To Make You Feel My Love
purseplayer33
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To Make You Feel My Love: Part Thirteen


E - Words: 1,412 - Last Updated: Jun 01, 2013
Story: Complete - Chapters: 15/15 - Created: Apr 29, 2013 - Updated: Jun 01, 2013
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They decided to wait a few days to discuss things, as both men felt the day had been heavy enough without trying to negotiate this new aspect of their relationship. Schedules were tight during the week, but they made tentative plans for Wednesday evening, when (for once) Kurt wasn't expected to be at rehearsal, and Blaine wasn't scheduled to work his part-time job.

It still felt like a miracle when they sat down together in the living room, bellies full and steaming mugs of coffee in hand. Blaine dug around in his messenger bag for a notebook and pencil, wanting to make sure to write down anything important that was decided. While he possessed a reasonable amount of confidence in both his memory and ability to act wisely as a Dom, this felt too big to take chances on.

"You're taking notes?" Kurt asked, a little indignant.

"I think it's in our best interest."

"It just feels a little... formal, I guess."

"It doesn't have to be. Whatever you want. I'd just feel better writing things down for now, if that's okay?" Seeing Kurt nod, Blaine cleared his throat. "Would you like this... arrangement... to be more informal to begin with?"

"I..." Kurt was clearly fumbling for the right words. "It's still not easy. Maybe for a while, until we get used to it, we could just leave this as-needed?"

"Of course," Blaine said quickly. "If that's what you're comfortable with. I wasn't expecting anything more than that."

"Good." Kurt looked like he was trying to smile but didn't quite manage it. He seemed nervous, flighty, and Blaine wished for a moment there was something he could do about it before it occurred to him that maybe there was. "Come here?" he suggested, shifting his notebook around so that one side of his body was free for Kurt to snuggle against.

After Kurt had done so, he sighed. "I wish this wasn't so hard. Or so uncomfortable. I don't like feeling awkward with you."

"I don't like it either," Blaine agreed, pressing a kiss to the top of Kurt's head. "I'd like to tell you it doesn't have to be—and of course it doesn't—but I know that might not work out so easily. What I can promise is that we'll muddle through it together."

Kurt did smile at that, tilting his head up to accept a kiss on the lips. "So," he said after a moment. "How do we... how do we know when..."

"I can usually sense when you need it. But if I don't, you can always just tell me. I'm always here for you, Kurt."

"I don't know if I'd be comfortable just saying it..."

Blaine looked down, found Kurt's hand where it was pressed against his chest and began absentmindedly playing with his fingers. "We could use a piece of jewelry, if you'd like? Maybe a bracelet?"

He held his breath in anticipation of Kurt's response, because even though it wasn't at all his intention his mind kept whispering collar, and he hoped that Kurt wasn't thinking that as well. It would be far too much, too soon.

"I guess that could work," Kurt said finally, and Blaine felt the air leave him in a rush of relief.

"We can look for something you like online, if you want," he told Kurt. "Or go shopping?"

Kurt beamed. "Shopping would be great, if we can find the time! Just don't expect me to come out of it with only a bracelet."

Blaine chuckled. "I would never!"

It was nice to find a moment of light-heartedness, but Blaine knew it wouldn't last under the current circumstances. "So, umm, we should probably move on..."

"What else is there?" At least Kurt didn't sound so apprehensive anymore, and Blaine allowed himself to hope for a moment that this conversation might continue a bit more smoothly.

"Well," he started, "the main things are... boundaries. Safewords. Rules, and we need to decide if this is staying in the bedroom or... not," Blaine finished lamely.

He felt Kurt tense in his arms and worried for a moment that he might have pushed too far, but then Kurt relaxed again. "Maybe we should start with the last one?"

"Umm, okay..." Blaine was a little surprised he'd chosen that, a little concerned because it was the area he felt most nervous about, most out of depth. "How do you feel about that?"

Kurt turned his head to look at him, then looked away again and blushed. "We never really said if this was... sexual for me or not, but I guess you've seen through experience that it is. I... was never especially comfortable with that part of me, and you know how I feel about porn..."

Blaine smiled to himself, because even today, as far as they'd come together, porn made Kurt a little squeamish.

"...but I can't say that my, umm, my fantasy life has been completely vanilla, even at the very start. I..."

"Kurt," Blaine stopped him. "As cute as it is to see you bumbling, right now what I'd like to know is if you'd like anything outside of the sexual."

"Oh." Kurt flushed impossibly deeper, but he carried on. "I was getting to that. I, umm... yes? It's just... it calms me down a lot sometimes, when you give me orders. When I'm stressed out and you know I'll just keep going and it will get worse if someone doesn't make me stop..."

"Shhh, I know, it's okay," Blaine assured him, taking a moment to squeeze Kurt a little closer, his hand rubbing gentle circles into Kurt's hip. "So, orders are good... when you're wearing the bracelet? Or when I think it's necessary."

"Yes," Kurt verified, voice soft. "But not... not all the time."

"That's fine, Kurt." He paused to write it down. "Anything else?"

"You said something about rules..." Kurt said tentatively.

"Well, some couples like to establish a set routine, or rules for the sub to follow. I don't think we're ready for that, or that you need it?" He looked at Kurt, waiting for the other man to shake his head in confirmation.

That decided, Blaine mentally advanced through his list, faltering a little when it occurred to him what was next. "Then there's... well, there's punishment."

"What?"

"Punishment," Blaine repeated, this time too loud.

"Oh." Kurt spoke in a voice that implied both that he had never considered punishment before and that he was slightly fearful of it. "I... I don't think that's something I need. Or want. Not right now."

"That's good," Blaine said in a rush, relieved. "That's something that... well, if you needed it, I'd try but... I'm not sure I could handle that either, not right now."

"Good," Kurt echoed.

"So, ummm..." Blaine glanced at his paper, though he'd written very little. "So far, we've agreed—scenes and orders, when you need them or ask, and we'll start with that."

"You can ask too, you know," Kurt said a little shyly.

"That's—" Blaine wasn't expecting it, didn't know if that was something he'd ever need or want to do, but it was nice having the option. "—thank you," he finally finished. He looked back down at Kurt to find him smiling.

"Next," Kurt prompted sweetly.

"Right... what is next? How about... a safeword?"

Kurt grimaced. "Do we really need one? Can't I just tell you to stop, like last night?"

"I'd really feel better if we had one," Blaine pressed. "I want you to feel safe."

"Okay, ummm... it can be anything?"

"Something that isn't likely to be said normally during sex, but yes. Anything you like."

They were silent for a moment, Kurt looking thoughtful. "How about blackbird? I want it to be something meaningful for us, if I'm going to have to say it."

"Hopefully you won't have to say it," Blaine said, even though he knew the chances of it happening over the long stretch of their relationship were good. He scooted down in his seat until his face was right next to Kurt's, nuzzling into his fiancé's neck and kissing him there. "But you're right, it is meaningful. I like it. Yes."

Kurt giggled. "Okay then, that's settled... what's left?"

Blaine again considered his notebook, happy to see that while the page with still half-bare, they'd covered a decent amount of ground. Then he frowned. There was only one major thing left...

"Just boundaries. Or, you know... sexual limits."


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