CHAPTER 4

The next morning was Saturday.  Kurt waited until late morning before placing the call that he was both dreading and looking forward to all at the same time.  He borrowed Santana's phone, as he wasn't sure the call would be answered if his number came up on the caller ID.  As soon as he heard the call answered, he started talking.  “It's Kurt.  Please don't hang up.  I just wanted to ask if we could meet, for coffee or lunch maybe, and talk.  It's important.  Please.”

Blaine rubbed his eyes and sighed, “I don't know if that's really a good idea.  I don't know what we have to talk about.”  Yes, he was still in love with Kurt, but Kurt didn't have to know that.  Okay, after last night, he probably had a pretty good idea, but it didn't have to be spelled out explicitly.  Except that Blaine was afraid that if they met as Kurt had proposed, he would make a fool of himself by babbling about how much he still loved Kurt, only to have his heart broken again.  And he wasn't sure he could live through that.  Last night had been bad enough.

“Please,” Kurt begged, “I'm not asking for any commitments, just a conversation.  You don't even have to talk if you don't want to.  Just listen, please.  After that, if you don't want to see me again or talk to me anymore I'll go away and not bother you anymore.”  In desperation, he added, “I broke up with Adam.”  He didn't know if that would make any difference, and if it did, if it would make things better or worse, but he had to take the chance.

“I don't have to talk, just listen?”  Blaine sought confirmation.

“Yes,” Kurt affirmed.

“Okay.  There's a coffee shop about a block away from Columbia's campus.  Meet me there at three o'clock,” Blaine told him, reeling off the cross streets.  No use in going across town just to find out that it was truly over, Blaine thought, and there was really no point in making things easier for Kurt while being inconvenienced himself.  However, the fact that Kurt had broken up with Adam was more intriguing to Blaine than he would like to admit.

Four hours later Blaine found himself walking into the coffee shop, reminding himself not to throw himself at Kurt.  He wasn't sure what Kurt wanted, and even if he did want to rekindle their relationship, Blaine wasn't sure that was possible.  He had changed, and from what he had seen, he was pretty sure Kurt had too.  He spotted Kurt in a corner, sitting in a small booth, two cups of coffee in front of him, one his usual latte, the other Blaine's characteristic medium drip, looking nervous, as if he was afraid Blaine wasn't going to come.

Kurt looked up as Blaine approached, and motioned for Blaine to sit across from him.  He took a deep breath as Blaine slid into the booth.  He began to speak, starting with something he hoped was a safe topic, “So, um, the hair, um, no gel, I guess, now?”  As he spoke he gestured at Blaine's curly hair, which was a bit longer than he had kept it in high school, and while not totally free of product, was no longer slicked down and gelled until it formed a smooth, straight helmet on his head.  Great job, Kurt.  Way to be articulate, Kurt thought to himself. 

Blaine felt a small smile creep across his face.  “Yeah.  Not that I don't use anything, but not very much anymore.  It started with not being able to get into my room to get my stuff-“

“The roommate?  The girls told me,” Kurt interrupted.

“Mmm-hmm,” Blaine confirmed.  “And thanks to him, combined with my class load, I was so tired it didn't seem very important at the time.  And then I just kind of got used to it.  No one seems to mind the messy look here as much as my dad did, so I've pretty much just let it go.”

“I like it,” Kurt smiled.  “I bet your boyfriend does too.”

“No boyfriend,” Blaine corrected.

“No?  The guy last night who took the mic after you seemed kind of protective, so I assumed,” Kurt said.  The truth was he'd been afraid that the good looking guy had been Blaine's boyfriend, but hoped he wasn't.

“Mike?  No, he's not only not my boyfriend, he's very straight,” Blaine clarified.  “Apparently he's had several relationships that have ended due to his devotion to the band; between that and keeping up with classes, he doesn't have much free time to spend with a girlfriend.  The band's his baby, really his first love, and that's what he's protective of.  He doesn't approve of anything that might be bad for it.  Heartbreak, depression, group projects, bicycles, all are bad things in his eyes.”

“Heartbreak and depression I get.  I even get group projects, since they take time and are harder to schedule around than individual ones.  But bicycles?”  Kurt was confused.

“I got the job because our regular keyboardist, Ann, broke her arm when she hit a patch of ice riding her bike between classes,” Blaine explained.  “She'll be back soon.  The cast comes off next week, and she should be back up to full speed by Christmas.”

“Oh.  So you won't be in the band anymore?”  Kurt wasn't sure whether to be sorry Blaine was losing the job or glad that he would have more free time, time that might be spent with him.

“I'll still be in it; since I play so many instruments and sing, and I guess I'm popular in the clubs we play, they asked me to stay on.  You can almost always use an extra guitar, and Ann and I have been talking about doing some pretty cool things with two keyboards,” Blaine told him.

Okay, so they were managing to have a relatively friendly, relaxed conversation.  So far, so good, Kurt thought.  The only problem was they weren't really getting to the reason Kurt wanted to talk to him.  Kurt decided to feel him out about one more thing, since he was apparently willing to talk at the moment.  “I'm kind of surprised you don't have a boyfriend,” he said, hoping Blaine would respond.  “I thought there'd be guys all over you once you hit New York.”

Blaine smiled, a little ruefully.  “I've been asked out a few times.”

“And?”

“And I turned them down.  They were all nice enough guys, all pretty good looking, but it just didn't feel right.  I did something that didn't feel right once, and look where that got me.  And going out with someone just to avoid being alone isn't right.  I'd just end up hurting some really sweet guy who didn't deserve it, and hating myself for it, just like last time,” Blaine told him.

Ouch, Kurt thought.  That one had hit home.  It was time to get to the point.  He took a deep breath, took a moment to hope Blaine wouldn't get up and walk out, and began to speak.  “Is there someone you're interested in?”

Blaine just looked at him for a moment, his expression unreadable, then back down at his coffee.

Kurt reached out and brushed the back of his hand against Blaine's.  Blaine looked down at his hand, then looked up to meet his gaze once more.  Kurt took a deep breath and began, “What I'm trying to ask is if we could, um, if you would consider trying again.  Us.  Trying to go out again, to be a couple, trying to be together again.”  He was babbling and he knew it.  He decided to shut up before he was unable to keep himself from blurting out that he was still in love with Blaine.  It would be too humiliating to say that only to find out that Blaine didn't feel the same way about him anymore.

Blaine blinked several times and swallowed hard.  He wanted this, but he was afraid.  What if too much had happened?  What if they were too different now?  What if they couldn't forgive each other?  What if they threw their pasts in each other's faces any time they got angry or had a disagreement?  He didn't think he could live like that, never forgetting, bringing up the past, hurting each other over and over again.  “I don't know,” he finally answered.  “I've changed, and I think you have too.  I don't know if we work together anymore.  We can't just go back and pick up where we left off.  I thought we were soul mates, Kurt, but now . . . now I just don't know.”

Kurt fought back tears and tried to listen to what Blaine was saying.  He knew the answer he wanted to hear wasn't coming, so he tried to see if there was anything left to salvage.  Rerunning Blaine's answer through his head, he came to the conclusion, finally, that there was still hope, at least a little bit.  Blaine hadn't said no.  Yes, he had doubts, apparently a lot of them, but he hadn't completely closed the door.  Kurt tried to reassure him.  “I know.  You're right.  We have both changed.  But,” he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  He could do this.  “All I know is I still miss you.”  He wanted so badly to say love, but was afraid it would scare Blaine away.  “I was hurt and I felt empty and alone and I tried to feel the way I did with you with someone else and it didn't work.  I don't even know if we'll feel the same together.  I don't know if it's possible to get that back.  But I don't want to walk away without trying.  I know we can't just pick up where we left off.  You hurt me and I hurt you.  But I was thinking that maybe . . . maybe we could try again?  Just start over.  Not try to pick up where we left off,” he assured.  “But literally start over.  With a first date?  And take things really slow and see if there's anything there.”

Blaine was silent for a moment before saying, “Kurt, I just don't know if that's a good idea.”

Kurt was desperate, grabbing at straws.  “Please?  You don't know if it's a good idea, but you don't know that it's a bad one either.  Can't we try at least one date, please?”

Slowly, Blaine looked up into Kurt's eyes, searching, but neither could have articulated what he was looking for, although he must have found it.  “Okay.  One date.  We'll see how it goes and take it from there.”

“Thank you,” Kurt breathed.  They looked at the calendars on their phones and tried to find a date, discovering that between their finals and various jobs it would be the Friday before winter break before they could get together.  Both were leaving the next morning, Blaine to spend the holidays with his family, Kurt to attend the wedding, as the DNA test had proven that Stephen was Finn's, and to spend Christmas with his parents before returning to New York for New Year's Eve.  Laughing, Kurt said, “I know I said we'd take things slow, but this wasn't what I meant.”

“I like it,” Blaine responded.  “It'll keep us from rushing into anything, force us to take things slowly even if we're tempted not to, make us think.”  That was the last thing Kurt wanted to do, but he knew Blaine was hesitant, and if this made him relax about their relationship, he was willing to live with it.  He was willing to do anything at this point to be with Blaine again.

* * *

The day finally arrived.  Kurt had planned the evening as much as he could.  He had decided the ideal evening would be a nice dinner, followed by the theater, a musical, of course, and then a cab back to the Columbia campus, where he would leave Blaine. 

In retrospect, it was a good thing they'd had to wait a couple of weeks.  Kurt had, of course, finished his Christmas shopping the weekend after Thanksgiving, but now he would, he hoped, also need to get a gift for Blaine, and he wasn't exactly flush with cash this close to the end of the semester.  The time had allowed him to pick up extra shifts waiting tables, and to volunteer for every short term work-study or student scut-work job available at NYADA.  As a result, he was able to keep the reservation he'd made immediately after leaving Blaine at the coffee shop, the one at one of the best rated Italian restaurants in the Theater District.  But the theater tickets worried him. 

He had the cash to pay full price for a few of the less expensive shows if necessary, but he was hoping for half-price tickets or, even better, student rush.  It might make the difference between cabs and the subway, and he really wanted to be able to afford a cab.  Fortunately, he had only one final, his last one of the semester, on the big day.  It was first thing in the morning, and as soon as it was over he rushed from the building and walked as quickly as he could to the first of the theaters on his list.  He wanted to choose carefully.  There were a few fairy tale and Disney-esque shows out, like Cinderella and Aladdin, that would work well, and Blaine loved things like that.  Unfortunately, he struck out on student rush on those.  He could try later for them at the half-price ticket booth if necessary.  He had considered several others that were out, like Chicago and Cabaret, but they seemed too heavy, too dark.  He walked into the Al Hirschfield Theater, beginning to lose hope and resigning himself to the subway; however, luck was finally with him.  Student rush tickets were available:  he and Blaine would be seeing Kinky Boots.  It was supposed to be sweet and funny; he just hoped Blaine wouldn't find going to a musical about making boots for drag queens to be too cliché.  But it had won several Tonys, so he could use that to justify it if Blaine objected; he just hoped he wouldn't need to do so. 

He went home to dress.  He spent the afternoon considering and discarding outfits before finally dressing in the one he had planned the day Blaine had agreed to go out with him.  He fussed with his hair, which was refusing to cooperate in any way.  By the time he should be leaving, he should have felt confident; instead he was nervous and flustered, feeling more uncertain and unprepared than he ever had for a date with Blaine.  He finally gave up, knowing if he didn't leave soon to pick Blaine up they'd never make their dinner reservations on time.

He took the subway to the Columbia campus and found his way to the dorm where Blaine told him they'd meet.  As he nervously ascended the steps, Blaine pushed open the doors and came down to meet him.  “Good!  You're ready.  I ran behind, and I don't want to be late for our reservations,” Kurt said breathlessly, reversing direction to head down the steps next to Blaine.

“Where are we going?”  Blaine asked.

“It's a surprise,” Kurt told him, beginning to run as he saw a cab at the edge of campus.  It was gone before they got there, but he was able to hail another a few minutes later.  They rode in silence for most of the way to the restaurant, neither quite knowing how to start a conversation or what might or might not be a safe topic, but both wanting the evening to go well.  By the time they arrived, Kurt was beginning to worry.  He and Blaine had always been able to talk to each other, whether as friends or boyfriends or lovers.  What if they had lost that and couldn't get it back?

As the taxi pulled to the curb and Kurt paid the driver, he saw Blaine's eyebrows rise from the corner of his eye.  “You like it?”  He asked.

“Um, yeah, but how . . .?”  Blaine trailed off.

“Well, I made the reservation pretty much as soon as I left you when you agreed to go out with me.  And then I picked up some extra shifts.  And the theater tickets are student rush,” Kurt explained, then mentally face-palmed when he realized he'd just blown the surprise.

Blaine began to bounce like a little kid.  “What are we going to see?”

“I've already told you more than I planned.  You're just going to have to wait to find out,” Kurt teased, starting to relax now that they seemed to be getting their playful rhythm back.

They were seated quickly.  After looking over the menu, they ordered.  Blaine started with a salad of spinach, beets, walnuts and goat cheese.  He turned to Kurt with a look of surprise when Kurt passed on salad, ordering pasta e fagioli instead.  “What?  Have you not noticed?  It's cold outside, and in case you forgot, I get cold easily,” Kurt said a little defensively.  Blaine smiled.  The fact that Kurt always seemed to be cold, despite having grown up weathering Ohio's freezing winters, was something Blaine had always found endearing, not to mention somewhat entertaining, and he loved to tease Kurt about it.  Blaine followed his salad with chicken smothered in peppers, garlic, onions, and mushrooms in a white wine sauce with pasta on the side.  Kurt ordered chicken as well, although his was covered in mixed mushrooms sautéed in Marsala, served over pasta.   After they were through ordering, Kurt sent up a quick prayer to whatever or whoever might be out there to answer it that they would manage to talk.

A moment of silence followed, and then Kurt began to speak.  “You know, when you came last spring, I wasn't expecting to see you.”  Where on earth was this coming from?  He didn't want to talk about this, didn't want to get into it, and yet he was the one bringing it up.  Oh, well, might as well clear the decks of this issue and start fresh afterwards.  At least it would let him know how Blaine felt, and give him an indication of whether or not this was going to work.  They'd be able to make it through tonight, and how this conversation went would give them an idea of whether there would be a tomorrow for them.

“So I gathered,” Blaine replied drily.  “You know, you might have known if you'd ever listened to your messages or talked to your roommates.”

“In my defense, Santana didn't tell either Rachel or I.  She ‘forgot.'  And I was still mad at you, so I deleted the messages.  I thought I was over what had happened in the fall, but apparently I wasn't.  And then you proposed, and I don't know why, I just wanted to hurt you like you hurt me.  So I told you I was seeing Adam, which was sort of true.  We were friends, and he wanted to be more, but I just . . . didn't feel that for him, so we kind of dated, but it never went anywhere.  Until you came last spring.”  Okay, that was a little more open than Kurt had planned to be, but somehow he felt the need to tell Blaine everything; Blaine needed to know.  Blaine was quiet, just looking at Kurt, as if waiting for him to finish.  “You know, if you hadn't stayed at our place last spring, I might never have slept with Adam.”  Right.  He definitely didn't mean to say that.  He needed to shut up now.  He forced himself to stop talking.

After a moment Blaine looked him in the eye and said, “If you hadn't slept with him, virtually in my presence, I might add, I might have gone to NYADA.”

Kurt gasped, “Oh, my God, Blaine, I'm so sorry.”

“Don't be,” Blaine said with a smile.  “NYADA, musical theater, Broadway, that was always your dream.  It wasn't mine.  Mine was to be with you, and if that meant NYADA, then so be it.”

Kurt was confused.  “I don't understand.  I thought that was what you wanted, too.”

Blaine shook his head.  “I'm still not sure what I want to do when I grow up.  I know I want it to be something with the arts, but I'm not sure what.  Last year we had a girl at school who wrote music, and it's something I've played around with a little.  In the past year I've done a lot more of it, started playing it for people, and they've liked it.  And you know I love to sing.  Acting's okay, but I'm really more focused on singing, playing, and writing music.  That's what I think I want to do, I'm just not sure in what context.  And, um . . .” He broke off, blushing.

“And?”  Kurt prompted.

“And I've been thinking about a minor in English.”  Blaine ignored Kurt's horrified look.  “I've been taking a creative writing class, and it turns out I love to write.”  He blushed as he added, “Especially plays.”

Before Kurt could comment, Blaine continued, “And I've met some incredible people at Columbia, made good contacts –“

Kurt cut him off, saying, “You could have done that at NYADA.”

“And been Kurt Hummel's boyfriend from back in Ohio.  Not that I didn't love being your boyfriend,” Blaine said.  Kurt noticed that he used the past tense to refer to their relationship.  “But at Columbia, I'm Blaine Anderson.  People see me, what I do, who I am, not just who I date, or used to date.  It was good to get out there, on my own, make a fresh start.  Even if it wasn't perfect.  It was mine.  You got to do that.  It was a good thing that I did, too.”

“So you're not mad at me?”  Kurt wasn't sure he really wanted to hear the answer to that question. 

“I'm not going to lie to you.  If your goal was to hurt me, you succeeded,” Blaine answered.  Kurt felt horrible.  “And one time, I kind of get.  But if that was the only reason you did it, it had gotten pretty excessive, and yes, I don't know why, since I'd given up on us and accepted that you'd moved on, but it still hurt, every time you did it.  But, no, I guess I'm not mad.  But what about Adam?  How does he feel about all this?  Does he know we're out tonight?”

Kurt squirmed in his chair and stared intensely into his soup.  He took a deep breath and let it out before beginning to speak.  “I'm sorry I hurt you.  I wanted to, but I'm still sorry.  It was stupid and childish and it didn't make anything better for either one of us.  And every time I did it,” he said, blushing, unable to admit what he had done in so many words now, “it felt so wrong, and I felt dirty, and . . . I don't know.  It was like I couldn't stop myself.  I'd get angry all over again and do it and it was like the rational part of me was watching and I knew it was wrong but, I just . . . .”  He trailed off.  “And Adam . . . I guess, now that I think about it, I hurt him too.  I never meant to, not really.  I knew he wanted it, so I guess I was able to rationalize it, pretend that I wasn't using him and he wouldn't be hurt.  When I broke up with him he was confused, I think.  Santana apparently talked to him, and I'm not sure if it helped or hurt; he was angry for a while, but the last few days he's talked to me again.  He says he knows we can't ever be more than friends, and he says he wants to try to be friends again, but when I asked if he wanted to go for coffee, he said no.  I think maybe it will take time.  Maybe I screwed things up too badly, and we won't ever be friends again.  Just like I screwed everything up with you.  And no, he doesn't know we're out tonight.  Everything is still a little too raw.  If we'd gone for coffee I was going to try to bring it up, but like I said, he didn't want to.”

Blaine had finished his salad and set the plate aside.  Quietly, he asked, “Do you think you've screwed everything up with me?  That we can't get it back?”

Kurt didn't answer.  He couldn't meet Blaine's eyes; he was too afraid that if he looked up that was exactly what he'd see there.

Blaine continued, “Then why are we here, Kurt?”

Kurt ignored the tears beginning to slip down his cheeks, and fought the lump in his throat to find his voice.  “I think I screwed up what we had.  I don't know that we can get it back.  But I know I miss you and I still want you and maybe, if you want to, we can try to build something else.  Something new.  Maybe it'll be better, maybe not, I don't know.  I just know I want to try to have something with you.  Even if we're just friends, if that's all it can be, I'll take that.  I want more, but I'll take what I can get.”

The waiter removed their first course and placed their entrees in front of them.  Blaine smiled and thanked him before turning back to speak to Kurt.  “In all fairness to you, I'm not blameless here.  I did cheat first.  Really, I'm the only one who cheated, since I guess we were broken up when you were seeing Adam, or at least when you were sleeping together.  I think I just failed to recognize that we'd become ‘friends with benefits,' since I've always hated that.”  Kurt was looking at him with renewed hope, his fork aimlessly trailing through his pasta.  “I think a new start will be good for us.  Let's start with friends, without benefits, let things develop on their own and see where we go from there.”

Kurt breathed a sigh of relief.  “Okay.  Thank you.”

Blaine smiled.  “You're welcome.  Now eat.  I don't want to miss curtain on the first play I'm getting to see since I moved here.  Nor do I want things to be messed up on my first date in New York.”  Kurt flashed him a radiant smiled before lifting a forkful of pasta to his mouth.

The rest of the meal was passed chatting about the upcoming wedding and holiday plans.  By the time they had finished their meal, both were relaxed and enjoying the evening.  They split a dessert of pears poached in red wine and cinnamon before Kurt paid the bill and they walked, hand in hand, to the theater.

“We're here.” Kurt announced.

Blaine's eyes lit up, and he bounced on his toes a little.  “Kinky Boots?  Really?  I've been wanting to see this.  It's supposed to be incredible!”  Kurt breathed a small sigh of relief.  They joined the line as it filed into the theater.  Once inside, Kurt bought Blaine a Kinky Boots shirt that proclaimed “You Change the World When You Change Your Mind” and a program, and then they went to find their seats.  They were high in the balcony, way off to the side, but their view was unobstructed and they were together.  To Kurt, they were perfect.

After the play was over Kurt hailed a cab and they made their way back to Columbia, deciding to walk for a few minutes before they parted.  They held hands and strolled across campus, talking easily and quietly about the play.  “What was your favorite song?”  Blaine asked.

“Hmmm.  Probably The History of Wrong Guys,” Kurt said, adding when he saw Blaine's eyebrows quirk, “I know just how she feels.  I mean, I had crushes on Finn, then Sam, then you, and I'd given up by the time you were interested, and, well, you weren't wrong, but my timing was certainly off, and then, not to place blame, like the song says there's blame to share,[1] but we messed everything up, and then Adam . . . .”

“Shhh,” Blaine soothed, bringing a finger under Kurt's chin to get him to look up at him.  “Starting over, remember?”

“Yeah,” Kurt said.  They had arrived at the dorm.  “Thank you.  For tonight.”

“You're welcome.  I had a really great time,” Blaine told him.

Kurt decided to take a chance.  “Since we're both going back home tomorrow, and I know for a fact you're invited to the wedding on Sunday, would you consider accompanying me?”

Blaine smiled.  “I'd be honored.” 

They spent a couple of minutes ironing out details before Kurt decided to press on, since the evening had been going so well.  “May I kiss you goodnight?”  He asked.

Though it was only the span of a heartbeat or two, it seemed to take forever before Blaine answered, “Yes.”  Slow, Kurt reminded himself as he leaned in, placing a gentle, chaste kiss on Blaine's cheek.  He squeezed both of Blaine's hands and then let go, watching Blaine walk into the dorm.

* * *

They attended the wedding together, well, as together as they could, given that Kurt was a member of the wedding party.  Finn and Rachel had fought over whose side he should stand on until he volunteered to opt out.  Ultimately, Finn had played the brother card and claimed him as best man, so he stood between Finn and Puck, who was flanked on his other side by Mike and Sam.  On Rachel's side stood Santana, Mercedes, Tina and Quinn.  The wedding was held in a small nondenominational chapel, officiated by a Rabbi.  Looking out at the guests, Kurt caught Blaine's gaze and smiled, privately thinking about what it would be like if he and Blaine ever got married.  Kurt hoped that was a possibility, but knew it might not be; he turned down Blaine's proposal, and he might never get another chance.  They both enjoyed the ceremony and the small reception that was held afterwards at the Berry house, where the major activity was cooing over Stephen.

They excused themselves early, since Blaine had to drive back to Westerville.  But neither was truly in a hurry to part, so they drove to a small park, one where they had spent many hours during their last year and a half together in Ohio.  “Was it just me, or did Rachel seem put out by the attention Stephen was getting?”  Blaine inquired.

Kurt laughed.  “Have you met Rachel Berry?  She's annoyed because the day was supposed to be about her, but the spotlight's on her baby instead.  In her mind, it's always all about her.  I'm just glad that they made it to the altar without any major disasters, fights, or trauma this time.”

Blaine was quiet for a moment, contemplating if it was too soon to voice his thoughts.  Ultimately, he decided it wasn't; if Kurt freaked out when Blaine said what he was thinking, he would know trying again was a waste of time.  If he didn't, then maybe this was worth pursuing.  “When we have kids, it will be all about them, and I'll be so happy that it is.  I would never want to try to outshine them.”

Kurt's breath caught in his throat and he stopped walking, turning to look into Blaine's face, trying to read his expression to see if he was serious.  “When we have kids?”  He managed once he found his voice.

“Yeah.  I mean, I know we never really talked about it, but whenever I pictured our future together, I saw us married, with a family.  I mean, if you don't want-“  Blaine began, but was cut off.

“No, I mean yes, God, why am I never coherent when I need to be?  I'm trying to say that I do want children.  With you.  If you still want to.  And marriage.  Preferably first.  God, I'm not making any sense.”  Kurt babbled.

Blaine chuckled.  “Yes, you are.  I guess we both kind of forgot that we're starting over, taking it slow.”  He grew serious, looking into Kurt's eyes.  “Like I said before, we're both different people than we were, we've both been through a lot while we've been apart, both done good things, and both made some pretty awful mistakes.  I'm still not sure that we work together anymore, but I think we might, and that it's worth giving it a shot.  We enjoy spending time together.  And now, I know we both want the same thing some day:  marriage and a family.  So that's progress.”

Kurt was okay when Blaine reminded him of their promise to take things slowly, but his heart plummeted when Blaine said he wasn't yet sure of the relationship.  He had briefly been floating on a cloud, thinking that Blaine had made up his mind, and now everything was once again uncertain.  But Blaine was offering hope, and Kurt was willing to cling to that hope like a life raft until Blaine could give him more.

They walked back to Blaine's car quietly, but hand in hand.  Kurt opened the driver's door for Blaine, saying, “Well, I guess this is goodnight.”

“Do I get a goodnight kiss?”  Blaine asked with a flirty smile.  Kurt grinned, and as he angled toward Blaine's cheek, Blaine shook his head slightly and tapped his own lips, causing Kurt to giggle.  Once he had the giggling under control, he complied with Blaine's silent directions, giving Blaine a chaste kiss on the lips.

“That's all?”  Blaine asked, pretending to pout.

“Taking it slow,” Kurt reminded him with a smile, turning to go back to his dad's truck, which he was borrowing while he was here, since he sold his Navigator to get the money needed for his move to New York. 

* * *

They managed to see each other several times over the winter break, slowly growing more sure of their relationship and of each other.  They drove to the park they had gone to after the wedding Christmas afternoon to exchange small presents.  Blaine came over to the house to drive with Kurt and his father to the airport the morning of New Year's Eve.  At the airport, they lingered outside security, holding hands and stalling.  Finally, Kurt sighed and leaned his forehead against Blaine's.  “I wish you were coming with me.  Now I won't have anyone to kiss on New Year's Eve.”

“Mmm.  I wish I was coming too.  And I'm in the same boat.  No one to kiss,” Blaine reminded him.  “We'll have to make up for it when I get back.”

“Which will be?”  Kurt prompted.

“In two weeks, right before classes start,” Blaine said.  They'd had this discussion, many times, over the past few weeks.  Kurt kept hoping the answer would be different, but Blaine's parents wanted to see him too.  He would spend the next couple of weeks catching up with friends and family that he hadn't seen much of during the break so far, since he'd been spending so much time with Kurt.

Kurt's father approached from where he had been waiting a discreet distance away and reminded Kurt he needed to catch his plane.  The boys parted with promises to call each other at midnight and one last slow, sweet kiss.  Kurt gave his dad a last hug and turned to join the line, going back home.  He realized for the first time that New York was truly his home, and Ohio was just a place to visit.  And New York was where he would make his home with Blaine.

[1] For Good from Wicked.