are you sure you werent?" Blaine wiggled his eyebrows and Kurt rolled his eyes in return. "Im really just trying to dig up some dirt on you. Who knows how much money I could make with a story like that?"

"Oh, are you a journalist now?" Kurt raised a skeptical eyebrow as he took a sip from his wine glass.

"Nope, just a poor, desperate, struggling artist."

"Sure." Kurt nodded emphatically. "Well Im sorry to disappoint, but Im afraid teenaged Kurt Hummel was not that exciting. My first New Years Eve away from home consisted of Santana trying her hardest to get me drunk off champagne."

"Was she successful?"

"For every half a glass I drank, she had two, so she forgot shortly after she started. I wasnt even halfway there before I was in the bathroom holding Rachels hair back while she hugged the toilet. I celebrated more after she fell asleep."

"Did she even make it to midnight?" Blaine glanced over to where Rachel was by the bar, chatting with people Blaine didnt know.

"She did. She sobered up enough to not pass out but not enough to remember it." Kurt laughed as he took another sip of wine. "Look at that; you were trying to get the scoop on me and ended up with dirt on Rachel."

"Who has dirt on me?" Blaine nearly jumped from his seat; he hadnt even seen her come over. She plopped down gracefully in a chair next to him and laid a hand on his arm.

"Well I have plenty," Kurt responded. "And somehow Blaine managed to get me to spill all of your secrets." He added in a stage whisper.

"How come he can get you to spill and I cant!" Rachel pouted at Kurt, her eyes wide and bottom lip jutting out.

"Its because of my undeniable charm," Blaine tossed out at Rachel with his best charismatic smile before taking a sip from his glass.

"I bet that charm gets Kurt to spill more than just secrets." Blaine nearly choked on his wine as Rachel wiggled her eyebrows at him.

"And how much have you had to drink tonight, Rachel?" Kurt asked, not letting any reaction to her comment show on his face.

"Oh, hush. You know Im right." She rolled her eyes as she spoke. "Look, Blaines even blushing." She added.

"That would be the wine." Kurt smiled as Blaine collected himself as discretely as possible.

"Sure it is. Anyway, are you guys enjoying yourselves?"

"Yes, thank you. This party is wonderful, and the view is amazing." Blaine said, willing the blush on his cheeks to calm down.

"Well theres no New Years Eve like a New York one!" Rachel leaned over and kissed Blaines cheek, then Kurts. "You guys enjoy yourselves!" She winked and turned away, a broad grin on her face as she left to mingle some more.

"Look at you!" Kurt exclaimed, "You could hardly speak the last time you saw her!"

"I hardly spoke this time." Blaine pointed out.

"But you definitely were a lot less nervous this time."

"Correction," Blaine said, "I didnt look as nervous this time. My heart rate is still through the roof right now."

"Well thats the key, isnt it?" Kurt scooted his chair a bit closer. "Just dont look like youre going to throw up, and you wont."

"Thank you for that professional advice. Now thats all Im going to be thinking about. Im going to throw up on the next person I meet and Ill never hear the end of it." Blaine said miserably.

"You will not." Kurt assured, resting a hand on his arm. "And if I see you look the least bit sick, Ill take you somewhere safe. But if you throw up on me were breaking up. Just so were clear."

"That wont be a problem," Blaine muttered. "I think its been established that you calm me down a lot more than make me nervous."

"And what about me calms you down?"

"I dont know. Ever since we met youve been easier to talk to than anyone. I mean, once I got over the whole ‘shit why is this famous guy talking to me thing, I could talk with you about almost anything." Blaine confessed, feeling a little awkward about it. "I never really had that before. Not right away, at least. Even... even Casey had to work his way in a little bit. And once I got to know you more it just got easier and easier." Blaine turned away and stared into his lap. Why was he saying this? Sure, it was true, but Kurt told him things that he hadnt shared with anyone else, either. It was a two way street.

"So youre okay around me because you know me and I know you?" Kurt prompted.

"Yes..." Blaine answered nervously.

"So use that to your advantage. Even if someone intimidates you, just act like you know the person. Not in a cocky, egoistic way, but imagine youve talked to someone the way youve talked to me. That you know each other and you havent been judged for being yourself." Kurt explained. "Maybe you wont be as nervous then."

"I never really thought of it that way." Blaine said considerately.

"Give it shot. It may not work out, and if it doesnt, then do what you did with Rachel. Just pretend. Hell, I didnt notice."

"If I can fool you then I can fool anyone." Blaine thought aloud.

"Hm. Maybe not Kayleigh. She seems pretty in tune with the goings-on in your life." Kurt looked out at the party going on around them. People were dancing, chatting, drinking, and most importantly, keeping track of time.

"I dont know about that. Normally Id agree, but Ive fooled her about this," Blaine took Kurts hand and gave it a squeeze, "for so long already."

"You are a fabulous actor in that respect," Kurt looked back at Blaine with a twinkle of admiration in his eye.

"Three minutes ‘til midnight!"

"Are you excited for the New Year?" Blaine asked, glancing between Kurt, the party inside, and the crowds of people outside.

"Yes and no." Kurt thought. "Honestly, it doesnt feel like a new year is starting. It doesnt seem like much will be different, you know? Im not expecting anything new to come this year; I know Ill be enjoying my life just as I am now, and Im perfectly okay with that. Maybe sometime later on Ill be wanting more and seeking out newer and more exciting things, but for right now, Im really content with my life."

"I can see where youre coming from." Blaine encouraged with a smile.

Kurt watched the crowd as everyone poured more drinks and got together to watch the clock count down on the large TV screen on the wall before asking, "What about you? Are you looking forward to it?"

"I am." Blaine bounced a bit. "I feel like Im moving forward and the start of this year will really be the beginning for me. I know it sounds kind of silly—"

"No, it doesnt. You should be proud of yourself, and excited for whats to come. It is a start for you. And next year on New Years Eve you can look back and think, ‘Look at everything Ive done this year. And... wherever this thing takes us, it doesnt matter what happens, I know Ill be thinking the same thing, so proud that I got to be a part of it." Kurt gave a small nervous smile, but looked up to find Blaine beaming at him with tears in his eyes.

"You have no idea how much that means to me, Kurt Hummel." Kurt was about to respond but was instead cut off by the "One minute ‘til!" shout above the crowd. The two of them remained silent for a bit, just watching as the partygoers counted down from sixty, their hands interlaced and resting on Blaines knee. As if on cue, they both joined in on the countdown at twenty seconds, laughing along with the large group of people from their chairs by the window.

As they counted down they kept glancing at the ball dropping slowly on the TV, changing colors as the numbers changed on the clock. Every so often they glanced back outside, watching the people in the streets celebrating and what they could see of the ball dropping live. When they finally reached one, people cheered and shared kisses while others clinked glasses and downed their beverages in one go. Kurt looked over at Blaine, who had a shy smile on his face and a glimmer in his eye.

"Happy New Year, Kurt." He whispered softly amongst all the cheering and commotion.

"Happy New Year, Blaine," Kurt replied against Blaines lips as he leaned in and closed the distance between them. Blaines hand came up to hold his cheek, his lips moving gently against Kurts. Maybe it was the alcohol, the atmosphere, or the thrill of the New Year, Kurt didnt know, but he responded encouragingly as he swiped his tongue across Blaines bottom lip, his free hand coming up to rest on the back of Blaines neck. Blaine opened his mouth a bit more as Kurt deepened the kiss; a small whimper was pulled from the back of Kurts throat, which Blaine took as further encouragement and dove in with a bit more force.

They both lost track of time. They could have been kissing for twenty seconds or twenty years and they wouldnt have known the difference, but all they knew was they didnt see a need to stop. They didnt want to stop, if they were being perfectly honest with themselves. It was only because of an interrupting Rachel that they realized exactly what they had been doing, and the fact that theyd never done that before.

"Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind... Come on, boys! You can make out later, sing with me now!" Rachel was right in Kurts ear as she continued to sing, pulling them from their own little world. Kurt blushed lightly as he looked up at Blaine through his eyelashes, catching a smile that was somewhere between nervous, affectionate, shy, and trusting. Kurt flashed him back a small grin with an unmatchable happiness in his eyes as he sang with Rachel, Blaine joining in quietly as Kurt squeezed his fingers gently with the hand he was still holding.


They didnt talk about it. They should have, and they both wanted to, but mostly they just didnt know how. Blaine was too shy and nervous to bring it up and Kurt didnt want to scare Blaine off by mentioning it. So they just let it be and enjoyed the rest of the night, both a little more in tune with the other than they normally were.

When they finally made it back to their room as the sun started to rise, Kurt practically collapsed on the bed and Blaine had to force him back up so he could change into pajamas before passing out in a deep sleep.

Again, they didnt say anything about what happened. It wasnt necessarily a bad thing, and its not like it completely changed their friendship. It was the elephant in the room that night but it was so difficult to talk about because of the deal they had made so innocently in Giovannis all those months ago. So they left it at that, and just enjoyed being together like they always did.

Blaine climbed into bed long after Kurt had fallen asleep but he couldnt seem to do so himself. It wasnt that he wasnt tired, because god, he was exhausted. No, he just had way too much on his mind. On any other night when he was in his own apartment hed go up to the roof and clear his mind while watching the sunrise. Unfortunately that wasnt an option right now, so Blaine settled for lying on his back and staring at the ceiling while light started to creep through the closed curtains.

At some point, Kurt rolled over and ended up snuggled into Blaine, his hand resting on his chest and his nose pressed into his shoulder. Blaine smiled fondly and wrapped his free arm around Kurt as he slept. It would be so easy to pretend that all of this was real, that this relationship was more than just a ploy. If he could just close his eyes and pretend that none of this was fake he could easily believe it, believe everything between them was genuine.

But thats not what Kurt wanted, and thats not the deal that they made. Blaine sighed as he watched Kurt breathing deeply and evenly. He would need to stop this soon, if not for himself then for Kurt. He wasnt being fair to him at all.

He tried to think about what would happen when this was over. Would they still be friends? They had the media to think about, too, since they had to make it believable. Would Kurt cut him off completely? He didnt want to think like that, even though it was a very real possibility.

For now, he ignored those thoughts and scooted closer to Kurt on the bed, curling into the warmth of the blankets and Kurts body. When he got back home, hed think about it more, but for now, he allowed himself to enjoy another night of the security and comfort he found with his fake boyfriend.


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