If I Could Use Your Love
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If I Could Use Your Love: Chapter 10


T - Words: 3,120 - Last Updated: Apr 30, 2015
Story: Complete - Chapters: 36/? - Created: Jun 23, 2014 - Updated: Jun 23, 2014
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Author's Notes:

Songs:

Keep Us - Peter Bradley Adams (this was Blaines "original")

Just a Kiss - Lady Antebellum 

 

So this chapter was a little bit about Kurt and what hes been through, and next chapter we get a little more from Blaine!

Thanks for reading! Reviews are super appreciated :)

(Side note: Shannon is an amazing beta)

 

Been&Done: Spotted! [PHOTO] Kurt Hummel leaving a coffee shop yesterday (6/19/18) with a currently unknown companion. Could this be a new friend for our favorite Far From the End star? A business partner? A possible love interest? They look pretty cozy!

EDIT: Kurts coffee companion has been identified as a local singer at Giovannis restaurant downtown, where Kurt was seen with his family last week. Did these two strike a chord? Maybe time will tell!


When the rain set in we had nowhere left to go
so we just stayed in bed while the thunder rolled
theres a comfort in the rain, one that lovers only know
so we lay hand in hand while the water rose ...

Every season will turn til the world is upside down
rivers overflow then go underground
but in the eye of the storm, in the safety of this house
we lay hand in hand while the world turns wrong.

So keep us and keep us, keep us from the storm.

Theres a lesson in the rain that change will always come
let us ride this wave and then greet the sun
and though the ground may shake and well think
weve had enough
we must raise our flags for the ones we love.

So keep us and keep us, keep us from the storm.
Keep us and keep us and keep us from the storm.

Blaine smiled slightly at the audience when he finished his set with an original, as per Kurts request. He gave a slight bow as he exited the stage with his guitar and found Kurt waiting in the back room as usual.

"Amazing as always. When did you write that one?" Kurt asked.

"Uh... Somewhere between sophomore and junior year of college. I think it was the end of my sophomore year." Blaine pulled his guitar strap off and walked over to the couch where his case rested.

"I liked it. Im serious, you should sing your originals more often, instead of just one or two per set." Kurt remarked. "At least once your name starts getting out there you should." He smiled confidently and Giovanni walked into the room to congratulate Blaine and confirm his next show. Blaine was about to speak again as Gio left, but Kayleigh quickly strode into the room.

"Blaine! You dirty little—oh... hi, Kurt." She cut herself off when she saw Kurt was in the room.

"Nice to see you, Kayleigh," Kurt smiled politely and greeted her. She looked a bit awkward and awestruck but Blaine spoke up at that moment.

"Dirty little what?" Blaine raised an eyebrow at her.

"Um... Well, you lied to me," Kayleigh said, shoving her phone in Blaines hands. The internet browser was open to one of her favorite gossip websites. On the display, a very grainy picture of Kurt and Blaine leaving the coffee shop was visible. Blaine chuckled a bit and handed back her phone.

"Can we talk about this later?" He raised his eyebrows at her in a manner that didnt leave room for any other options and Kayleigh sighed.

"Yeah, fine. But Im holding you to this," She wiggled her phone in the air, which now had a black screen.

"Yes, sure, sure. You can yell at me all you want later," he rolled his eyes and gave her a hug. "Now get back to work, slacker." He winked at her and she rolled her eyes as she headed out.

"It was nice to see you here again, Kurt!" She called out as she walked away, wiggling her eyebrows at Blaine.

"So... what was that about?" Kurt asked with a very confused expression on his face. Blaine pulled out his phone and typed the url to the website Kayleigh showed him in his browser. Once it loaded, he showed the image to Kurt.

"Look at me! Im in the tabloids!" Blaine said over enthusiastically. Kurt scanned the brief caption next to the picture and nodded with an amused expression on his face.

"Well that was fast." Kurt said, handing Blaine his phone. "Look at you! Youre famous!" Kurt acted star struck for a moment before his face fell into a large grin.

"Well, I try." Blaine shrugged one shoulder in a cocky manner before rolling his eyes playfully. "So what now?"

"You should keep getting coffee there, even when youre not with me. Just go there a few times a week at least, that way people will start to recognize you. We can get coffee during your lunch break again next week." Kurt waited for Blaine as he gathered his bag and guitar.

"Sounds good," Blaine said, gesturing for Kurt to lead the way out. "Got any plans for tonight?"

"No, not tonight. Why?" Kurt turned and raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"I still havent heard you play piano." Blaine asked hopefully with a gleam in his eye.

"Well I have an empty house and a vast collection of romantic comedies if youd like to come over, but I cant promise Ill play for you."

"Ah, come on! Ive been waiting for weeks!" Blaine complained as they exited the back door.

"Patience, Mr. Anderson." Kurt laughed.

"Im not above begging." Blaine stated simply, knowing Kurt would budge eventually.

"Dont you dare." Kurt said seriously, looking over at Blaine with wide, almost panicking eyes.

"Please?" Blaine tried not to laugh as he looked up at Kurt through his eyelashes with a lopsided smile on his face.

"I hate you." Kurt narrowed his eyes.

"No, you fake love me, remember?" Blaine asked innocently. He immediately blushed and dropped his gaze after the words left his mouth without thinking about them first. Kurt saved him with a laugh and nudged his shoulder.

"Come on, Ill meet you at my place." He smiled. Blaine was thankful he didnt make a big deal out of his slip.

"Is that a yes to the piano?" Blaine perked up.

"...Well see." Kurt gave him a meaningful glance as he got into his car.


"Just one song."

"You are not going to let this go, are you?"

"Of course not!" Blaine said with a positively adorable look on his face.

"Im fake dating a five year old." Kurt muttered to himself while shaking his head. "One condition. No, two."

"Im worried," Blaine said as he slid down the piano bench.

"You dont have to if its too fast or it makes you nervous, but one of my costars is having a party on Saturday... Nothing extravagant, but... Will you come with me?" Kurt asked as he slid on the bench next to Blaine, leaving barely any room between them.

"This Saturday?"

"Yeah, if you want to." Kurt watched Blaine as he thought for a moment.

"Gotta start somewhere, right?" Blaine finally answered. "Sure, Ill come with you."

"Thank you!" Kurt hugged Blaine awkwardly from the side. "I promise I wont wander off and leave you to fend for yourself." He paused for a second, then, "While were there, though, I dont think theres any sense in lying to my costars, you know?"

"You mean," Blaine began, "tell them the real reason youre dating me?" He was getting worried. These were Kurts friends. What would they think of that? What would they think of Blaine? Surely theyd convince Kurt what a bad idea it was, right?

"No!" Kurt said quickly, seeing Blaines face fall. "No, I mean just tell them were dating. I mean theyre going to hear it sooner or later anyway, no sense in saying were just friends."

"Oh. Yeah, okay. That makes sense." Blaine nodded. "So, Saturday?"

"Saturday. I can pick you up, if youd like?" Kurt offered.

"Sure, thatd be great." Blaine gave him a half nod. "So, whats condition number two?"

"Well," Kurt started to tap out simple melodies that sounded suspiciously like nursery rhymes as he spoke. "I need something to distract you from my horrible playing, so will you sing with me?"

"Singing with you wont distract me from watching you play." Blaine countered, but Kurt shrugged.

"Worth a shot. Please?"

"Fine. What are we singing?" Blaine asked as he watched Kurts fingers move over the keys. Kurt didnt answer, just started playing a melody Blaine recognized after a few moments. His eyes followed Kurts hands as they moved, but briefly flicked up to his face every few seconds to watch him sing.

Lyin here with you so close to me
Its hard to fight these feelings when it feels so hard to breathe
Caught up in this moment
Caught up in your smile

Kurt nodded to Blaine and he took his cue as he continued to watch him play.

Ive never opened up to anyone
So hard to hold back when Im holding you in my arms
We dont need to rush this
Lets just take it slow

Blaine couldnt help but notice the two of them harmonized together beautifully. Maybe hed have to sing with the countertenor more often.

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
Just a touch of the fire burning so bright
No I dont want to mess this thing up
I dont want to push too far
Just a shot in the dark that you just might
Be the one Ive been waiting for my whole life
So baby Im alright, with just a kiss goodnight

Blaine caught himself watching Kurt as he focused on the keys, but he didnt look away. He wondered momentarily if this is what Kurt meant when he watched him sing, seeing his whole heart and soul being poured into music, even if he was singing a song that didnt belong to him, wasnt specifically written for him. That didnt matter though; there was always meaning. Blaine was well aware of that. You never choose something without reason.

I know that if we give this a little time
Itll only bring us closer to the love we wanna find
Its never felt so real, no its never felt so right

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
Just a touch of the fire burning so bright
No I dont want to mess this thing up
I dont want to push too far
Just a shot in the dark that you just might
Be the one Ive been waiting for my whole life
So baby Im alright, with just a kiss goodnight
With a kiss goodnight
Kiss goodnight

Kurts eyes finally met Blaines as he finished playing, there was a light blush on his cheeks as he glanced away.

"I dont know what you were so worried about. You play beautifully." Blaine said in reassurance, his lips turned up in a small smile. Kurt smiled back and Blaine swore his eyes flickered down to his lips, but he ignored it.

"We sound good together," Kurt said, changing the subject slightly. Blaine nodded in agreement.

"We do. Maybe we should sing together more if itll get you to play for me." Blaine prompted, but Kurt shook his head.

"You cant trick me into playing for you."

"Can I ask nicely?" Blaine said sweetly.

"Remember when you first made that puppy face at me and I said you werent allowed to do that? I actually meant it." Kurt said in an unconvincing tone.

"Youll play for me again eventually."

"Well see. Go pick out a movie, Ill make popcorn," Kurt said as he slid off the bench. Blaine watched him walk into the kitchen and froze for a moment.

Saturday.

This Saturday.

He shook himself from his thoughts and made his way over to Kurts movie collection. He would worry about that later.

He waited for Kurt to return with a bowl of popcorn before he pressed play, but he wasnt paying attention. It didnt matter; hed seen Sleepless in Seattle plenty of times anyway. He didnt notice when Kurt paused the movie and turned to face him.

"You okay?" He asked, taking his hand.

"Hm?" Blaine hummed suddenly, completely unaware of his surroundings from being too lost in thought.

"Whats wrong? You havent been paying attention to anything for the past 45 minutes or so." Kurt gave his hand a light squeeze and Blaine shook his head, as if the action could help clear his thoughts.

"Sorry... Just a lot on my mind I guess." Blaine tried to put on a fake smile, but Kurt could see through it anyway.

"You can talk to me if you need to," Kurt offered, but Blaine hesitated. No, now wasnt a good time.

"Can I ask you something?" Blaine went for a different topic instead, one that had been bothering him since Kurt mentioned it when they first struck their deal.

"Of course, you know you can ask me anything." Kurt answered patiently.

"You dont have to tell me if you dont want to; I understand. I was just wondering... When we first decided to do this, you said it would be better if you were unavailable for a while..." Blaine trailed off and let the unspoken question hang in the air until Kurt nodded his understanding.

"My last relationship was when I was still in New York. I was still dating Luca when I first moved out here, but long story short it didnt work out. The distance was one thing, but it wasnt really the main problem; we could have worked around it. I thought we wanted the same things, but we didnt. I was heart broken for about a week, but I knew while we were dating that it wouldnt last anyway. It was something that was easy to get caught up in that moment, but when it came down to it we werent headed the same way; simple as that." Kurt shrugged.

"So... why remain off the market, so to speak?"

"A few months ago Luca called me, out of the blue, and told me he was in L.A. and wanted to see me, catch up, yadda yadda." Kurt waved his hand as if to fill in words that didnt need to be said. "I was on a short break from the show, so I had the week off and I spent almost the whole week with him, reliving old memories and remembering why I was with him for so long. I was such an idiot that I let my guard down and fell right back in love with him in a total of two days.

"By the end of the week he just asked me if I really thought we were getting back together and what gave me the idea that it was more than just a hookup. I practically blew up at that point and was so angry at my own stupidity that I just left his hotel room and drove for hours without any direction until I ended up stopping somewhere about halfway to Phoenix. The stupid romantic in me fell for it again and I was so angry with myself.

"So finally I drove back home and booked a ticket to Ohio and spent the weekend with my father watching old movies and football games and talking about everything that happened until I finally convinced myself that I would be okay and Id be able to stop myself from doing something like that again." Kurt sounded frustrated by the end so Blaine scooted closer and put his arm around him in comfort. Kurt leaned into him immediately, which brought a smile to Blaines lips.

"So youre trying to avoid falling for Luca again?" Blaine asked quietly as he stroked his thumb against Kurts arm.

"Not just Luca; thats not exactly the first time thats happened. I have a bad habit of falling too hard, too fast." Kurt sighed.

"Im guessing Finn was one of those?" Blaine chuckled, lightening the mood.

"Oh, God. I never should have told you that." Kurt groaned, adjusting his head on Blaines shoulder. "He was probably the worst one, because I liked him for over a year in high school and it started before I even came out. And he was always back and forth with his girlfriends so I would just sit on the sidelines pining over the straight quarterback knowing Id never have him and I just couldnt wait to get out of that town. And then of course our parents got married and all of the sudden my old crush became my stepbrother and that was all kinds of awkward." Kurt let out a comfortable sigh and started to trace patterns on Blaines arms with his fingertips.

"Well you finally got out of there," Blaine noted, to which Kurt chuckled.

"I did, but my stupid, impractical heart was still in the same place."

"You didnt continue to fall for all the straight guys, did you?" Blaine teased half-heartedly.

"No, I managed to steer clear of the straight guys for once. But I still fell for people too fast. I had several relationships where I was one hundred percent convinced we were dating only to find out later he was only looking for a hookup or he just wanted to be friends. When I finally did find someone that I was happy with and dated for a while, I was pathetic enough to be right back in his arms the second he called after we broke up."

"Youre not pathetic, Kurt. Its okay to need someone." Blaine murmured as he squeezed Kurts arm.

"But Im pathetic enough to go back to someone who hurt me just to get that comfort when I could just as easily find it in a friend." Kurt countered. Blaine readjusted underneath Kurts weight on his shoulder so he could look at him.

"Its not the same. Trust me on that, I know how it feels. The comfort your friends can offer you is not the same thing as the kind of comfort you need from someone you love, or at least loved once in a romantic way. Its different and everyone needs it. Its okay to need it." Blaine reassured him, his eyes speaking more words than his mouth. Kurt grinned slightly in a silent thank you, and they fell back to the same comfortable position as before, with Kurts head on Blaines shoulder and Blaines arm wrapped around him.

"The whole fiasco with Luca a few months ago was a wake up call. I need to be on my own for a while and just be me. And even if its all for show, being taken by you will help that, prevent me from doing something stupid."

"At least I dont have to worry about you cheating on me," Blaine chuckled and Kurt joined in. He was glad Kurt told him about his past. Maybe Blaine would share his as well, eventually. Theyve had enough heavy topics for one night. "Thank you for telling me," Blaine kissed the top of Kurts head and held him a little tighter.

"Im glad I could tell you. Its nice to have someone out here to talk to. A lot of the conversations I have with people here are either superficial or too short to get into details, so really I should be thanking you for listening, and understanding." Kurt let himself be wrapped up by Blaine and they stayed like that for a while. They let the movie play in the background, but the two of them were too enveloped in the comfort of each other to pay attention to anything else.

Sometimes its nice just to be held, and sometimes its nice just to hold someone.


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