Chapter 5: The Date

AN: So Blaine gets to see Kurt’s apartment for the first time, that’ll be fun.

Kurt and Blaine met each other a few more times the next three weeks. First it was coffee. Then coffee became lunch. Lunch became dinner and now suddenly Kurt was getting ready to watch a movie with Blaine.

It all started when Kurt was leaning against Blaine’s kitchen counter, reading the newspaper while Blaine was cooking using the excuse that he wanted to try a new pasta recipe on him. Kurt skipped the news as usual and read the comics. When he came to the advertisements for movies, he let out a loud gasp.

“Oh my god! We have to see the new X-men movie!”, he exclaimed before he understood the meaning of his words. He had said we instead of I. As in Kurt and Blaine. Kurt formed his lips into an ‘o’ and was going to retract his statement when Blaine turned towards him with a huge grin.

“I love X-men! We should totally see it”, he grinned before returning to his pasta sauce.

Kurt sat there in shock. They were going to the movies together. Two gay guys were going to the movies together. But it wasn’t a date.. Was it?

That’s how Kurt found himself rummaging his closet to find clothes to wear to ‘probably-not-a-date-but-maybe’ with his ex-doctor.

“What the fuck am I supposed to wear?!”, Kurt sighed, defeated. He tried on a few more shirts before deciding that he should go with the black skinny jeans instead of the white. Even though the black jeans made him look pale, it brought out his figure nicely. Kurt tried on a white top and settled for a navy blue vest on top of it. The vest hugged his hips perfectly and showed how lovely his body was. And despite everything, Kurt was proud of his body.

Glancing at the clock, Kurt panicked when he realised that he only had an hour to work on his hair…

--

Blaine checked his clock for the umpteenth time that day. He sat on his couch and flicked TV-channels impatiently. He wasn’t even watching the programmes. He checked his watch again. It felt as if time was going backwards. He had already dressed up for his not-date with Kurt. He decided to go with white pants and a baby blue shirt. It might be a boring choice, but it was safe. And Blaine felt safe in white or light colours. He smiled when he thought that it was probably because of his doctor’s coat and the sterile hospital environment.

But now that he had gotten ready and done everything he could do to heighten his appearance for his not-date, he didn’t know what to do. So for the past half hour he had paced the floor, attempted to read a magazine, tried fill a few patient journals and now he was absentmindedly switching TV-channels. Dr.Phil was on. Oh well, he might as well try to get his mind of the non-date with Kurt by watching the episode about a nasty break up. When did doctors have to work with this kind of stuff, really? Despite his attempts to get his mind off the brown haired man.

What was he supposed to reply when Kurt had used his all-time weakness? He should have specified that it was not a date, but he was too busy mentally fangirling over X-men. Oh well, Kurt probably didn’t even mean it as a date. Why would he want to go out with his ex-doctor any way?

Finally, the clock reached the time of meeting and Blaine made his way to Kurt’s apartment. Before he could take the lift upstairs, Kurt was waiting for him at the entrance of the apartment complex. Even though Kurt had been to Blaine’s apartment several times, Blaine had never been to Kurt’s. Whenever Blaine offered to pick him up at his place, Kurt always waited in front of the lift, ready to go. Blaine wondered if Kurt was ashamed of his home. The thought didn’t linger long as he was aware of Kurt smiling brightly towards him. Blaine instantly smiled back.

It felt so natural for the boys to smile around each other. Kurt couldn’t remember the last time he was so happy. The six weeks after his was discharged from the hospital had been a joy ride. He had found a new friend who actually understood what it was like to come from a homophobic small town. And Kurt wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but he was a little smitten with the doctor. It finally felt like the universe was being fair to him. After struggling with all karmatic powers in the world, Kurt at last got to know what happiness felt like. And it felt good. It even left a flutter in his stomach.

They walked to the cinema together. Their friendship had become easier over the past weeks. They talked non-stop about everything between heaven and earth. Blaine listen to Kurt’s ramblings on how hard it was to get oil paint from your hair, and Kurt listened eagerly to everything Blaine had to report from the emergency room. Kurt really liked to listen to stories from the hospital because there always was some stupid case every day. Like the one time a guy came in with a beer bottle stuck up his ass because he couldn’t get it out. Kurt had laughed for hours on that one. Kurt knew that working as a doctor wasn’t always easy, and sometimes people die. But Blaine never talked about them. Some days, he could see that Blaine was a little more down and Kurt would have to use a little more effort to put a smile on his face, but he never asked. And Blaine never told.

There was a lot they didn’t talk about. They never talked about their parents, even though they both knew that the other person’s family life had to be difficult. They just let the subject drop every time the possibility came up. They didn’t talk about Kurt’s drug problem. Or, Blaine tried to open the subject a few times, but Kurt shot him down like a turkey on thanksgiving. Kurt knew that Blaine didn’t approve, and Blaine dropped hints everywhere that he could help him quit, but Kurt just ignored them. He wouldn’t let Blaine take over his life like that.

Kurt took his seat beside Blaine’s in the dark cinema theatre. The movie started and both boys were so engrossed in the movie that they almost didn’t notice their knees brush against each other subtly. But only almost. Blaine was the first to notice and jerked his knee away, terrified that Kurt would freak out. It was only then that Kurt noticed that their legs had been pressed together. Kurt just silently retracted his leg and delicately crossed his legs. Blaine averted his gaze and tried to focus on the movie, but after that he picked up on all the little things Kurt did.

Like that Kurt scrunched his nose when he tried not to laugh out loud, or that he leaned back as far as he could when he was afraid. And in an action movie like that, Kurt had jerked back in his seat a couple of times. Blaine put his hand over his and rubbed his thumb comfortingly without thinking of the consequences. Only when Kurt squeezed his hand lightly did he realise that it could be interpreted as him hitting on Kurt. Blaine cleared his throat and put his hand on his own lap instead.

Kurt didn’t think anything of it and the two men saw the rest of the movie without any other non-verbal communication. When the movie ended, Kurt was the first to get up.

Blaine followed suit.
“What did you think about the movie?”, the doctor asked, calm as usual.

Kurt was smiling like a maniac.
“It was… just.. oh my god”

“I see that you are as articulate as ever”, Blaine laughed, causing Kurt to stick his tongue out.

“I’m starving, let’s eat”, Kurt smiled. Blaine bit his lip and wondered if it was time to ask Kurt. He had wanted to ask him this for weeks.

“Kurt?”, he started, a little nervous.
“Maybe we could go to your place and order take away or something”, he suggested. Blaine wanted so badly to see where Kurt lived. To see his apartment and that part of Kurt’s life. It felt like a wedge between their friendship that Kurt never opened up to that part of his life.

Blaine could see Kurt tense when he heard the proposal.

“Why my place?”, he countered quickly.

Blaine decided to play it cool.

“Your place is closer”, he shrugged nonchalantly, while he really placed close attention to all of Kurt’s reactions.

Kurt looked like he struggled within himself.

“My apartment is really small though. We would have to almost sit on top of each other to be able to sit in the couch”, he mumbled. It was partly true anyway, Kurt thought. Reality was that his apartment was like a secret shrine for him. A place where he could paint without people judging him. A place were he could be without anyone judging him.

Blaine locked eyes with Kurt and smiled friendly.
“Doesn’t matter. I just want to see where you live”

Kurt sighed and gave in. He knew that he wasn’t going to win the battle. Blaine had some voodoo mind control power over him that made him want to give in to him. It was the smile and the puppy look. It was just too darn cute.

“Yeah, whatever”, Kurt muttered and cleared his throat.

Blaine’s stomach did a back flip. Wow. He didn’t expect Kurt to give in so easily.

They got some Thai food and walked to Kurt’s apartment talking about the movie. They were currently discussing whether Wolverine was hot or not.

“Ugh, he is too hairy for my taste”, Blaine commented.
“And sweaty and just so.. gross. I think he is more of a girl fantasy, to be honest”

Kurt laughed at this.
“I happen to think that Wolverine is an awesome piece of heaven, Doctor Anderson”.

“But..”, Blaine started, but he was cut off by Kurt’s insistent, but pleasant voice.

“He is so manly and yummy. I’d totally tap that”, Kurt said in a voice that made it clear that the final words in the discussion were said.

Kurt’s eyes met Blaine’s and they started laughing. It was simple, almost like breathing, this relationship they shared. Sometimes they got out of breath, but usually there was enough oxygen.

Kurt stopped in front of his entrance door.

“I’m warning you. My apartment is a mess. There is paint equipment everywhere, literally”, he mumbled before he let Blaine in. The doctor walked in cautiously though he was eager to see what was inside. It felt like a secret was being revealed to him. Something that he had waited for that he was finally going to be allowed to see. He knew that the chance of being disappointed was huge, but he went in nevertheless.

Kurt’s apartment was the total opposite of Blaine. Where Blaine’s home was clean and bright with windows everywhere, Kurt’s apartment resembled a dungeon. The few windows were hidden behind black curtains so that daylight couldn’t enter. Almost every surface of Kurt’s floor was covered in newspapers, so that the paint wouldn’t stain the tiles. There were small boxes and tubes of paint everywhere, in every shape and colour and all the newspapers on the floor were covered in paint. It was like walking on a crinkly rainbow. Blaine was immediately fascinated when he discovered that Kurt’s walls were covered in paintings. Paintings that were so realistic, they could have been photographs. Each one of them were signed by “KH”, and Blaine came to realise that these were originals. The beauty Kurt had captured in these paintings were breathtakingly painful. He felt a pang in his heart as he realised the magnificence that resided in Kurt, the shear talent he possessed.

“Kurt.. These are.. wonderful!”, he breathed, still taking in the full impression of the paintings.

Kurt tried to smile even though he was tense, but failed miserably. He was glad Blaine liked them, but it felt weird to have someone else evaluate something that was so personal to him in the calm way Blaine did. He never showed these to anyone because they meant so much to him. He would never ever sell these as long as he lived. No matter how poor he was. It felt weird to let Blaine see them.

“Just my private collection”, Kurt said in the same detached voice he used when he was uncomfortable. Blaine had made his way to the painting of the man who was kneeling in front of a grave with a young boy by his side. Blaine’s nose was almost touching the surface of the oil painting. Kurt shifted uncomfortably. It was personal. And Blaine was violating his personal space. He knew it was a bad idea to bring him here.

Kurt cleared his throat to distract Blaine.
“So, shall we eat?”

Blaine tore his eyes away from the painting without a word and nodded absentmindedly.

Kurt sat down on the tiny sofa and shoved all the brushes and paint tubes that were on the table before he laid out the food.

Blaine sat down beside him, and Kurt wasn’t lying about the lack of space. For starters, the sofa was so small that their legs were pressed together in a more or less intimate way that made Blaine blush. The apartment itself was tiny, but somehow it felt like a home. Everything in the apartment felt homey and personal, unlike his own residence that felt alien even to himself.

They tried to hold pleasant conversation as they ate, but it was obvious to both that Kurt was stressing, and the lack of personal space was a bit distressing. So instead of talking, they ate in uncomfortable silence while Blaine studied the living room for more bits and pieces of Kurt’s life.

He had to bite back a laugh when he saw a discarded unused tampon on the floor. He hadn’t expected something so feminine in Kurt’s apartment and couldn’t think of a single reason why Kurt would need tampons.

“Do you have a roommate, or something?”, he asked lightly when the were finished eating, though he couldn’t understand how it was humanly possible for this apartment to hold two people.

Kurt shook his head hurriedly, wondering what on earth Blaine meant by the question. The doctor nodded towards the tampon with a smile on his face. He grabbed the empty food boxes and threw them away while waiting for Kurt to answer.

Kurt, on the other hand blushed and facepalmed himself.

“I can explain”, he muttered when Blaine came back.

“Really? Do you have a menstrual cat or something?”, he grinned.

“No, as you can see I don’t use the tampon, just the applicator”, Kurt explained as Blaine raised his triangle shaped eyebrow. Kurt matched the look by raising his own perfectly angled eyebrow.

“You know, Blaine. For snorting coke. You can use notes and stuff too, but I prefer these”, he countered in a steady voice with a cold edge. He braced himself for the impending lecture that had to come from the doctor.

However, Blaine slumped back in the couch with a sigh. That was worst than a lecture. Kurt expected him to tell him how stupid he was, preach about the medical danger and maybe even raise his voice. What he had not expected was Blaine to be disappointed in Kurt. And disappointment hurt more than he thought was possible.

Kurt threw out his arms in defeat, his temper raising at that.
“What the fuck, Blaine?”, he thundered, losing control over his emotions. The poised Kurt was nowhere to be seen.

“Are you disappointed in me?”

Blaine saw the fury in Kurt’s eyes. How did this happen so fast? How did Kurt loose control over his temper so fast? What was going on?

He thought about the question for a while. Was he disappointed? No. He couldn’t say he was. He wished that he could do something to help Kurt, but he wasn’t disappointed..

“Uh.. No Kurt, I’m not disappointed in you”, he said calmly, placing his hand carefully on Kurt’s shoulder to calm him down.

Blaine knew that Kurt would sometimes have mood swings that were worse than the girl living next door. It was a common long lasting side effect from misusing cocaine. Other side effects could be agitation, excitability, irritability, nervousness or restlessness. And Kurt had showed signs of all the symptoms in one way or another the six weeks they had known each other. Blaine wished he could do something about it, but it was not in his place to say something, was it?

“I’m not disappointed, but I wish you tried rehab”, he continued, his hand still on Kurt’s shoulder. Kurt stiffened beneath his touch, a snarl forming as his eyes narrowed.

“Why does everyone want me to change? Am I not a good enough person?!”, he sneered, shaking off Blaine’s hand with a hard jerk.

“Am I not good enough for you, doctor Anderson? Well, then fuck you. Fuck you all!”, Kurt’s voice broke at the end and he shook in anger. He thought that Blaine would be different, that he actually liked him for who he was, drugs or no drugs. He wished those angry feelings would go away so that he could think about this. What did Blaine really say? Why did he say that he wasn’t disappointed? Arg, if only he could think straight without all the anger clouding his judgement.

Blaine got to his feet and bit his lip.
“Kurt, you are good enough. You are more that good enough. Kurt, you matter”, he whispered in a gentle voice.

That did it to Kurt. That was what his dad told him when he was alive. That he mattered. That he shouldn’t throw himself around like he didn’t matter. Tears threatened to fall as Kurt fought them back. He would not break down before Blaine.

Blaine put his arms around him in a comforting manner, but Kurt shrugged him off.

“I think you should leave, Blaine”, Kurt said, his voice shaky.

“Are you going to be ok?”, the doctor asked, hoping that the older man would see how much he cared.

“Just go, Blaine. Go”, Kurt replied in a broken voice.

“Kurt…”

“GO!”, Kurt screamed at him.

Blaine bit his lip and walked home with a heavy heart. It was dark and Blaine sighed at the thought of how the evening had ended. It had started off cautiously and bloomed into something fun and easy; two friends having fun. Then he had to go and screw it up. He knew that it wasn’t the entire truth. Kurt had overreacted. He didn’t even let him explain. Blaine couldn’t stop the mild bitterness from spreading in his mind. If only Kurt had let him explain, they wouldn’t even be here.

When Blaine came home, he stared at the sketch Kurt gave him at the hospital. The sketch of a bird in a cage beside an open window. The cage was open, but the bird didn’t fly out. Only now did Blaine understand what the drawing meant. Kurt was the bird. He was in his own cage, the cage being his drug problem. He had an open door and an open window, but he was too weak to fly towards freedom. A single tear trickled down Blaine’s cheek.

--

It was almost 2 am when Blaine’s phone rang. He woke up abruptly and almost banged his head in the headboard when the Teenage Dream-ringtone started to play. The very same ringtone Kurt had forced him to set so that it would play everytime he called Blaine.

Blaine squinted at the phone screen, realizing that it really was Kurt before quickly answering. He was met by a panicked scream.
“BLAINE!”, Kurt yelled at the top of his lungs, panic dripping from his voice.

Blaine jumped out of bed and threw his covers to the floor.

“Kurt? What’s wrong?”, he inquired, his heart pounding like a maniac. Something was wrong with Kurt he was in trouble. Oh god, oh god…

“Kurt, where are you?”, he asked in a terrified voice when all he could hear was Kurt wailing, really wailing as loud as he could.

“BLAINE!!”, Kurt screamed again, as if he was being tortured.
“COME AND SAVE ME!”

AN: Sorry for the cliffhanger… Please leave a comment :D