Week 8 Day 5

Kurt went back to see Blaine at the hospital at noon the next day (and hopefully this time he would not be kicked out). In order to get a visitors pass he had to encounter that awful woman at the front desk again, who he learned had only been working there for two weeks. Kurt didnt feel like she would be working there much longer.

On his way to the fourth floor he passed by the gift shop. As he did he thought about how Blaine had absolutely no flowers or cards in his room, and decided it might help Blaines recovery if he had something that reminded him that someone cared. That Kurt cared.

So, he went inside and looked at the different flower arrangements, picking the last bouquet of dark red roses, the symbol of love.

"Would you like a vase for these?" The woman at the checkout counter asked.

"Yes please," he said quickly, bouncing on his heels in anticipation of seeing Blaine again.

She smiled at him. "Someone special?"

"Very," he nodded.

"Well," she said ringing up his purchase, "I think they will like these very much."

"I hope so." Kurt took the flowers and gave the store clerk a smile. She handed him a card to put in the flowers, so he filled it with a sweet message for Blaine, hoping he would like them.

He carried the large vase up to the fourth floor and stopped in front of Blaines door. It was only the second of many days he would have to see Blaine sick, and he didnt know if he could handle having to see him so weak. But he knew that was something you had to do for someone you loved.

He took a deep breath before knocking and opening the door slowly. Blaine was in his bed watching TV, his nasal tube gone and in pajamas instead of hospital clothes. Kurt was surprised at how much better he looked after only one day, although there was still something a little off about him.

As soon as Blaine noticed Kurt he pushed himself into a sitting position and turned off the TV. "Hey," he said smiling.

"Well you seem to be feeling better today," Kurt said setting Blaines flowers at the table at the edge of his bed.

Blaine nodded and Kurt walked around to the side of his bed. "Are those for me?" He asked, pointing to the roses.

"Who else would they be for, silly?" Kurt joked, giving Blaine a kiss on the forehead and sitting in the hospital chair.

"You didnt have to get anything for me," he said sitting back against the pillows, smile fading.

"I thought your room needed a little color…Do you not like them?" Kurt asked, disappointment evident in his voice.

"No, Kurt…I love them, its just…" He seemed to hesitate.

"What is it?"

Blaine took a deep breath. "If she sees the flowers—Its just, my grandmother cant know that youre coming to see me." He paused for a moment. "Can I tell you something?"

Kurt took Blaines hand. "You can tell me anything, Blaine. You know that, right?"

Blaine nodded and took a deep breath. "My grandma knew I liked you ever since you came to my house that one day…" He smiled to himself, "I guess Im not that good at hiding my feelings." He wouldnt make eye contact with Kurt, it was almost as if he was telling to story to himself. "She told me I wasnt allowed to see you anymore, just like I thought she would. I might have gotten away with seeing you too, if she hadnt called the church the night of the lock-in…She…she waited for me to come home, that night after you almost drowned."

Blaine squeezed his eyes shut and continued, "She had never really ever yelled at me before. Not like that. I was actually scared, really scared. She threatened to send me back to Ohio…with my dad." He looked up into Kurts eyes and started shaking his head. "I couldnt go back there, Kurt. I just couldnt."

Kurt pulled Blaines hand to his lips. "Shh, youre not going back there. Its okay…"

"I begged her to let me see you, I told her I would do anything…I dont know what it really was, but after a few days, she changed her mind. She said I could see you as long as no one ever found out, and she never wanted to see it either. I really dont know why I told you she couldnt find out, but it just seemed easier that way…"

"You told me she gave you a choice, and you chose me. What was the choice?"

"That I would go off my pain meds…and cut my blood transfusions in half…"

"Blaine!" He gasped. "Why would she make you do that?"

"It wasnt that bad actually, it really felt like nothing changed. They were so expensive and we never had health insurance… we had already found out there was nothing the doctors could do…"

"She was practically trying to torture you, Blaine."

"No she wasnt. She let me see you, and I cant thank her enough. She pays for all of this, she could have easily sent me back home to get treatment, but shes taking care of me. We dont have a lot of money, and it was a matter of time before we would be forced to give up the medicine anyway."

Kurt thought about Aunt Annies story. About how Blaines grandmother would play mind games with her son, let him make friends only to be torn away from them. Kurt had to ask. "Blaine?" He said in a small voice. "What did she do to you after she found out you were still seeing me?"

Blaine looked at Kurt confused. "I told you, she yelled at me for a while but eventually decided to let me see you…"

"Dont lie to me," he said softly. He knew there was more.

Blaine gulped, it was obviously hard for him to talk about. "W-when I walked in that night, she was really angry at me for lying to her…And when she threatened to send me to my dad, I yelled back. Its my fault, Im not supposed to yell at her." Blaine seemed to stumble over his words. "Shes not a bad person, Kurt. I know I might say things that make it seem like shes cruel but shes really not…she helps me. I wouldnt be here without her."

"What did she do to you?" Kurt persisted.

Blaine silently took Kurts hand and led it to the back of his head, pushing his hair out of the way. "Youll know when you feel it," he said.

Kurt felt around Blaines scalp until his hand ran across a large bump. Blaine winced at the touch and Kurt pulled away quickly. "Blaine…"

"She hit me over the head with a lamp," he said quietly. "And then she locked me in my room for a while…"

"Why didnt you tell me?" Kurt asked.

"I dont think a little bump on the head was a bad as you almost drowning."

"There must be something wrong if its still there after all this time."

"The leukemia makes me bruise easy, thats all it is. It wasnt that hard. And then the next day she told me I could see you, so everything was alright."

"We need to tell someone, you need to get out of that house."

Tears were coming to Blaines eyes. "No, please dont tell anyone. Theyll make me go back to my dad, and I cant go out on my own, I dont have any money to pay for my next hospital visit. Shes the only one keeping me alive." He squeezed Kurts hand. "I just want to spend the rest of my life with you, I dont want things to get complicated."

"Has she been here today?" Kurt asked.

"Yes, the doctors told her Ill be released Friday. See Kurt? Youve made me better."

"Why cant I leave the flowers here? Why cant she know?"

"Because I told her I stopped seeing you," he cried. "If she knows I lied to her she might take more away from me. I told her I stopped seeing you after you found out, because I never thought I would see you again."

Kurt didnt know what to do. Blaine obviously was afraid of his grandmother, who was threatening him with something he was even more afraid of, which was his own father.

"I dont think you should visit me anymore," Blaine said, interrupting Kurts thoughts.

"Wha—Why?"

"If she sees you here…"

Kurt stood up and sat on Blaines bed, then leaned over and took Blaines face into his hands. "Shes not going to find out. If you dont want me to come here anymore then Ill wait for you to get home. But you need to tell me these things Blaine, we need to be honest with each other."

"I know…" Blaine had his eyes fixed on Kurts lips. "I really want to kiss you Kurt."

Kurt smiled . "You should know by now you dont have to ask." Blaine surged forward and kissed Kurt hard, almost as if he needed it. He put his arms around Kurts back, trying to pull him closer. They kissed for a while, but in the back of his mind Kurt was always thinking of how things were so much worse than they seemed.

"Please dont tell anyone," Blaine said later on while Kurt was laying next to him on the bed.

"Blaine…"

"Please, just for a while. Shes only ever hit me once, and she said she was sorry."

Kurt didnt believe any of that for a moment. "Ill promise, only if you promise me youll go back on your pain meds and tell me if she does anything else to you, okay?"

Blaine nodded. "Okay," he said softly.

"Youll text me when you get home Friday, right?" He asked, sitting up and getting ready to leave.

"First thing," Blaine smiled, obviously relieved that Kurt promised not to tell anyone.

Kurt gave Blaine one last kiss on the cheek before walking to the edge of his bed and picking up the roses. "Oh, I forgot to give you the card," Kurt said, taking the card out of the flowers and handing it to Blaine.

"Thank you…" Blaine looked down at the card and smiled. "I love you, Kurt."

"I love you too," he said, taking the roses and walking out the door. It was going to be okay, Blaine was getting out of the hospital in two days, Rachel was coming in three—

Oh crap.

Week 8 Day 7

"Kurt, I already had the moving people pick up your stuff, I cant just tell them to drop it all off," Rachel said. It had taken Kurt two days to finally get a hold of Rachel, who had been busy packing her and Kurts things back in Lima.

"I know, and Im sorry I put you through all the trouble, but I cant leave now. Blaine and I worked things out…" He said to her over the phone as he paced his room.

"Well, I doubt someone who hurt you enough to make you want to leave early actually deserves to be with you." She sounded pissed off, and Kurt couldnt blame her. She had used the week to pack the things he had left sticky-noted in the house, including and the clothes he had left.

"We had some…issues…but its okay now." As okay as it will ever be. "Blaine needs me here."

"What happened anyway? Youve refused to tell me. I couldnt even get it out of Finn," she muttered.

"I was going to tell you tomorrow, because its complicated…"

"Complicated enough that you wont tell your best friend now?" She asked.

"Rachel…" He sighed. It might have been best if he told her now, and allowed her to process it overnight. "Blaine…hes sick." Kurt was surprised at how easily he said it, almost as if he was accepting it. Almost.

There was a silence over the line. "What kind of sick? Like flu sick or…"

"Leukemia sick," he said flatly. "Blaine has leukemia." He still had to say it twice, because there was still something inside of him that wouldnt believe it.

"Oh Kurt…" Her voice became sympathetic. "How long has he had it? Was it recent?"

"Hes had it since February…I didnt find out until last Friday, and it wasnt even from him."

"Is he going to be alright?"

He started shaking his head before he remember Rachel couldnt see him. His throat was closing on him, and the tears were forming. He wasnt going to cry. "He told me its over…The doctors gave him until October but even thats a stretch." Kurt sat down at his desk and covered his eyes with his hand. "They let him have the lifeguarding job so he could spend his last summer looking at the ocean...but then I had to be afraid of it…"

"Im sorry…"

"I cant leave him now. I was at first, only because I was angry at him for not telling me …But now Ive realized that I cant…" He choked a sob. "I cant live without him Rachel, I dont think I would know how."

"You would have left him eventually, what about New York, college?"

"But at least he wouldnt have been dead!" he cried. Never mind, it was too soon. He had been training himself the whole week to not be as affected by Blaines illness, but it wasnt time to pretend like he had accepted it.

"Im sorry you and Blaine are going through this. But you have me if you need someone to talk to. And Im sure any of us from the Glee club would be more than welcome to help, you just need to tell us. Dont keep everything bottled up."

Kurt wiped the tears from his eyes. "I just…I dont want it to be over…" Hed been researching for the past few days, trying to find something that could help Blaine. But the type of cancer Blaine had was extremely fast paced, and it was a miracle if the patients even lived six months without treatment. The normal life expectancy was two months, which Blaine had long surpassed.

"I know you love him…but youre going to get through this. Youre not alone," she said, and Kurt knew she meant it.

"The famous words of wisdom from Rachel Berry. I have to admit it, I dont know what I would do without you. Or any of you for that matter." High school had been a mess, but he knew he could have never gotten through it without the glee club. It just made Kurt even more upset that Blaine had no one to help him through all of this before Kurt.

"Im going to tell the moving people to take back your stuff…Youre needed there in New Jersey."

Kurt really did appreciate Rachels help."Ill see you tomorrow. We all decided youre going to be on an air mattress in my room, so we can make sure you dont sneak off with Finn in the night."

"Hey! I have never done that and you know it."

"Mhm. I believe that almost as much as you telling me you hate Barbra Streisand."

Rachel laughed and Kurt started laughing along, the less he thought of Blaine the better. Maybe Rachel coming for the week could keep his mind off of things for a while.

Week 9 Day 1

Kurt was sleeping in his bed alone that night holding a pillow tightly to his stomach. How much he wished Blaine was with him so he could know everything would be alright. But nothing would ever be alright. Blaine texted him earlier that day that he had returned back from the hospital that morning and was now on bed rest.

It was about two in the morning when Your Song by Elton John filled the empty air. That song always reminded him of the day Blaine took him to the meadow for the first time and sang to him with all his heart. It also reminded him of a time when he thought he would have Blaine forever, or at least the ability to have Blaine forever.

He groggily rolled over and checked that caller ID, although he knew it was Blaine. "Hello?" Kurt asked half asleep.

"Kurt," Blaine said weakly, "Im sorry, I just- Im having trouble sleeping and- and- I really needed to hear your voice. Im sorry go back to sleep." Kurt could tell there was something wrong.

"No, dont be sorry. I needed to hear your voice too." Kurt leaned over and turned his lamp light on. "Is everything alright?" He knew that was a stupid question. How could anything be alright?

"Its just, I feel really sick tonight—being off the hospital meds…" He paused for a moment. "Im so sorry," Blaine whispered. "So, so sorry."

"Blaine, its fine, I wasnt that asleep anyway." Kurt said as he sat up against the headboard.

"No, no, Im s-sorry about all of this." Blaine paused for a moment. "I dont want to leave you Kurt," Blaine choked out. "I had accepted it, that- that I was going to die, but now…I want to be here for you. I promised I would be there, that I would love you and take care of you. I let you believe me, but I knew… Its not fair to you, you d-dont deserve this…" Kurt could tell Blaine was trying not to cry, and he couldnt hold back the tears of his own that started falling. "Im so sorry Kurt. So, so sorry…"

"Shh…Blaine. Please, I- I," Kurt composed himself and began again. He needed Blaine, he needed to see him, to kiss him… "Youre at your house right, in your room?" He asked.

"Yeah…"

Kurt was already out of his bed and in his closet picking out something to wear. "Make sure your window is unlocked, Ill be over in 20 minutes."

"No- Kurt- you need your sleep."

"No, I need you." Kurt took a large inhale to keep from totally breaking down. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Blaine said with absolutely no doubt in his voice. "For my forever."

Kurt knew that he would love never stop loving Blaine. Even longer than his forever.

Kurt rode his bike over to Blaines house, and left it in the front yard as he ran to Blaines window.

It was already opened and he could see Blaine is his bed with his eyes closed. He looked so helpless, so weak. But Kurt knew Blaine wasnt weak, he was the strongest person he knew.

He hoisted himself into the room through the window. Blaine looked like he had gone back to sleep. His skin was pale and he had severely dark rings around his eyes. Why couldnt Kurt help him? Why couldnt Kurt save him?

Kurt quietly walked over to the side of Blaines bed and knelt on the floor. He looked at the sick, sleeping boy in front of him and started to cry. Why do the best people always have to leave us?

He slowly brought his hand up and caressed Blaines cheek and pushed his hair out of his eyes. How much Kurt loved Blaines curly hair, which was now extremely unruly from sleep and being in the hospital for so long. He didnt want to think about how he must not have had any just a few months prior.

After a few moments he felt Blaine take in a deep breath of air as he woke up. The golden eyes lit up from the moonlight as he looked at Kurt. "Hey," Blaine said sleepily.

"Hey," Kurt said back smiling, forcing himself to stop crying and wipe the fallen tears off his face, hoping Blaine wouldnt notice.

"Thank you for coming here, tonight- tonight hasnt been the greatest night."

"I know baby," Kurt said giving him a kiss on the cheek. "But, Im here now. Im going to take care of you." Kurt wanted to start crying again just thinking about how sick and miserable Blaine must have felt. But he couldnt cry, he had to be strong for him. He knew Blaine didnt like to see him cry.

Blaines eyes suddenly widened and Kurt knew what was happening from when he was sick at his house a few weeks before. Kurt took a bucket (which was conveniently placed) from beside the bed and gave it to Blaine. As soon as Blaine got hold of the bucket, he started throwing up violently. Kurt just sat there and rubbed his back up and down comfortingly.

"Sorry," Blaine said when he was finished.

"Stop saying that. You have nothing to be sorry about. Do you think its done?" Kurt said still rubbing his back.

"Yeah, I just feel disgusting now." Kurt could see the sweat on his shirt from the restless sleeping.

"Well, lets get your teeth brushed and get you a change of clothes." Kurt said as he led Blaine out of bed. He helped him brush his teeth and got him into some pajama pants but decided he might be too hot with a shirt.

Once they laid back on the bed Kurt started to trace shapes onto Blaines stomach as he laid with his head on his chest, looking toward the end of the bed and listening to the sound of his heartbeat.

"Kurt, I-Im sorry for all of this. You dont have to be here. I was the one that was supposed to be taking care of you, now Im just hurting you more…"

"What did I say about saying sorry?" Kurt said firmly. He hated that Blaine felt he needed to keep apologizing. Kurt had forgiven him already for not telling him he was sick.

"I c-cant help it. You trusted me, and I let you down…"

"Its my turn to help you now. You saved me that night, and every day since. Its my turn to pay you back, and Im going to be here every step of the way. Because…well… because I love you." Kurt had never meant those words as much as he did right now.

"Kurt…" He could hear Blaine sniffle, and even though he wasnt looking at him, he knew he was trying to hold back tears. "You dont know how much you mean to me…" Blaine let out a dry sob and Kurt pulled himself in closer. "Since that day you stepped onto the beach…Youve…" Kurt could feel Blaines body convulsing as he tried to hold back his tears. "Kurt, you dont know how much youve made my life, or however many days I have left, worth living."

"Blaine…"

"Before you came here, I didnt even care if this illness took my life. I wanted it over with anyway. No one loved me, no one cared what happened to me…" He paused for a moment and rested his hand on Kurts, which was laying on Blaines stomach. "Then you came along and everything was better. I was happy for the first time in so long. That was why I was so afraid to be with you at the beginning, because I didnt want you to have something that would get taken away so quickly. I didnt want you to love somebody you couldnt have forever."

How it must have been living every day thinking that not one person loved you. There must have been someone besides Kurt that loved him, but just knowing that Blaine believed no one cared if he lived or died, made Kurt want to be there for him all that much more.

"I dont care about forever," Kurt finally said. He didnt need Blaine forever. What he needed was Blaine, for however long he could possibly have him. "At least I got to love you. At least I got to experience what it was like to have someone like you."

And with those words Kurt felt Blaine finally allow himself to break what he had been holding back for so long. Kurt didnt look up at Blaine while he cried, but he could feel the sobs racking through his body as they held each other. "Im so scared," Blaine finally choked.

"Dont be scared," Kurt whispered, threading his fingers with Blaines. Why would he tell him that? Of course he should be scared, he was dying.

"Why now?" Blaine sobbed. "Why when I finally become happy does it all have to be taken away?"

"I…I dont know, Blaine." Kurt didnt have an answer. He didnt have an answer for why life was so cruel to those who have been through so much.

Kurt laid silent as Blaine cried. Kurt started crying too, tears falling from his eyes onto Blaines bare chest. He wanted them to stop, he wanted to be strong for himself and for Blaine, but his heart was breaking, and there was nothing he could do.

Blaine finally stopped crying after a few minutes, too exhausted to keep going. Kurt stopped quickly as well, feeling like he needed to do something, he wanted to make Blaine feel better. He wanted to show him how much he loved him. He just wanted to show Blaine how much he really wanted him.

After a few more moments of both boys laying silent, Kurt took Blaines hand and kissed his palm, and then held it to his cheek, remembering that time in the meadow when Blaine wondered why it was so soft. He turned his head and kissed Blaines cold palm again as it rested on his cheek, then set it back down on Blaines chest after a few moments.

Kurt sat up supported himself with his arms as he looked into Blaines puffy, dark ringed eyes. He trailed his fingers up Blaines chest, then lifted his hand and pushed back Blaines dark hair. He leaned down and whispered into his ear, "I want to make you feel better." Before Blaine could react he lowered his head down and started spreading kisses down Blaines neck.

"You dont need to do this," Blaine said, closing his eyes.

"Just relax," he said giving him another kiss.

"Kurt—"

"Shh…just relax Blaine." He started to suck on the side of Blaines neck, not too hard because he knew he would bruise very easily. Blaine turned his neck to allow Kurt more access and was already making the small moaning sounds.

After a few minutes of Kurt slowly kissing his neck, Blaine put his hands out and started tugging on Kurts shirt, as a sign that he wanted it off. So Kurt readily obliged, pulling off his shirt and throwing it on the floor, he didnt really care if it got wrinkled, all he concentrated on was Blaine.

Kurt rolled onto Blaine and straddled his hips, trying to put as little pressure as he could on him. He slid down and starting kissing his shoulders, running his fingers ups and down the sides of Blaines bare chest. He could almost feel his ribs because of how much weight he had lost from the hospital.

"Am I hurting you?" Kurt asked, to make sure he wasnt putting too much pressure on Blaines fragile body.

"Mmm…No. It feels really nice," Blaine hummed with his eyes closed and his head tilted back.

Kurt took that as encouragement and resumed by kissing down his chest. He flicked his tongue across one of his nipples and Blaine moaned louder this time. Kurt unbuttoned his own jeans, and slid them off to the best of his ability without ruining the moment.

There was a small smile across Blaines face. "Mmm…Kurt" he said in a tone that was between a moan and a whisper as Kurt trailed kisses lower down his body, shifting in between Blaines legs. He finally stopped at the band of his pajama bottoms .

He looked up at Blaine with wondering eyes, "Is this okay?" He asked, knowing Blaine would know what he meant.

"Yes, please Kurt, please," And with that Kurt gave one last kiss to Blaines hip bone before pulling down both his pajamas and briefs at the same time. He pulled them off and threw them with the rest of his clothes. He gave a kiss to his thigh on the way back up before putting his hands firmly on Blaines hips.

He lowered his head down and wrapped his mouth around Blaines cock. As soon as he did Blaine groaned loudly. "God, Kurt, feels so good."

He started sucking slowly at the head and then sunk all the way down, taking all of Blaine in his mouth. Blaine moaned repeatedly, whispering things such as, "I love you so much," and "I dont deserve you," But Kurt felt like the one who didnt deserve Blaine.

After a few minutes of Blaine unraveling beneath him, Kurt could tell he was close. His breathing was getting faster and sharper, and he was starting to make incoherent noises that made Kurt start to rut into the mattress for some sort of friction.

"Kurt- oh god- Im gonna," Blaine started saying as he pulled at Kurt hair. Kurt just quickened his pace as Blaine came down his throat, jerking harder into the mattress until he finally came in his own boxer-briefs.

They were both breathing heavily with dazed looks on their faces as Kurt crawled back up and laid his head on top of his arms that were crossed and resting on Blaines chest. "I love you," Blaine whispered smiling.

"I love you too," Kurt said looking into his eyes through the darkness of the room. They laid just like that for a few more minutes, until Kurt decided to go change out of his ruined boxer-briefs and into something of Blaines.

He came back a few minutes later and laid under the covers with Blaine. Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaines stomach, nuzzling his face into his curly hair on the back of his head. They were both laying on their sides, Blaines back to Kurts front. Blaine had fallen asleep while he was gone, and Kurt could feel Blaines slow breathing and heartbeat. It was calming, and Kurt wouldnt let himself think about how it would stop all too soon.

Kurt thought about the Fourth of July, those times at the meadow and the pier, and how he thought he was going to be with Blaine forever. How he sang to him, and the way he kissed him. How almost everything he did made Kurt smile.

Over on Blaines desk Kurt noticed the card that he had given him at the hospital. It wasnt much, it just let Blaine know how much he loved him, and that he made his world so much brighter.

Kurt quietly started to sing into Blaines ear after kissing the back of his head, hoping that maybe his voice could cure cancer, like Blaine had said the first time he sang for him.

He sang softly, only loud enough that Kurt hoped Blaine could hear it in his dreams.

I hope you dont mind,

He kissed the back of his neck.

I hope you dont mind,

He kissed the top of his shoulder.

That I put down in words…

How wonderful life is,

While youre in the world…