Chapter Eight: Rock Your Soul

They took the stairs in silence, hands clasped loosely between them.  When they reached the bedroom, Kurt dropped Blaine’s hand and went to stand awkwardly by the bed, staring at nothing in particular as his mind raced and panic began to set in. 

How was this happening now?  He had no idea what he was doing.

He wasn’t ready.

He barely registered the soft bang of the door as Blaine closed it and set the lock.  Strong arms wrapped around his body, pulling his back flush to Blaine’s chest as warm lips teased at his neck.  “Hey, what’s wrong?” Blaine asked softly against his ear.

Kurt blinked, his mind coming back to the present.  “N-nothing,” he stuttered, startled by the rough, uncertain sound of his own voice.  “What could be wrong?”

“Kurt, you’re shaking.”

“Really?” he said, trying to sound casually surprised.  “It’s probably just the cold…” he trailed off and stopped when Blaine spun him around sharply in his arms.  And then there were hazel eyes peering into his, endlessly deep and full of concern.

“It isn’t cold in here.  Stop lying to me, please,” Blaine pleaded.  “This is us.  Tell me what you feel.” His hands found Kurt’s own, tangling their fingers together.

Kurt knew in his heart that it was safe to do just that, but he still felt small.  “I’m… I’m just nervous, I guess.”

Blaine sighed, squeezing his hands.  “I am too,” he confessed.  “I’m just hiding it better.”

“I just… I don’t know anything about this stuff.  Not at all.  I don’t know what you learned or heard at Dalton, but there’s no information to be found here at all about how people like us bond.  If I know anything, it’s a lucky guess or a logical assumption.”  He paused, looking away from Blaine as heat flared across his face.  “It’s just so embarrassing.  You shouldn’t have to put up with this, with me.”

“Kurt, no,” Blaine said quickly, parting their hands and reaching up to tilt the Kurt’s chin until their eyes met once more.  “Yes, I do know more about this than you do… but that’s not your fault, and it’s probably a good thing that at least one of us does.  We’ll figure it out together.”

Kurt nodded, burying his face in the crook of Blaine’s neck and clinging to him.  Blaine was his, and Blaine felt safe.  He would have to trust that.

He pulled back after a long moment, meeting Blaine’s eyes.  “So where do we start?”

Blaine chuckled and leaned forward, stopping with his lips so close to Kurt’s that Kurt could feel the warmth of his breath, and it made him shiver.  “How about like this?” 

By now, Kurt and Blaine had kissed many times, but Kurt knew in an instant that this kiss was different from all the rest.  Those kisses had been wonderful and always full of promise, but this kiss… it felt like a promise being kept.

Without thinking, he closed the last of the distance between their bodies.  When there was none left, the pressure between them built and built until they were moving, the sudden fall onto Kurt’s bed causing them to finally break apart, both panting.

It was only when Kurt could breathe again that he became aware of Blaine’s state of arousal, and the thick heat pressing up against his thigh made him blush all over again even as he shifted back and forth against it on instinct.  It had been months since they first met in Kurt’s office, since they’d allowed passion to carry them this far, and Kurt had forgotten how good it felt.

“Blaine…” he said shakily.

Blaine grinned at him and moved a hand down to cup Kurt through his jeans.  Kurt’s breath hitched audibly in his throat.  “Kurt,” Blaine echoed, chuckling breathily as he began to move his hand ever-so-slowly.  “You look so sweet when you blush that way.”

And of course that only made Kurt blush even more; he could feel the heat rising in his face, flushing down his body.

“Yeah, kind of like that,” Blaine teased.

“You know what I think?  I think you’re just using humor as a ruse for your own nervousness, Blaine,” Kurt shot back.

Blaine looked like he was considering this.  “Perhaps.”  He slid his hand up and across Kurt’s stomach, reaching to the small of his back and pulling Kurt tightly up against him.  “Or perhaps I just find it ridiculously hot when you blush.”

Kurt tried to muster up some confidence—this conversation was shaping up to be even more nerve-wracking than physical intimacy had seemed moments before.  “I hate you,” he announced, then wove his fingers tightly through Blaine’s curls and hauled him into another kiss.

“Can’t have that,” Blaine mumbled as he broke away from Kurt’s lips.  He trailed tiny kisses down Kurt’s neck and then left him altogether, pulling back to look into his eyes.  “Seriously though, Kurt.  I love you.  Sharing all of this with you is so, so special to me, and I want you to know that.”

Kurt nodded, his heart skipping a beat at the sincerity of Blaine’s words.  “I love you too.  I never thought I’d have you, Blaine.  This is just… it’s so much.  And a little overwhelming.”

Blaine smiled at him.  “In a good way?”

“In a good way.”

Blaine’s hand moved soothingly up and down his thigh.  “So how do you want to do this?”

Kurt blushed again, but this time Blaine didn’t bait him for it.  “What ways can we do this?”

“Assuming you want to fully bond…” he paused until he saw Kurt nod in agreement.  “Well, there are two main options then.   You can… well, it’s generally called ‘topping’ or ‘bottoming’…” he broke off again, growling in frustration.  “I wish there was a more romantic way to explain this…”

“It’s okay,” Kurt assured him quietly.  “There may be zero sources of information on gay sex around here, but when I tried to do research… straight couples have anal sex too, I guess.  After I stumbled upon that… well, I’ve had a lot of time to ponder these things and I didn’t know but I kind of… assumed.  So I can guess well enough what those terms refer to.”

Blaine nodded, looking relieved.  “Do you have a preference?  I don’t mean to push…”

“We really need to stop tiptoeing around each other,” Kurt said frankly.  “But… about that.  I’d like to try both eventually, but maybe for tonight you could be the one to…” he felt his face flush and fought the urge to break eye contact.  “I really need you inside of me.  I need you.”

Blaine drew in a sharp breath.  “Okay,” he said, grabbing Kurt’s hand and squeezing it.  “That’s… fantastic, if that’s what you want.  We don’t have to rush anything!  We can start with something else…”

Kurt smiled at him, bringing one arm up to curl his fingers around the back of Blaine’s neck, his other hand splayed across his soulmate’s chest.  “Let’s just go back to this, and see where it gets us.”  He tugged Blaine into a gentle kiss, pleased that his words had sounded much more confident than he felt.

He let Blaine take control of the kiss easily, feeling a little needy and whimpering as their tongues met.  The heat and solidity of Blaine’s body above him was intoxicating, and without really meaning to Kurt’s hands crept down and then up, up under Blaine’s shirt, ghosting over warm skin and smooth lines of muscle.

Blaine broke the kiss, panting, and Kurt stole the opportunity to pull at Blaine’s shirt until he got the message and helped Kurt drag it over his head, leaving his chest bare to Kurt’s curious eyes and wandering hands. 

Kurt took him in for a moment, mesmerized by how different Blaine’s body was from his own.  It suddenly occurred to him that he had never before seen another man in any state of undress, not even his father.  Blaine had a light sprinkling of dark hair on his chest and trailing down his stomach, and Kurt hesitantly reached out to touch.  It was soft—not what he was expecting—and without thinking he leaned forward to nuzzle his face against it and pepper the area with tiny kisses.

A laugh from above him brought Kurt back to himself, and he blushed.  “It’s okay, Kurt,” Blaine said after seeing his expression.  “That just tickles.”  He ran his fingers lightly down Kurt’s own chest as if to prove his point, causing Kurt to shiver.  “Time for you to lose your shirt, too.”

Kurt nodded, though well aware that his face was still red, and sat up to pull the fabric away from his body, unable to meet Blaine’s eyes and struggling not to wrap his arms around himself the moment his shirt was gone.  This is Blaine, he told himself firmly.  Surprisingly, the thought did a lot to calm his nerves.

That was all the thinking he managed before Blaine’s body covered his own once more, his mouth trailing hotly down Kurt’s throat and lower, tonguing as he went and gripping at Kurt’s ribs.  As before, Kurt was made painfully aware of his own arousal, straining against his pants and throbbing in want of more contact.  He bucked his hips up on instinct, moaning when he felt Blaine grind down into him in response.

The last traces of his nervousness and embarrassment were gone, replaced in an instant by sheer need.  “Can we take these off now?” he asked a little desperately, surprised at the roughness of his own voice.

Blaine didn’t answer, instead reaching to pop free the button on Kurt’s pants.  He helped Kurt tug them down and off his legs before quickly doing away with his own.

With nothing but the thinnest of fabrics remaining between them, Kurt found that moving against Blaine felt even better.  He gave in to the feeling without much thought, rutting shamelessly until Blaine’s hands met and steadied his hips.

“Woah there… I thought we wanted to get farther than that tonight?”

Kurt blushed (and wow, he had thought—or hoped—that he was done with that for the time being.)  “Sorry, got a little carried away.”

Blaine smiled and brought his forehead down to rest against Kurt’s.  “I can honestly say I completely understand.”  As he spoke, the hand on Kurt’s hip was inching over slowly, until it was suddenly and unbearably cupping and stroking him through the cotton, creeping down lower to tease Kurt’s balls.  “I’m going to take these off now,” Blaine informed him, eyes pinning him with their intensity.

“Okay,” Kurt whispered.

He didn’t look down as Blaine carefully stripped him of his final barrier, only shifting slightly to help him out.

When he was naked Blaine backed away from him, leaving Kurt lying haplessly across the bed, exposed and shivering with something he wasn’t certain was the cold.  He fought the urge to cover himself as Blaine’s eyes raked slowly up and down his body but chose instead to watch Blaine’s reaction as he studied him.

Finally, Blaine met his eyes once more.  “You are absolutely stunning,” he said, voice earnest but broken.

Kurt didn’t know what to say to that, so instead he lifted his arms in invitation, pulling Blaine back down against him and burrowing under him eagerly.  It wasn’t a simple task as Blaine was the shorter of the two, but Kurt just needed to be held.

“I love you,” he whispered into Blaine’s neck.

Blaine sighed, kissing his hair and then his forehead and squeezing him tighter.

When Kurt felt ready, he pushed Blaine away and onto his back.  Crawling to his knees, he lay his hand at the waistband of Blaine’s boxers, looking down at him questioningly.

“Go ahead,” Blaine said softly.

It felt clumsy and awkward removing Blaine’s underwear, but once the task was through all Kurt could do was stare.  Blaine folded his hands behind his head and watched him, the smile on his face almost shy.

“Like what you see?”

Kurt realized with a start that while Blaine had been putting significant effort into easing his insecurities, he probably had a few of his own that he was carefully hiding.  Crawling up the mattress, he leaned down to kiss Blaine, attempting to convey all that he was feeling through the easy slide of their lips, tongue, teeth.  He was delighted when he heard Blaine moan and felt his arms close around him, pulling Kurt down against his soulmate’s body.

“You’re perfect, Blaine,” he said when they finally broke apart.  “How can you not be when you were made for me?”

Blaine smiled, bright and happy, and his laughter rang through Kurt’s heart.  “How do you know it isn’t the other way around?  Maybe you were made for me!”

“I’m older,” Kurt pointed out.  “But I think it goes both ways.”

Blaine said nothing, but his eyes searched Kurt’s in wonder.  “Touch me,” he pleaded, abruptly ending their banter. 

Kurt stroked over the plains of Blaine’s body reverently before tentatively taking him in hand, trying to clear his head of the last of his nerves and focus completely on the beautiful man lying next to him.  Everything about Blaine was heady, and he found it easy and natural to slip into a world consisting of only the taste of Blaine’s lips, the softness of his skin, the warmth of his embrace.

Without meaning too, he was fisting Blaine a little tighter, a hair faster, sliding in closer to grind rhythmically into Blaine’s hip, their lips sealed together and his free hand tangled hopelessly in Blaine’s curls.  It was a shock to his senses when Blaine suddenly pulled back, breathing heavily, looking into Kurt’s eyes with pure awe and desire.

“Lube,” he said.  “Please tell me you have lube!”

Kurt crawled away from him, fumbling in his nightstand for the half-empty tube he knew was there and tossing it to Blaine.

Blaine caught it with one hand, the other smoothing over Kurt’s buttocks and then unexpectedly sliding down and in between, causing Kurt to shiver and jump.

“How… how do you want me?” he managed brokenly.

“I really don’t know what would be the most comfortable, but… I would like to see you?  If that’s okay?”

“Please.”  Kurt responded, understanding as he said it that he was asking for more than one thing.  He shifted around on the bed until he was comfortable, Blaine pulling a spare pillow from behind him and moving to slide it under Kurt’s hips.

Blaine crawled forward, arms braced on either side of Kurt, and kissed him softly once again.  “I love you,” he said after he’d pulled back, nuzzling into Kurt’s face.

“I love you too, so much.”

Sitting back on his knees, Blaine grabbed the lube and squeezed a generous amount onto his fingers, suddenly looking nervous.

“It’s okay,” Kurt reassured.  “I won’t break.”

Nodding once but still looking unsure, Blaine reached down and gently brushed his wet fingers over Kurt’s hole.

Kurt jumped; the lube was shockingly cold. 

“Sorry, sorry, I should have thought to warm it first!”

“It’s okay,” Kurt repeated, forcing his body to settle.  “It’s better already.”

He could feel a little stretch as Blaine slowly worked the first finger inside, moving carefully in and out.  It didn’t necessarily feel good yet, but Kurt hadn’t expected much and was mostly relieved that it didn’t hurt.

“That’s… not so bad.  Try another?”

The second finger did hurt for a few moments, but the sensation quickly faded, replaced with occasional small sparks of pleasure that made Kurt squirm, trying to find a way to make it more. 

“Blaine… could you?” but he was already changing the angle, wriggling and crooking until…

“More, please more,” and Kurt didn’t know what he was saying, didn’t know that he was begging or he might have felt ashamed.  Pain spiked sharply through him as Blaine slid in a third finger, but as jarring as it was, Kurt found that he didn’t care, taking it alongside the pleasure until it suddenly wasn’t so bad anymore.

“Kurt…” his name startled Kurt out of his pleasure-filled haze, and his eyes shot open (when had he closed them?) to find Blaine staring down at him, his gaze heavy with lust and his free hand wrapped tightly around the base of his cock.  “Are you… do you think you’re ready?”

Kurt nodded, wincing as Blaine pulled his hand free, leaving him horribly empty.

Blaine got some more lube, spreading it over himself and wiping a little more on Kurt for good measure.  As he began to line himself up, Kurt’s hand shot out and grabbed his wrist.

“Blaine,” he said heavily.  “You’re… you’re going to be inside me.”

Freeing his wrist, Blaine grabbed Kurt’s hand, entwining their fingers and squeezing tight.  “I know, Kurt.  I know.”

Blaine pulled back to align himself at Kurt’s entrance, his hands sliding up Kurt’s body to cradle his face and kiss him deeply as he pushed inside.  The initial stretch was painful even though Kurt knew they’d prepared as well as they could, and he bit back a cry, gripping Blaine’s shoulders tightly as his soulmate bottomed out, then stilled.

Blaine kissed Kurt’s forehead and both his eyes.  “You okay?”

Kurt nodded, eyes squeezed shut and breathing deeply while Blaine waited and watched him with concern.  After a while the pain began to lessen.  He was still uncomfortable but felt relaxed enough for the awareness of Blaine to seep through him; he took another moment to relish the thought, squeezing his muscles experimentally and savoring the gasp of pleasure Blaine couldn’t hold back in response.

He opened his eyes, blinking and meeting Blaine’s.  “Move,” he breathed.

And so Blaine did, slowly at first, kissing his face and lips and neck with every thrust.  When it began to feel good Kurt clutched at Blaine’s ass, encouraging him to shift until he found the perfect angle.  It took a few minutes, but when they found it Kurt couldn’t quite bite back his scream.  Blaine grinned, continuing with a bit more confidence as Kurt’s nails began to rake down his back.

They sped up without really intending too, Kurt’s hips rising to meet Blaine’s as he pulled his soulmate down into a desperate kiss. 

“Blaine,” he whined helplessly against his lips, hoping he was conveying everything he needed to, which at the moment was predominately yes, more, and close!

“Kurt,” Blaine growled back.  “Gonna come soon.”

“Yeah,” Kurt replied, deliberately pushing up harder.

Blaine kissed his lips one more time and grazed his teeth across Kurt’s neck, biting down lightly as his hips picked up speed.  Kurt managed to wait until Blaine drew back enough to meet his eyes, and then he let go.

Kurt had come before, of course.  He had been masturbating since about the age of twelve, always forcing away any fantasies that had popped into his head because he knew they would never come true.  Instead he treated getting off as a routine—something necessary that was to be gotten over with as quickly as possible.  That had changed when Blaine came into his life.  Allowing himself to think and imagine sexual things with Blaine—even if he wasn’t entirely certain what those things should be—had heightened his experiences considerably.  But nothing his mind had conjured up in the past had remotely prepared him for this.

The moment, when it came, was a complete departure from consciousness.  He could still see Blaine, was aware of the intensity of his soulmate’s lust and adoration for him as Blaine watched him climax for the first time.  He could hear Blaine cry out his name as he reached his own peak, and he knew on an entirely new level that Blaine was completely his now, was tethered to Kurt in a way that was impossible to surmount.  Everything else fell away.  It was as though they had together entered some new plane of reality consisting entirely of pleasure and rightness and belonging that was wholly outside the realm of anything Kurt had ever experienced. 

Eventually, the pleasure began to fade away and other feelings seeped into Kurt’s awareness: the soft cotton, now damp with sweat, against his back.  The periwinkle blue of his walls and ceiling.  The air around them, which felt thick and suddenly cold, causing Kurt to pull Blaine impossibly tighter against his body.

“Wow,” Blaine spoke first, smoothing back the hair that had fallen haphazardly across Kurt’s sweaty face.  “I’d heard about that before, of course, but to actually experience it…”

“Is that something that will happen every time?” Kurt found his voice.  “Or is it just because it was our first time bonding?”

“It varies in intensity from what I’ve heard, but yes to the first.”  He frowned.  “I hate to do this love, but I really think I need to pull out now.”

When Blaine did so it proved unpleasant on more than one level, and Kurt winced at the sting.  “You’ll be sore tomorrow,” Blaine cautioned as he reached to grab some tissues from Kurt’s nightstand.  “Do you want to shower, or…”

“Sleep,” Kurt mumbled, missing Blaine’s warmth while he cleaned them both.  “I can’t remember the last time I felt this tired.”

Blaine smiled, tossing the last tissue in the trash and folding the covers down on the bed before settling under them.  “That’s the bonding.”  He tilted his head, eyes pleading.  “Come here and hold me?”

Ignoring his discomfort, Kurt crawled under the sheets and eagerly snuggled up against Blaine.  “Always,” he answered, returning Blaine’s smile.

They had forgotten to turn off the lamp, but even so, both men slept more soundly that night than ever before.