CHAPTER 18

Burt's health had improved, and he tried to follow the doctor's instructions most of the time.  For a time Kurt thought everything would be okay, but only a couple of years after the heart attack when Ellie was just a few months old, he received another call.  This time, Burt had suffered a mild stroke.  Again, he flew to Ohio to be with his father, this time bringing Blaine and the children.  The doctors were unsure what had caused it, but both they and Burt assured Kurt that he had been behaving, and would almost certainly make a full recovery.  Eventually, they managed to convince him, and since Burt seemed stable, Kurt took his family and went home.

The process was repeated for heart attacks and strokes of varying severity over the next several years.  Despite efforts by Kurt, Carole, Finn, Quinn, Burt's doctors, and even Burt himself, it was clear Burt's health was deteriorating.  Kurt sometimes tried to mentally prepare himself for the day he would lose Burt, but his efforts generally led to a night of him crying himself to sleep while Blaine tried to calm him, unsure of what to say to prepare him or make the unimaginable seem survivable.

When his phone rang unexpectedly one Sunday morning as he made brunch, Kurt steeled himself.  No one called them at this time of day on a Sunday.  Kurt looked at the display, expecting it to be Finn or Carole calling to tell him his father was ill again, or that something even worse had happened.  Instead, he saw Cooper's face when he picked up the phone.  He smiled.  Cooper was probably in love again, or maybe getting another divorce; Kurt was trying to remember if he was married right now or not.  Hitting the button to accept the call, he said, “Hey, Coop, what's up?”

He was unprepared for what he heard.  “Kurt, are you with Blaine?”  Cooper's voice was broken and it was clear he'd been crying.

“Um, he's upstairs playing with the kids while I make brunch.  Why?  Didn't he answer his phone?”

“I haven't called him.  I didn't want him to be alone when he found out.”

“Found out what, Cooper?”  Kurt really didn't like the way this conversation was going.

“Dad's gone.”

“Gone?”  Kurt was trying to figure out what Cooper meant.  He couldn't imagine Richard Anderson leaving his wife and family; he was the picture of responsibility, and the idea of him starting over somewhere at the age of seventy-five, given the life he was accustomed to, was preposterous.

“I came home a week ago, because my wife found out about my girlfriend and filed for divorce, and then my girlfriend left me, so it seemed best to take a break from California.  I was really enjoying spending time with Mom and Dad.  Dad and I were playing tennis at the club this morning and he was beating my ass, as usual, and then he just collapsed.  I thought maybe he'd turned his ankle or something, but he was so still.  I ran over and he wasn't breathing and I called for help and tried to do CPR, but when we got to the hospital they took him in a room and came out a little later and said there was nothing they could do.”

“Oh, Jesus.  I'll tell Blaine.  Let me know what we can do when I call back.  I'll make arrangements to fly out as soon as I finish telling him.”

“Thank you,” Cooper said.  Kurt knew Cooper needed someone to take care of him, and hoped someone was with him, and with his mother, but right now Blaine had to be his first priority.

Upstairs, he said, “Kids, I need to talk to Papa for a few minutes, alone.”

Ellie opened her mouth to ask why, but one look at Kurt silenced her.

Kurt walked Blaine downstairs to their bedroom, and sat him down on the bed.  Blaine was beginning to get scared.  “What's wrong, Kurt?  Is it your dad?  Oh, no, did he . . . ?”

Kurt shook his head.  This was going to be harder than he'd ever imagined.  “No, Baby, it's not my Dad.”  Blaine sighed in relief and Kurt felt as though an icy grip was closing on his heart.  He swallowed hard and said, “It's yours.”

“What?  No, my dad's fine.  I talked to him a couple of days ago.  Cooper's home, and we were debating if we should try to go there before he left or if it would be better for them to come here for a couple of days . . . .”

“Cooper called a couple of minutes ago.  He didn't want you to be alone when you found out.”

“I'm going to kill him.  This is a really stupid, cruel joke,” Blaine said angrily.

“Baby, it's not a joke.  He was playing tennis with Cooper this morning and collapsed on the court.  By the time they made it to the hospital there was nothing they could do.” 

Blaine shook his head, tears streaming down his cheeks.  Kurt gathered him into his arms and rocked him.  Looking up, he saw Patrick peeking into the room.  Kurt shook his head and Patrick retreated.

Nearly an hour later, Blaine had cried himself out.  He wasn't talking, just staring into nothingness.  Kurt laid him down on the bed and drew the covers over him.  Gently kissing his forehead, he whispered, “I'll be back.  I'm just going to check on the kids.”  Blaine didn't respond.

Leaving the room, he discovered Patrick had taken over in the kitchen and finished brunch, and the children had all eaten.  Patrick and Ian were subdued and quiet; they knew something was very wrong, but they had no idea what.  Ellie was straightforward; she had to know what was going on.  “Daddy?  What's wrong with Papa?”

How he was supposed to tell his children their grandfather had died, Kurt had no idea.  “Kids, it's Poppy.  He was playing tennis with Uncle Cooper and something happened and he passed away.  Papa's very sad, I don't think it's really sunk in yet.”

Ian looked devastated.  Patrick said, “I'll go sit with Papa.”

“No,” Ellie protested, as if refusing to believe it could change the fact that her grandfather was gone.  Maybe, in her ten year old mind, it would.  “Did he go to the hospital?  What did the doctor say?”

“Ellie, Sweetheart, your Uncle called for help and they took Poppy to the hospital, but by the time he got there he was already gone.  There was nothing the doctors could do.”

Ellie shook her head and ran upstairs.  Kurt looked over at Ian, who was leaning against the counter shaking.  He crossed the kitchen and gathered his son into his arms, and the floodgates opened; they held each other and cried until they couldn't cry anymore.

Eventually, cried out, Kurt told Ian to find his siblings and tell them to pack, for at least a week.  He got on the computer and booked the tickets, and by late afternoon, they were boarding a plane for Ohio.

Kurt still didn't know what to say to Blaine; he hoped Cooper would have some answers.  Blaine and his father had never been quite as close as he and his dad were, but they had a good relationship.  Yes, it had been strained for a few years after Blaine had come out, when Richard's belated attempts at male bonding and interesting Blaine in ‘masculine' pursuits, in what Blaine still saw as an attempt to make him straight, had fallen flat, but once Richard fully accepted Blaine they had become much closer.  Kurt had no idea what the right amount of time to have with your father before having to bury him was, but he knew that Blaine had not had enough.

Once in Ohio, Kurt helped Cooper and Margaret plan the funeral.  Blaine still seemed too grief stricken to do anything.  “Why, Cooper?  You were closer to your dad, and yet you seem more able to handle it,” Kurt said.  Maybe if he could figure this out, he would know how to help Blaine.

“Maybe that's why.  Dad and I were always close, and that didn't change when Blaine came along.  I don't think Blaine ever felt like he was what Dad wanted, but he desperately wanted to be, although at the same time he was too strong to change to be whatever it was he thought Dad wanted.  The kicker is that in so many ways he was more of what Dad wanted.  He was smarter, a better student, he got the business degree, he could have gone to law school if he'd wanted.  Dad would have been thrilled, but Blaine would have been miserable, and he had the balls to tell Dad that.  I would have gone just to make Dad happy, even though it's no more my thing than Blaine's, but no law school in the country would have me, not with my grades.  I work steadily, and I could live off what I make if I had to, but I like my trust fund lifestyle much better than what I can afford on my own, and God knows I'm hardly a ‘star.'  You and Blaine, you're so successful, and you live off your own income – don't think I don't know that the only time Blaine's trust fund was ever touched was when you bought property and when you used surrogates to have the kids.  Oh, and you had kids; Dad was so proud of that.  The only two strikes against him were that I was there first, and he was gay.  Dad got over the second one, and I don't think he even realized what an impediment I was to their relationship; I know Blaine saw it, but I don't think Dad did.  God, I'm so tired.  Does any of what I just said make any sense?”

Kurt nodded.  He wasn't sure it got him any closer to an answer, but it gave him at least some insight.  He helped Blaine make it through the funeral, and the reading of the will, which told them that they inherited more money they really didn't need, that their children now had trust funds of their own, and that they now owned a vacation home on Cape Cod.  He and Cooper helped resolve business at Richard's law firm, with the help of the partners, forcing Blaine to help with at least some of the financial matters, since of the three he was the only one with any formal business training.  At last, everything was done, and they were preparing to leave the next day.  Kurt spoke quietly to Cooper, and then took Margaret and the children out to eat, leaving Blaine and Cooper together. 

When he returned, the two brothers were in their father's study, talking.  A glimpse through the slightly opened door told him they'd both been crying at some point, but weren't now.  He got the kids to bed, then went to Blaine's old room, where they were staying, to wait.  He fell asleep before Blaine came in, but found himself wrapped in Blaine's arms when he woke up.  He worked himself free carefully, trying to let Blaine sleep as long as possible.  Going downstairs, he discovered the children up, eating breakfast.  There was an envelope on the table with his name on it in Cooper's handwriting.  Inside was a note:  I think the talk helped.  I hope so at least.  Tell me if he needs me again.  Cooper.  When he woke up, Blaine seemed to be doing somewhat better; at least he no longer seemed to be alternating between crying and being virtually catatonic.

“Baby, if you need to talk, I'm here,” Kurt told him.  He didn't ask what Blaine had talked about with Cooper the night before.

“Me, too,” Cooper said, coming into the kitchen and heading straight for the espresso machine.  “Well, not here, here, but all you have to do is pick up the phone.  I don't care where I am or what I'm doing.  Tell whoever picks up my phone it's a family emergency, even if all you need to do is vent or rant.  I'll listen, talk, whatever you need.”  He squeezed Blaine's shoulder.

“Stay monogamous?”  Blaine quipped.

“That's asking a lot,” Cooper muttered.

“Mmm.  Doesn't seem that hard to me,” Blaine replied, squeezing Kurt's hand.  “Fortunately, I don't really need you to do that.”

“Good,” Cooper said.

They drove to the airport after an early lunch.  Kurt never learned what had been discussed, but he was glad the brothers had talked.  It seemed to help Blaine heal, both from whatever issues had existed in his relationship with his father, and from the sometimes stormy relationship he still had with his older brother.