If I Could Use Your Love
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If I Could Use Your Love: Chapter 13


T - Words: 2,811 - Last Updated: Apr 30, 2015
Story: Complete - Chapters: 36/? - Created: Jun 23, 2014 - Updated: Jun 23, 2014
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Author's Notes:

Song list for this chapter:

I Dont Wanna Love Somebody Else - A Great Big World

My My Love - Joshua Radin

 

Thanks for reading! - Rae

Been&Done: [PHOTO] Kurt Hummel seen arriving at a party Saturday night (6/23/18) with the same man from the coffee shop earlier this week. Some sources say hes Kurts new boyfriend, but can the rumors be true? Has our untouchable Hollywood hottie finally found a beau?


"Blaine, you better have a damn good reason as to why you never called me back yesterday. I was worried sick." Kayleigh huffed in Blaines doorway the following evening with a stern expression. Blaine, to her surprise, he could tell, just smiled at her. Smiled. Shed called Blaine at least a dozen times and all shed gotten in response was a very vague text that simply read, "Im okay" and nothing more. And here Blaine had the nerve to smile at her.

"Sorry, I was busy." Blaine shrugged and moved back to allow Kayleigh into his apartment. She was struggling with controlling her expression, and he could tell she couldnt stay mad.

"Judging by the smile you just gave me Im going to assume you were otherwise occupied in a good way." She kicked off her shoes and plopped herself on the couch, setting her crossed ankles on the coffee table and waiting with crossed arms and an impatient glare. Blaine just laughed and continued to beat around the bush to annoy her.

"Would you like something to drink? I think I have some lemonade in here some—"

"BLAINE DEVON ANDERSON GET YOUR ASS IN HERE RIGHT NOW!" She screamed. Blaine scurried into the living room and sat on the couch gingerly as she watched him with angry eyes. "Please tell me, reassure me, that youre avoiding the topic because you were okay? You werent somewhere you didnt want to be?" Her expression softened as she spoke quietly and searched Blaines eyes.

"I was okay. I promise I didnt go back. I was fine yesterday, Kay. I was more than fine. I was happy." Blaine let out a breath and let a small smile etch his features. Kayleigh looked at him a little suspiciously, confusion and concern mixed in her expression.

"I told Kurt." Blaine said simply, turning to face her. Her face immediately fell to shock, and Blaine was well aware why. He never shared things.

"Wait, all of it? Or just his birthday?"

"All of it. Everything." Kayleigh jumped up at the next moment and nearly bounced into his lap with excitement.

"BLAINE!! Blaine, I cant believe you told him!" She smiled ecstatically. "Im so proud of you, B. Really, I am." She hugged him tight and Blaine returned it. As hard as it had always been in the past to even mention the topic, it was so easy to tell Kurt everything. Blaine was honestly proud of himself, too. He never told anyone about those horrible moments. It was way too hard for him to open up like that. But he was glad he did with Kurt. It felt like a big weight had been lifted from between them.

"So what happened?!" She bounced on the couch again, "What did he say? Did he take it okay?"

"Yeah, he... I told him after we went to that party—"

"Which you still have to tell me about."

"—and he was really understanding and comforting." Kayleigh started absently massaging Blaines palm as she listened, and Blaine hummed his appreciation.

"So what exactly happened? When did you tell him?" She persisted.

"Saturday night... Well, no, Sunday morning. I was still at the party around midnight, and I went outside ‘cause I just needed to take a breath, and Kurt insisted we go home. When we got here I told him all about Casey and I told him it was his birthday and it was always a hard day for me. So then the next day I—"

"WAIT, DID HE SLEEP OVER?" Kayleigh yelled in the middle of Blaines sentence. Blaine rolled his eyes.

"Kayleigh." He sounded annoyed.

"Blaine." She shot back.

"Kayleigh."

"Blaine."

"Are we really doing this?"

"Blaaaaine."

"Ugh, fine. Yes, he slept over, but nothing happened. We fell asleep while talking, I swear." Blaine rolled his eyes as Kayleigh squealed at the gossip she just received. "Kayleigh, you have to swear not to tell anyone what I tell you about us, okay? The last thing we need is some scandal in the tabloids." Kayleigh promised and urged him to continue. "So the next morning I told him about what happened last year and the year before and he just... took it all in stride, I guess. He didnt judge me or anything and he comforted me and I was so relieved, Kay."

"Good. You deserve that. Im so proud of you and happy for you. I know its going to be hard, and I know its really early, but I think you guys can make this work. You need someone who gets you like he does." Kayleigh just giggled a bit when Blaine raised an eyebrow at her in confusion. "You cant tell me you dont see the way he looks at you, B. He looks like a lost puppy, or something. I dont know; you guys just seem to fit together."

Blaine wished he could have stopped her, but he didnt want to give it away. So instead he just listened to Kayleigh, and listened to how good they were at faking it. He smiled his way through.

"So where were you yesterday, anyway?" She finally asked. This time, a real smile spread across Blaines lips.

"We went to go see Casey." Blaine felt a little guilty when he saw Kayleighs shocked features. He never went with anyone. Not even Kayleigh. He saw Caseys parents there once, but that was coincidence. He preferred to go visit Caseys grave alone. "We bought flowers and went to the cemetery and then we went for a really long drive and ended up on some deserted beach and stayed there all day. I barely even thought about it." Blaine got lost in the memories from the previous day, just the two of them doing silly things for hours, not having a care in the world.


"I havent been too forward, have I? With all of this?" Kurt asked after a long, comfortable silence between the two of them. They sat on the beach and just watched the waves crash, only talking when they had something to say. Other than that, it was relaxed and they sat together, content in the quiet company.

Blaine leaned back on his palms and stretched his legs out in front of him, wiggling his toes in the warm sand. "Kurt, youre doing anything but overstepping. Trust me. I know I told you that I never really share this with anyone, barely even Kayleigh, but Im really glad youre here right now." Blaine admitted earnestly. He looked over at Kurt, who was basking in the sunshine with a subtle smile on his face.

"Are you sure? I feel like I kind of took over and intruded. I know this is a big part of you. I could see that from the beginning, even before I knew the full story." Kurt looked a little hesitant, but turned to Blaine for an answer, nonetheless.

"Im positive. This... This has been one of the best days Ive had in a while. Especially since this particular date in the past hasnt had the best track record for me." Blaine shrugged, though it was palpable that it still bothered him.

"Im glad I could help. I just dont want you to feel like Im... imposing or taking something away."

"Youre not. I promise." They watched the waves roll over and over, the sea foam rocking back and forth up and down the beach as the water carried it. It was quiet for a minute before Kurt spoke up again.

"Will you play something for him?"

"Right now?" Blaine asked, turning to face him again.

"Oh, dont pretend you dont have your guitar in the car. You take that thing with you everywhere." Kurt teased and Blaine gaped, slightly embarrassed. "In all seriousness, though, I think you should."

"Are you sure youre not just trying to get a free song out of me?" Blaines voice was also teasing as he started to brush the sand off of his hands.

"No, I really think you should play for him today. You sing about him all the time, for a bunch of other people, but when is the last time you sang for him?" Kurt asked simply.

"Its been a while," Blaine admitted. He walked the short distance back to where his car was parked and grabbed his guitar from the back seat. When he returned, Kurt had folded his legs beneath himself to get more comfortable. Blaine sat down cross-legged as well and rested his guitar on his knee as he started to pluck at the strings. Kurt continued to watch the waves as Blaine began to play.

Oh, I built a world around you
Oh, you had me in a dream,
I lived in every word you said
The stars had aligned
I thought that I found you
And I dont wanna love somebody else

Blaines voice cracked with emotion as he sang, but that didnt stop him from carrying on. Not knowing where else to look, he looked out at the sea, memorizing the way the waves broke as they came into shallow water. He could almost pretend that he was singing to someone right in front of him.

Oh, we left it all unspoken
Oh, we buried it alive
and now its screaming in my head
Oh, I shouldnt go on hoping
Oh, that you will change your mind
and one day we could start again
Well I dont care if loneliness kills me
I dont wanna love somebody else

Blaines eyes stung as he played, but he had to admit that Kurt was right. He felt a weight lifting off of his shoulders, and he was happy. So incredibly happy. It felt silly, but he actually felt like he was singing to Casey again, not just for him, not just about him. It was liberating.

Oh, I thought that I could change you
Oh, I thought that we would be the greatest story that I tell
I know that its time to tell you its over
But I dont wanna love somebody else

He wiped a few tears as he finished and sniffled a little bit as he looked over to Kurt, only to notice that Kurt had tears staining his cheeks as well. Kurt wiped at them with the back of his hand and cleared his throat.

"I feel like I just eavesdropped on something private. Im sorry." Kurts voiced broke as he spoke, clearly trying to hold back the emotion.

"Its okay," Blaine whispered, his voice equally choked back. "Im glad you suggested that. I really did need that." Blaine leaned over and kissed his cheek, the salty remains of Kurts tears staining his lips. "Thank you."

"Youre welcome." Kurt cleared his throat again and stood up, brushing the sand from his clothes. "Now come on," He held a hand out to Blaine and helped him stand. "Last one down to the water gets dunked!" He laughed as he raced down the beach and Blaine chased after him, laughing harder than he thought he could.


"I told you." Kayleigh said with an earnest smile as she watched Blaines expression change while he thought back to the day before.

"Told me what?" Blaine turned to her.

"That you two are perfect for each other." She nudged his shoulder knowingly.

"You dont even know Kurt, Kayleigh. How do you know were perfect for each other?"

"I dont know, it just fits. Kurt and Blaine." She shrugged, as if it were the simplest thing to understand. Oh, how wrong she was about that.


Things didnt get complicated. Not much anyway. For the next few weeks, Kurt strategically planned out when they would meet up in public and where, when they would go to certain places together, and more importantly, when they would start to show some signs of affection.

Kayleigh ripped the page out of the first tabloid magazine that showed a picture of Kurt and Blaine holding hands and thrust it into Blaines face the second he walked into Giovannis for his show for the evening. Gio had a good laugh when he saw it, wishing Blaine well and giving him a warm, knowing smile.

Blaine was surprised by how easily everything came to him. He and Kurt would go out to parties or social events that werent too press-heavy and Blaine would relatively be okay. He was still quiet, allowing Kurt to do most of the talking and only speaking when spoken to, but for the most part he sounded fairly confident and barely stumbled over his words, which only happened when Kurt wasnt there for reassurance. They were able to put on the perfect show.

"Oh, look, Blaine!" Kurt chattered happily from his seat backstage at Gios before Blaines show. "Emily just emailed me; they found you." Kurt tapped on his phone a few more times and pulled up a page on the TMZ website. Sure enough, there was a picture from a few nights ago of Blaine sitting on a stool on the stage at Giovannis during one of his sets. There was a small excerpt about who he was, meaning that hed been seen with Kurt a lot and there was speculation that they were dating. It also gave a short description of his performance, which Blaine was pleased about, seeing as it was all pretty positive.

"I guess that means I need to play really well tonight, or I may lose my TMZ fans..." Blaine chuckled, handing the phone back to Kurt. Kurt chuckled and rolled his eyes.

"Youll be fine. Break a leg!" He said as Blaine grabbed his guitar. Blaine smiled and made his way out to the stage, taking a seat on the stool and introducing himself. Hed been more open on the stage as well as off as of late, and he really couldnt help but think that it had to do with Kurt.

So many moons have come and gone all alone
I heard this song inside me to wait
I was told but now I found a different sound
I hear when youre around me
Its something new because of you
I hope I hear it forever

My, my love
Ive been without you too long
My, my love
Ive been running too fast to belong to anyone
But then you came along

Blaine couldnt help but notice a few camera flashes as he sang. Well, better get used to it. He smiled a little as he sang, thinking there must be some kind of roadblock waiting ahead. There was no possible way this whole deal should be this easy. And yet here he was, in pure bliss, more ready to take on the world ahead than hed ever been.

You warm me like sunshine
You cool me like summer rain
Just let me sit down beside you
Over and over again

My, my love
Ive been without you too long
My, my love
Ive been running too fast to belong to anyone
But then you came along

"Blaine!" Gio said as he strolled into the room after the show, greeting Kurt as usual. "You brought me a lot of business tonight with that set of yours, Im so proud of you!" He said as he hugged Blaine tightly.

"I dont think that was my doing, but thank you," He chuckled, packing his guitar up.

"I wouldnt be too sure about that," Gio laughed. "Youll be having record companies begging for you soon enough." Blaine blushed and smiled, thanking Gio once more before heading out the back door with Kurt.

"I think youre ready. What do you think?" Kurt said as they walked through the streets together.

"Im as ready as Ill ever be. Im not worried about fooling anyone; Im just worried about the press interviews... Ive never done anything like that. What if I vomit from nervousness?" Blaine asked, only half sincere.

"That wont happen, I promise. Ill be right there with you, remember? Ill be there until you can handle this on your own." Kurt vowed, taking his hand.

"Well as long as youre there on Saturday for the press party I probably wont throw up. Stutter, most likely, but not vomit." Blaine shrugged as if it wasnt a big deal, but in reality, he was boiling with nerves; he couldnt believe the summer had flown by so quickly and August was barely a week away. Fortunately, he was fairly good at hiding his anxiousness. Well, hiding it from everyone except Kurt.

"Blaine, look at me." Kurt said, stopping in the middle of the deserted sidewalk. Blaine obliged shyly. "Youll be fine, I swear. You dont realize how amazing you are. You can do this, and soon enough youll be able to brave this without me. Trust me, youll be okay." Kurt smiled and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, which Blaine returned immediately. "Come on, we should get out of here." He whispered against his lips as he barely pulled away with a smile.

Kurt was right, Blaine thought as they continued to walk away from Giovannis. He could do this. Kurt would be there with him to help. He would be okay.


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