Week 7 Day 7

It was Friday, July 13 and Kurt was on his way to the boardwalk to meet Blaine at Susies for ice cream. It was getting dark now, the moon starting to become visible over the ocean. It was a little over halfway through the summer, and Kurt was in nothing less than pure bliss.

He and Blaine had spent the majority of their spare time together, which wasnt a lot due to the fact Blaine had started work again and was sleeping in so late. Kurt didnt mind though, whatever time he had with Blaine was good enough for him.

Burt and Finn had come back that week, telling Carole and Kurt about all the news coming from Lima (which wasnt much). Kurt was glad he didnt see himself going back there anytime soon.

Earlier that day he had called Rachel to start talking about New York plan (mostly how they now involved Blaine) but she hadnt answered. He left a message telling her he had something important they had to talk about. Kurt couldnt wait for New York with Blaine, his heart fluttering whenever he thought about it.

He walked into the ice cream shop and looked around for Blaine, who was usually sitting at the counter waiting for him with their ice cream so they could move up to the roof. But today, Blaine wasnt the first one there.

Kurt didnt think anything of it, so he walked over to the counter and sat down to wait.

"Would you like anything while you wait, Kurt?" Ms. Susie asked after she served the girl next to him her ice cream.

"No, Ill just wait for Blaine to get here," he answered smiling.

Ms. Susie smiled back and left Kurt to get something in the back of the shop.

"So, youre waiting for Blaine?" The girl next to him asked. Kurt was caught off guard for a moment, because not many people knew Blaine, or outright asked him what he was doing.

Once he got a better look at the light blonde haired girl, he realized it was Jessica, the lifeguard he had met when Blaine was sick.

"Jessica?" He asked, just making sure he was correct.

She squinted her eyes and looked at him puzzled, probably thrown off guard that he knew her name.

"Oh my gosh…youre the guy who was looking for Blaine that one day…youre Blaines friend." Kurt was surprised that she even remembered. They had talked for three minutes.

"You could say that," Kurt said, trying not to smirk at the way they were no longer just friends.

"Its great to see you again," she said a little over enthusiastically. "I never got your name though."

"You too, and its Kurt," he said. They had only shared a few words the last time they met, so she was just being overly polite in Kurts eyes.

"I only know Blaine from church. Where do you know him from?" She asked.

"I met him one day on the beach…" he answered, wondering why this girl had such an interest in Blaine.

She must have noticed his questioning expression. "Oh, its just, all of us at church really want Blaine to have friends. Hes always so quiet all the time…I mean, he talks to me sometimes...hasnt asked me out yet…dont know why," she muttered.

Kurt almost burst out into laughter, because he knew exactly why. He actually got a taste of exactly why yesterday…

"Im glad he has at least one good friend," she said sweetly.

"Yeah, were really good friends." He smiled at the girl.

Blaine must have had a great time at this church, if all the girls were as nutty as Jessica. He almost laughed at the thought of Blaine being ambushed by head over heels girls.

"Have you seen Blaine perform at church yet?" She asked.

"No...hes never even told me he performs…"

Her smile faded. "Oh, well you should totally come this weekend. I think Blaine is singing another song. I love it when he sings, his voice is so perfect." It really seemed like this girl had a bad crush on his boyfriend. "My parents are usually the ones that donate the most money to help with his hospice care."

The word rang in Kurts ear. Had he heard her wrong? "Hospice care? Isnt that like, end of life care?"

The girl nodded, taking a bite from her ice cream before continuing. "The church helps donate to his family, so he can get medication to stay out of pain, you know, since his treatment stopped working a few months ago. Hes the youth groups service project, we raise money for him."

Kurt wasnt understanding, yet his face started turning pale and his hands started turning cold.

"I dont know what it must be like for you. I would be terrified if my best friend had leukemia…But I really just want to help Blaine through it, it must be so hard for him to know hes dying and—"

"Please stop talking," he whispered, cutting her off.

Kurt didnt know what he was hearing. It all just sounded like incoherent noises coming out of the girls mouth. Was she speaking in a different language? Blaine didnt have leukemia. He wasnt sick.

"Whats wrong?" She asked.

"I-I…Blaine…He has what?"

Her face fell. "Wait, did you not know?"

Kurt could feel his heartbeat picking up. He didnt know. Didnt know what? Blaine didnt have cancer. What was happening? Was he dreaming again? The bad dreams were supposed to be over.

"Oh no. Im so sorry."

"Hes dying?" he finally choked out.

The girl brought her hands up and covered her mouth. "I am so, so sorry. I didnt know." She picked up her purse and ice cream. "I think he should have told you though, you had the right to know," she said before leaving the ice cream shop.

Kurts heart felt like it stopped. Time felt like it stopped. He sat at the counter, mouth dropped open and eyes glazed over, like he was frozen in that state.

"Kurt…Kurt…" He looked over and saw Susie behind the counter trying to snap him out of his gaze.

"Blaine…he-he has can-" He wouldnt allow himself to say it. He was dreaming. He must have been dreaming.

"Whats wrong, Kurt?" She asked concerned.

"Hes sick…" He was sick. How was he sick?

"Is he not coming today? Well tell him to get better."

He looked at her, and she noticed the tears forming in his eyes. "Oh no," she whispered. "Kurt…Im sorry."

So she knew too? Did everyone in this city know but him? "I have to go find Blaine." He stood up and walked straight out the door of the shop. Tears already started to fall from his eyes, but he couldnt even feel them. He couldnt feel anything, he felt numb, and a part of him already feeling betrayed.

He took out his phone and dialed Blaines number, hoping that everyone was just making up a story. He had to hear it from Blaine.

"Hello? Kurt?" Said Blaines voice from the other line.

"Where are you?" He asked, trying to keep the tears from falling faster.

"Im still at the lifeguard stand. Im sorry Im running late Ill be there in a few minutes. You can order the banana split now if youre waiting. Just make sure you get two cherries and extra—"

"Im not at the ice cream shop," he cut him off. "I need you to meet me at Aunt Annies, Ill be in the front yard."

"Okay, I have to run home first to change. But Ill be right there."

"Okay," his voice was shaking.

"Kurt, is there something wrong? Is everything okay?"

"I just need to see you." He needed to hear it from him.

"Ill be there as soon as I can. I love you."

He hung up without saying one more word and squeezed his eyes shut as he walked. What was happening?

Kurt sat quietly on the step of his front porch of Aunt Annies house waiting for Blaine to arrive. He wouldnt believe it, he couldnt believe it. But why would that girl lie to him? There must have been something more to it, Blaine wouldnt just keep something like that from him. Would he?

He kept thinking of all the things Blaine told him. "Ill be here for you," he had said. He had said he would go to New York with him. He had said he loved him. Why would he have said that if he knew he only had a short time left?

Kurt buried his face into his hands, unable to comprehend all the thoughts running through his head. He couldnt help the tears that started falling down his cheeks, because he knew. He knew there was always something more, something that Blaine wasnt telling him. Because he knew Blaine was sick and wouldnt allow himself to accept it.

It was totally dark now, and the air was the coldest it had been all summer. The breeze made Kurt shiver, and the tears even hotter. The longer it took for Blaine to arrive, the more upset Kurt was beginning to get.

Because he lied. Blaine had lied to him. He wasnt just keeping his sickness from him, but he told Kurt things that were not and never going to be true.

Blaines car finally pulled into the driveway, and Kurt clenched his fists. He took a deep breath and decided to wait, wait until he heard why Blaine had kept something so important from him.

Blaine ran up the driveway and stopped once he saw Kurt was crying. "Kurt, is everything alright? Whats wrong?" He said, rushing up to be at Kurts side.

"Stop," Kurt said, looking up into Blaines eyes and then looking away immediately, unable to even look at him the same.

"What happened? Please tell me whats wrong." He said concerned. Whats wrong? Everything was wrong.

"Why didnt you tell me?" Kurt deadpanned.

"Tell you what—"

"Tell me that youre dying?" He forced out, voice already cracking.

Kurt looked up at Blaine and saw that his eyes were wide and his mouth dropped open, trying to form words. The silence let Kurt know that it was true. It was all true.

"So its true?" he asked. "Were you ever planning on telling me?"

"Kurt I—" he started, walking up to Kurt and trying put his hand on his arm.

"Dont touch me!" Kurt spat, pushing Blaines arm away and walking into the yard.

Kurt felt betrayed and lied to. Everything Blaine had told him, every promise he had ever made about being there for him, was a deliberate lie. He told him that he would go to New York, he told him they had forever.

All lies.

Kurt started thinking back to all the conversations, all the times Blaine said something that was questionable but Kurt just let it go. He thought back and started noticing every slip up and every time he almost gave it away. Even the first day, when he said that he couldnt go to college, it was only because he wouldnt live to go to college.

Another lie.

"Who told you?" Blaine said, turning and following Kurt.

"Why does it matter who told me? All that matters is that it wasnt you." Kurts heart was racing and his mind was filling with memories, memories of all the lies.

"Please dont make this bigger than it already is, Kurt."

"Bigger than it already is? Bigger than everything youve ever told me being a lie?"

"It wasnt all a lie—"

"Like everything youve been telling your grandmother wasnt a lie?"

"Kurt…I never lied to her…"

"What are you talking about? You lied to her about us…"

Blaine closed him eyes."She knows, Kurt," he said softly, opening them again. "Shes always known." Blaines eyes stayed emotionless.

Blaines grandmother had known about them all along? But he had said they couldnt be in public together because she could find out.

Another lie.

"Wha—how? I dont understand." Kurts voice had suddenly become quiet and disbelieving.

"That day you came to my house while I was sick—she gave me a choice. I chose you."

"But you told me—you told me she could never find out…that she didnt know. Why? What did that accomplish?" His voice was quiet and small. "And-and all those days you were sick. And you said you didnt know what was wrong with you. But you did know…"

Another lie.

"Please just…wait until tomorrow and Ill tell you everything," Blaine pleaded.

"No," Kurt said crying. "Please tell me. Please just tell me why." Kurt thought that if maybe he knew why it would all make sense

"Kurt…"

Kurt was visibly shaking, trying to figure out what he could do to make it all go away. "How long have you known…that youve had—" he couldnt even say it. He tried again. "That youve had—"

"Leukemia," Blaine finished. Kurt nodded gasped for more air, thinking that he was running out of it. Blaine took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair. "A few months. Ive known for a few months that it was over."

"Before me?"

"Yes, I knew back in April. It was me. I decided to end it. I stopped the treatment."

"Why? Why would you stop the only thing keeping you alive?" Blaine didnt answer him. "It couldnt have been that bad—"

"Like you could understand!" Blaine snapped and Kurt jumped, surprised but his sudden burst. "It was so hard…the constant pain and the knowledge that no one even cared if I was alive. I was on and off chemo for months and I just couldnt take it anymore. It was just too hard to keep fighting."

"How could you just have given up?" Blaine was supposed to be the strong one. He had always been the strong one, or at least pretending he could be. He told Kurt to be strong, and now he wasnt even being strong himself.

Another lie.

So many lies. Kurt couldnt take all the lies.

"Why fight when there is nothing to fight for?" Blaine said.

"So thats it? You just stopped trying to get better?"

"Thats all there was left to do. They told me I would have until October without treatment at the most. It was actually a relief. I was finally being honest with myself—"

"No Blaine, thats called being a coward." Kurt didnt know why he said it. He was just so hurt, and Blaine almost seemed like he didnt care.

"Im sorry, Kurt."

"Why did you do it?" Kurt asked, his voice turning cold. He didnt want to become angry, but something inside him was making him snap.

"Because I was afraid…" His voice cracked, the first time he actually showed any emotion. "Youre right, Kurt, I am a coward. Im weak, and Im selfish…" Kurt choked back a sob as Blaine spoke. "Its just, you almost died that night at the pier, when you almost drowned, and I couldnt bring myself to see you in anymore pain."

"But you let me fall in love with you, Blaine. You must have known what you were doing to me. You must have known that eventually you would have to hurt me."

"I didnt want this. I didnt want to hurt you." He said, tears in his eyes. "I tried, Kurt. I went back and tried to find a way to get better again. They told me there was nothing they could do. It was too late to try again."

Kurt started crying harder, which then turned to full out sobbing. His heart broken and his whole world was crashing down on him.

"Im trying to fight it. I dont want to leave you. I have you to fight for now…"

He needed more answers. He felt like Blaine wasnt telling him everything. "Why didnt you just tell me that night? The night we first kissed?" Kurt asked, barely audible.

"I just couldnt…"

"So you decided to make it all up? All that about your parents…was that all another lie?"

"No, I almost wish it was…And I wish I could just take it all back. I didnt know that it would become this…That I would fall in love with you so fast."

"Why did you tell me you would go to New York?" Kurt couldnt stop. He couldnt stop the questions.

"I—I dont know why…I couldnt bring myself to let it end. So I just…" Blaine started getting frantic as Kurt started to walk back toward the house. "I can get better, Kurt! Please let me try. There must be something that can help me. Like some experimental treatment in Switzerland or something…I dont want to lose you."

"Youre delusional if you think you havent lost me." And for a second, he meant it. He was just so hurt that the thought of seeing Blaine again was too much."I want you to leave," he finally said, he just couldnt take it anymore, and his tears falling faster than ever.

"Please." Blaine begged. "I have so much more to explain. Its not as bad as it seems."

"I cant do this!" Kurt shouted. It was like Blaine wasnt even admitting that he had done something wrong. "I want it to be the Fourth of July again. I want you to be okay again," he sobbed. "But youre not! You are going to die, Blaine!"

"You act like I dont know that! Like I didnt go through it all. I was the one who lost my hair, I had the surgeries, I went through the chemotherapy and radiation. But it still came back! And its my punishment! My punishment for not being normal, for not loving who Im supposed to love."

"Everything would have been different if you just told me…" he whispered.

"So that night? If I had told you I was sick, you wouldnt have kissed me? You would have walked away right there?"

"Its not that youre sick Blaine! Its that you lied to me! Everything was a lie!" Kurt couldnt look at Blaine anymore. He wasnt the same person. He was sick. He was a liar. And Kurt didnt know if he could forgive him.

"Do you even realize youre breaking my heart?" Kurt choked. "And it seems like you dont even care. I cared so much about you, Blaine. And I thought you were going to care about me."

"I do care about you…"

"I thought I had all the time in the world left with you. And now, I feel like I have no time left at all. Everything could have been so much different…I would have still been there for you."

"I know that now. And thats why Ill never deserve you…" Blaine whispered.

Kurt finally broke. Sobs raking through his body and falling to his knees, unable to support his weight any longer. He held his face in his hands and just cried. Why did this have to be happening so fast? It was probably because he had allowed himself to fall in love with someone he hardly knew.

"Kurt?" Blaine asked softly, once Kurt had settled down enough to talk again.

"Yes Blaine?"

"Ill never stop loving you."

Kurt looked up at him, tears in his eyes and the greatest pain he had ever felt in his chest. He was angry, and he was hurt, and he couldnt find it in his broken heart to tell Blaine how he really felt. But most of all, he just wanted to tell Blaine he still loved him. He didnt want this to be goodbye.

"Please go," Kurt finally said.

Blaine nodded. "Im just so sorry," he whispered before walking back to his car. Just like that. No more words were spoken, no more pleads were answered.

Kurt stood up and walked back to the porch, sat on the step, and watched Blaine drive away.

Kurt felt sick to his stomach, knowing that it might be over. But there were so many lies, so many meaningless promises, so many useless I love yous.

But were they really all useless? Were all those moments in each others arms, all the kisses, all the smiles, just, worthless?

Kurt couldnt stop crying. It was like everything that had happened this summer meant nothing. The person he loved was going to die.

But was it better to give up now? Was it better to just forget Blaine and move on? Should he put himself through more pain?

There was only one thing Kurt knew for certain: Blaine would have done that for him.

"Why cant I save you?" Kurt whispered into emptiness, a face stained with tears and a heart broken beyond repair. Everything Kurt dreamed for had died that night, all except for Blaine himself. But even that wasnt really too far off.