April 30, 2015, 7 p.m.
If I Could Use Your Love: Chapter 21
T - Words: 4,802 - Last Updated: Apr 30, 2015 Story: Complete - Chapters: 36/? - Created: Jun 23, 2014 - Updated: Jun 23, 2014 113 0 0 0 0
Phew! Lots of songs in this chapter!
Firefly - Ed Sheeran
Die Young - Ke$ha (Only mentioned from Blaines college days. I imagine he could KILL this song and make it sound like a lullaby)
Do Ya Think Im Sexy? - Rod Stewart (However I do want to note that the version I imagine in this fic is the one Darren performed at the ASCAP Pop Awards in 2011, because it is the sexiest version of this song I can imagine. Listen to it here)
Falling Slowly - Once (the musical)
Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!
-Rae (tumblr)
Been&Done: Up and coming: Catch singer/songwriter Blaine Anderson at one of his shows this month! Check out the schedule here! Well be there; will you?
It turned out that Kurt actually couldnt make it to any of Blaines shows. When Blaine sent him the schedule, he was very disappointed to find out that his schedule was busier than usual over the next few weeks and he wouldnt be able to see Blaine play. He did, however, send him sweet, encouraging messages every night before Blaine had a show. He even tweeted at Blaine once or twice before a show, which caused Blaines twitter to blow up with replies. Honestly, Kurts reassurance really did help Blaine a lot. He wasnt nervous about actually playing, not really, but Mark and Maya had suggested he hang around after each show for a little bit and talk to a few people if they approached him, rather than bolting out of there as soon as he was done. Hed been a little weary of the idea, seeing as hed never really been good at meeting people, but he agreed, in the end. Hey, if it would help him in the long run, may as well get the practice now, right?
I fell in love next to you
Burning fires in this room
It just fits
Light and smooth
Like my feet in my shoes
Little one, lie with me
Sew your heart to my sleeve
Well stay quiet
Underneath shooting stars
If it helps you sleep
And hold me tight
Dont let me breathe
Feeling like
You wont believe
Theres a firefly
Loose tonight
Better catch it
Before it burns this place down
And I lie
If I dont feel so right
But the world looks better
Through your eyes
About a week into his new schedule, Blaine was pretty used to the routine. Not that it was monotonous in any way, but he had the structure down. He found that with a little bit of a push, he wasnt doing too badly with the meeting people part of it. In all honesty, he actually enjoyed talking to people and answering questions about his music. Most of the conversation was light and easy, so it really wasnt too hard.
Its only been
One night of love
And maybe
Thats not enough
Hold me tight
Dont let me breathe
Feeling like
You wont believe
Theres a firefly loose tonight
Better catch it
Before it burns this place down
And I lie
If I dont feel so right
But the world looks better
Through your eyes
The part that did get difficult was when people asked him about Kurt. He was never exactly secretive about the fact that they were dating—neither of them ever had been; that was kind of the point—but he wasnt really sure what he should say to answer everyones (meaning mainly teenagers) questions. Most of the time he tried to keep his responses relatively neutral.
Usually, following a show hed pack everything up and go hang out by the front of the stage and talk to people. Some would take pictures or ask him to sign something, and a few of those extra bold people would ask him about Kurt. Sometimes theyd be subtle about it, just asking how hes doing, other times theyd be very blunt and ask him more in depth questions about their relationship; how they met, how long theyve been dating, etcetera. A few people asked if Kurt was ever coming to one of his shows, but he simply answered that Kurt was really busy and wasnt able to make it.
Blaine had recently gotten a kick out of checking the internet after his shows. After Kayleigh taught him all of the tricks to navigating Been&Done, hed type his name in the search bar every now and then to see what people were saying. Hed grown accustomed to all the inappropriate comments and chose to ignore them, looking instead for any praise or criticism. Most of the hate comments on the videos that bashed his style or his talent usually ended with something like he doesnt deserve someone like Kurt or hes just using Kurt to get famous, so Blaine usually just brushed them off, recognizing the fact that they written out of jealousy. Though they may be true, its not like he didnt care for Kurt. They were closer than Blaine had been with anyone in a while.
Blaine clicked through a few links to videos from his recent shows one evening and found a blog with a few pictures taken of him and a group of girls, all probably around seventeen or eighteen. Several other pictures were posted along with them, including one of him when he was unmistakably trying to hide his blush. The comments on the post were sweet to read, though.
We met Blaine Anderson yesterday at his show! He was one of the nicest and most humble people I ever met!
He was so shy, especially when we asked him about Kurt ;)
GAHHHH look at him hes so cute!
Is he blushing? That is PRECIOUS
ASKJHF;ALKGJAJHGL;KHDF I CANT just stop
WHY DONT I LIVE IN CALIFORNIA *ugly sobbing*
Blaine laughed at some of the comments and was scrolling through even more when his phone rang. He smiled as Kurts name lit up the screen and answered.
"Hey, you." Blaine answered
"Hi! How are your shows going?" He asked the same question almost everyday, but it was nice to know Blaine had a lot of support.
"Really well," He responded with a smile even though Kurt couldnt see it. "Im playing pretty much like I always do, I guess, but Im getting better at, well, talking to people. Maya said I should try to hang out after the shows and let people ask questions and try to let them get to know me a little bit so... thats what Ive been doing." Blaine ended awkwardly.
"Hows that working out?"
"Good, I guess. Ive been talking to a lot of people; most of them are teenagers, but what can you do?" Kurt chuckled at that and Blaine knew that if anyone understood, it was Kurt. "It hasnt been too bad because mostly they just compliment me or want a picture and sometimes theyll ask about my music, so mostly everything I have to talk about is easy. Although apparently every time they ask about you I cant stop blushing..." Blaine laughed, still reading the comments on the pictures.
"Oh, really?" Kurt asked in a teasing tone.
"Yeah... Kayleigh thought itd be a wonderful idea to teach me to navigate her favorite gossip site, which led me to some girls blog with a bunch of pictures from last night." He explained.
"Oh, no." Kurt stated in mock horror. "Youre on the blogs! Thats a dangerous place!"
"So Ive heard. Im only looking at this one post of pictures though. And the comments... Im kind of getting a kick out of them right now." Blaine laughed.
"Oh god, what do they say?" Kurts curiosity seemed to have gotten the best of him.
"According to one comment, Im just plain adorable when I blush."
"Well, I cant argue with that." Kurt countered.
"Most of the people commenting apparently cant decide whether they find me more hot or cute. Im not even going to try to indulge you with the colorful comments on those." Blaine read through a few before he finally gave up and went back to the main website. "Kayleigh was right; some people can be a little extreme."
"Welcome to my world," Kurt laughed. "So youve been getting good at talking to your crazy fangirls?"
"I guess so. Theyre not bad though; a lot of them were really sweet." Blaine shrugged, leaning back against the couch cushions to relax.
"Well thats good, you can ease your way into it. You just wait until you meet some really crazy people. Thats when the fun begins." Kurt joked.
"Well, thats the goal, isnt it? Then Ill take the next level of your How to be Famous class and you can teach me how to fight them off." They were both quiet for a moment, but it wasnt the least bit uncomfortable, much like everything else about their relationship.
"Hey, did Kayleigh ever hear anything back from Cannon? I know she had her interview a while ago, but you guys never told me anything." Kurt asked, not just out of politeness but out of pure interest. It was nice to know that even though Kayleigh had a strong personality, she and Kurt got along very well. Though, Blaine supposed Kurt was used to strong personalities from Rachel.
"They havent called her back yet, but according to Kayleigh her interview went really well. She said the woman that interviewed her was really impressed with the pictures she took of you and me. Apparently she was surprised that she was able to get you to be in her shoot." Blaine told him. Kayleigh had relayed all of this information to him directly following her interview, telling him all about how she had to explain that they were friends and she had originally asked Blaine to model and Kurt stepped in to help out. Her words all came out in a rush and were filled with squeals of excitement.
"Well, its really the least I can do. Did she show you the pictures she chose?"
"Yeah, Youll have to see them, theyre really good. I sometimes forget how amazing she is at it. She chose mostly individuals of me and some of you, because she didnt want to make it look like she was trying to use that to get in. She told me she only used the best of yours, even though you, and I quote, made it look so much more natural when taking pictures. "
"Well, Ive been doing this for a while, you only just got roped in by your friend." Kurt reasoned and Blaine hummed in response. "Did she use any of the ones of us together?"
"Yeah, she used a few of those. They were actually my favorites," Blaine confessed. "I mean, you look great in all of them, but I feel like I dont look as awkward. She used that candid one she took as well, the one she said she wouldnt. Apparently it was too good not to be seen."
"Well, as long as I look good." Kurt mused. "Im glad everything went well. I really hope she gets it."
"Me too." Blaine agreed. "She deserves it. And the woman gave her some really positive feedback, so hopefully that means good news. Ill let you know when I—"
"BLAINE!" The front door to Blaines apartment slamming open interrupted Blaines sentence as Kayleigh ran in with a huge grin on her face.
"Speak of the devil and she shall appear," Blaine chuckled into the phone.
"Whos that? Are you talking to Kurt?" Kayleigh asked, kneeling right up next to him.
"Yeah, we were actually just talking about your interview. Hold on," Blaine put the phone on speaker.
"Hi, Kurt!" Kayleigh exclaimed.
"Hey, Kayleigh!" Kurt said, nearly just as excitedly. "Blaine sucks at giving me all the details—"
"Hey!"
"—How did your interview go?" Kurt finished.
"Wonderful! Super wonderful! Ella, the woman who interviewed me, said she was really impressed with my style and the risk I took with the location but she loved them! And she absolutely loved the pictures of the two of you together; she thought it was so sweet! Especially that candid one, which I know I said I wouldnt use but its absolutely perfect, I had to. Really, you guys should frame it, its sooooo precious." Kayleigh went on about how great her interview went while Kurt appropriately commented in the right places and Blaine sat back and beamed, entirely proud of his friend. The last time hed been this happy was in college, when Casey was still alive.
"Kayleigh, thats great!" Kurt exclaimed through the phone when she finished. "You have to let me know when you hear back from them!"
"I will, I promise! I really couldnt have done it without you guys." Kayleigh beamed at Blaine, who returned her smile.
"It was no problem, Kay, really." Blaine said as she settled down on the couch next to him. They sat back with the phone on speaker between them, comfortable in the moment, as if their lives were still so simple, before all of these opportunities had been laid out before them to chase after.
"I had a lot of fun with it, Kayleigh; if not for taking the pictures then definitely for watching you and Blaine bicker nonstop." Kurt laughed into the line. "Are you sure you guys only met in college? Because you sound like youve been friends forever."
"Nah, Kayleigh just has a nice, irritating way of getting under your skin like a parasite and refuses to stop bothering you." Blaine quipped immediately, throwing a playful glance at Kayleigh, who was just as quick.
"And Blaines just like a puppy. Hes cute at first but then after a day he starts chewing and shitting on everything and you want to kick him but you cant because of those damn eyes."
"Oh, I definitely agree with you on that." Kurt said. "I can never say no to him when he gives me that look—"
"Oh, really—"
"KAYLEIGH, DONT YOU DARE!" Blaine shouted over her, not wanting this conversation to turn awkward quickly. He knew where she was going with that, and hed rather deal with her innuendos on his own.
"Oh, Blaine, come on its not like you have to lie to me—" She started, but Blaine cut her off once more.
"Just stop." He said forcefully, and then tried to pull the boyfriend card, because he knew it would work on her. "I havent talked to Kurt in nearly a week, can we just leave this be for now?" He gave her a pleading look, the best one he could muster without it looking pathetic.
"Okay. Yeah, fine." She shrugged, but then mouthed a sincere sorry as Blaine turned back to the phone.
"So how was work today?" Blaine asked Kurt, changing the subject. Kayleigh leaned forward next to him, quietly whispering the word "drink" in a question. Blaine shook his head and mouthed a "no thank you," switching the phone off of speaker and bringing it to his ear before she got up and went to the kitchen, clearly giving Blaine a moment to talk to Kurt. Even if it wasnt really in the sentiment she thought it was, he still appreciated it.
"So exhausting. This episode were doing is just really emotional and every time we shoot something it takes forever and its just emotionally draining. I want to pass out right now." Kurt explained.
"Are you still there?"
"They needed to fix a few things with the set tonight so we got off early today since we cant pick back up until tomorrow. Im on my way out now."
"Kurt, youre not..." Blaine started nervously.
"No! No I promise Im not talking to you while driving. I called you when I was still in my trailer. Im on my way to my car now; dont worry." Kurt reassured him and Blaine relaxed instantly. Kurt knew how he felt about being distracted in the car. Kurt felt the same way because the same thing nearly happened to his friend in high school. Maybe Kurt didnt mean a lot to him in the same way that Casey did, but he was still an important person in his life, and Blaine couldnt stand it if something happened to Kurt because of that. Honestly, he couldnt stand it if something happened to Kurt no matter what the cause.
"Thank you." Blaine whispered.
"Theres no reason to make you worry unnecessarily." Kurt replied simply, and Blaine heard a car door shut. "I was actually calling to see if you were doing anything tonight. I havent had a night off in far too long. And I miss seeing you play. Wink wink, nudge nudge." Blaine laughed and flushed slightly. He was reluctant to admit, but he missed playing for Kurt.
"Well Kayleighs over now, but you can come over and join us if you like? If I kick her out she might start getting ideas and spreading rumors." He rolled his eyes when Kayleigh peaked around the corner looking offended, but then she dropped the expression in favor of waggling her eyebrows at him.
"God, shes almost as bad as Santana." Kurt laughed good-naturedly.
"Santana?" Blaine questioned.
"The friend from high school that I lived with in New York for a little while. Every other sentence out of her mouth was some sort of innuendo, I swear. Her favorite things to talk about were the sex lives of all of her friends. I think she liked to live vicariously through all of us; her whole slutty image was just a front." Kurt explained fondly. "Anyway, are you sure you dont mind? I dont want to interrupt anything."
"Youre not interrupting anything—"
"KURT, COME OVER! WE CAN PLOT AGAINST BLAINES PUPPY EYES TOGETHER!" Kayleigh shouted from the kitchen. She really was not subtle about her eavesdropping at all, even when she could only hear Blaines half of the conversation.
"Did you catch that?" Blaine asked.
"Yeah, I caught it. Ill be over soon, okay?" Blaine could hear the faint rumble of Kurt starting the engine and the click of him buckling his seatbelt. Even if it wasnt entirely for Blaine, he still was touched by the little things Kurt did, like waiting to drive until he wouldnt be distracted.
"Perfect, see you soon."
"So, wait, what was it that you used to do?" Kurt asked, very confused as Blaine flushed bright red and Kayleigh nearly choked out her laughter.
"Nothing! I was just playing piano at parties—"
"While you were shitfaced—" Kayleigh added over Blaine.
"I was not shitfaced!" Blaine defended. Kurt could tell he was trying desperately to reel Kayleigh back in before she made a fool out of him by telling stories of the few times hed come out of his shell in college. Apparently it was only when they were around his close friends, but when it did happen, there was no stopping him.
"He was sooooo shitfaced." Kayleigh whispered conspiratorially to Kurt, who laughed in response, raising an eyebrow at Blaine.
"I was maybe tipsy..." He threw a glare at Kayleigh and continued. "I just played piano versions of songs, thats all."
"That is not all!" Kayleigh argued.
"Yes, it—"
"Shut up, you dont tell it right." Kayleigh shoved a chip in Blaines mouth from the bowl that was resting on the coffee table in front of them. She turned to Kurt while Blaine was forced to chew around the unwelcome food in his mouth, his glare never leaving Kayleigh.
"So, we used to actively try to get him drunk after the first time he did this, because all the cool people in the arts college were having a party one night and all of the sudden he sat down at the piano yelling everybody shut the hell up I have to sing this its important! So we were all taken aback because here was Blaine all in his shy, curly-haired cuteness, and he was yelling above all of us telling us how important it was that he sang this song RIGHT NOW." Kayleigh laughed dotingly and continued. "So he started playing this really pretty melody and we were all thinking its from one of his classical seminars or maybe a piano sonata. And then he opened his mouth and he started singing this really artistic cover of Die Young by Ke$ha and I swear everyone in that room dropped to the floor and ran out of oxygen. It was HYSTERICAL!" Kayleigh couldnt contain her giggles any longer and Kurt burst into laughter. He could just picture Blaine, a few years younger, trying so hard to please everyone and come out of his shell.
"Okay, yes, everyone laugh at Blaines expense." Blaine was trying to sound annoyed but Kurt noticed the slight upturn of his lips.
"Were not laughing at you! You should play us one of your piano remixes!" Kurt said after hed calmed down a bit. Kayleigh was still cracking up next to them; tears of laughter running steadily down her cheeks.
"No. Absolutely not." Blaine deadpanned. "The last thing I need is for you to see that. Ill never hear the end of it."
"Pretty please?" Kurt looked up at Blaine through his eyelashes, hoping his puppy look had a similar effect on Blaine as Blaines did on him. Seeing as it had worked so well the last time he tried it, he figured it might at least have some leverage.
"Hey! No, we made a rule about that." Blaine tried to give him a stern look that wasnt working one little bit. Kayleigh watched the exchange from her seat with a look of adoration in her eyes.
"Yes, because neither of us has broken it before." Kurt rolled his eyes with a sarcastic smirk in place and stood up, tugging Blaine with him by the hand, knowing hed already won.
"Im only doing this if you play for me. You still have a quota building up, you know." Blaine reasoned. "I believe its somewhere around twenty-eight to one."
"It is not that many." Kurt disagreed, pushing Blaine down onto the bench and plopping himself down next to him. Kayleigh followed them into the room and sat down on the plaid couch on the far wall that faced the piano.
"Wait, what is this quota thats building up?" Kayleigh asked. The sly smirk starting to form on her lips was ignored by both of the men sharing the piano bench.
"For some strange reason, Mr. BFA-in-Music over here," Kurt jerked a thumb over his shoulder to emphasize his point while Blaine dropped his head in defeat, a small grin spreading across his features. "Finds it necessary to watch me make a fool of myself while attempting to play piano. He keeps trying to get me to play for him, but I refuse. I dont have a fine arts degree; I barely took real lessons when I was a kid." He huffed, turning to Blaine only to find him looking back with the widest, most innocent eyes hed ever seen.
Exasperated, Kurt turned back to Kayleigh. "Hes worse than the damn Sarah McLachlan commercials."
"Ive been saying that for years!" Kayleigh put her hands up in surrender. "I usually try to cover his face with my hands so I dont have to look at it. I cant guarantee that if you try that he wont lick you, though." She winked at Blaine, who had given up by this point and started to play a soft, sweet melody that Kurt could almost recognize but not quite place. He and Kayleigh stopped their teasing to listen, and it wasnt until Blaine made it a few lines in with a whispered falsetto that Kurt recognized it.
She sits alone, waiting for suggestions
Hes so nervous, avoiding all her questions
His lips are dry, her heart is gently pounding
Dont you just know exactly what theyre thinking?
Kurt was caught somewhere between wanting to burst out laughing at the song choice and being utterly captivated by how beautiful Blaine could make it sound. Blaine didnt look around being flirty and teasing like Kurt expected; he just focused on the music he created and the arrangement he put together to make it sound so striking until you listen to the lyrics and realize just how silly it all really is. Kurt listened for the remainder of the song and he giggled slightly throughout and when it ended, but clapped all the same.
"That was just—how did you do that?" Kurt said, amazed.
"I told you! Isnt it awesome?" Kayleigh laughed. "Although I have to say I havent heard that one before..."
"Oh, shut up, Kay." Blaine brushed her off. He knew if they ignored her long enough shed give it up and let it be. "All right, I played for you; now its your turn." He demanded, turning back to Kurt.
"Well add it to my quota." Kurt tried, whirling around to get off of the piano bench before Blaine could stop him.
"Not-uh. Youre playing tonight." Blaine slung his right arm around Kurts waist before he could get too far and Kurt flushed under the warmth and the comfort. He slid on the bench as Blaine pulled him back towards him, pressed tightly against his side. "No nursery rhymes this time. Play me a good one." His arm didnt leave from its spot, his hand gripped gently at his hip and his forearm rested against Kurts lower back. Kurt tried not to think much of it, especially since Kayleigh was right there.
Oh, right. Kayleigh.
Thats probably why Blaine was suddenly feeling so affectionate. It wasnt a drastic change from the norm, but Kurt noticed the subtleties that came with the presence of another person.
"Are you suggesting that my nursery rhymes are anything shy of perfection, Blaine?" He glanced over at Kayleigh and mentally contemplated his piano repertoire. He may be declining slowly, but he was aware that he was losing this battle, whether he liked it or not. "Why dont you just ask Kayleigh to play if you want to watch someone so badly?"
"Because I dont want to watch Kayleigh play; she can barely remember which note is which. Theres a reason shes a photographer." Blaine gently squeezed Kurts hip in encouragement and placed his hands on the keys for him.
"You know, Id refute that statement, but theres really no point. Im hopeless with the piano." Kayleigh sighed. "But Im with Blaine, Kurt. You should play something. Maybe itll help to deflate Blaines ego."
"Whats that supposed to mean?" Blaine turned his attention to her sounding slightly offended.
"You may be shy and quiet, but its still there." Kayleigh shrugged, inspecting her nails as if sitting in the same room as the two of them together while egging on their banter wasnt a big deal. For Kayleigh, it really wasnt.
"Hey! I dont mean to—" Blaine tried to defend himself, but Kurt cut him off.
"Dont worry, Blaine. Youve got nothing on half of the people I meet. And youll have to be a little arrogant in this business anyway; its just how it works."
"Yeah, Ill just work on that..." Blaine trailed off slowly, but then he shook himself out of it. "But back to the topic at hand," He placed his left hand over Kurts, his right hand still wrapped tightly around him, and started pressing down on the keys rhythmically just as he had at Kurts house a few weeks ago. He continued to play with him until Kurt began to take over and play on his own, both hands working together to plunk out a slow melody. He played for barely a minute until Blaine recognized it.
"Is that Falling Slowly?" Blaine spoke softly, as if he were afraid to interrupt.
"Sing with me?" was Kurts only reply before starting the song from the beginning. He glossed over the keys and looked over at Blaine just before the lyrics would have flowed in, but Blaines chin was resting on Kurts shoulder and he watched Kurt play. He quietly sang when he was supposed to enter, the words brushing against Kurts cheek and their voices blending well as Kurt joined him.
I dont know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I cant react
And games that never amount
To more than theyre meant
Will play themselves out
Take this sinking boat and point it home
Weve still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
Youll make it now
Kurt didnt notice that Kayleigh was watching them intently from the corner of the room with such a small smile on her face, but it conveyed every happy emotion she could have been feeling at that point. He also didnt notice her phone perched on the edge of the piano, the video recording since before they started. She didnt want to miss a precious moment such as this.
Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I cant go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And Im painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
Its time that you won
Kayleigh felt like she was interrupting something private. Watching the two of them, gravitating towards each other not just physically (though there was really no space between them anyway), but also in such a deep, emotional way, Kayleigh was at a loss for words. Shed never seen Blaine this open with anyone. They each seemed to have some sort of unspoken, mutual understanding of the other and what they meant to each other.
Take this sinking boat and point it home
Weve still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
Youve made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
Ill sing it loud
To be honest, Kayleigh really didnt know anything about Kurt. But she did know the look he gave Blaine when they finished singing, she could see the feeling behind the kiss they shared, completely oblivious to her presence. She knew that they loved each other, needed each other. She glanced over at the picture of Casey Blaine had framed on the shelf in the back of the room. Casey loved Blaine more than anything and always wanted what was best for him. She really thought hed be so happy and proud of Blaine right now.