Kurt sighed as he leaned back against the front door, gathering his thoughts from the evening. He gathered himself together, banishing unwanted thoughts and walked through the quiet empty house, into the kitchen where he threw the keys on the breakfast bar.

He usually wasn’t one to go straight for the fridge, but these were desperate moments, and he needed some comfort that only chocolaty, fattening foods would give him so he opted for Carole’s Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Therapy and made a mental note to replace it tomorrow.

Kurt headed for the couch, a spoon was already half way to his mouth, but as soon as his butt hit the cushion he felt off.  What was he doing? No, he didn’t mean sitting on his father’s couch in Ohio. What was he doing with his life? He doesn’t know if it was Santana’s predicament that made his mind spark the question, but he wasn’t resting until he knew the answer. He stuffed more ice cream in his mouth as he continued to ponder and question is whole life. He always knew he wanted to be on Broadway, weather it was for costumes, being on stage front and center, or just being a stagehand, he knew that was what he wanted.

But what if there was more?

Kurt leaned back and put his feet on the coffee table, his eyes not really focusing on anything in the dark livingroom.

What if there was more to life than Broadway and family? Obviously there was, but Kurt has never thought of it. What more did Kurt want?

That’s when he made The List, he wasn’t sure the exact moment the thought came to him. He wasn’t even sure what really happened at all, one minute he’s sitting back on the couch and the next he’s sitting cross legged on the floor, leaning his elbows on the coffee table staring at a blank piece of paper that said ‘Hummel’s Tires and Lube’ in the top left corner.

In a slow hand he wrote at the top ‘Things To Do Before I Die’. He started with what he knew, Broadway, marriage, and fashion and pretty soon he had a small list.

1. Play a main role on Broadway
2. Fall In Love
3. Get an outfit approved by Tim Gunn
4. Be Able To Get Married in Ohio
5. Get a custom made designer outfit

But what about the things he didn’t know? Kurt sighed, satisfied with it for now, he could always add to it later. Seeing his dreams and thoughts written out like that, he didn’t have the nervous aching feeling in the back of his throat anymore. He had a feeling he might actually get some sleep that night, even if the thought of Santana laying helpless on the ground still haunted his mind.

“I brought soup, bread, some girly magazines, and some normal smelling lotion and shampoo,” Kurt said pulling the items out of a bag and onto the table at the foot of Santana’s bed. Once he sat down in a chair he asked, “feeling any better?”

“Yeah,” she said. And Kurt honestly thought she looked better than she did yesterday, the circles around her eyes not so prominent, and she seemed more restless, in a good way though. “There’s a little pain, but I’ve had worse.”

“… I meant it in the more… emotional sense,” Kurt said slowly, wondering if that was the right way to put it. He’d say anything to keep Santana from closing her emotions off again. He liked that she was being honest about the situation.

“Oh, um, yeah,” she said nodding her head, not really looking at Kurt. “Brittany and I spent most of the night talking and we actually decided to move in together.”

Kurt smiled, “that’s great!” his voice reaching a high pitch in excitement.

Santana looked at him, “What? I didn’t catch that, I’m sure only dogs everywhere heard what you just said.”

Kurt still smiled and laughed, having heard the joke many times before, “That is really great Santana.”

She laughed, “I know, I just don’t want to go home. My parents haven’t even come see me.”

“But I thought…” Kurt trailed off curiously.

“I know I told no one to visit, but they’re my parents, I sort of imagined them bursting through the door, ignoring the stupid things I say,” she confessed with her hands out dramatically. Kurt knew exactly though, he imagined if he was in the same place as her, Burt and even Carole would be pushing their way in to see him, even if he asked them not to.

“Have you guys decided where you’re going to live?” Kurt asked, trying to keep her mind positive.

“Actually, ever since you and the dwarf have been going on about NYADA, and we liked it when we visited Nationals, we were thinking about New York,” she said digging into the soup that Kurt had brought. Kurt got up to help her out so she went on, “I’ve been helping Brittany with applications to schools for dance and there were a few around NYC, and I’m not sure what I’m going to do at the moment, but if Brittany would be happy there, I think we could make it work.”

“Santana, I think that’s a wonderful idea,” really, Kurt was ecstatic. Ohio just plain sucked, there’s so much out there other than getting a regular job and settling down and having kids. “And I really think you two would be happy there.”

“Yeah, we’re just going to have some troubles finding somewhere to live, Brittany’s parents are going to help us out a bit, but I’m going to have to find a job…” she trailed off. “But I want this, and I want this for her.”

“Where is Brittany, anyways?” Kurt glanced around the room, making sure he didn’t miss her. Who knows, she could be hiding in the bathroom for all they knew.

“I convinced her to go home for awhile, take a nap and a shower,” Santana huffed a little, picking on the blanket. “I miss her when she’s gone.”

“You know, New York isn’t Ohio,” Kurt started out, feeling like this was the best idea Santana has ever had.

“Oh really? I never knew and here I thought-“

“I’m just saying,” Kurt interjected, “that New York is a great place for a date especially when you two can’t really go out, and even though Rachel and you don’t always get along we would love for you guys to stay with us while you’re apartment hunting.”

Or at least he hoped she didn’t. He’s been ignoring her calls since he left, not really sure what to tell her. If Santana didn’t want anyone to know, he wasn’t going to be the one to spill, especially to loose lips Rachel. And besides she spent most of her time with Finn these days anyways, she mostly just kept stuff at their apartment for when she didn’t want to drive the extra few miles to be with Finn. Rachel and Finn were also apartment hunting as it was so it’s not like they didn’t have the room, even if they didn’t they’d make room for their friends.

“I’d really like that, Kurt,” Santana blinked away soft tears in her eyes before eating more of her soup. “And I now pronounce you official cook of our gaytopia, excluding Rachel, although the way she dresses sometimes I wonder… Anyways this shit is amazing.”

Kurt smiled, wondering how long the compliments were going to last, although it was a nice change for once.

“Now is the time I have to ask,” Santana said, putting down her spoon. “Why the hell aren’t you getting laid?”

Kurt felt uncomfortable all of a sudden and took a grand interest in the tiles of the floor. “Umm, who says I’m not?”

Santana snorts, “come on, everyone knows it, and I talked to Puck the other day who talked to Finn who was talking with Rachel about you and rumor has it that you’re left manless.”

Kurt slumped in his chair, “yeah, well it’s a little harder than it seems.”

“Do you just not go out?” Santana asked loudly. “Seriously, if I wasn’t on the lady wagon and you weren’t gayer than a dolphin I would be all up on that.”

“Umm, thanks?” Kurt asked trying to figure out if it was insulting or not. But, if Kurt was being honest, he did have invitations, just not the kind he was looking for. Kurt doesn’t know if it was just in the nature of college boys to have one night stands but he just preferred not getting involved in that, and although he was already 20 he’s never been that intimate with people. He didn’t want his first time to be with some random guy that won’t remember his name in the morning.

“How about tomorrow when I get out of here we round up Brittany and hit up Scandals?” Santana asked, refusing to let it go. 

“Santana, I know you’re trying to help, but I’d rather not just have some one night fling that didn’t mean anything to some guy,” Kurt told her, wishing she would just lay off. Right now he wasn’t that worried about it, he still had a few years of college left, and who knows where he’d be by then? “And besides, you’re still recovering, I’m not going to encourage you getting so drunk and disorderly right after what happened.”

“Oh, you’re no fun,” Santana complained. “I thought New York would have loosened you up, but here you are, I’d say you still walk around with a stick up your butt, but the lack of one is your problem.”

“Seriously Santana?” Kurt couldn’t help but smile because this was Santana’s way of helping, even if it wasn’t traditional. “I appreciate it but I think I’ll be alright.”

“Okay, but when Brits and I are in New York and you’re complaining about being all alone, don’t think I’m not going to kick your ass out to find a man,” she said sniffing the products Kurt had brought. “What is this shit? Lavender?”

Kurt didn’t say anything as Santana started putting lotion on her arms, “this hospital is starting to mess with my sense of smell, I almost rubbed your gaytopia soup all over me, anything’s better than the antiseptic smell that clings to everything in existence in this place.”

“You know, we could still hang out,” Kurt said. “I’m not headed back until Sunday, and I wouldn’t mind seeing both of you out of here, although I would prefer we don’t go to the gay bar.”

“I’ll talk to Brittany, but I’d really like that, Kurt,” and for a minute Santana was lost in thought, but she looked truly happy. “I know I already said it, but I’m going to say it again before they stop medicating me and I’m back to normal, I really am thankful for everything you’re doing for me and coming to see me and stuff. It did really mean a lot to me.” Kurt took this as a good sign, even went as far as thinking that maybe him and Santana could be good  friends.

“Do you think maybe I could get a hug?” Kurt proposed cautiously.

Santana laughed and nodded with her arms open, “Yes, just make it quick, I don’t want your gay germs all over me.”

Kurt laughed back but pulled her into a hug, “look who’s talking!”

Kurt and Santana spent the rest of the afternoon talking about New York. When Brittany came back freshly showered with a bouquet of flowers for her girlfriend, Santana told her the good news about having somewhere to stay in New York. And by the sound of it, Kurt was almost certain he would have two new roommates by the end of the year.