Okay, not sort of. It was really fucking hard to concentrate. Kurt still felt Blaine pressing him so gently against the front door, kissing him tenderly and firmly until the cab Kurt had called pulled up. His head still spun with awareness.

It didn’t seem fair. Like he had sworn off gambling, and then the breeze blew a winning lotto ticket into his hands. He didn’t know how to deal with it.

What’s worse was that he didn’t know how it worked. How Blaine could kiss him like that, care about him, and still be a dom. He hadn’t realized that he thought that this was something only subs gave to doms, but apparently not, because the image of Blaine hitting him… or... or scolding him, or something, jarred sharply in his head. Blaine wouldn’t be cruel to him, he knew that implicitly, knew that the way he knew he was gay or Tina was a good designer, better friend.

Had he had that feeling with Maxwell? He couldn’t remember it. Then why had he let him collar him? Why hadn’t he waited for this?

Because you’re a pretty little sub and subs aren’t meant to think. See and be seen.

Kurt shoved that thought to the back of his mind. It didn’t have to be like that. It wouldn’t be like that. This time would be different. It had to be, right?

He had no idea how he’d been able to sleep last night next to Blaine.

Tina entered the office even later than he did, handing him a croissant and sighing dreamily.

“Good night?” He asked, smiling wickedly at her. They had all been since she’d gotten engaged. Seemed to give old Leon new vigor.

“Every night is beautiful. Every day is beautiful. Kurt! How are you?” She asked, sitting on his desk like a 50’s secretary.

“I keep on trying.” He said, in a voice that was supposed to be droll.

“Oh my god! What happened?”

Apparently he hadn’t hit droll quite as well as he figured. Especially if Tina could recognize something odd in his voice- Tina who was about as lackadaisical as a butterfly in the spring lately. He subverted.

“Nothing happened, Tina. Have you made any more big decisions, future Mrs. Delamir?”

“I want our theme to be flames. Like the flames of passion. Although how I am going to combine flame and mint green, I have no idea. It would have to be avant garde.”

“Light green and dark orangey yellows- avant garde to the point of reminiscent of vomit.”

“Well, maybe the mint can go. It was Leon’s idea, after all.” Tina giggled, and hopped off his desk, going to hers. “But then, what goes with orange? Maybe I can just make it gold. With emerald and deep purple- that would probably mean moving the wedding farther away from spring rather than closer.” She sat at her own desk and began tapping at her keyboard, eyes on the screen.

“Will you be punished for changing all his ideas?” Kurt asked nonchalantly.

“What? Why?”

“Curious.”

“Well, of course not. He won’t care.” She snorted as if this were obvious. He thought about that, and quickly changed the subject before she could ponder his curiosity.

Eventually the conversation died down, and there was only quiet typing to be heard. Kurt found himself checking the clock every other minute, and his mind straying to the fact that Blaine would be at his apartment tonight, and they would… would do things. Not do things, but… confirm that this was going to happen? Would Blaine want to start play right away? Would he make Kurt alter his appearance, as doms sometimes preferred? Would he want something that Kurt wasn’t ready to give him?

Kurt found himself typing Blaine’s name accidentally into almost every email he sent, every draft of new policy with client, everything.

When he was just closing down to get ready for lunch, Tina shrieked.

“You slept with him! You slept with him, didn’t you?” Kurt’s head jerked up, and Tina had her hands clasped, looking an amusing cross between betrayed at having not been told and delighted for her friend.

“No!” Kurt said a bit too quickly. “I mean… wait, what?”

Tina pranced over to him.

“He didn’t skype me this morning. Which meant, according to contract, someone else had to be at his house in the morning, and you’ve been fidgety and dreamy all day which means that very same someone has to have been there last night and bedded that sweet dom! Boy! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I didn’t bed him.” Kurt said, pivoting in his swivel chair, blushing. Tina noticed, and leaned forward eagerly, at her desk. Kurt rolled his eyes. “I just… I slept with him. On the sofa. We just slept. Literal sleeping. Is all that happened.” He said, mentally cursing his nervous explanations.

“Aw. How adorable.” Tina grinned at him, and Kurt allowed her a small, self-conscious smile.

“I know, it was.”

There was silence for a moment.

“So when are you tapping that?” Kurt groaned, and got up, slinging his coat from around his chair onto his shoulders.

“C’mon, Kurt. He’s super-hot. Like… ridiculously. I want to know if I’m making a bad decision here with Leon, and the only way I can know that…” She paused to gesture him in front of her and add drama as she followed him out to lunch. “…is if you let me know if he’s good in bed.”

“I hate you. I hate you so much.” Kurt muttered, as Tina giggled.
***
Once again, Blaine would be coming over his apartment. Kurt looked back on the jittery mess he had been the first time, and was glad that he didn’t have to relive that. He was glad that this visit would be longer, that every kiss would be received and reciprocated.

He wondered if he should have made dinner. Should have prepared…something.

What or how, he didn’t know, but it seems like something a good sub would do. And he wanted to be a good sub, right? Or did he want to be bad? Did he want to keep his defiance and make Blaine hurt him, like he knew some subs did? Was he a masochist? He enjoyed fantasizing about rope, what about the other… aspects?

This was getting ridiculous. Every thought opened up a new set of questions about who he was and who Blaine was and who he wanted to be and who Blaine wanted him to be and even, yes, who he wanted Blaine to be, and at this rate he was going to give himself a nose bleed.

He pondered whether or not he should turn to a nice shot of bourbon to calm his nerves.

The difficulty was that he had never had so many options before. They were laid out before him- Blaine was laid out before him, offering him… offering him everything.

And that was funny, because Blaine himself had said something to that effect on the other night when he came to Kurt’s apartment. I can only give you everything I have. All of myself. That’s what’s at stake for both of us.

He decided to stay sober. He was confused enough.

There was a knock on the door.

He went to it, and opened it.

And then slammed it shut again.

“What’s wrong, honey? Not happy to see me?” The dark voice came floating through the thick wood of the door as Kurt twirled the lock into place. And then the deadbolt for good measure. “I thought you would be proud that I figured out which apartment yours is. You always wanted me to be smarter, didn’t you, my little c-”

“Go away, Maxwell!” He yelled at the door.

“Aw, don’t be like that!” The door yelled back. Except he kind of wished it was the door that was tormenting him. “C’mon! I bet you’re on your knees in there. Are you on your knees, jerking it like a bitch in heat? Jesus, I haven’t seen y-” He broke off. There was silence. Kurt was still, it fell heavy on his ears. Then Maxwell’s voice returned, muttering, crackling with irritation. There were pauses in between. And Maxwell’s voice seemed to get progressively faster and more earnest, like he was… wheedling? Max didn’t wheedle.

And then there were footsteps and a quite knock on the door. A softer voice floated through.

“Kurt, it’s me. He’s gone.”

Kurt stood rooted to the spot, eyes wide.

“You don’t have to open the door. I’m sure you’re scared right now, but I swear it’s just me, and I will not hurt you.”

Kurt stayed where he was.

“You want me to leave and come back? I could bring more pancakes when I return.”

Kurt swallowed, and forced himself to move, one step at a time, toward the door, turning the lock the other way, and pulling the door open. It slammed against the deadbolt, leaving about three inches of space through which could see Blaine, all hazel eyes bright with concern and a half smile that was just what he needed it to be.

“It’s good to see you, baby.” He said. “All of that which I can see, of course.” Kurt let out a shaking laugh, and fluttered his hand so that Blaine would step back and he could let him in. Blaine winked and disappeared. Kurt undid the bolt and thrust the door backwards and saw Blaine standing there, hands in his pockets.

“Are you alright?” He asked, keeping a careful distance.

“Yes. It’s just… I don’t know how to deal with this.”

“You won’t have to on your own. And he won’t come back for a while.” Blaine said, stepping forward as Kurt ushered him in. And while he knew this wasn’t the time, he was sharply aware that Blaine walked past him without kissing him, just watching him carefully. It was weird, Blaine not having his hands on him, as it seemed like Blaine always did.

“What did you do?” He asked, as Blaine sat on the couch. “Why is he gone?”

“I told him to back off, because you belong to me. I know I shouldn’t have, because we aren’t, like, official, but it’ll take the needed effect for now.” Kurt nodded, and went to take a seat next to Blaine, and Blaine scooted away a little bit, allowing his hand to linger on top of Kurt’s. Kurt gave him a questioning look. “I’m sorry. I can get a bit territorial. It doesn’t help that I really don’t like him.”

“So… you… can’t touch me?” Kurt asked, lifting an eyebrow. Blaine laughed.

“Was that a challenge?” he asked, grinning. “I like you flirting.” Kurt bit his lip and looked at him. Blaine’s voice was teasing, but there was something molten in his eyes. “I can touch you.”

“So, why aren’t you?” He asked, genuinely curious. He wanted it. Wanted that.

“Because that man makes me want to mark you. And we aren’t exactly in that phase of our relationship, beautiful.”

“Shame.” Kurt said, surprising himself. “I was hoping you could show me what that’s like.”

“Me being territorial?” He asked, his eyes looking a bit tight.

“I need to figure out if I like it.” Blaine looked at him for a long, burning moment.

And then he was under Blaine on the sofa, the man hovering over him, emanating heat.

“What’s your safeword?”

“Corduroy.” Kurt said, pushing all the fear out of his voice. This was something he needed to do. Blaine and Max were different, and if he was going to be with Blaine, he had to learn to differentiate, and get Max out of his head. Learn Blaine in all his moods. Understand Blaine even when he wasn’t perfectly happy.

And then Blaine was kissing him, pressing him into the sofa gently though his mouth was a bit rough. Kurt opened to it immediately, and closed his eyes. Blaine didn’t hurt him at all- his grip was firm, restricting- but not punishing. He wasn’t holding him down- he was holding him in place.

And Kurt kissed him back hard, and then relaxed into the pillows and let him take, knowing that he could, allowed himself just to feel.

“Good.” Blaine hummed between kisses. “You are such a good boy. And some day I’m going to make you mine, and I will be able to kick the shit out of that guy without worrying that I’m crowding you, I’ll get to mark you and let everyone know just how much I love you and how proud I am that you’re mine and sweet Jesus, Kurt, do you know how much I want you?” Blaine kissed him a last time on the mouth before dragging his mouth along his jaw to whisper heatedly in his ear. “Do you know that I just want to devour you, all the goddamn time?” Kurt whimpered, and Blaine pulled away, rolling them over so he was on his back and Kurt lay on his chest, rising and falling with his breath.

Kurt leaned up to look up at him, resting his chin on his hands on Blaine’s chest, his face inches from his own. Blaine gave him a sheepish little grin. Kurt scrunched his nose, because he didn’t know how his dom could be this adorable.

“I don’t know what all this talk about being defective was about. You seem perfect to me.” He said quietly, reaching up to run his fingers over Kurt’s cheekbone.

“I have a question.” Kurt asked, and he realized that he was asking permission, which he tried not to focus on. Blaine threw his free hand behind his head as he inclined it. “You said we aren’t official. What’s official?” Blaine considered his question for a long while, his fingers drawing smooth and random patterns over Kurt’s cheekbone which was a lot more pleasant than Kurt expected.

“Well, from what I understand- and please, god, tell me if I have this wrong, because we need to be on the same wavelength- is that you want me to teach you to submit to me.”
Kurt nodded, cheeks warming a bit, not quite meeting Blaine’s eye.

“So I think we’re official when you… trust me. With every part of yourself.”

“That… that may take a while.” He said, his heart twisting a bit.

“Well, we’ve got all the time in the world. I know it’s going to be hard. But one day you’ll trust me to do what’s best for you, and on that day, when you trust me with your mind, body, and heart? You’ll put yourself in my care completely. And then we’ll be official.” He said, looking at him softly.

“You seem awfully confident that this will work.”

“I am.” He said, grinning. “And that’s the best part. We know it’s in your nature to submit to me, so the body I’m not worried about. And as for the mind and heart? Well, remember, we met a few weeks ago, about, and when we first met you insulted my clothes and told me to shut up, in so many words. And now I have you on top of me, purring like a kitten. Because time has convinced a little part of you that I am to be trusted. We’ll just have to wait for the rest.”

Kurt closed his eyes and thought about that. It was true. Weeks before, he was downright scared of Blaine. And then a thought occurred to him that bristled more than it should have.

“So, we won’t do anything until then?” He said, and his voice felt wounded and wanting to his own ears, and he flushed again, embarrassed. Blaine laughed, and flipped Kurt over again, so he was back on top.

“Oh god. No, of course we will. We’ll begin a little bit of training. I’ll show you that you can trust me to give you pleasure when you need it, and pain when you need that, and everything in between. After all, you’ll learn to trust me faster when you see exactly how devoted I am to you. To this.” He said, leaning up to pepper tiny, tickling kisses on Kurt’s neck. Kurt sighed into the cushions.

“What exactly did you have in mind?”

“For what? Training?”

“Mmm.”

“I’m going to ask you what you like, don’t like, and never want to do- and punishments you would be okay taking. Then, we’ll see how you do with some light tying. You’ll tell me what you’ve fantasized about, and we’ll see how close we can get. I’ll set you small tasks, so you can explore what consequences will be like. And I have got to teach you how to masturbate, at some point.” He mouthed the words into Kurt’s neck, and Kurt considered them- and jolted at the last one.

“I don’t… I don’t need...!”

“Shh. I’ll tell you what you do and do not need, little boy. And you and I are both going to have to let go of some sexual build up some times. And Tina tells me you aren’t really good at that.” Kurt shoved his shoulder hard, and Blaine laughed and sat up- Kurt followed him.

“She told you about that time?” Blaine tried to hide his smile and nodded. “Of course.” He said, cheeks burning hotter than they had all night. “Of course she did.” Blaine slid a finger under his chin and nudged it up.

“Come on. I love that you have natural urges. They’re my best ally.” Kurt still refused to meet his eye. “We all do it, Kurt.” He said, clearing his throat. “I did it to, before I even had the right, before I really knew you- to the idea of you trussed up and mewling in my bed, of making you feel good.” He said, looking at him unabashedly. “And I’m not ashamed.” Kurt let his head roll down onto his chest, hanging it and squeezing his eyes tightly shut.

“You are going to be the death of me, I swear you will.”

“But what a sweet way to go.” Blaine answered, and Kurt could hear his grin.