Dear Kurt,

I was planning on spending the whole day inside my room. I didn’t have an appointment with my shrink today so i thought there was no point getting out of bed.
at about noon, my shrink drops by and asks me why i wasn’t at breakfast. i told you he has been spying on me. I asked him why he was spying on me. he said nothing. Then asked if i wanted to go outside to get lunch with him.

HE ASKED ME OUT FOR LUNCH.

i wish it was you that asked me out for lunch, but he reminds me of you so i guess that it was okay.

we had burgers and chips from the van that was parked outside. He said he’d normally wouldn’t even be seen dead near one of them but he’d eat from it because it made me happy, i told him i’m only eating from it because it may make me dead.

he made me bin the food and took me to the fancy place that sold raw fish wrapped up in rice and green stuff. Sushi, i think thats what he called it. I told him i didn’t like it but he could tell i was lying.

he looked so happy, i told him i liked it when he is happy. he said so does he, he said me being happy makes him happy. then he never said anything and took me back.

I think i like him, more than a shrink, more than a friend, i think i like him more than i should, i like him more than i’ve ever liked anyone.

this can only end badly.

we both know what happens to people i like.

i wish i could stop liking him.

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18th April 1997

Dear Kurt,

They told me i was going to get out of here soon.
I told him i didn’t have anywhere to go.

------
23:55pm

‘Dad, would you do this for me?’
‘...’
‘Thank you...’

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25th April 1997

Dear Kurt,

The past few days have been rather crazy. I’m leaving here in a few days. I don’t want to leave. I like it here. I don’t have anywhere to go. They phoned up my relatives, they said they don’t want me, that they are not legally obliged to take care of me since i am 18 now. i’ll just end up on the streets now. they’ll kill me this time. this scares me now. it really does. i suppose it was always going to be this way. the minute i stop wanting to kill myself, they do.

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15:45pm

‘Blaine, you know you are being discharged in a few days...’

‘yes...’

‘Do you have anywhere to stay?’

‘Can’t i stay here? i like it here.’ you are here, i like you

‘We both know that can’t happen... Blaine...’

‘i’ll go live on the streets, they will...’

‘come live with me...’

‘kill me... what?’

‘my parents live... they live 20 minutes from here, they have a spare bedroom...’

‘why?’

‘why what?’

‘why are you doing this to me... what do you get out of this?... why are you so nice to me all the fucking time? why did you save me? why didn’t you let me die? i don’t want your pity, i don’t need you. god, just leave me alone’

‘Blaine wait...’

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26th April 1997

Dear Kurt,

he offered me a place to stay, he said his parents have a spare room. i didn’t know what to do so i just snapped at him. i wish i hadn’t done that. he is nothing but kind to me and i just... i like him. i like him so much but i cant.
i’m not suppose to like him. he’ll die. i know he would. i don’t want him to die.

-----

21:10pm
‘Blaine, i need to tell you something, please Blaine... just listen, you don’t have to talk to me, but i want you to listen, i’ll leave you alone after him, you don’t have to see me ever again if you don’t want to but i need to tell you something...’