The days after the fight passed by in radio silence from Kurt's end. During his session with Dr. Jeffreys, they talked through some of his apparent lingering resentment toward Kurt-for pushing him to transfer, for pulling away when he should have confided in Blaine, and for leaving even though Blaine had been the one to push him to go in the first place. Blaine hadn't realized how much he'd been holding onto until he and Kurt were screaming at each other in the middle of the library, and that definitely wasn't healthy.
 
"It's natural that your emotions would be heightened after everything you've been through, Blaine," Dr. Jeffreys said reasonably. "You lost your voice and your autonomy in the attack and you're only just now getting them back."
 
"I guess it just scares me that I was holding onto so much without even realizing it," Blaine replied, slumping in his chair. "I mean, there were definitely things I needed to say and did, but..." He shook his head. "It's also scary that he was doing the same thing and I had no idea."
 
"Communication is a major part of a successful relationship," Dr. Jeffreys said, crossing her legs. "And I know we've talked about previous failures in communication in your relationship." Blaine nodded and the therapist offered him an understanding smile. "I think it's important that you recognized it now. Plenty of people twice your age have the same issue and never figure out why their relationship fell apart despite loving the other person."
 
Blaine bit his lip. "I do. Love him," he clarified at his therapist's confused look. "But after this, I'm not sure..." He trailed off, uncomfortable with the implications of what he was about to say.
 
"About what?"
 
Blaine swallowed. "If I trust him. And then I feel awful for even thinking that," he added in a hurry, "because I was the one who broke his trust by cheating on him. I shouldn't have any right not to trust him after that."
 
Dr. Jeffreys shook her head. "Blaine, you have every right to feel whatever you're feeling. Your emotions are yours. Just because you made a mistake doesn't mean everyone else gets carte blanche. And if you don't feel like you can trust Kurt, that's a signal you need to listen to."
 
"But I don't want to lose him." If nothing else, Kurt was still his best friend and the months they'd gone not talking had been beyond awful; he couldn't imagine going forward without having Kurt in his life at all.
 
"Why would you lose him? Over the fight?"
 
"I... don't know," Blaine admitted. "Maybe." They'd both gone for maximum hurt during the fight, their words precision cuts.
 
"You two have fought before," Dr. Jeffreys pointed out. "And you made it out the other side. You even broke up and he still took a leave of absence from school to be with you."
 
"I-yeah, that's true. I just..." Blaine shook his head. "I haven't heard from him since."
 
"Have you considered that maybe he's waiting for you to reach out to him? If you were the one to ask him to leave, he might be waiting for you to set the pace."
 
Blaine considered that. It seemed like a Kurt thing to do. "I suppose."
 
"Blaine." Blaine looked up to see Dr. Jeffreys smiling gently at him. "No one is expecting you to figure all this out overnight. You're dealing with more now than most people do all their lives. And you shouldn't feel pressured to do anything with Kurt you don't feel comfortable with. If you need to rebuild the trust between each other, then maybe it's best you just stay friends until you're ready. If he loves you, he'll understand."
 
Blaine nodded, recognizing the wisdom in the words. That he hadn't been able to answer Kurt's feelings at the hospital those weeks ago was probably the first indication that he wasn't ready and might not be for a long time-if ever. He wanted to be, but... Well, Blaine wanted a lot of things. "You're right."
 
Dr. Jeffreys nodded at that. "Now, tell me how you're feeling about going back to school on Monday."
 
By the time Blaine got home, he was feeling calmer. He greeted Cooper and his parents quickly before heading up to his room. Since the fight, his family had been watching him warily, as though they were expecting him to shatter at any moment. And while the looks had gotten old quickly, Blaine supposed it made sense; tthey'd seen him in the wake of the breakup and he had been a wreck then. Cooper had even flown out for a weekend to no avail. But this time, he was all right. Or he would be.
 
He settled down on his bed and pulled his phone out. He found Kurt's number and typed out a quick text, sending it before he lost his nerve.
 
I'm sorry. I just need some time to process.
 
The reply was immediate. Me too. Take all the time you need.
 
Blaine let out a relieved breath; Dr. Jeffreys had been right-it seemed Kurt had been waiting for him to make the first move. Thank you.
 
I love you.
 
Blaine bit his lip before replying, I love you too.

-----

The rest of the week passed by with relatively little drama. Blaine finished up the rest of the homework his friends had brought him; Sebastian visited in the evenings and they talked and laughed, though they deliberately avoided the Kurt Issue; he went to physical therapy and was cleared to go back to school, so long as he didn't push himself-"No jumping on furniture in glee club, Blaine," his PT admonished teasingly;  he worked on his original music; he looked through his college acceptance packets and made lists of the pros and cons of all the schools.
 
But mostly he thought.
 
Monday morning, Blaine woke up to a text from Kurt: Good luck today. He smiled at the gesture, but didn't reply; he didn't think Kurt was expecting one anyway after promising to give Blaine the space he needed. His mother hugged him and his father clapped him on the shoulder once he'd showered and made his way downstairs to the kitchen.
 
"You ready, Blainey?" Cooper asked, offering him a cup of coffee.
 
Blaine shrugged, though his stomach was rolling with nerves. "As I'll ever be," he replied, taking a sip. And that was that.
 
When Blaine arrived at McKinley, the glee club was waiting for him. They'd all come to see him on Saturday, each promising to have his back; apparently news had spread that he was coming back to school, though Blaine had no idea where that information could have come from.
 
So when he walked through the parking lot to meet his friends, the way people went quiet and stared at him wasn't a surprise, nor were the whispers once he'd passed. But that didn't keep the hairs on the back of his neck from standing up or his pulse from racing nervously.
 
Tina pulled him into a huge once he reached the group, followed by Sam, Brittany, and Marley.
 
"It's good to have you back, dude," Sam said with a grin.
 
"It hasn't been the same without you," Artie agreed, putting his hand out for a fist bump. Blaine grinned and met Artie's fist with his own.
 
"Consider us your own personal honor guard," Ryder added, puffing out his chest.
 
Jake smacked him lightly in the back of the head, but nodded at Blaine. "We've got you."
 
Blaine smiled at his gathered friends. "Thanks guys. It's good to be back."
 
And it was more than just being a relief to no longer be cooped up at home, bed-ridden and on pain pills that made him loopy; in the last year, McKinley had morphed from being Kurt's only to being his as well. He had a niche all of his own and these people had become his family. It felt good to be seen for him and not just what he could bring to a show choir competition or as the accessory of another person.
 
Almost as soon as Blaine, flanked by New Directions, stepped into the school, Jacob Ben Israel descended upon him. Jake and Ryder stepped in front of Blaine while Tina gave his arm a comforting squeeze.
 
"And here he comes, McKinley High's own celebrity. Blaine Anderson, you've become the national poster child for bullying and hate crimes, and yet you've refused to give any interviews. What do you have to say-"
 
"Back off, Jacob," Sam warned, pushing at Blaine's shoulder slightly to keep them moving.
 
"Don't even think about it, Jewfro," Kitty hissed as they walked past.
 
"But-"
 
"Shut it, JBI," Tina called as they left him in their wake.
 
Blaine groaned as they stopped by his locker. "I guess it would've been too much to hope people wouldn't be talking about me."
 
"Sorry bro," Artie said with an apologetic shrug. "You're kind of a big deal right now."
 
Blaine switched out the texts and notebooks he needed then allowed his friends to escort him to class. The classroom fell silent when he walked in though, as he stopped to hand in the rest of his makeup work to Mrs. Henderson, he heard the whispers starting up behind him. With a weary sigh, he joined Sam and Tina in their regular seats and did his best to ignore the not-so-hidden glances his classmates were sending him. It was going to be a long day.
 
And the rest of the day passed by in much the same manner, with several of his friends walking with him between each class. It was eerie to walk into the cafeteria and have the entire room fall into a hush, but the lunch ladies greeted him happily and gave him extra helpings of tater tots as the buzz of student chatter slowly picked up again. He also found as he sat through his classes that with his makeup work, he'd actually ended up ahead, so his thoughts ended up wandering to college, his music, and Kurt.
 
During glee, his friends pulled him into a fun. number in the choir room, though Blaine had to eventually retreat to a chair when his knee started aching. That didn't keep the wide grin on his face as the New Directions jumped and danced around him, though; he couldn't remember the last time he'd been able to let loose and be so carefree.
 
After school, he waved off Sam and Brittany and headed for the Lima Bean where he found Sebastian waiting for him. Blaine raised an eyebrow when Sebastian gave him a small wave.
 
"What are you doing here?" he asked when he reached the table.
 
Sebastian slid a cup over to his side of the table. "Medium drip for Mr. Anderson," he said instead of answering.
 
Blaine's lips quirked up and he slid into the opposite seat. While he knew Sebastian frequented the Lima Bean despite its distance from Dalton, he was still touched the other boy would make the effort to meet him today. Sebastian saluted him with his cup. "How was the first day back?"
 
Blaine took a sip of coffee and considered. "Tiring," he finally decided on. "And a bit unsettling."
 
Sebastian inclined his head in a question and Blaine shrugged. "Everyone was staring and went quiet whenever I walked into a room." He shook his head. "I hate when people are talking about me."
 
"You know that's kind of unavoidable, Killer."
 
Blaine barely suppressed an eye roll. "Yes, I noticed. Thank you."
 
Blaine had seen the first national story with his name attached to it a couple of days after he'd started looking, and his face appearing on CNN as a roundtable threw his name around in relation to a bigger picture issue startled him; more than that, though, it made him feel like some kind of object. Something uncomfortable had settled in his gut as he realized that whether he liked it or not, his case had become about more than just him. He'd mostly avoided news channels after that.
 
Sebastian threw his hands up in surrender. "Just a statement of fact."
 
Blaine shrugged and took another sip of coffee. When he looked up, Sebastian was studying him. Blaine tamped down on the urge to squirm in his seat; the other boy had a way of making Blaine feel like he was transparent. "What?"
 
 "Your thinking is drowning out the horrible muzak."
 
Blaine raised an eyebrow. "Shouldn't that be a good thing, then?"
 
"Please, Anderson."
 
"I have a lot of things on my mind right now," Blaine replied defensively.
 
Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "I've noticed," he replied. And if anyone had, it would be Sebastian since he'd spent so much time with Blaine over the last month. There were certain things he didn't feel comfortable talking to Sebastian about-mostly the fight with Kurt, considering he knew Sebastian's opinion of his ex-but there were some things weighing on Blaine that he could talk about with him.
 
"Have you decided where you're going to college?"
 
Sebastian looked momentarily startled by the question but nodded. "Columbia. I got in on early admission."
 
"Really?" He hadn't expected Sebastian to be going to New York after graduation as well. He'd half been expecting maybe Harvard or Stanford. Blaine's sudden visual of him and Kurt running into each other on the subway was simultaneously amusing and terrifying.
 
Sebastian snorted. "I'm not sure if I should be offended by that."
 
Blaine shook his head. "No, I just didn't know you wanted to go to New York."
 
"It's my dad's alma mater." He smirked. "Maybe I'll run into you while you're at NYADA."
 
Insides twisting, Blaine shrugged and looked away.
 
Sebastian frowned. "What? I thought you were going to audition for the spring."
 
"The option is open."
 
Sebastian seemed genuinely surprised as he realized, "But you don't know if you want to go."
 
Blaine nodded and leaned back in his chair. "It was Kurt's dream, but..." He bit his lip as he considered. "I think that might just be it-just another thing I wanted because of Kurt."
 
"I saw those acceptance letters on your desk. You have other options."
 
Blaine nodded thoughtfully.
 
Sebastian gave him a curious look. "So I guess the real question is, what do you want, Blaine?"

-----

Blaine texted Kurt about meeting on Saturday, and they ended up on neutral ground, watching each other warily over coffee cups at a corner table in the Lima Bean. Blaine hated the tension in the air between them, especially when they'd fallen so comfortably back in with each other while he was recovering, but he supposed it had been underlying since that fateful night in Bryant Park. Or maybe even before that, considering the issues left hanging between them.
 
"How was your week?" Blaine asked finally, wincing at the inanity of the comment.
 
Kurt shrugged. "I helped my dad in the shop a lot. He's trying to do too much on his own, and it had been a while since I could work on a car." He hesitated. "How was your first week back?"
 
"Surprisingly okay," Blaine replied. "Lots of stares and whispering, but the glee club was always there."
 
Kurt nodded, though his eyes seemed far away. "That's good."
 
They fell silent again, and Blaine thought back to his meeting with Dr. Jeffreys; if he loves you, he'll understand. Blaine took a breath and Kurt tensed in anticipation.
 
"I committed to a college."
 
Kurt blinked a couple of times, as though he didn't understand. "But what about NYADA?" he asked.
 
Blaine shrugged. "It would be an amazing opportunity, but I don't think it's for me." He was pretty sure he'd known it all along, but it had taken a while to accept it.
 
"But-"
 
"I sent in my commitment to Tisch on Wednesday, Kurt."
 
"NYU?" Kurt breathed.
 
Blaine nodded. "I love musical theater and acting, but working on my own music has made me realize that that's what I want to focus on-singing and songwriting. It..." He trailed off as he cast about for the right words to make Kurt understand; this choice wasn't about him, it was about what Blaine needed. "It's fulfilling," he said finally. "In a way nothing else is for me." It had kept him sane in the wake of everything-a true vocation.
 
Kurt studied him for a long moment. "You really have changed," he murmured at last.
 
Blaine blinked, not sure how to take that. He wasn't even sure Kurt had meant to say it out loud. "Kurt?"
 
But Kurt shook his head with a small, bittersweet smile. "It's good, Blaine. You'll be amazing there."
 
Blaine nodded, still slightly uncertain but still feeling tension draining from his shoulders. "Thank you."
 
They fell quiet again, but this time it was Kurt who broke the stalemate. "I thought a lot about what you said last week."
 
Blaine flinched. "Kurt-"
 
Kurt cut him off with a shake of his head. "No, I'm glad you said what you did. It hurt, but I needed to know. And it made me realize I wasn't being fair to you." He gave a humorless laugh. "That seems to be a pattern, doesn't it?"
 
"Kurt, I'm a big boy. I can make my own decisions," Blaine said, something about Kurt's tone sitting uneasily in his chest.
 
"I know," Kurt replied quickly. "I just- I know I get self-absorbed, and it wasn't fair to keep ignoring your calls or canceling our Skype dates. I'm sorry. For whatever it's worth six months later."
 
Blaine swallowed, the unexpected words making his chest clench. "It's worth a lot, thank you," he said quietly. "But that doesn't change-"
 
"I know."
 
Blaine bit his lip as he considered his next words carefully. "I've been doing a lot of thinking, too," he started. "And talking with Dr. Jeffreys." Kurt nodded for him to continue. "Kurt, I love you and the thought of losing you scares me more than anything."
 
"Me too," Kurt whispered.
 
"But I'm not ready to be with you. Not right now." The maybe not ever was left unspoken but judging from Kurt's expression, he heard it anyway. "You're still my best friend, Kurt. And I want you in my life. But right now, that's all I think I can handle."
 
"I-" Kurt didn't seem to know how to respond.
 
"I'm working on trusting again."
 
Kurt looked up at that. "Trusting what?" he asked in a small voice.
 
"Myself," Blaine admitted. "You. Us."
 
Kurt took a shuddering breath at that. "You don't trust me?"
 
Every instinct in Blaine was telling him to back down, to comfort Kurt, to make this better right now. But he knew he would only be falling into old patterns if he did that; nothing would ever change and that wasn't the point of this.
 
"Not completely, no," Blaine replied. "You broke a lot of promises, Kurt." Kurt opened his mouth but Blaine cut him off, needing to make sure he was heard this time. "But I let it happen, and that's on me as much as it is on you." He gave Kurt a sad smile. "We're really good at hurting each other."
 
Kurt sniffed. "But we're really good at loving each other, too."
 
Blaine shut his eyes. "Yeah, we are."
 
"So where do we go from here?" Kurt asked quietly.
 
Blaine took a steadying breath and opened his eyes to meet Kurt's gaze. "Like I said, I don't want to lose my best friend."
 
"You won't," Kurt said immediately, reaching out. He stroked the back of Blaine's hand a few times before coming back to himself. He pulled back and flashed an apologetic smile. "Sorry."
 
"It's okay." They'd always had a weird sense of boundaries, even before they'd started dating. Blaine took a breath. "You have no idea how much it means to me that you've been here with me. During all of this." He swallowed. "But I think I just need some space to figure things out for now. To figure out who I am and what I want. And then maybe..." He trailed off, watching the subtle shift of Kurt's expressions.
 
"Maybe," Kurt echoed, almost to himself. He shut his eyes for a moment before turning a steadier look on Blaine then. "So, friends?"
 
"Best friends," Blaine agreed, doing his best to ignore the ache in his chest.

-----

Sunday night, Blaine was coming down the stairs when he heard his parents speaking in raised voices. He frowned, peering around a corner to see them standing in the middle of the kitchen.
 
"No," his mother was saying into the phone. "Blaine is not available for an interview."
 
Blaine's stomach dropped.
 
"Maria-"
 
His mother waved his father off as she listened to whoever was on the other end of the line. "My son is just trying to move past this and graduate from high school," she said coolly. Pause. "No," she repeated firmly. "It's the same thing we told CNN, MSNBC, and Fox News; he's not available." She pursed her lips. "I know the New York Times isn't like those cable networks..."
 
Blaine's eyes widened. He knew he was getting requests for interviews and that his parents kept turning them down, probably in an attempt to shield Blaine from media backlash, but he was still surprised those big outlets would be interested in him. He'd thought the interest might have faded by now or be focused at a more local level.
 
But then he remembered what Cooper had said those weeks ago in the hospital: "Hate crimes are a big issue right now. And you're the family friend of a Congressman who is well-known for his stance in favor of gay rights."
 
These types of crimes happened every day, but only a handful ever gained national prominence, and Blaine just happened to know the right people for that.
 
The entire week, the students at McKinley had been staring at him, some like they expected him to fall apart while others seemed like they were waiting for him to sprout a second head. He hated being talked about, but he wasn't going to be able to avoid the gossip forever; maybe it would help if he told someone his side of the story-to control the conversation as it were.
 
And the New York Times would be a much fairer outlet than any of the biased cable networks.
 
"Mom," he said, making his decision as he stepped into the kitchen.
 
His parents both whirled around to see him. "Blaine!" his mother said in surprise, pulling the phone from her ear. "Honey, this is-"
 
"I want to do it."
 
She blinked at him. "What?"
 
"I want to do the interview," he repeated, a sense of rightness settling in his gut. "I want to tell my side of the story."
 
"Blaine-" his father started with a frown, but Blaine shook his head.
 
"I know you're trying to protect me, and I appreciate it. But I can't keep hiding from this."
 
"Sweetie, you don't have to," Maria said, watching him in concern.
 
"I know," Blaine replied, sticking his hands in his pockets. "But just the one?"
 
"Blaine-"
 
"He's technically an adult, Maria," Charles said softly, putting a hand on his wife's arm. "We can't stop him if he wants to do it."
 
"We just want to protect you, Blaine. It's an ugly world with uglier people out there," Maria told him.
 
"I think I know that better than most, Mom." Blaine's voice was bitterer than he meant it to be, but it was true. And he was leaving for New York in a few months anyway; his parents wouldn't be able to protect him then, so maybe it was time he started protecting himself. And that started with him standing on his own two feet and facing his demons head on.
 
"Oh honey." Maria pulled Blaine into a hug. "Are you sure?"
 
Blaine nodded as his mother pulled away. He gave her a small smile and nodded toward the phone. "So are you going to take that?"
 
Maria looked at the phone and started. "Right." She put it back to her ear. "Mr. Davies, are you still there? Yes, Blaine says he'll do the interview."
 
Blaine just hoped he wasn't making things worse.