Dear Ku-

I can't even write your name here anymore i am sorry. I just don't know what is happening anymore.I really don't. I had another meeting with my shr- with you. That sounds weird. Everything doesn't even make any sense now. H- yo- He kept asking me how i was feeling about this whole thing. I didn't know what he wants to hear. I don't know what i am suppose to do. I don't understand anymore. It was one thing me believing you were real, but to actually find out that you exist and to find out that i've known you for 3 months and to have you kiss me is just too much. A part of me is so pleased that you are real, so pleased that i know you, so pleased that you exist and you like me.

But this whole thing is so fucked up. You are my shrink. You'd lose your job if they ever found out. It'll be my fault. You'd hate me. I don't want you to hate me. I can't be around you. It's just too much for me. You need to understand.

You are real. I am not crazy but i don't want you near me. I don't want you dead because of me. Everyone near me dies. I can't take it if you die.

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15:25pm

'I'm sorry Kurt, we couldn't do anything. We aren't required to look after him after he leaves here. That is not our responsibility. I hope you understand.'

'So you are telling me that after spending 3 months trying to fix someone and when they are finally getting better you are going to just let them go because its "not your responsibility." Isn't your job to make sure people are fine? Well you are doing a pathetic job of it...'

'I'm sorry Kurt, I really am, there is nothing we can do, If you feel so strongly about your patient why don't you take him home with you?'

'what?'

'I'm serious, i could lose my job, but if it means that much to you that he is safe you can take him home with you, not that we know if he'd appreciate that or not but you can try, if keeping him safe means so much to you.'

'Really?'

'Yes. You are no longer his shrink after Friday. That's the day he is let out and that is also your last day. It might do him some good to go somewhere he would feel safe, somewhere he knows someone. But i am sorry i can't personally do anything about him after he leaves here since he is not a child anymore.'

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22:37pm

'Dad... I need a favour, Yes its about him... dad he means so much to me... I spoke to Mr. Bray and he said he couldn't do anything to help out but he suggested that i bring him home with me, i know its too much to ask but dad he has no where to go, he'd be safe with us dad...'

'Okay kid, if this is really what you want, If this really means this much to you, I hope this doesn't backfire on you Kurt, he has tried to kill himself before you said...'

'He's so much better now, plus he'd have all of us to look over him, he'd have me there. Please dad...'

'Okay... i'll tell Carol...'

'Thanks dad.'

'Anytime son, I just don't want you getting hurt Kurt, this could end up very messy...'

'I know... Love you...'

'Love you too kid, i'll see you on Friday.

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30th April 1997

Dear K-

I still can't write to you. Not because i don't believe that you are real, It's just hard.

I had another appointment with my shrink again today. It was our last session together. I still can't call him Kurt. We just sat and watched Tom and Jerry episodes and he'd brought sushi, he told me that he knew i secretly liked eating it and gave me this goofy smile, I'd already seen the episode, so i watched him, really carefully and he does look like you, You look even beautiful than i'd ever imagined. That made me trust him. That was a scary feeling, i've never trusted someone before, they always seem to leave me, but i think i can trust you, I hope you don't let me down, please don't. I hope i don't kill you.

He told me that i'd be leaving tomorrow at noon and asked if i had anywhere to go. It was a funny question because he knows i have no where to go, it was like he was mocking me, mocking me for not having a home, unlike him. But then he surprises me, when i thought i'd heard it all he asks how i'd feel about coming to stay with his parents for a while, i said yes.

I wish i hadn't said yes, all these nice things are happening to me, nice things never happen to me, i'm just waiting for something bad to happen, something horribly bad, i know it is coming, something horrible is coming. I haven't even tried to kill myself in a while and i don't think i want to die right now and that is a scary thought to have. People who don't want to die always die and those that don't do, i know, i've tried to kill myself and failed, but those that want to live always die.

I hope i don't bring bad things for Kurt and his family.

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16:45pm

'Blaine, can i come in?'

'Doors open...'

'How are you feeling?'

'...numb...'

'Have you packed all your things up?'

'...I don't have anything to pack.'

'...'

'Why are you doing this?'

'Doing what?'

'Being so nice to me?'

'Because Blaine, you deserve so much, you deserve love and kindness, you deserve someone to show you that you are not worthless, that you are the most amazing human being ever to have walked this earth, you deserve to know how special you are-'

'I'm not special, I bring nothing but death and bad luck to people, i hope you know that Ku-, i hope you understand what you are getting yourself into...'

'I know you think all those people that have died, died due to you being near them but that's not true Blaine, you have to believe me...'

'I want to...'

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Friday morning.

08:45am

'Dad, Thank you so much for doing this.'

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Friday morning

08:55am

'Blaine, i want you to meet my dad...'

'Hello sir, It is nice to meet you, Thank you.'