Blaine wasnt sure what time it was when they had fallen asleep; he just remembered that they werent supposed to. He woke up Sunday morning with his face buried in the crook between Kurts neck and shoulder and his arms encircling his waist, snuggled tightly to his side on the couch in the living room. Kurts arms were wrapped around Blaines torso as well; it seemed they hadnt moved much from the position they were in mere hours before when Blaine had shared with Kurt exactly what today meant to him. Well, not exactly.

He was painfully aware of the terrible memories of this date that he hadnt shared with his newfound friend. He wasnt sure he wanted to. He knew this year wouldnt be like that though. Well, he was pretty sure anyway, so long as he stayed sober.

For now he pushed those thoughts aside and took comfort in the warmth of Kurts body tucked close to his. They shouldnt have fallen asleep, Blaine knew, but he couldnt help but indulge himself in the security and solace he had so little of as of late, especially today.

A low hum by his ear brought him back to reality and he tried to sit up, only to be pulled tighter into Kurts arms. He let out a low chuckle and squeezed Kurts arm gently to bring him to full consciousness.

"Kurt... Kurt..." Blaine whispered as he shook his arm. "Wake up, Kurt."

"Mm?" Kurt mumbled ineloquently as he opened his eyes slowly. His hair was ruffled and messy, but he still looked flawless as usual. "Oh... Good morning." He said with a sleepy smile, stretching his arms out as much as he could with Blaine still nestled in beside him. "You all right?"

"Yeah," Blaine answered, knowing Kurt was referring to the events of the previous night. "Im sorry," he said as he started to pull away. "I didnt realize I was that tired; I shouldnt have fallen asleep on you. That was really horrible of me to do..." Blaine rambled, but Kurt stretched a bit more and just chuckled.

"Its okay, Blaine; you have nothing to apologize for. Im just as much at fault as you are, and its not like either of us didnt realize what we were doing." Kurt looked at him expectantly, waiting for Blaine to relax.

"Youre right, sorry." Blaine nodded. "I just didnt want you to be uncomfortable." He started to get up and head towards the kitchen. "Coffee?"

"Id love some." Kurt said as he stood. "Im just going to go and freshen up, Ill be out in a minute." Blaine nodded and set to work on the coffee pot while dark and painful memories of previous years crept up on him once more. The memories clogged his senses; the strong smells, firm touches, hazy eyes, and bitter tastes. He watched the pot as coffee was slowly brewing, but his eyes were unfocused and lost, his mind lost among other thoughts and feelings.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Kurt said softly, his head tilted to the side slightly as he walked towards Blaine, eyes full of concern.

"Just... lost in the past few years I guess." Blaine tried to shrug it off, but Kurt took a different angle.

"Is there something you wanted to do today? Go visit his grave or anything? I can leave if you wanted to spend it alone, I understand." Kurt waited for Blaine to respond as he tried to read Blaines features. "What do you normally do today?" Kurt tried when Blaine didnt speak. Blaine felt his eyes stinging immediately as he turned away, trying to wipe away his memories. He would be okay this year; he had to be.

"Hey," Kurts gentle hand rested on his shoulder and tugged lightly to turn him back around. "You dont have to be ashamed of being upset, Blaine. Its just me."

"Its not that," Blaine shook his head incessantly. "Part of the reason Im upset is because its Caseys birthday, but the other reason is because Ive never really been okay today. In the past, I mean." Blaine tried to busy himself by pouring coffee, but he couldnt stop his hands from shaking. Kurt came around from behind him and took over patiently.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Kurt asked, leading him over to the kitchen table.

"Remember when I told you Kayleigh and I were just acquaintances and she helped me when I needed her?" Blaine started after a long period of silence.

"Yes," Kurt nodded.

"She and Casey were friends, thats how I met her. After Casey died... I was a wreck. I completely ignored the world around me and buried myself in my school work until I graduated—which I didnt even need to do because almost all of my final concerts and performances were done by that time—but the extra work gave me a way to distract myself until I was done with school. And then after that I applied to jobs everywhere and got so lost in that. I barely gave myself any time to feel. I ignored all of my friends and didnt talk to anyone; I was just consumed with any work I could find.

"I got hired at the company I work for now, but I wasnt going to be able to start until August, so I had nothing to do, and I just completely lost it. I was out of my mind; I barely ate or slept, I spent hours and days even, sitting at the piano or with my guitar playing songs I dont remember and crying my eyes out even though it had to be impossible for any tears to be left." Blaine shuddered briefly, taking a sip of his coffee to calm him down.

"Im guessing Kayleigh helped you out of that?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah," Blaine nodded, but kept his eyes away from Kurt, away from a judging gaze that was sure to come after he heard the remainder of the story. "By the time Caseys birthday rolled around, I decided, in the worst possible way, that I needed to just get over it and start my life as it was. I crumpled up all of my sheet music and threw my music books all over the place and then destroying my music room wasnt enough, so I just left and went out to the shadiest gay bar I could find on the outskirts of town and just made myself forget." Blaines eyes watered again and he sniffled, feeling Kurts hand grasp his own.

"I drank more than I ever had in my life, and just lost all control and..." Blaine braced himself, "I hooked up with some guy whose name I didnt even know in the alley behind the club, and then I went back inside and did the same thing in the storage closet with one of the bartenders. And for the rest of the week I went back every night only to get completely wasted and go home with anyone who would take me. I just..." Blaine choked back a sob, so ashamed of what he did, of how lost he had become in the few months following Caseys death. He tried to pull his hand away from Kurts, wanting to curl up in himself and sulk in his disgrace and humiliation for being so vulnerable, but Kurt held on tighter.

"Blaine, dont pull away," Kurt said in a soothing voice. "Im not gong to judge you for what youve done." Kurt scooted his chair closer and rubbed Blaines back in slow circles, causing Blaine to look up at him questioningly with tired, teary eyes. "We all need comfort, right?" Kurt looked at him reassuringly, his big blue eyes shining, but Blaine shook his head.

"Thats not comfort, Kurt, thats throwing everything Casey and I had back in his face because I wanted to blame him and be angry at him for leaving me here all alone."

"Thats okay, you know." Kurt murmured after a moment. "Its okay to be mad at him. And even if it wasnt the best method, its okay that you wanted to forget."

"But I—"

"Blaine," Kurt interrupted, looking deeply into Blaines eyes and brushing a thumb against his cheek, wiping away some of the tear streaks that Blaine had given up on trying to wipe away himself, seeing as they just kept coming. "I know. I know how it is to feel so low that youd do anything just to get your mind off of it. And trust me when I tell you that hearing this does not change my opinion of you at all. If anything it makes me appreciate you more. Youve been through so much and youre still amazing." Blaine blinked up at Kurt dumbfounded. His eyes searched Kurts deep blue ones for a moment before he nearly launched himself off his seat and attached his lips to Kurts.

This kiss was much deeper than previous kisses they shared. Blaine put everything into it, trying to show Kurt how grateful he was to have him there, not judging him for all hed done and telling him that it was okay. It was desperate, far more so than any of their previously chaste kisses. Blaine forced himself to pull back, reminding himself that he didnt want to get carried away. Not with Kurt.

"Shit, Im sorry." Blaine said hurriedly against Kurts lips as he pulled away. "I just—thank you. For what you said." He looked apprehensively at Kurt, but he didnt see any anger in his face. A little shock, maybe, but no anger.

"I meant it. Im proud of how far youve come from what you just told me." Kurt smiled sincerely, and Blaine returned it with a half smile.

"I suppose I should finish telling you that..." He wiped at his eye and continued from where he left off. "About a week after I started going to the bar, I was headed home with some guy, drunk out of my mind like I was every night before, when Kayleigh saw me half draped over the guy I was with and dragged me away and took me back to her place.

"I woke up with the worst hangover and treated Kayleigh like crap when I found out where I was and what she had stopped me from doing, but she just gave me a glass of water and waited. She was just looking at me like she was waiting for me to break, silently asking me why I had gotten myself into that mess and why I hadnt tried to talk to someone and I broke down.

"I dont remember much of what happened after that, but I remember I cried for hours and hours and stayed at her place that night and she was just there for me. We talked forever about silly things and she helped me get up on my feet again. She talked to me every day that summer and stopped by here almost everyday just to make sure I was okay and that I wasnt doing anything stupid. She called Caseys parents one weekend and helped the three of us clean my apartment out... I was close with them and they were apparently getting worried about me, so thanks to Kayleigh Im still very close with them. I was so, so grateful to have her to pick me back up." Blaine took a long swig of his coffee as Kurt spoke.

"Youre lucky to have her, she seems like such a good person." He commented seriously.

"She is. Shes the sole reason I was able to get myself back in check. I was so much better because she kept an eye on me, and she was there for me through everything after that. Well... almost." Blaines voice faltered at the last bit.

"What happened?"

"Another reason Im distracted today is because last year didnt go so well either. I... Kayleigh told me shed spend the day with me here to make sure I was okay, but she ended up having to go to her parents house for a family emergency she had to take care of. I tried so hard, but I just couldnt take it, being here all alone, and finally I just left, and I went back to the bar and lost control again." Blaine ran a hand through his curly, messy bed-head (well, couch-head) and sighed.

"I was at some other guys apartment, ready to get in his bed and I sobered up so quickly when I realized there was absolutely no reason why I was doing it, and I just left. I walked all the way back to my apartment, I cant even tell you how long it took. But I called Kayleigh as soon I got home, despite the fact that it was 4:30 in the morning, and I just sobbed on the phone with her, apologizing for being stupid and she came over the next morning and talked to me and... I was okay, and I am now, but this day doesnt really have a good track record for me. And I always feel so guilty because its Caseys birthday; I should be doing something positive instead of bringing myself down more."

"Youre okay this year, though, right? Youre not going to do that again." Kurt sounded so sure.

"I know, but I thought I wouldnt last year, too, and look what happened. Im just afraid Ill fall into that stupid, depressing state again." Blaine rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands.

"But you wont do it this year; I know you wont." Kurt started rubbing small circles on Blaines back again.

"How do you know that?"

"Well for one, you already feel guilty right now. I dont even think youll go near that place, let alone go home with someone there," Kurt paused and then smirked. "And two, now youre starting to get in the media, we cant have you cheating on me, that will ruin the whole plan!" Blaine let out a choked laugh at that, and Kurt was glad he was able to lift his mood.

"Thank you. For listening, talking, understanding, everything. Thank you for everything." Blaine said, taking Kurts hand and giving him a smile.

"Ill always be here if you need me," Kurt twisted their fingers as they sipped their coffee, enjoying the moment together.