Dear Kurt,

Thank you for letting me stay in your house. I really appreciate it.

-----

11:01am

'Blaine honey, what would you like for lunch?'

'I don't mind, anything would be good, I don't want to bother you anymore than I have...'

'Hey, Blaine, no never think that you are bothering us, you mean so much to Kurt, we will never think of you as a burden, now tell me what you want for lunch...'

'Thank you. I would like a bacon sandwich please.'

-----

16:05pm

'Hey Blaine, how are you feeling?'

'Hopeful...but it is scary...'

'I know.'

'...'

'Did you have a nice day while I was away? I'm so sorry I had to leave you but I needed to hand my assignment in...'

'Don't apologies Kurt, yeah I had a nice day, Carol made me a bacon sandwich it was the best sandwich I'd ever eaten.'

'...'

'What?'

'You called me Kurt...'

'That is your name silly, what else am I going to call you...'

'You believe me now?'

'I've wanted to believe you since you told me but I couldn't, i didn't want to lose you, I talked to Carol over lunch and she showed me photos from when you were younger... i wish I'd know you then ... like properly known you...'

'You know me now...'

'Thank you...'

'Blaine you have to stop saying thank you.'

'Sorry...'

'Okay that is it, I forbid you from using the words thank you and sorry unless you really have to.'

'Okay...'

-----

2nd May 1997

Dear Kurt,

I think I lo-

I can't say it. It will not be good. This should not be happening.

-----

00:45am

'Psst, Blaine are you awake?'

'Yeah.'

'Can't sleep?'

'Yeah'

'Me neither, why?'

'Thinking about stuff.'

'Like what?'

'You.'

'Oh, I've been thinking about you as well.'

'Really?'

'Yeah and I suggest that since we both can't sleep we watch some episodes of Tom and Jerry.'

-----

3rd May 1997

Dear Kurt,

You've just fallen asleep here and you look so beautiful.

I wish I could tell you how I can't stop thinking about you.

I wish I could tell you how beautiful I think you are.

I wish I could touch you but I break everything I touch and I don't want to break you. I can't break you.

I wish I could feel you, I wish I could feel your skin on mine...

I wish being alive wasn't so scary.

I wish wanting you wouldn't hurt so much.

-----

7th May 1997

Dear Kurt,

I don't know why I am still writing to you when I can say these things to you.

I guess it is sort of a ritual. I don't want to break it.

I might let you see this one day.

Today you told me that you liked spending time with me.

I told you so did I but I'm afraid that if I spend too much time with you, I'd start to like you more than I should and I'd kill you. You told me that I am perfect and that I wouldn't kill you.

Deep down I know that I wouldn't kill you.

I would kill myself in the end.

-----

17:56pm

'Blaine you need to try on your new clothes for me... I demand a fashion show...'

-----

18:15pm

'You look adorable Blaine...'

'No, I don't. I don't even know why I let you take me shopping. I do not NEED new clothes, especially not bright red jeans, why did I let you talk me into buying these?�'

'Everyone needs clothes Blaine and those look really good on you.'

'...'

'Come here...'

-----

8th May 1997

Dear Kurt,

You told me that I was amazing and then you took me shopping and then you kissed me and told me that you loved me.

I think I love you as well.

I told you that I loved you but it scared me so much.

I am starting to believe that I am not an evil person and that I do not bring death to everyone because you are an angel Kurt, and an angel can never be attracted to the devil.

This is scaring me so much.

I love you and I never want to be apart from you.

Ever.

Things don't work that way and I am sorry.

-----

14th May 1997

Dear Kurt,

Your parents are really nice, I've never had adults be nice to me ever, they usually treat me like dirt.

They make me feel like a real person.

I can never repay them for what they have done for me.

I hope they can forgive me.

I hope you can forgive me.

I am so sorry Kurt but I have to know.

-----

15:08pm

'Blaine, I love you, I hope you know that, I hope you know how special you are to me.'

'I know and it scares me.'

'...'

'I don't want to let you down, I want you to be proud of me, but I know that I am going to hurt you and everyone. Thats what I do Kurt and I'm sorry.'

'I love you so much Blaine... You can never let me down.'

'I love you too Kurt...'

'I want you to know how special you are to me, how much you mean to me...'

'...'

'Let me show you how much I care about you...'

He had finally learned to love himself. He had to find out if what he had believed was true or not.

-----

17th May 1997

Dear Kurt,

I've been planing this for a while now, trying to find the perfect day, but there is no perfect day to kill yourself.

Today was pretty special.

You made it special and I thank you for that.

Thank you for showing me that I do matter.

I'm so sorry but I just need to find out if I am right. I know if I am right, I will end up hurting you but it has to be this way. I am sorry. I really am but I need to know.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I love you Kurt.

I love you so fucking much.

I love you so much that I don't know what to do.

This is the only option and i'm sorry. I really am.

I love you and I hope that you forgive me.

Goodbye

Blaine xxx

-----

05:15am

Kurt finds Blaine lying in a puddle of his own blood, clutching his beloved notebook.

He was right. Those that want to live do end up dying.