My Soul Can Reach
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My Soul Can Reach: Chapter Three: Iris


E - Words: 3,059 - Last Updated: Jan 22, 2013
Story: Complete - Chapters: 12/12 - Created: Jul 16, 2012 - Updated: Jan 22, 2013
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Chapter Three: Iris

“It wasn’t until I was twelve that I realized I was different,” Blaine began.  “Or rather my brother, Cooper…” Blaine paused and his eyes darkened a shade, but he shook his head and continued, Kurt giving his hand a gentle squeeze.  “Cooper figured it out.  We had so little time then to prepare, and I was so scared.  My parents were pretty well-off.  Dad’s a lawyer; mom’s a reporter on the news.”

“Bridgette Anderson?  I’ve seen her I think.  She’s beautiful.”

Blaine merely nodded.  “They loved me, or at least I think they did.  They weren’t really around much when Cooper and I were growing up, but I think they tried.  They loved me enough to keep me safe, anyway.”

He stopped, sucking in a breath, and Kurt waited patiently for him to continue.  “I don’t remember everything; those last few months are a blur.  After they found out, Dad arranged for me to be sent away.  I don’t think he approved of it—me liking boys, that is.  But he didn’t want me to suffer.  I think he also wanted to salvage the family name a little, put on a good show.

“Mom, well… I think she tried to be around more in those final days.  She hugged me more, anyway.  But it all seemed forced somehow, like she was reacting to the knowledge that she should love me, and she should care about losing me, but the emotion behind it wasn’t quite there.

“Cooper, he was the only one who seemed to give a shit, really.  He’s several years older than me, and I think he tried to look out for me as best he could when we were younger.  You know… be a role model for me in our father’s absence, or something like that.  It wasn’t perfect; he still picked on me from time to time”—Blaine scoffed, then continued as though begrudgingly—“but he tried and did pretty well for his age.  I don’t remember much,” he repeated, “but I remember that he cried the day I left.”

“How did they cover it up when they sent you away?” Kurt asked curiously.

“Well, that’s the thing, isn’t it?  They don’t have to, really.  Kids just disappear, and everyone turns a blind eye.  It’s just the way it’s done.  If there’s too much of anything in this country, it’s shame.”

Kurt nodded his head, taken aback by Blaine’s sudden flare of passion.

“I left a little earlier than expected,” Blaine went on.  “The mark came a week before my birthday, so I wasn’t due to report for a while, but my parents wanted to be safe.  When I got to The Olde World, I was taken straight to Dalton.  It’s a boarding school, you see, set up primarily for cases like mine.  But there are other boys and girls there too.  Some from here who come for different reasons, and some who are raised in the village near the school.

“I spent four years at Dalton, and it was great.”  Kurt could hear the enthusiasm in Blaine’s voice, his mood picking up now.  “It’s different there, Kurt, and I don’t just mean because it’s safe for people like us.  Everyone there is so… free and happy.  There’s beauty, and art, and you can feel the love everywhere.  It’s… organic; like it’s growing out of the ground itself.  I was in a choir while I was at Dalton called the Warblers.  That’s where I learned to sing, and I took piano lessons too.  It’s all there for the taking, for the living.  People in The Olde World, they really live!”

“There was a choir at my high school,” Kurt said, feeling a little defensive but unsure as to why.  His voice softened.  “I was only in it my first year.  People started to… suspect things, and I couldn’t let that happen.”

Blaine shook his head sadly.  “I hate it, Kurt, that you couldn’t have that.  Dalton was my safe haven, and you should’ve had one too.  I was so happy there.”  He paused, his eyes locking on Kurt’s.  “The only thing that was ever missing in my life was you.”

“You didn’t miss your family?”

“I missed Cooper at the time,” Blaine responded, clearly choosing his words carefully.

“I don’t think I could have handled being away from my dad,” Kurt said thoughtfully.  “Not that I didn’t need you too; you have no idea; it’s just…” Kurt took a deep breath “… we’re all each other has, Dad and I.  At least we were until now.  My mom died when I was eight.”

“Oh Kurt, I’m so sorry!”

“It’s alright; it was a long time ago,” Kurt answered, but he snuggled in closer against Blaine’s side.  “She was wonderful; she’s the one that got me into Broadway, into music.  Dad’s great too, but he’s a mechanic.  The fine arts aren’t exactly his forte.”

“It sounds like they’re both pretty wonderful,” Blaine said.  “I hope I get to meet your dad someday.”

Kurt nodded eagerly.  “He would like you, I think.  As long as you’re good to me.”

Blaine smiled at him fondly.  “How could I be anything but?”

“What about your family?  Did you find them again after you came back here?”

“No,” Blaine answered heavily.  “I could have, maybe, but when I left mom and dad nine years ago, it was for good.  I’ve made peace with that.  I’m not sure they’d even want to see me again; it might be awkward for them.” 

Kurt was about to comment, but Blaine pressed on.

“So anyway, when I finished at Dalton I went on to college, same as you.”

“You studied music?”

“No.  I thought about it, but I kind of have this thing about that.  Music is something I love.  If I took it on as a career, it would become a means of support, a means of work, if you know what I mean.  No offense.”

“None taken,” Kurt said honestly.  “I don’t feel the same way, but I think I can understand where you’re coming from on that.  So what did you study?”

“Literature and Education.  I enjoy those too, of course; I wouldn’t want to do something I hate.  But mostly,” Blaine shrugged as he spoke, “I just like kids.  I want to help them, particularly kids like me who are out of place here.”

“That’s sweet,” Kurt smiled at Blaine and kissed him affectionately on the cheek.  “You’re clearly more selfless than I am.”

“That remains to be seen, I think,” Blaine chided, returning his smile.

“So what happened after you graduated from college?”

“I didn’t,” Blaine said flatly.

“What?  But… how old are you?”

“I’m twenty-two.  You’re about the same, I’m guessing?”

Kurt nodded his assent.  “Twenty-three.  So what gives?”

“I… dropped out.”

“Oh.  That’s...”  He searched for the words he wanted, but they wouldn’t come.

“Which brings us to the part of my abridged story that answers the ‘why I’m here’ bit,” Blaine continued, biting his lip nervously before finding his soulmate’s hand again, squeezing it a little too tightly.

Kurt drew himself up to full attention, eyeing Blaine inquisitively.

“I hadn’t seen Cooper in nearly eight years,” Blaine began at last.  Kurt quirked an eyebrow at that, because it was so not where he was expecting this to go.  “It’s… unusual for people to come to The Olde World at Cooper’s age and without a reason to hide.  Not unheard of, but not common either.  But Cooper was determined, and so he found a way.  I guess he had been ruminating all those years about what had happened to me and why.  You could say he’s something of a true politician by nature, very passionate.”

Blaine paused and looked away.  “He didn’t just come for me.  I mean he did, but… Cooper came with a plan.  He has ambitions.  He wants to change things here.  Make them better for people like us, make it so we don’t have to hide.  Ultimately, then, we wouldn’t need this place.  Or rather, we wouldn’t need the segregation.”

“He wants to make this country free, like The Olde World,” Kurt clarified.

“Yes.  It’s more complicated than I have time to get into now, but essentially yes.  Obviously, he found a lot of support for his ideas in The Olde World—we already practice what he preaches.  But some people were prepared to take things to the next level.  There was one group he stumbled upon that had only recently begun to form.  They called themselves the Resistance.”

“You mean…” Kurt prodded.

“Essentially, they were gathering an army.” Blaine groaned.  “I hate to call it that; it sounds so harsh!  But we liked what we heard, and so we joined up.”

“We?”

“Yes, we.  Cooper didn’t want to get me involved, but I insisted.  We worked well together for a time.”

“And you… came here?”

“Yes.  I dropped out of school and… Cooper and me, we were spies, I guess you could say.  We looked into people we thought might be sympathetic to the cause.”

“But you got caught.” 

Blaine nodded, and something darkened and tightened in his face.

“Cooper too?  Is he here?”

“No,” Blaine said shortly.  “Cooper got away.”

Kurt studied him for a moment.  “There’s something you’re not telling me.  Maybe a lot you’re not telling me.”

Blaine didn’t deny it.  He sighed instead.  “When I came here… it wasn’t just for the cause.  I never found you in The Olde World, and it wasn’t for lack of looking,” he admitted sheepishly.  It was generally frowned upon to actively search for your soulmate.  Fate was thought to come into play there, and few were willing to risk messing that up.  “I was desperate and worried.  I wasn’t sure what would have happened to you here.”

“Your name,” Kurt spoke softly, turning Blaine’s hand in his and absentmindedly tracing where the letters should be on his gloved palm.  “It’s given to boys and girls.  That kept me safe.”

“Clever, thinking of that.  It can’t have been easy though.”

“No,” Kurt answered truthfully.  “But it’s all worth it now.”

Blaine smiled.  “I love you.  Finally getting to know you… that’s made this all worth it for me too.  It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”  He reached out to brush his fingers through Kurt’s hair, down the side of his face.

“I didn’t know I could be this happy,” Kurt told him, leaning into the touch.  Then something akin to panic struck him as his mind reminded him that this couldn’t last, not now, and he glanced worriedly up at the clock.

“Five minutes,” he choked out, throwing his arms around Blaine’s neck and pulling him closer.  “I don’t want to let you go.”

“We’ll get through this,” Blaine assured him, wrapping his arms around Kurt in return.  “You already promised to get me out, remember?”

Kurt nodded into his neck, though he didn’t feel very hopeful at the moment.  An idea suddenly struck him.  “I’ll sing for you too?  Next week?”

“I wouldn’t miss it,” Blaine swore, pulling back until their eyes met.

Just then, a knock sounded at the door.  Before Kurt had time to process it, Blaine was standing and walking away from him once again.

*******

Kurt spent the next week searching his collection for the perfect song—something that would both convey his feelings and suit his voice.  After some trial and error, he finally found one that felt right.  Returning to work on Monday, Kurt was riding high in anticipation of his performance… and, of course, the opportunity to spend another hour with Blaine.

Eleven o’clock finally came, and Kurt sat and stared at the door.  He got up and paced, glancing at the clock to see that it was now five after.  He began wringing his hands, then plopped back down on his chair in a huff and stared some more.  Eleven fifteen.  Where was he?

Eventually—unable to tolerate the wait a moment longer—he got up and left the office, determined to find someone to ask.  Without really planning it, he soon found himself in front of Emma’s door.  He paused, worried for a moment that she might be in an appointment, and then remembered that she liked to take her lunch early.  He knocked on the door a bit frantically, hoping that she had elected today to eat in her office instead of in the staff break room.

“Come in,” a voice called, and he hurriedly opened the door in relief.

Emma’s office was much like the woman herself: orderly and feminine.  A fresh floral scent lingered in the air, probably carried through the room by the faint breeze blowing over the flowers that brightened the windowsill.  A bookshelf sitting against the far wall bore few books but instead was stacked neatly with colorful pamphlets.  Kurt would have taken time to appreciate these details had he been in the proper mental state to notice. 

“Emma,” he began, dropping into the comfortable looking chair perched in front of her desk uninvited.  He tried to keep his voice even, hoping to hide his true concern.  “Do you know what happened to Bl—to Anderson?  We were supposed be in an appointment now, but he never showed up.”

Emma’s hands paused mid-polish of a peach, and she looked up at him with wide eyes.  “You mean they didn’t tell you?”

Kurt shook his head, eager for her to continue.

“There was an… incident this weekend.”  She set the peach down carefully on a napkin and began straightening and re-straightening the sandwich container on the desk in front of her.  “Some of the men got into a fight, Mr. Anderson among them, from what I heard.  They’re in the isolation ward, and the rest of the prison is on heightened security for the time being.”

Hearing the words, something froze inside of Kurt.  No Blaine this week, he thought to himself.  It was nearly unbearable.  Kurt knew that this happened from time to time.  This was, after all, a prison.  It had simply never occurred to him that Blaine, his Blaine, would ever be caught up in something like that.

He suddenly wished he had paid more attention when they had educated him on misdemeanors and the ensuing consequences during orientation.  Kurt had mostly tuned that part out, trusting that he would never have to deal with such a thing since the guards handled those kinds of situations.

Now he wished he had some idea of what Blaine might be going through.  He could remember enough to know that it wasn’t good.  They wouldn’t hurt him, not really, but he remembered something about restraints… not to mention the psychological stress that having no human contact for long periods of time could cause.  He tried to imagine Blaine going through those things but found it was too painful to contemplate.

“How long will he be in there?” Kurt asked, trying to sound neutral.

“I don’t remember, specifically,” Emma answered.  “You can look up all the details in his file, though, if you feel you need to know.”

The files, of course!  Kurt had hardly glanced at the records they kept on the patients here aside from what he needed to chart himself.  He had been eager to read them when he first took the job, speculating that they might be interesting and informative and, if nothing else, a good way to pass the time, but then he found himself caught up in Blaine.  He really needed to put more effort into actually doing his job.

Starting with reading Blaine’s file, of course.  How could he have overlooked such a promising wealth of information?  First things first, though.  Kurt needed to find out how Blaine had landed himself in solitary and, more importantly, see if there was anything he could do to help.

“Yeah, I think I’ll do that,” Kurt said, already halfway out the door.  “Thank you, Emma.”

“Anytime,” the redhead answered cheerfully, picking up her sandwich as she offered him a pretty smile.  “Let me know if you need anything else!”

Reaching his office in record time, Kurt quickly logged on to the computer and located Blaine’s file in the massive database.  Sure enough, the first notes that popped up were the most recent, and Kurt clicked on the one for Sunday, the first line of which read Ct remains in isolation… He skimmed through it, grateful to read that Blaine was at least being fed well and seemed to be dealing okay with his current accommodations. 

Saturday, then, he thought, clicking to the note for the previous day.

Ct was observed to be taking part in a physical altercation between peers NP and RC and was attempting to pin peer NP to the ground.  Staff intervened and was able to successfully separate Ct from peers.  Ct cooperated in walking to the isolation ward where he will remain UFN.  Will continue to monitor.

Huh.  Not too descriptive, and Kurt wasn’t familiar enough with the inmate’s names yet to place who NP and RC were.  UFN meant “until further notice,” and he wondered briefly if there was something he could do to shorten the amount of time his soulmate would remain isolated.  He would have to do some more digging, maybe ask around a little at tomorrow’s group meeting. 

Kurt considered trying to visit the isolation ward but as much as he wanted to see Blaine, it would be better to find out more about the ward itself and what had happened this weekend before he attempted contact.  For all he knew, Kurt wouldn’t be allowed to talk to the prisoners there anyway.  They were, after all, in isolation.

He spent the next hour digging through Blaine’s file (somewhat guiltily, yes, but he did have legitimate access to the information.)  Most of what he read was what Blaine had told him the week before, with more or less elaboration depending on the topic.  Kurt was most eager to read about the crimes that had led Blaine here, sensing that Blaine had purposefully been vague about that.  Surprisingly, the notes he found gave no details at all, simply listing Blaine’s offense as “treason.”

 

Something didn’t sit right, and Kurt was determined to get to the bottom of all of this soon.  He would somehow find a way.

End Notes: The title of this chapter comes from the Goo Goo Doll's "Iris." Please drop me a line to let me know what you think! Extras to come soon on my livejournal, the link to which can be found in my profile. Thanks for reading!

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Nice chapter. Can't wait to see the full extent of what Blaine did. =)