Alone and in groups
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Alone and in groups: Accommodations for an invisible illness


M - Words: 1,357 - Last Updated: Sep 11, 2013
Story: Complete - Chapters: 15/15 - Created: Aug 24, 2013 - Updated: Sep 11, 2013
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Knock.


Knock knock.


KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.


A neighbor came out and gave Blaine a dirty look, which he studiously ignored.


KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.


He heard some movement inside the apartment. A bleary eyed Kurt in a robe soon stood before him. He looked a little...off, but still the same person. It didn't look like anything drastic or horrible had occurred. Blaine breathed a sigh of relief and instinctively went to give him a hug, but was halted by Kurt's palm, raised in the universal sign that means stop.


Blaine was undeterred. This was a mission, after all. "You left your door open," he said. "I closed it."


"Mmm. And now I opened it again." Kurt nodded, his voice scratchy and low.


"Can I come in?"


"No."


Blaine slowly inched toward Kurt, then slipped by him and into the apartment.


"I said you couldn't come in." Kurt didn't sound very convincing.


"Are you hungry? I can get take-out and bring it back here. You look like you've lost a little weight."


"Blaine what are you doing here?" Kurt was beginning to look more awake and alert, and with that came a blush of embarrassment. Blaine was not exactly seeing Kurt at his best. "You should really go. We can see each other later when I'm dressed."


"Do you really want me to leave? I mean we are friends, right, if nothing else? I see you are struggling and I'm worried."


Kurt looked defeated. "Yeah okay, you can stay. But no kissing, I'm gross. There are bagels, lox, and cream cheese in the kitchen, my dad brought them over earlier." At Blaine's surprised look, he continued "He was worried about me too."

Blaine smiled for the first time since he had arrived. "Only bagels, no kisses, I promise."


"I'm going to hop in the shower, you can make us both plates and start the coffee, if you like."


"I'm on it." Blaine grinned at his victory.


Not long after that, the two boys, both dressed, sat at opposite sides of the kitchen table, quietly eating. Well, Blaine was drinking herb tea and watching Kurt eat. Bagels and cream cheese was not exactly on his list of allowed foods at the moment, nor was coffee. Blaine decided that since Kurt was down right now, he could be up. He would take the best care of his body that he ever had so he could be the strong one.


Blaine was over at Kurt's apartment every night that week, helping him clean and trying to make him laugh. They didn't touch each other at all, save for the accidental brush of fingers against an arm as they were making Kurt's bed with clean linens or setting the table for dinner. Blaine found out that Kurt was a very creative cook, and wanted to hug him every time he came up with a food substitute that Blaine hadn't thought of before (who knew that Toffutti cream cheese actually tasted good?) but he held back. The initial "no kissing" request had somehow, by mutual silent agreement, become "no touching."


It was actually a lot easier than Blaine would have imagined. The part of Kurt he missed hadn't been so much the physical, but more his presence. Without realizing it, Blaine had come to rely on the feeling of acceptance that Kurt brought into a room with him. Of course Blaine wanted to touch Kurt, but he didn't need it the way he thought he would. It was more like he wanted Kurt to want his touch.


---AAIGAAIGAAIG---


They both went to group that week, but arrived separately. Emma's pregnant belly was getting large enough to make her walk a little differently, and lean back a lot more in her chair. She seemed to be in a good mood today.


"Welcome, group." She smiled. "When I was taking my licensing exams, it was important that I be in a room on my own, since other test-takers can be very distracting for me because of the way my brain works. When I first called up the testing centers asking about accommodations, they thought I was looking for a hotel and had called the wrong number.


"I helped a patient get accommodations at work and at school this week. Let me tell you, it wasn't easy. I was the coach, but she had to be her own advocate when it came down to it. It felt like a real accomplishment, though, and I am proud of her. So today I would like you all to talk about accommodations for disabilities and how you think that applies to people like us."


"I don't know if I like the word 'disability.'" Blaine started the discussion.


"Me neither," Deera said, "but I will use it if I have to. After all, the federal law that protects me is called the Americans with Disabilities Act. I kind of think the ship has sailed on nixing the word from our language. And I think it absolutely applies to people with chronic illnesses, visible or not. My mother uses an analogy I always liked. Imagine there are two people, one with crutches and one able-bodied. They are about to start a race up a flight of stairs and it will be timed. If you really want the race to be fair, you have to accommodate the one on crutches in some way. The idea of fairness shouldn't be any different just because the disability is harder to see."


"But what if the job you want involves climbing stairs?" Quinn asked. "You know, metaphorically or whatever. Shouldn't someone get to see what an employee is actually able to do?"


"I think so too, sometimes," Kurt answered her, "but then it isn't always possible to tell how anybody will do at a job before they start. In terms of exams at school, does getting a high mark on an exam really mean someone will be good at a job? The two things are barely even related most of the time. I think accommodations at school make more sense than accommodations at a job."


"I think both are practical," Deera said. "Kurt, wouldn't it be easier for you to perform in a show if you always had your own dressing room?"


"Of course it would, but I'm not famous yet. If I asked for an accommodation like that, people would think I was full of myself. It just doesn't work in reality." Kurt replied, getting a little heated, and noticed that Sugar perked up, looking excited that there might be a fight.


Deera was ready with a reply, first glancing quickly at Emma. But it looked like Emma was willing to let this finish. "But it isn't because you're full of yourself. Wouldn't it be great to live in a world where that wasn't the reaction to wanting an accommodation? If people didn't automatically think that it was because the disabled person was full of themselves, or greedy, or wanted 'special treatment'? That has to start somewhere, you know."


"The person it starts with gets punished, though. What am I supposed to do in the meantime but pretend I'm fine? Until this big world change for the better happens?" Kurt's voice wasn't raised, but tears of frustration were starting to form in his eyes.


Blaine chose that moment to cut in. "There isn't any good answer. It's just hard. It's just going to be hard and complicated and confusing all the time. I don't want to be some activist for fair treatment of disabled people, but I'm gonna become one just by living and interacting. You know, one of my teachers had never heard of accommodations before, either. So here I am, an educator. I just wanted to be able to use the bathroom during an exam."


Artie finally added quietly, "I don't know the answer either."


---AAIGAAIGAAIG---


Kurt and Blaine walked back to Kurt's apartment in silence, and when the door closed with them inside and the room smelled like cinnamon apple tea, Kurt held his arms out to Blaine and spoke softly.


"I think I could use a hug."


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