His relatives didn’t want to spend unnecessary money on him but they didn’t want blood on their hands.

He lay in his own filth for a month.

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29th January 1997

Dear Kurt,

i’ve been in a coma for the past month. Turns out my attempt at killing myself didn’t work. i guess that proves me right, i can’t kill myself because no one hates me more than i hate myself. i’d probably die the day i learn to love myself. how tragic. but that day will never come. my relatives were human enough to keep me alive, i wish they weren’t so selfish and had let me die. They asked me about you, i guess they found this and all my other notes. I don’t remember what i told them but i’m sure they think i’m crazy and made you up and you are the reason i am gay and so messed up and evil, they were talking about chucking me in the loony bin.

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13th February 1997

Dear Kurt,

They asked me about you and i told them everything. I told them how you stood up for me in the play ground once. they said you didn’t exist because i’ve never been to the play ground ever, but i have, i went years ago when they were all busy watching the President’s address one evening. you were there. i only saw you once but you were the nicest anyones ever been to me. you were my only friend. even if we did only meet for 5 minutes. i still remember you. i hope you remember me but you probably don’t most people don’t like to remember me, most people wish i didn’t exist.

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21st February 1997

Dear Kurt,

They checked me into a mental asylum. Turns out i’m not the only crazy kid in town. that makes me HATE myself even more. I thought i was special but no, there are a bunch of other equally messed up kids in here. Someone drew a smilie face on my breakfast. I don’t know why someone would do such a thing, i’m sure it’s one of the sad looking nurses who keeps looking at me with her sad, sad eyes. She was saying that i have nice hair and that i am a lovely boy and i just need a little love. I bet you my relatives paid her to say that to me, to mock me, and to humiliate me. i asked the doctor to change my nurse. i might try to kill myself if i have to spend another day with that sad old nurse. though i’m not sure how i would do that here. they don’t leave me alone for a second, except to shower but even then they time me, any longer than 5 minutes they think im trying something and drag me out. its horrible in here. i might have to kill myself. there is no other way out.

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28th February 1997

Dear Kurt,

They caught me in the shower, i was this close to getting a tile through my throat. I don’t see why they want me alive. i’m no use to anyone.

i wish you were here.

you probably don’t even remember me.

i’m beginning to think that i did make you up.

i guess i am crazy after all.

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03:05am

He walks through the narrow corridor and watches him cry to sleep.

He really wants to comfort him, to tell him that he is not crazy and that he didn’t make him up, that he is real and he remembers him.

But he can’t do that.

Not now.

Not ever.

Because Blaine is his patient now.

He can’t have feelings for his patient.

He’d lose his job.