Kurt didn’t even remember falling asleep that night but when he tried opening his eyes the next morning he could feel last nights events on his body. He stretched and rubbed his eyes, trying to wake up, but it didn’t help his body from feeling like it was thrown around mercilessly. His muscles were sore, his bones were sore, his eyes were sore, even his heart felt sore. 

He didn’t have any blissful moment when you wake up and the thoughts of yesterday were yet to catch up with you. No, those thoughts never left him, they followed him long into the morning, through his dreams, and constantly reminding him that something was wrong. He should have cursed himself for falling asleep in his new designer outfit, but he just didn’t have the energy. And the sweat clinging to him was more than offensive to imagine anything but a shower and coffee.

Coffee.

He needed coffee. And a change of sweat free clothes.

As he entered the kitchen Carole scooped him up into a warm hug. Kurt just numbly hugged back, he’s felt nearly every emotion except joy in the last 12 hours, and right now he didn’t know how he was supposed to feel. Carole looked at him worriedly but let him go to fish around the cupboards for a coffee cup.

“I think as soon as I get cleaned up, I’m going,” Kurt said, staring at his filled cup.

“Whatever you need,” Burt said from the kitchen table. “Just don’t be gone too long, I missed the hell out of you.”

Kurt cracked a small smile, glad to be home. “I won’t.”

Burt didn’t say anything, but he was worried for his son, he knew his boy and Kurt had so much compassion for other people, sometimes it hits him hard when things fall down.

After a shower Kurt felt a bit better. His face felt clean, his hair was washed, his eyes seemed to open a bit wider, and the world wasn’t so blurry. But he still hurt and the only thing that was going to make him feel better was seeing Santana.

He didn’t feel the need to dress to impress so a black button up shirt and a pair of pants were all he wore as he climbed into his father’s car. He switched the dials on the radio until he found something satisfactory and he took a deep breath. And he left.

He wasn’t angry anymore, he wasn’t anything really.

Kurt didn’t like the smell of hospitals, it was just a reminder of death, it was a reminder of the year before his mother died, it was a reminder of friends and loved ones and scars and bruises. He didn’t like hospitals and Kurt doubted he would ever change his mind.

Kurt made his way to Santana’s room and was surprised when Brittany was the only one accompanying her.

They were both sleeping, Santana tucked neatly under the white blankets that the hospital had to offer. Brittany was curled up facing her on top of the covers, and their hands were entwined neatly between them. 

Kurt sighed, seeing them both in one piece, their eyes were red and puffy, but that was to be expected. At least they were all right.

Kurt took a seat next to the bed, letting the last few tears escape his eyes.

“Alright,” he told himself. “No more crying.”

Santana rustled a little and opened her eyes, meeting her girlfriends soft sleep induced face. She smiled softly and leaned in to peck her lips lightly.

“Morning Santana,” Brittany smiled before she opened her eyes. 

“Hey,” she greeted back, closing her eyes and snuggling into Brittany a little closer.

Kurt didn’t know what to do so he just stood up, “umm, hey Santana.”

Santana looked over, a little shocked at her visitor. “Hey Kurt, what are you doing here?”

That’s when Kurt knew something was surely wrong, “What? No insults?”

She nodded her head and explained, “The drugs make my mind a little foggy, not sure what I’m saying.”

Brittany sat up and opted to sit at the end of the bed and Santana straightened out a little.

“Santana, what happened,” Kurt sighed, getting straight to the point.

“Baby, why don’t you go get us some breakfast?” Santana asked Brittany. Brittany just smiled and left before pecking her lips and leaving her girl friend and Kurt alone. Santana sighed and flattened her blankets before speaking, “I’m not sure what you want me to say, Kurt. I just couldn’t handle it anymore.”

“You couldn’t handle it?” Kurt repeated, unsure what to make out of the statement. “Santana, you have a beautiful girlfriend, she might not be the smartest, but she loves you, and she would do anything for you. Why would you ruin that both for her and yourself?”

“I know.” She grasped the blankets furiously, “I know I made a mistake,” she yelled, although she was certain she was telling herself. She took a minute or two to breathe a little before finding the courage to look at Kurt and she let herself continue. “Kurt, you know what it’s like, waking up every morning worrying that you’re not good enough. That who you are will always be complete shit in other people’s eyes. And now that I finally have what I want, a perfect girl friend, who has never made me happier in my whole life, I’m not good enough.”

Kurt sat back down in his chair and pulled it closer to Santana’s bed. “Santana, just, what happened?”

She looked up to the ceiling, tears prickling her eyes as she slumped down into her bed. “Brittany and I were at Breadstix the other night, nothing unusual there, except there was a group of guys.” She took a deep breath, willing herself not to break down. “When we left they followed us. They kept yelling at us, calling us names, and you know me, I just fired right back and let them have it. And then one pulled a knife, and all I could think about is ‘Not Brittany, they’re not hurting her’, and so I got in front of her and pushed the guy back. Someone from the restaurant came out and broke it up, threatening to call the cops.

“So we left, I brought Brittany home and,” she took another deep breath. “My Nana was home, my parents asked where I had been, I told them I was out with Brittany, and she started yelling.” Kurt grabbed her hand, surprised when Santana held back. She laughed humorlessly, “You know it’s one thing when complete strangers are calling you disgusting and worthless, but when it’s someone you’ve known your entire life, someone who means the world to you, it just hits you. It literally hits you where it hurts.”

Kurt gulped a little, reminding himself that he was done crying, “and your parents?”

Santana laughed again, “just stood there. Didn’t do a fucking thing, they just let her insult me and tell me that Brittany and I didn’t belong together and we were going to hell for the sins we committed. I just ran to my room, I didn’t know what to do. I just kept thinking about Brittany and how she’s never going to be able to have a normal life as long as we’re together. And then I thought about Nana and what she said, and I just figured it would just be the easiest way. So I found the knife in one of my pants pockets, and I just…” She just cried for a moment, the tears in her eyes showing no signs of stopping. She took a deep breath and laid her hands over her face, “I’m so fucking stupid.”

Kurt had enough, he didn’t want to know anymore, and it hurt him to see her like this, “Santana, I want you to listen to me,” Kurt said, going back to holding one of her hands, this time gripping it with both of his hands. “I want you to promise me you’ll call me, even if I’m miles away in New York. Next time something happens I want you to call me and tell me what’s going on even if you spend the whole phone call insulting me. I know we didn’t always get along, but I care about you and I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you and I didn’t do anything that I could to stop it.”

Santana smiled a little, “You say that now, just wait until my medication wears off and I’m back to insulting your hideous outfits.”

“No, I’ll never regret telling you that,” Kurt convinced her. “And next time you want a vacation, come visit me, even bring Brittany if you’d like.”

Santana sat there for a moment letting their whole conversation sink in, “wait, aren’t you supposed to be in school right now, as in New York?”

Kurt shrugged, “my friend needed me, even if she won’t admit it. And finals are done with so Rachel is taking notes for me.”

“Thank you, Kurt,” Santana whispered, wiping away the tears in her eyes. “And I promise I mean that.”

“Even if it’s the drugs talking, I still appreciate it,” Kurt smiled at her.

“Okay sorry it took so long,” Brittany bustled into the room. “But some ladies were trying to put me in this weird jacket thing, and tried to lead me to the other end of the hospital, through the doors that said ‘Do Not Enter’ and I kept trying to tell them, that we can’t go in there, I don’t know if they didn’t learn how to read… Anyways they mistook me as a patient or something and brought me back here.”

Kurt and Santana looked at each other briefly before bursting into laughter.

“What so funny?” Brittany asks, opening a container of pudding. “I didn’t like the jacket, it made me constantly hug myself, I’d just prefer it if Santana does the hugging, besides isn’t that like masturbation?”

Kurt shook his head, remembering how clueless Brittany was some times.

“So Kurt invited us to stay in New York some time,” Santana told Brittany once she was seated comfortably. “I think that’d be fun.”

“Oh! Totally!” She bounced a little. “I’d like that! Well, as long as we’re together, I guess it wouldn’t really matter where we were.”

Santana smiled, so thankful to have such a beautiful and loving girlfriend. She couldn’t believe she nearly let herself leave her.

Kurt didn’t really know how long he was there, he didn’t really care, either. Even though it was heart breaking, it was sort of a relief to be around people who completely understood him, and maybe Santana felt the same way. 

“You should probably go home, you’ve been here for a few hours,” Santana said as she looked out the window to the darkening sky.

“Isn’t anyone else coming to visit you?” Kurt asked, wondering why her room had been nearly empty all day besides the nurses and doctors coming through.

“Umm, the people who found out, I asked them not to tell, and I asked them not to visit,” Santana wouldn’t look Kurt in the eye, but continued to hold Brittany’s hand. “Apparently your dad didn’t get the memo.”

“Carole probably found out, being a nurse and all,” Kurt explained, biting his lip. 

“I am thankful that you came, though. No one else really knows what it’s like, and I doubt anyone else would have been able to talk to me rationally.”

“Like I said, anytime,” Kurt replied. There was a small bit of silence before he asked, “when will they release you?”

“I think not tomorrow, but the day after. They want to make sure everything is in working order, and even if the scans said nothing was damaged, they just want to make sure,” she told him. “So if you wanted to visit tomorrow, I might not be as pleasant, but I would appreciate it none the less.”

Kurt smiled, “I would love to, and I’ll be sure to bring you both some normal tasting food.”

“Thanks… I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.” Kurt took one last glance at Santana, brushing the hair out Brittany’s face as she slept peacefully, before heading back home.