"It's not funny!"

Blaine snorted a little laugh, plainly hearing Luke's high-pitched and injured voice through the front door of his and Kurt's apartment. He entered with a resigned shake of his head to find Luke standing in front of the television, clearly trying to block the screen with his hands on his hips. His expression showed how thoroughly offended he was at the injustice of the situation, whatever that injustice may have been. Blaine really couldn't tell. Kurt and Jared were either oblivious or just didn't care, laughing hysterically and curled up on the couch

"Dare I ask what's happening?" Blaine grinned, leaning over to kiss his prostrate boyfriend on the cheek.

"Luke's acting like a little girl. That's what's happening," Jared chuckled, wiping his eyes and scooting over so that Blaine could sit down.

"I am not, buttmunch! You're both just being insensitive, which I have to say is a damn shame since you're both supposed to be my loving and sensitive pooftah besties!"

"That's just lazy stereotyping," Jared grinned. "Us pooftahs can be insensitive dicks when we like, just like the rest of the world."

Kurt's laughing turned into high pitched giggles at Jared's response, and he started slapping the couch as he gasped desperately for air. Blaine looked him over in mild concern, snickering along even though he had no clue what was happening. Before he could begin to question them, however, Luke had picked up a throw pillow and whipped it at Kurt's head in frustration.

"Stop it! I'm telling you it was a traumatic experience! Blaine, make them stop laughing at me!"

"Ok," Blaine groaned, rubbing his hand over his eyes. "I may need a slight recap here in order to be a proper referee."

With a chastising look he turned to Kurt and poked him on the shoulder.

"What's happening here? You're usually the solid parental figure in this crazy foursome. And if you're not, then Jared is!" He turned to his best friend, shooting him the exact same look. "I feel like the disciplinarian dad here, and I'm telling you right now, I don't think I'll be very good in that role!"

"Weeeelllll," Kurt drawled, lazily sitting up as he emphasized the word dramatically. Blaine's eyebrows quirked sharply, suddenly noticing how oddly his boyfriend was acting. "You seemed to enjoy disciplining me that one night. My ass was almost raw from the spankings. I could hardly sit down, Mr. Disciplinarian."

Blaine blushed fiercely when he heard Luke burst into smothered laughter, obviously regaining a bit of his good humor.

"Um, in case you hadn't caught on yet, he's snockered, my moderately pooftahesque little pooftah."

"Yyyyup," Kurt grinned, popping the 'p' with a graceful smack of his lips, then leaned in to playfully poke Blaine's nose with his index finger.

"Beep!"

Blaine's eyes widened and he subconsciously brought his hand up to cover his mouth, which was suddenly hanging wide open. He tried to think back carefully over the last few months, through all the times he and his boyfriend had been drinking together, and yeah... he had never once seen Kurt this completely and utterly drunk.

It was awesome.

"How the hell did this happen?" Blaine turned to Luke with an incredulous little laugh. Not that he really cared. It was just that he had never once known Kurt to get quite this shitfaced, especially knowing how early they had to be up and on their way to the airport in the morning.

"He was getting all worked up about travel arrangements and shit," Luke shrugged. "You know how he is. So, I decided to help him loosen up a little... By adding copious amounts of rum to his eggnog."

"Was he aware that you were doing this?" Blaine asked warily, eyeing his boyfriend with amusement as Kurt scooched over to his side in order to start pulling lightly on his hair, making a high pitched "boing" sound with his mouth every time he released a curl and let it spring back into place.

"What do you take me for?" Luke asked, doing his best to look offended. It lasted for about three seconds before his lips and chin began to wobble, then break out into a rakish grin. "Ok, you got me. He didn't at first cuz I upped the dosage slowly, and by the time he realized what I was doing he was pleasantly intoxicated and happy to go along for the ride."

"You know he's going to kill you in the morning, right?" Blaine snorted a laugh, patting Kurt's leg placatingly as his boyfriend continued to "boing" his curls and giggle to himself.

"What else is new?" Luke grinned.

"What about Jared?" Blaine sighed with an amused roll of his eyes after gazing over at his best friend, who seemed to have passed out asleep on the other couch, mouth hanging open and one leg slung over the back. "He seems about as far gone as Kurt!"

"Getting one 'typically responsible' adult drunk requires you to get the other 'typically responsible' adult in the room drunk as well, else the second tells on you to the first," Luke shrugged.

After a quick moment with a furrowed brow as he worked out Luke's wording and logic, Blaine chuckled to himself, closing his eyes and sighing. Such was their life.

"Ok. Fine. I'm caught up on that part of the evening. Care to fill me in on why you were having a pre-teen girlish meltdown when I walked in the door? But may I just quickly point out, though, that YOU were the one who got them drunk, subsequently stripping away their filters? So, whatever they did to be 'insensitive'; it's kind of your own damn fault."

"Well, shit." Luke grunted, slanting the corner of his mouth downward in consternation. "You just HAD to go and give me perspective, didn't you?"

"It's what I do," Blaine winked with a grin.

Suddenly he felt hot and wet breath against his ear as Kurt popped up and pressed up against Blaine, as if to tell him a secret.

"Luke got his tongue glued," Kurt giggled in a much too loud attempted whisper. At the same moment his lack of depth perception kicked in and he tipped straight into the side of Blaine's face. That caused a massive amount of giggling to practically explode out of the model, and after momentarily deafening Blaine by laughing straight into his ear, Kurt rolled down onto his lap to wipe away mirthful tears.

"You did what now?" Blaine asked Luke in amused confusion. He rubbed at his ear with a pained expression as he patted Kurt soothingly on the arm.

Luke sighed and rolled his eyes at his very drunk best friend.

"We were watching 'A Christmas Story', and that scene came on where the boy gets his tongue stuck to the metal pole. Remember that part?"

Blaine nodded, trying to hold back his laughter since he could see quite clearly where this was going.

"Well, pretty much the exact same thing happened to me when I was little."

Kurt and Jared both started to snicker, the latter seeming to have woken up from his drunken stupor.

"It was a really traumatic experience and not one to be laughed at by insensitive dickwads!" Luke snapped at them. "My grandma had to pick me up by my ankles and yank me off! In front of girls! I mean, yes, the memory actually helped a little when I had to learn the 'shoulder mount prance' move in that pole dancing class a girlfriend made me take a couple years ago, but how was I to know that as a kid?!"

Blaine couldn't help but join them.

"I was so scared I peed my pants!" Luke shot out in exasperation.

"Oh god," Jared gasped, trying to catch his breath between laughs. "S-stop it! I c-can't!"

"YOU stop!" Luke snapped. "You shouldn't be laughing! I had a lisp for a month afterward!"

Kurt rolled off of the couch and onto the floor and didn't even seem to notice.

"The kids at school made up a rhyme about me! They called me 'pee-pants Lukey who talks so goofy'!"

Jared was silently pounding the couch with his fist as he face planted forward in an extremely poor attempt to hide his continued laughter. Kurt simply let out an enormous snort.

Luke pouted then and crossed his arms in a huff. Blaine was still grinning widely, but he got up and sat next to Luke, putting his arm around the taller man's shoulders.

"I'm sorry, dude. I know we're laughing, and I genuinely am sorry for that, but honestly... can you blame us? I really am sorry you got teased, though. That's no fun as a kid."

Luke's resolve to glare at his three friends quickly wavered when Blaine then hugged him tight and placed a purposely sloppy kiss on his cheek. Luke playfully pushed him away and wiped at his cheek roughly, though he was finally grinning a small grin at the same time.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I suppose I can't fault you for laughing. A LITTLE bit," he momentarily dropped his smile to shoot a small glare at Kurt and Jared.

"I'm sorry Lukey," Kurt drawled out in a sing-songy voice. He giggled quietly then and muttered to himself, "Pee-pants Lukey. He he he."

Luke rolled his eyes and Blaine shook with laughter as he scooted back over to pull his boyfriend off of the floor and snuggle him to his side.

"I think that's the best apology you're gonna get from drunky drunkerson over here."

"Whatever," Luke pouted once more, crossing his arms stubbornly.

Jared had pulled himself together a bit more by that point, though, and pounced gleefully to Luke's side and nuzzled into his neck.

"I'm sorry for making fun of you," he stuck out his lower lip pathetically and gave Luke his best puppy dog eyes. "Forgive me please?"

"I don't know," Luke sniffed. "I'm still feeling hurt and neglected and just plain left out in the cold."

"What do you mean 'left out in the cold'?" Blaine asked with quiet chuckle.

"You three," Luke nudged Jared off of his shoulder and wiggled his finger at the three of them, "with your, you know... mutual love of cocks!"

"What does that have to do with the fact that we were laughing at your story?" Blaine asked, obviously both entertained and incredulous.

"Everything!" Luke threw his hands up into the air in frustration. "It has everything to do with it!"

Jared and Blaine were staring at him with a fair amount of concern at this point, and even Kurt had sobered up enough to stare at Luke in somber silence.

"It's just that you all have something in common that I can never completely understand! Sometimes it's like you have your own language! I've even wondered if you have a secret handshake where you mime two dicks grinding together and you only do it behind my back! It's just been eating at me a little lately, and then you go and act like giant dillholes and tease me when I'm expecting sensitive and loving pooftah behavior from my sensitive and loving pooftahs! If I have to put up with feeling like the odd man out half the time I should at least get the benefits of having gay besties! But no! Instead you guys gyp me! I bare my tattered soul to you and you reward me with straight guy behavior! Laughing it up like a bunch of asswipes! And another thing..."

Luke paused to catch a deep breath and held his finger up in the air to show that he wasn't finished speaking yet. Kurt and Blaine were staring with their mouths hanging open slightly. Jared, however, had heard enough. With a roll of his eyes and a steadying breath, he abruptly stood to his feet, yanking Luke by the hands and pulling him up as well.

"Fine. I get where you're coming from but I'm tired of hearing you complain. You wanna be a part of our club? You wanna speak the language of the gays and learn the non-existent though admittedly awesome sounding secret handshake? Here you go, but don't blame me if you like it too much."

In one swift move Jared placed his hands firmly on either side of Luke's face and went straight in for a kiss. Luke's entire body seemed to freeze in place, his eyes popping wide open and his hands up in the air.

Just as it seemed that Jared surely couldn't, or wouldn't, hold onto the kiss for a moment longer, he deepened it, opening up his mouth just a little bit, sucking slightly at Luke's bottom lip. Luke's eyelids fluttered lightly in shock, and his hands twitched involuntarily.

Kurt and Blaine sat clutching each other tightly in shock. Blaine's mouth was literally hanging open as far as it could, and Kurt started pawing at Blaine's arm frantically.

"Blaine!" He whispered loudly. "Oh my god, Blaine! Blaine! Is this... is this real life?!"

With a loud smack of his lips, Jared finally pulled away, stepping back with a look of extreme self satisfaction on his face.

"Are you happy now, ya little whiner?"

Luke continued to stare without blinking for another few seconds before clearing his throat and taking a small step backwards.

"That was... well, you were... I didn't... well, I mean... I'm kind of... I don't... but... good kisser... I mean not for me... for other guys... but I liked it... but I didn't like it like it... I mean... still not gay... pretty sure... I know I kinda asked... I don't... just... wow... I'm gonna... I'm gonna go ahead and not be able to talk to you or look you in the eye for about two weeks. Ok?"

Kurt and Blaine were holding onto each other, shaking as they worked to hold in their laughter. Well, Blaine was. Kurt was actually laughing so hard he could barely breath and wasn't making any noise. He wordlessly started to slip off the couch once more and this time Blaine let him.

"I know, buddy," Jared grinned, reaching forward to pat Luke on the cheek. "I know. Ok, my dears," he turned to Kurt and Blaine with a grin and a salute. "My work here is done. A merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night."

With a look of bravado he turned on his heel and left, leaving them all to stare after him in silence.

After waiting until he was sure that Jared would have made it to the elevator, Luke quietly cleared his throat once more before grabbing his jacket.

"I'm gonna... just... yeah. Merry Christmas." Without meeting their eyes and with a deep blush to his cheeks, he quickly exited, tripping over his feet as he stumbled out the door.

"Damn, baby," Blaine gulped, smothering a nervous little laugh. "I hope you're not too drunk to remember this tomorrow, cuz we're gonna need to rehash that moment upside down and backwards!"

When he didn't hear a response, he turned to see what Kurt was doing. He dropped his head and closed his eyes with a snort of laughter when he saw that Kurt had slumped sideways with his head half-hanging off of the couch and mouth wide-open, dead to the world.

Yup, he thought to himself as he went to get Kurt some bedding and a trash can to place next to his head. This promises to be one crazy-ass Christmas.