Chapter Six: Torn

Staying in the safehouse was nothing like Kurt had imagined.  There was a lot of talking, and there was a lot of sitting.  Occasionally, there was some arguing.

There wasn’t much of anything else.

So far, the highlight of the whole experience had been Mercedes.  Once practically joined at the hip, Kurt hadn’t seen the girl since his junior year of high school, when her family had suddenly moved away.  She’d called one day unexpectedly to say goodbye and that they couldn’t stay in touch.  There had been no explanation.  Kurt had been heartbroken.

Apparently, her family had gone into hiding after her older brother, Michael, had—get this—met his soulmate, whose name was Andrew.  Both boys had been rehabilitated, seemingly effectively, but something had still clicked for them when they met.  Andrew’s family was heavily involved in the government, so Mercedes’ parents had taken him in and they all packed up and went away together.  Eventually, Michael and Andrew found their way to The Olde World, where they now lived happily.  Michael was a successful doctor and Andrew taught elementary school.  They had even adopted a son together; Mercedes had shown him the pictures.  It was a beautiful love story, and just the thought of sharing a future like that with Blaine brought tears to Kurt’s eyes.

Mercedes, her parents and her sister had eventually re-emerged in society, but when Andrew and Michael told them about the resistance, they had wanted to help.  The whole family now pitched in to run the safehouse, though they still owned their own home to keep up the façade and so that Mercedes’ father, who was a dentist, could continue his practice.

Mercedes herself was still single and as tight-lipped about the name of her soulmate as ever.  Kurt had shared Blaine’s name with her long ago, trusting that because of her brother, she was a friend he could confide in.  At the time he had been desperate for someone to tell, and Mercedes had never let him down.  Seeing her again was like a dream come true.  The two immediately fell back into their old patterns of friendship, which at the moment meant that Kurt had someone to hold him while he cried, which he still did quite frequently and privately.  He knew that he was a strong person, but Blaine’s absence hurt more than anything he had experienced since the loss of his mother, even if he now had a small modicum of hope to cling to.

They also sang together, much to the amusement of some of the others.  A few of their friends would reluctantly join in, and they’d actually gleaned a fairly decent choir from the growing number of people staying at the house.

And so he spent the endless days chatting with Mercedes and sometimes Brittany, who he continued to feel a growing connection to that he was certain now had nothing to do with the Source.  There was something special about the girl—something gentler, something kinder.  He was also developing a decent relationship with his new step-brother and some of the other guys, including Blaine’s old Dalton classmates David and Wes, who had arrived with the second and fourth groups, respectively.

Kurt was enjoying his time, but he was also restless and eager to find Blaine.  That was, after all, why he’d come.  Of course he believed in the cause, but Blaine came first for him and always would.  It was disheartening that the only real resistance-related business that was going on was the relentless arguing about strategy and the making of endless posters for the cause, which were almost always torn down as quickly as they could be put up.  Maybe it said too much about Kurt’s inner nerd, but his favorite slogan read: “Will the Source be with you?  Join the Resistance!”

The only other member of their growing group who seemed to be similarly uncomfortable with the lack of action was, surprisingly, Brittany.  Since they had arrived at the safehouse, she frequently seemed withdrawn and melancholy, a far cry from the exuberant girl he had met before they left The Olde World.  He asked Mike about this, mostly because Mike seemed to know things, but the other man didn’t seem to think it was an issue.

“It’s because the Source isn’t as strong here,” he explained dismissively.  “Children of the Source need it more than we do.”

Kurt wasn’t so sure that this was the extent of it, but the only one with a different answer was Brittany herself, and as usual, her articulation wasn’t exactly stellar.

“There’s something sad here,” she told him.  “Like, there’s something pulling me, something I’m meant to do, but I can’t because we’re stuck here.”

“Mike said it’s because the Source is weaker, and you miss it,” Kurt offered lamely.

Brittany shook her head.  “That’s sad too,” she said.  “But that’s not what feels so wrong.”

“I don’t like it here either.  I mean, all of you are great!” he assured her quickly.  “But I just didn’t expect all this waiting.  I need to find Blaine!”

Brittany hugged him.  “I really want to help you find your dolphin, Kurt.”

“Then why don’t we?” he said, breaking away from her abruptly as the idea popped into his head.  “What’s stopping us from leaving, really?”

“It’s not safe out there…”

“You’re right,” Kurt’s shoulders slumped, the adrenaline leaving him as suddenly as it had come.  “I would never want to put you in danger, Brittany.”

“… but we’d be much safer together.  I can hide us with my powers!”

Kurt shook his head.  “It’s too risky; I can’t ask you to do that.  And we don’t even know where we’re going.”

Brittany looked sad again.  “I really want to help.”

This time, Kurt pulled her into his arms.  “It’s ok Brit, we’ll find a way.  My idea was stupid, but eventually we’ll think of something that’s safe.”

*******

The next day, Sebastian showed up with the most recent group.

If Kurt had sensed that Sebastian was unpopular before, it was even more evident here.  A few people treated him with something resembling respectful fear, but the rest just sent him glares and did their best to ignore his constant, antagonizing banter.

Kurt mostly stayed out of his way, but that could only work for so long.

Sure enough, a couple of days after he’d arrived, Sebastian slid into the open seat next to him at dinner.  Kurt immediately looked for a quick escape, but there were few seats left and he could hardly abandon the meal he’d just started without it seeming suspiciously rude.

“So, you’re Anderson’s soulmate, huh?”

Kurt glanced quickly at Sebastian’s face and away again as he took a bite of his salad.  He took his time chewing, swallowing deliberately, before finally answering: “I am.”

Sebastian laughed.  “Well, then, it really is a shame he didn’t tap this while he still had the chance!”

Kurt’s fork clattered to his plate.  “Excuse me?”

The other man shrugged and didn’t even try to look innocent.  “He was quite a tease about it, actually.  We’d start making out, I’d think I had the green light… and he would back out every time.  The sap.  Look what he has to show for it now.”

For the first time in his life, Kurt was seeing red.  “And what, pray tell, would that be?” he inquired, fighting to keep his voice as even as possible.

“Kurt…” David’s placating voice came from across the table, where he had stopped eating to eye the two in concern.  “Come on, he’s not worth it.”

“Well,” Sebastian began, his tone matter-of-fact, “I mean, have you looked at yourself lately?  Have you ever heard the term ‘gay face’?  It exists for a reason, honey.”

Kurt gripped the edge of the table, his knuckles turning white.  “Whatever my face may be, Smythe, at least it doesn’t remind anyone of small, repulsive rodents.  I’m certain if Blaine turned you down, it was only to spare you from the projectile vomit he feared emitting if forced to endure another moment in your presence.”

Sebastian laughed again, and Kurt gave up on the table, instead allowing his hands to curl into fists, trying to focus on the sharp pain of his own nails digging into flesh.

“Kurt!” a voice came from behind, and both men spun around to find Finn standing there, looking awkward as ever but even taller from where they were both seated.  “Is there a problem here?’’ he frowned down at Sebastian.

“No, no, Kurtsie here was just sharing some of his best fashion tips!  Regrettably, I prefer to stick to men’s clothing, but…”

Finn stepped closer.  “Kurt’s a better man than me, so he probably won’t hit you.  But I have no such limitations, and I can think of several others here who would be quite happy for an excuse.  You want to try that?”

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian grinned, looking back and forth between Kurt and Finn.  “I just remembered a matter I need to consult Wes over.  I’m sure you’ll excuse me while I find him…”  He stood gracefully, smoothing down his shirt before taking his tray and somehow shuffling through the small space Finn had allowed without bumping him at all.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Finn sank into his empty seat.  “I’m sorry, man, Smythe’s always been a douche.”

Kurt sucked in a breath and shook his head as if to clear it before relaxing his fists, taking up his fork and carefully twirling a bite of spaghetti.  “No, it’s ok.  Thank you.  I usually don’t suffer fools gladly, but… lately, this entire place has me on edge.  Blaine’s out there in custody, while I sit and twiddle my thumbs and play the waiting game like an obedient little schoolboy.”

“Yeah, I get it, dude.  I totally would have done something stupid by now if it was Rachel stuck there.  Especially with Lopez’s reputation…”

“Lopez?”

“Yeah, the Head of Security?  She’s known for being tough, but hey, I wouldn’t sweat it—Smythe already said he’s being held alive, so there must be a reason.”

Kurt could hardly believe it, could hardly force the question out.  “You don’t happen to know her first name, do you?”

Finn actually smiled a little.  “You know, I don’t usually remember stuff like that but it’s kind of funny… I think it’s like Satan or something?  I’m surprised you don’t know.”

Santana Lopez.  “How ironic,” Kurt said dryly, more to himself.  After a minute he looked up and met Finn’s eyes.  “I don’t really follow that stuff much anymore.”  How stupid was that, because Kurt might have known.

He should have known.

“Say, Finn, you don’t happen to know where the Head of Security is located, do you?”  Kurt kept his voice down, glancing nervously across the table, but David appeared to be happily engaged in conversation with the woman seated next to him.  Kurt couldn’t quite remember her name.

Finn’s brow furrowed.  “No, but I think we have like… maps or something.  I don’t know if the building itself is on there.  Why?”

It didn’t matter, Kurt thought.  It didn’t matter because he remembered what city it was in, and that was good enough.  He just needed to know where the hell he was, how far he was from where Blaine was being held.  A map was exactly what he needed to help with that.

Thank the Source he’d always possessed a bit of a knack for acting. 

He offered Finn a sad little smile.  “It’s just… I don’t know, it’d be nice to have some idea exactly how close or far he is, you know?”

His new brother nodded sympathetically.  “Yeah, man, I get that.  I could try to find you one of those maps?”

“That would be so great, Finn,” Kurt nodded enthusiastically.  “It’s just… don’t tell anyone?  It’s kind of embarrassing.”

Finn actually mimed the zipping and locking of his lips, and Kurt almost laughed.  “Your secret’s safe with me.”

“Thank you, this means a lot.”

“What’s a favor between bros?”

They shared another smile, and Kurt happily returned to eating.

*******

Kurt got his map only a few hours later, but it took him a few days to work past the guilt of doing what he knew he needed to do next.

It looked to be about a three days journey on foot, based on what they’d traveled that first day.  No way could he get through that alone, not when they knew his face.

He needed Brittany.  He hated that he needed Brittany.

“Brit,” he said, approaching her as she was decorating a spare poster with smileys and rainbows.  She looked to be reasonably happy for once and was alone—a difficult thing to come by around here.   “I… I need a favor.  But you don’t have to say yes!”

Brittany giggled, turning to face him and holding up her poster.  “Isn’t it pretty?”

“That’s… a great improvement, actually,” he said sincerely.

She beamed at him and put the poster down, turning to give him her full attention.  “What’s up, Kurt?”

He swallowed hard.  “Did you… did you mean it, what you said about helping me find Blaine?”

Brittany looked confused.  “Of course I did silly.  I always mean what I say.”

“I got a map,” he told her.  “I think I could get us there.  I… I don’t know what we’d do, once we got there, but the Head of Security was one of my friends in high school.  I don’t think she’d hurt us if we were caught.  It would mean about three days of walking, and we couldn’t tell anyone…”

Kurt had been studying the ground as he rambled, too nervous to look her in the eye, so he startled when he was cut off with clapping and a sharp squeal.

“A secret adventure!” Brittany said excitedly, jumping to her feet.  “When can we leave?”

This was a stupid plan.  It was hardly a plan at all, Kurt knew that.  But taking in Brittany’s glowing face, he couldn’t help but smile.

*******

It was almost too easy, sneaking nonperishable food from the rather sizable pantry, stuffing spare clothes into backpacks, stealing flashlights and sleeping supplies and a compass and bug spray, etc. from the supply closet.  The hardest part was saying goodbye, because he couldn’t really say it.  He could hug Finn and Mercedes without it drawing too much attention, though the action had clearly taken Finn by surprise, his new brother patting at Kurt’s back in that endearingly awkward way he had.  But the others…

He hated that he was betraying their trust. 

A few days later, they were slipping from the house unseen in the dark, wee hours of the morning.  Brittany was even surprisingly good at keeping quiet.

The journey was miserable, but then Kurt had expected that.  It was also remarkably [dangerously] simple.  Brittany’s magic kept them out of sight effortlessly, and Kurt was good about covering their tracks. 

They chatted and laughed together where there was less risk of being overheard, mostly made-up stories and Brittany telling him about her life growing up as a Daughter of the Source.  It was lighthearted and fascinating—exactly what Kurt needed to distract him.  Other times Brittany grew strangely quiet, almost sad, as if she were disappearing inside her own head.  But when Kurt asked quietly if she was okay, she smiled and nodded as if she meant it.  In spite of the blisters and the sore muscles and the nagging worry that never really left him, especially in the silence, the first two days passed quickly.  They were even on schedule.

They were stupid, unprepared, naïve, foolish.  It wasn’t even that they’d let down their guard.

It was the morning of the last day of their trip.  They were talking, laughing, almost sluggishly packing up camp.  They didn’t hear the guards coming, but the guards must have heard them.

It turns out Brittany’s magic is pretty useless when someone already knows that you’re there.

He should be running.  He should grab Brittany’s hand, and they should run. 

Kurt eyed their guns and thought you can’t outrun a bullet.

Kurt stood there, frozen in place, staring at them.  All he could think was shit.