If I Could Use Your Love
raeofultraviolet
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If I Could Use Your Love: Chapter 1


T - Words: 4,352 - Last Updated: Apr 30, 2015
Story: Complete - Chapters: 36/? - Created: Jun 23, 2014 - Updated: Jun 23, 2014
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Author's Notes:

Songs used in this chapter:

Back to You - John Mayer

Autumn Leaves - Ed Sheeran

Anyone who knew Blaine Anderson knew that he was incredibly talented when it came to music. Over the years he had learned to play many instruments, plus he had a knack for being able to teach himself to play any instrument he managed to get his hands on. He also had a very distinct melodic voice that drew people in every time he sang. There wasnt a doubt in many peoples minds that he could make it big if he wanted to. Not only was he incredibly talented, but he was also very easy on the eyes and had an aura of passion for his music that made audiences want to listen for more.

There was just one problem.

If someone wanted to make it in the music industry, he needed to be headstrong, with a slight tone of arrogance just to prove that he knew he could do it. Above all, he needed to be assertive, and not afraid to put himself out there.

Blaine Anderson was not any of those things. 

He was incredibly shy, and not very personable. He wasnt very outgoing, and rarely ever spoke to people he didnt know unless he was introduced first.

This made going into music very difficult.

Ever since Blaine was little, he knew he wanted to be a musician. If his drive wasnt enough, his talent proved that he could do anything he set his mind to. The only thing he had a problem with was getting noticed.

Blaine thought itd be easier once he moved to Los Angeles. Hed gone to college at University of Southern California and graduated with a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree in music. He stayed in L.A. to try and find some work but so far the only thing hes been able to do is work several part-time jobs to keep up with the bills. He was lucky enough to find a job in a recording studio, but he really didnt do much other than filing and other background work.

One thing he had managed to be aggressive enough about was booking shows in local pubs and restaurants. A few nights a week (if he was lucky) he played a set or two of several covers and original songs to entertain anyone who was willing to listen. Some of the time he was really just background noise, but he got paid to do it, at the very least. He hoped he would one day be lucky enough to play for someone who might offer him a recording contract.

Back to you
It always comes around
Back to you
I tried to forget you
I tried to stay away
But its too late

Over you
Im never over
Over you
Something about you
Its just the way you move
The way you move me

Im so good at forgetting
And I quit every game I play
But forgive me, love
I cant turn and walk away

Back to you
It always comes around
Back to you
I walk with your shadow
Im sleeping in my bed
With your silhouette

Should have smiled in that picture
If its the last that Ill see of you
Its the least that you
Could not do

Leave the light on
Ill never give up on you
Leave the light on
For me too

Back to me
I know that it comes
Back to me
Doesnt it scare you
Your will is not as strong
As it used to be

Blaine sang with so much emotion that it brought half of the restaurant to tears. He was playing at one of his favorite restaurants, a place downtown called Giovannis. He played there at least once a week and had become pretty close friends with the owner and a few of the staff members. Of course, "friends" with Blaine meant the other person did most of the talking and got a few sentences out of him every once in a while, but once Blaine warmed up to people he wasnt so tense and at least let people in a little bit.

Blaine finished his final set for the evening, giving a polite smile and a small "thanks" before grabbing his guitar and heading back to the small room behind the stage that served as a dressing room for performers and a break room for the restaurant staff.

"Marvelous, Blaine, as usual!" The owner greeted him with a warm hug and a light chuckle.

"Thanks, Gio," Blaine said softly, but not unkindly. He returned the hug and smiled at the owner.

"Im still baffled as to why you havent gotten a recording contract yet." Gio laughed again, handing Blaine another glass of water, which he took gratefully. "Ill be first in line to get your CD when it comes out."

"I cant think of anyone else Id want to be the first," Blaine said truthfully. Ever since Blaine first met Giovanni, he had always felt comfortable with him. He had always treated Blaine like family, and supported him and his music. He really had almost been like a father to him out in this big city. He was one of the very few people out here who could tell you something of depth about Blaine. Not many others knew him beyond the fact that he was a pretty face with incredible talent.

Gio had taken a liking to Blaine and had tried to get to know him more ever since the first show he booked with him during his senior year in college. Ever since then, hes been spreading Blaines name throughout the city as much as he could through his staff and clientele. Everyone there loved him, even if he was quiet.

The thing about Blaine though, Giovanni noticed, is that when he was performing, you would never guess that he was socially awkward and shy at all. He was so open when he played his music, a true performer, especially his original songs. No one really knew if they were about anyone specific or just words he wrote on a page, but while he sang the lyrics, it seemed as if Blaine was an open book, stuck in his own little world and waiting to be read.

Perhaps this was the reason Giovanni liked Blaine so much. He knew he had a past, but was not going to pry if Blaine didnt want him to. He just knew that even if Blaine was timid in person, he owned the stage with his passion. His performing was fantastic, anyone in the audience had to be blind not to see that, or even hear it in his voice. Giovanni booked him at least once a week ever since his first show, in hopes that Blaine would open up a little more if he got used to the performances.

"Oh, um, I wanted to ask you," Blaine said timidly, "Is it all right if I play a little later on Thursday? I have to stay late at the studio to look over the files for the new contract and..."

"Of course!" Gio said instantly. "How about eight instead of six thirty? I can switch the two slots." Blaine nodded and smiled once more, then proceeded to pack up his guitar.

He didnt notice the tall, sandy-blonde waitress come into the room looking a little apprehensive as she approached Giovanni. The two spoke quietly and Blaine didnt bother them. He was far too polite to even try and eavesdrop on the conversation. It wasnt his business, so why did he need to know?

He continued to gather his things and place them on the old, faded, maroon sofa against the wall while his thoughts slipped from focus and he began to think about his performance. It was a fairly decent crowd that night, and the audience seemed to enjoy his sets. He did notice that the crowd tonight seemed to respond a little more to his originals than most crowds. Usually when putting together a set list, Blaine found that it was important to have just as many if not more covers than originals. People liked to hear songs they knew.

"Blaine?" Giovanni called his attention and shook Blaine from his thoughts with a bright voice and a smile on his face. Blaine looked over at him to show he was listening as he closed his guitar case. 

"Theres someone at the restaurant tonight who has just informed Shayna that hed like to meet you; is it all right if we bring him back here?" Blaine raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"Thats... Yeah, you can bring him back here, I guess. Who is it?" Blaine didnt want to get his hopes up that it might be a studio owner interested in getting him a contract. After all, a lot of people came back here after shows to compliment him. It was probably just another person who had seen him play and wanted to congratulate his performance.

"Oh, I think youll be very surprised." Gio smiled. "Go ahead and bring him back here, Shayna." She nodded with a large grin and swiftly fled the room.

"Surprised in a good way, or...?" Blaine didnt really know what Gio meant, but he was still going to keep his head on.

"In a good way." Gio replied. "Its probably not what youre thinking, but... well youll see. Youll be shocked, trust me." He smiled and chose to leave the room at that moment. He stepped just outside the door when Blaine heard him speak again.

"Welcome to Giovannis!" He exclaimed with his big, booming Italian personality. "Thank you for visiting my restaurant, I hope you found everything to your liking?"

"It was excellent, thank you." A high voice said. Blaine knew that voice, but he saw the face that went with it a split second before he could place it. And shocked he was.

Blaine Anderson was looking directly at Kurt Hummel.

Kurt Hummel was a young, talented, and very successful Hollywood actor who starred in various movies as well as a popular comedy on television called Far From the End. As far as Blaine knew, he recently turned 24, not even a year older than Blaine, and also moved out to L.A. from the midwest. Like Blaine, he had a passion for the arts, and had an incredible singing voice.

Unlike Blaine, he was very friendly, outgoing, and confident.

Although Blaine didnt normally follow the Hollywood lifestyle of celebrities and honestly didnt pay too much attention to them and their social lives (mostly because he never had much time) he did pay attention to a few things. One of those things was Kurt Hummel. 

Not because Blaine had a "celebrity crush" on him, or because he was an obsessed fan, but more so because Kurt was more of a role model to him. Like Blaine, Kurt was gay. He was out, confident, and proud, and people still loved him. Blaine was out and happy with it, but he admired people like Kurt, who didnt worry about what other people thought day by day, and just turned the other cheek to anyone who didnt respect who he was. He constantly surrounded himself with people who loved him for him, and Blaine only hoped he could be like that someday. 

Blaine stared in shock as Kurt entered the room and gave him a bright, warm smile. 

"Hi," He said stretching out his hand to shake, "Im Kurt." 

"Um, hi. I know." Blaine smiled lightly, still in shock. He quickly took Kurts hand. "Im Blaine." He said quietly, trying his best to remain calm.

"That set was fantastic, did you write those songs?" Kurt said as he plopped himself down in a brown leather chair across from the one next to Blaine. Blaine followed suit and sat down as well, afraid his knees might give out from being so star struck.

"Yeah, well most of them..." Blaine trailed off and his gaze dropped.

"Well you are an incredible musician," Kurt mused. "Seriously. Im surprised youre just playing in this restaurant."

"Um... wow. Thanks..." Blaine looked up at Kurts bright and contagious smile and couldnt help grinning slightly.

"Please, it was my pleasure just to hear you. Have you always done this?" Kurt wondered.

"Music?" Blaine raised an eyebrow and Kurt nodded in response. "Um, yeah... I got my BFA in music from USC." Blaine started to twist and untwist his fingers together to keep his hands busy. He didnt know what to say.

"Well, like I said, youre amazing." Kurt smiled again. "It was nice to—" Kurt was cut off as his cell phone began to ring loudly. He looked at the screen and sighed. "Oh, Im really sorry; I have to take this. Give me one second." He smiled apologetically and Blaine gestured that it was fine.

"Hey Sage, whats up?" He answered. Blaine began twisting his fingers again as he looked around the room, trying to avoid staring at Kurt. If Blaine was being perfectly honest, it was hard not to stare at Kurt. TV and movies did him no justice; he looked far more attractive in person. His pale skin had almost a glow to it and his smile radiated throughout the room. His features were sharp and beautiful, and his eyes were swimming with various shades of blues and grays, forming intricate patterns in his irises. 

"—Okay, Ill see what I can do. Thanks!" Kurt hung up the phone and turned back to Blaine. "Im so sorry; that was really rude of me. I just had a call about a—"

"No, its okay; I know you must be really busy. Thanks for coming to talk to me..." He gave Kurt a weak smile, his nervousness still evident in his expression.

"Well thank you for understanding. Unfortunately I do have to go. Id like to talk to you again some time, if you dont mind though?" Kurt asked with a light smile. Blaines eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"I... really?" Blaines voice was quiet once more.

"Of course, your music is wonderful. Youre playing another show here this week, right?"

"Yeah," Blaine nodded, "Thursday at eight." He tried his best to keep up his confidence. 

"Well Ill do my best to come by again," Kurt said as he gathered up his jacket. "Thanks for letting me talk with you Blaine!" He headed towards the door.

"Um, thanks..." Blaine stared as Kurt left the room backstage and let out a huge breath he hadnt realized hed been holding.

Did that really just happen?


To say Blaine was nervous was an understatement. He was never nervous about performing before, when he was on stage he was in his own little world. Tonight, though, he had a very good reason to be nervous. After all, its not every day Kurt Hummel tells you hes going to try to come and watch you perform. 

Sure, hes already seen him play before, but Blaine didnt know he was in the audience. Now he was over thinking everything, wondering what he could do to make sure nothing gets messed up, no matter what. He drummed his fingers on the pads of his thumbs, pacing the room in anticipation.

What should he be worried about anyway? Its not like he needed to prove himself to Kurt. He wasnt trying to get Kurts attention in any way. Kurt was the one who came and talked to him, after all. Kurt was the one who decided to make his presence known. Blaine shouldnt be nervous; Kurt already said he was good.

Knowing there was a celebrity in the audience shouldnt make him nervous. Especially since that celebrity had come just to see him. Even if that celebrity was extremely talented and overwhelmingly gorgeous.

God, why was he so damn nervous?

"Youre up, Blaine!" Gio called into the room, effectively pulling Blaine from his thoughts. He took a deep breath and grabbed his guitar, letting out a sigh as he glanced up at the ceiling with a sad smile just as he did before every show, sending a silent prayer to the one person whom he wished could see him play.

"All right, you can do this." He muttered to himself before stepping onto the small stage. The bright stage lights allowed him to look around the audience and not feel overwhelmed by the blur of faces. He smiled slightly as he began his set, letting the music take him over as he surrendered himself to the one place he felt he could open himself up.

Another day another life
Passes by just like mine
Its not complicated
Another mind
Another soul
Another body to grow old
Its not complicated
Do you ever wonder if the stars shine out for you?

Another tear
Another cry
Another place for us to die
Its not complicated
Another life thats gone to waste
Another light lost from your face
Its complicated
Is it that its over or do birds still sing for you?

Float down
Like autumn leaves
And Hush now
Close your eyes before the sleep
And youre miles away
And yesterday you were here with me

Ooh how I miss you
My symphony played the song that carried you out
And Ooh how I miss you
I miss you and I wish youd stay
Do you ever wonder if the stars shine out for you?

Float down
Like autumn leaves
And Hush now
Close your eyes before the sleep
And youre miles away
And yesterday you were here with me

Sometimes it was hard for Blaine to stop himself from letting his emotions get the better of him when he sang. He quickly pulled himself back to reality and finished his set, slowly letting the melody of the piano fade out from his last song. He smiled when the audience applauded for him, grabbed his guitar, and then left the stage.

He let out a deep breath he hadnt realized he was holding when he returned to the dressing room. It was one of the harder days for him. He tried not to think about it, and he was grateful when Giovanni came into the room.

"I hope you make time to still come and play here every once and a while when youre famous." Gio said with a huge smile. Blaine couldnt help but feel comforted by his enthusiasm. 

"Thanks," he said, blushing slightly. "Ill make sure to do that, I promise." Giovanni smiled and looked down at his watch. "Ive got to go check on things in the back. Have a nice night, Blaine; Ill see you next week?"

"Of course, thanks." Blaine smiled as Gio left the room. He gathered his things and was just closing his guitar case when he heard a soft knock on the open door behind him. He spun around and almost fell over. While he was out on stage, he had completely forgotten who was supposed to be in the audience. Said person was now standing outside the door.

"Uh..." Blaine wanted to bang his head against the wall at his lack of eloquence.

"Hi," Kurt greeted cheerfully, "mind if I come in?"

"N-no," Blaine stammered, mentally kicking himself. "Not at all." Kurt stepped in and closed the door behind him before taking a seat in one of the comfy armchairs across from where Blaine was standing.

"That was fantastic, once again." Kurt smiled. Blaine blushed and sat down, not really knowing what to say, other than muttering a shy "thanks."

"You seem a little nervous..." Kurts voice was slightly laced with a mix of concern and confusion. "Im not going to chew you out; like I said, your talent is incredible."

"Well, thanks." Blaine murmured, trying to build up the courage to look Kurt in the eye. "Im not..." He sighed and finally mustered enough nerve to look up. "Sorry, Im just... not very outgoing..."

"I honestly would never have guessed that with the way you perform. Its like your whole heart and soul are out in the open on that stage with you." Kurt paused and Blaine suddenly felt self-conscious. He curled his arms across his chest and looked away.

"I liked it. I like the way you perform. Its unique and... breath taking." Blaines head snapped up at that, which embarrassed him further, causing the blood to rise in his cheeks. What was wrong with him?

"I... guess I feel more comfortable expressing myself through music..." Blaine muttered. He knew he was making this whole situation really awkward, but he couldnt help it. He didnt know what to do.

"Well I can definitely tell that much. Your talent is ineffable." There was a gleam in Kurts eyes that comforted Blaine a little bit. He willed himself to relax slightly, trying to convince himself to let his guard down a bit.

"Thanks. That... means a lot, especially coming from someone like you..." Blaine blushed at his own words. He hated how awkward he was.

"Have you ever thought about trying to talk to a record company?" Kurt questioned.

"Um... well I work for a recording studio, but its mostly just paperwork and filing and stuff..." Blaine said shyly.

"Has anyone in the studio ever heard you perform?"

"Um, no... I dont think they even know I can play any instruments or anything..." Blaine looked away, knowing what question was coming next.

"Why not? If you played something for them theyd probably start working on something with you right away." Kurt insisted.

"I just... dont really have time at work and none of my coworkers have ever come to a show so..."

"Have you invited them? Because you definitely should."

"Well... um, no." Blaine felt so small next to this incredible man. Kurt was so confident and outgoing, and Blaine was so... not.

"Why not? Im sure anyone you work with would love to come and see you." Kurt seemed so optimistic and honestly quite oblivious to Blaines absolute shyness. Perhaps he just thought it was only in his presence because of his celebrity status, but Blaine was definitely an introvert everywhere except the stage.

"I dont really... talk to people all that much at work... I..." Blaine took a breath. "I cant really open up to people. Im just... really..." Blaine looked towards his shoes once again, ready to be judged by the wonderfully sociable man in front of him.

"Well thats the problem then, isnt it?" Kurt said brightly. His judgment-free tone surprised Blaine.

"What?" Blaine raised an eyebrow slightly.

"Youre amazingly talented, you just dont know how to assert yourself and put yourself out there." Kurt stated simply. "Youre too shy and polite to put yourself in the faces of people who wont give anyone the time of day unless theyre pushed to the edge until they do so." Blaine looked very confused. 

"Trust me, Ive been there." Kurt smiled and Blaine remained silent, still slightly perplexed. "You just need to learn to get yourself out there in the way of those who matter. Not that playing shows like this doesnt matter, because personally I love these types of shows, hence why you saw me here the other night, and why Im back again." Kurt laughed slightly and Blaine relished in the musical sound. "But you need to push yourself and make people listen to you."

"I... its not so easy for me to do that." Blaine quietly replied. He knew very well that was what he needed to do; he just couldnt come out of his shell far enough to take that chance. 

"I know; its a hard thing to make yourself adjust to." Kurt seemed to notice how uncomfortable Blaine was becoming, and promptly changed the subject, much to Blaines consolation. 

"So how long have you been playing guitar?" Kurt asked with a nod towards Blaines guitar case on the ground beside the vanity.

"Since I was about ten I think... it mightve been before that..." Blaine looked deep in thought for a moment. "Yeah, I think it was when I was ten. I started playing piano when I was six."

"Can you play any other instruments?" Blaines face lit up immediately at the question.

"Yes, a lot of them actually. I taught myself how to play a lot of things in high school and college, just for fun."

"You taught yourself? What can you play?" Kurt sounded shocked, and Blaine smiled. One of the very few things he could open up about was his music.

"Um... well I can play piano and guitar, obviously," He started marking on his fingers. "I dont know if harmonica really counts... but I can also play the drums, ukulele, violin, cello, pretty much anything with strings, really. Flute, trumpet, saxophone... I think thats it." Blaine silently counted on his fingers again and nodded. He looked at Kurts astonished expression and blushed.

"Thats amazing!" Kurt exclaimed.

"I um... Well I experimented around the bands a lot in high school and in college. I wanted to learn to play more so... yeah." Blaine began to drum his fingers on the back of his hand, nervous because of Kurts shocked and impressed expression.

"You are... You taught yourself to play all of those?" Kurt asked incredulously.

"No, just about half of them..." Blaine blushed. He didnt like to brag.

"Thats amazing." Kurt breathed. "If I were half that talented I wouldnt even know what to do with myself." Blaine rubbed the back of his neck and looked away at this, too embarrassed. 

"Um, thanks." Blaine wished he could stop blushing. Silence filled the room for a brief moment before Kurt sat up, suddenly struck with an idea.

"How would you like to join me for lunch on Saturday?" He suddenly asked. Blaine was taken aback and at a loss for words. He gaped at Kurt, unsure that he actually heard what he thought he just heard.

"Id love to talk to you more about your music, but I cant really do that right now. So what do you say? We could meet here if you like, Ill request something out of view so we dont get interrupted." Blaine thought about this for a moment and considered his options.

On one hand, meeting with Kurt could lead to disaster and he could wind up embarrassing himself even further. Kurt would never want to speak with him again and this whole encounter would be a distant memory.

On the other hand, maybe Kurt could help him. He already said he enjoyed Blaines music, and maybe with Kurts help Blaine could find a way to gain some much needed confidence.

Finally deciding that the pros far out-weighed the cons, Blaine nodded.

"Yeah, Id love to." He finally said with a small, shy smile.

"Great!" Kurt clapped his hands together. "Does Saturday at one work for you?" 

"Yeah, yeah thats fine." Blaine thought that maybe he was nodding a little too enthusiastically, but Kurt didnt seem to notice. He gathered his things once more and stood up. 

"Ill see you on Saturday then." Kurt smiled and walked out of the door with a friendly wave, leaving Blaine to his thoughts. He wondered what he had just gotten himself into.


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