Aug. 21, 2013, 12:24 a.m.
Meals and Feels: Chapter 1
T - Words: 2,082 - Last Updated: Aug 21, 2013 Story: Complete - Chapters: 2/2 - Created: Aug 20, 2013 - Updated: Aug 21, 2013 105 0 0 0 0
The tripod camera was set to record, and everything seemed to be in place. Kurt and Brittany's eyes met in excitement. This was going to be their first time doing this together. The kitchen was immaculate and they were ready.
"Good evening, YouTube enthusiasts, bored stay at home parents, and creepy pervs in your 50's posing as teenage girls! I'm Kurt Hummel and this is my brassy hag, Brittany S. Pierce. Brittany, say hi to our audience?"
"Hi to our audience" Brittany chimed in.
"Um, right, thanks Brit. Anyhoo, welcome to the very first episode of our web series, Meals and Feels, where we cook nutritious, health-conscious breakfasts, lunches, and dinners, while waxing philosophical and/or emotional about our favorite books and movies. Don't be deceived by the fact that we are still in high school, we have a lot of expertise in this area and you will not be disappointed."
"The title was Kurt's idea," Brittany said to the camera, "I wanted to call it Fast, cheap, and easy, but with feelings."
Kurt spared Brittany a quick, exasperated look. "Right, so lets get started. Today we will be making a quinoa salad with grape tomatoes and kale. To the uninitiated, this may sound like an exotic and/or difficult endeavor, but I assure you it is easily surmountable by any kitchen novice. I will start off by washing and chopping the kale like so, and Brittany can introduce today's topic."
Brittany settled herself comfortably on top of the kitchen table. "So guys, me and Kurt just read this amaaaaaazing book in the Scare Your Pants Off series by B.D. Anderson. Let me tell you, that guy could scare my pants off right now and I would be totally okay with it."
"Mine too." Kurt pretended to fan himself with a piece of kale.
"We're talking about sex," Brittany clarified for the camera, "It means we want to have sex with him because he's so hot..."
"So..." Kurt said, pouring chicken broth into a deep pot on the stove, "The one we just finished is titled Human, and utilizes a brilliantly executed second person point of view, in my opinion. The protagonist is a vampire-type creature who desperately seeks to highlight his human side, which puts him in imminent danger from others of his ilk."
"Oh my god it was sooooo scary!" Brittany added. "I totally had a nightmare, but it was worth it. I kind of wanted to be one of the girls that he killed on his vampire killing spree in chapter one, he was so intense and dark, you know?"
"SO SO intense!" Kurt agreed, as he poured two cups of dry red quinoa into a small pot of boiling water and covered it. "The kale is on low until it wilts, then I will add the chicken broth. And the quinoa should only take about 12 minutes to simmer. So Brittany, can you believe how well the mean high school characters in Human represent the bitchy cheerleader archetype?" Brittany grinned, because both of them were cheerleaders.
Their first show had been a smash hit with 500 views in the first week. They weren't technically "internet famous" yet, as Brittany was bragging, but they were on their way. If nothing else, it was a creative and entertaining project for their summer vacation before junior year. They only had a month left until cheer camp, but Kurt hoped that they could continue the show into the school year if they were able to develop an audience. He had thought about posting a link on some B.D. Anderson fan pages, but wondered if that would attract the wrong crowd.
Maybe he could ask B.D. Anderson his opinion about it today, Kurt thought excitedly. Kurt had brought his digital camera with him today so they could document their experiences and edit some pictures into their next YouTube video. He and Brittany were attending a book signing that evening, at the Barnes and Noble in Union Square. It was about an hour and a half away by subway, which was no big deal. The hard part had been convincing their parents to let them go alone. But with that out of the way, they could just be excited and focus on their costumes. Kurt had spend hours designing them and was very proud of the result.
The book that had just come out was the second in a series called "I Still Think" which chronicled a town slowly taken over by memory-erasing demons over many generations. Kurt thought it was one of his most sophisticated thrillers so far, playing with past, present, and future tenses with precision and grace. Kurt wondered if he would be able to say all that to his favorite author, or if he would be reduced to incoherent mumbles by the devastatingly handsome young man.
He had read all of B.D. Anderson's books, and every internet blog and insipid teen magazine interview with him. He also followed him on Twitter religiously, though he tweeted quite infrequently. He knew that his friends called him 'Beady' because of his initials and the way he sometimes squinted his eyes, that he was 26 years old and had been writing since college, that he had a degree in Chemistry, and worked part time as a technical writer in addition to being an author of young adult horror fiction. And he just seemed so articulate and gorgeous and kind and friendly and creative...yes, Kurt was well aware that he had a crush. It didn't help that B.D. Anderson was openly gay and often had strong gay male characters in his novels. And his favorite color was dark green. Not that any of that would give Kurt much of an opener for a conversation. At least he didn't play guitar, Kurt mused. Then his sex appeal would be totally otherworldly and unstoppable. Thank goodness for small favors.
Kurt and Brittany approached the long line in Union Square warily. Growing up in Brooklyn had taught them to be street smart, and both felt somewhat uncomfortable letting their guard down in a crowd this size. And it only got bigger as a couple hours passed. It was a good thing they had arrived 4 hours before the 9PM signing, as the people arriving right at 9 probably would not even get in.
After what felt like forever, Brittany nudged him to move forward with the line, as they were starting to let people in. Kurt's breathing became erratic, the closer they got. The man of his intellectual fantasies and wet dreams came into view, and Kurt heard a fan yell.
"I love you Blaine!"
Kurt wondered if that was what the B. stood for. It hadn't been in any interviews...then, feeling a level of anxiety as if he was in a nightmare where he hadn't studied for a pop quiz, Kurt realized he and Brittany were next. They squeezed each others hands, both grinning. Did Brittany actually have tears in her eyes? Kurt realized guiltily that he did too, and wiped them away quickly. This was it.
The most soulful hazel eyes he had ever seen in his life were suddenly staring right into his,and he felt himself engulfed in a hug. B.D. Anderson was apparently a hugger? But Brittany looked confused, and so did his publicist. Neither of them had seen him hug the fans in line before them. Holy shit he smelled really good. Kurt wondered what shampoo he used.
"Oh my god you two are so adorable! I absolutely love it! So let me see, you are obviously supposed to be the king and queen demon, but I have to tell you the gender switch is like, exactly how I pictured it in my head. This is so awesome, would you two mind taking a picture with me?" B.D. Anderson was also apparently a rambler.
Kurt had been rendered mute, but luckily Brittany did a better job of keeping it together. "Of course, Mr. Anderson, we would love to! I'm Brittany and this is Kurt. We are such huge fans of your work, we just love you. And you are like ten times better looking in person than in your interviews." Brittany cut herself off abruptly and looked to be in deep, serious thought for a moment. "No, maybe 8 times better."
The author looked amused, and had his publicist take a picture of him between Kurt and Brittany, with his arms strong and sure around them both. "I'll tweet this later, would that be okay with you two?"
"Yes," Kurt managed to squeak out.
The author kept grinning at Kurt while he signed their books, and leaned in a little closer to whisper something. "Do you go to college around here?"
"We're going into our junior year in high school." Kurt responded, wishing he had had the presence of mind to lie.
But the author did not seem to mind. "That's great, I hope you have a good year. Thanks so much for coming out today, and for supporting my work. And for the outstanding costumes, that really made my day!"
And then before Kurt could manage to say anything about how how he felt about the Scare Your Pants Off books, or how they inspired him to write, or about his YouTube show, he was being ushered out of the store by a friendly young woman with red hair. Brittany grabbed his hand again, and the two of them glided along the sidewalk to the subway station.
"Oh Kurt that was amazing. Do you think he would have sex with me? Sometimes a gay man needs to experiment too, right?"
"Sure, Brit, who knows." Kurt clutched his book to his chest, then realized he had been too dazed to read the inscription. He opened the front cover.
Thanks, cutie!
You're the best demon queen I ever saw.
Love, Blaine :)
He had to concentrate on not hyperventilating the entire ride home.
Not only did B.D. Anderson tweet the picture as promised, he had somehow found their YouTube channel and tweeted that too. Within two days they had 10,000 hits. It was definitely time to do another show. Kurt tried not to think about the way their first show had objectified his favorite author, because from the looks of it, Blaine had watched their show.
Blaine.
That was a pretty name, wasn't it, Kurt thought. A pretty name, pretty eyes, a pretty smile, pretty words on the page...and Blaine had chosen to share his name with Kurt. Brittany's book was signed "B.D.A.," and so were all the others that fans had posted to Tumblr. Kurt pinched himself to make sure this was real life, and it was.
Their second show featured a recipe for salmon with dill, and a flax seed oil and balsamic vinegar dressing over arugula and chopped cucumbers. It also featured an excited and fangirly description of book two of the I Still Think series. The top comment was by none other than B.D. Anderson himself. "Looks delicious, and thanks for the book review!"
Kurt and Brittany WERE internet famous now, no question. They decided to do one show every month, and by the end of their senior year their channel had over 10 million hits. They reviewed a B.D. Anderson book every time one came out, since they were almost always assured a comment from the author himself. They were making extra money by partnering with YouTube, and having a blast with it. Kurt knew, though, that he wanted to be an English teacher, and college classes were going to take up a lot more time and energy than high school. Brittany had a cheerleading scholarship, but they were both staying in New York City. Theoretically, they could keep doing the show.
Something fun but also creepy about being internet famous was the admirers. Kurt had needed to figure out fast how to gently turn down some lovely young gentlemen who wanted to take him out. It just felt too weird to meet someone that way, too artificial perhaps? Kurt realized he had antiquated ideas about romance and courtship, but it just didn't sound romantic to him to hook up with one of his YouTube subscribers. Brittany, on the other hand, had no such qualms and had added many subscriber notches to her bedpost. To each their own, Kurt supposed. For now, Brittany was still his greatest love.