Its funny how time passes when you refuse to acknowledge it.  Its been a month now, four full weeks since Blaine has left.  Kurt never thought after Blaine came to NY that he would even go a day without him, after all they been through to get back with each other.  Four weeks of not talking to Blaine.  It feels like hes been starving himself for weeks and realizing now how long its been since hes eaten and allowing himself to feel the pain of hunger.  Starved, that is how he feels. Loving Blaine had been as natural to him as eating.  It was just something he did to survive.  There was no not loving Blaine since the moment he met him, he was his and vice versa.  It was like meeting someone you already loved but didnt know it yet and when you meet them its just right and feels like how things are supposed to be.  Loving Blaine came so unbelievably natural.  He always thought that loving someone would not be easy for him with all his defense mechanisms and walls he built to protect himself from feeling, but that was not the case with Blaine.  He may not have openly loved him at first as he waited for Blaine to catch up with his feelings, but he loved him unconditionally from the start, despite himself. Just thinking about the beginning makes him feel like dry heaving the emptiness he feels inside.

The night that Blaine left, Kurt sat on the floor crying and looking at the door in panic.  He knew he went too far.  He knew that he should have called or texted him before he reached, but he could not get himself to move.  A part of him was doing this on purpose.  Paralyzing himself from doing anything to allow Blaine to get to his parents and make arrangements to leave.  He knew if Blaine made it there to admit that he was coming home that it would be over.  Blaine admitting that their relationship was over to his parents and then asking to come home went against all he has strived to do in the past few years, there would be no going back once he finally surrendered himself to his old prison.  So he didnt move, he sat on the floor till morning and knew it was already then too late.  Two days later a packing service came to pack Blaine stuff and take it away.  Kurt didnt even know that a service like that existed, but he should have known you can buy any type of service in the city.  Blaines father probably paid top dollar to rid his son of his "unsavory affair".  He really disliked the man.  By the end of the week as promised a certified letter came with not only Blaines half of the rent for the month, but for the next three months, again, compliments of Daddy Dearest.  Kurts heart did ache for Blaine a bit more when he thought about what it was taking from Blaine to allow his father to pay for the dissolution of their relationship.

Everything of Blaines was gone now from their apartment except for a Daltons Academy Sweatshirt that Blaine used to sleep in, that he would never part with.  He sleeps with it at night now, breathing in Blaine scent to get him to sleep.  He never realized how much he relied on Blaine to get to sleep.  Since Blaine moved in they had never spent a night away from each other.  Even when they fought, just his presence in the apartment helped him feel at peace to drift off.  Kurt still sleeps restlessly despite the sweatshirt, but at least he gets to close his eyes for brief period of times.  The first few nights before he discovered the comfort in the sweatshirt he hardly slept at all and when he did it was falling asleep after crying from frustration. Other than the nights that he could not run away from, Kurt did a pretty good job throwing himself into school and work to allow the days to pass.  He avoided all their friends and only had brief conversations with his parents, never mentioning Blaine and just placating them saying that Blaine was doing well.  He was like a robot, getting up to go to school, then going to work and then coming home late almost every night to pop something in the microwave to eat before he began another fitful night of twisting and turning until morning.  He would not have noticed the date at all if it had not been for the darn red hearts all around that flooded the shops, a reminder of Blaines favorite holiday.

Kurts resolve was starting to crack.  All he thought about now was Blaine.  The way he would have lid up when he saw the magnetic kissing dogs that were in one of the stores windows that would have reminded them of that day in the coffee shop when Kurt first admitted to having feelings for Blaine.  He thought of how Blaine would have made heart shaped pancakes on the day of and send him hourly texts of the reasons why he loves him.  Blaine was a hopeless romantic and Kurt missed every bit of it.  Blaine made him feel like the best thing on earth on days like these.  They would spend the evening having a romantic dinner and then strolling near Central Park like two love birds or on the couch watching Moulin Rouge and making sure they held each others hand tight throughout.  The nights would end with Blaine truly making love to him, literally worshipping his body from head to toe until Kurt was on fire whimpering for more, which Blaine would bless him with, that and so much more.  Now, dont get him wrong, Blaine was not just a lovey dovey softy, Kurt has been thrown against the wall and fucked within an inch of his life when Blaine got the notion, though he did have to admit he found himself more often lifting his compact size boyfriend with all hes worth and bracing him against their steal door when back from drunken night dancing.  Blaine loved when he played a dominant role in the bedroom, it came natural to Kurt and allowed him to release some of his pent up aggression on his very willing partner.   Just thinking about there more intimate times made him feel exposed and pathetic, not to mention completely empty as he realizes that they are never going to happen again.  He stops immediately, he does not want indulge in those type of thoughts about Blaine, it was too difficult to remember the complete happiness he had during those moments where he was at his at his most vulnerable or most powerful and being loved with all of Blaines being.

He was just about to pick up the phone, just a bit over four long weeks on Valentines day when he received a call himself.  "What the fuck Hummel, have you finally lost your ever loving mind, what did you do to my Hobbit?"