The flame thrower clattered to the ground. Sue screamed, "Run," grabbed Coopers hand, and took off dragging him after her. They ran down the tunnel, the noise steadily growing louder. Sue turned and looked over her shoulder. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," she chanted under her breath. "If we die because of this, Ill kill you."

Cooper added a burst of speed. No way in hell was he getting mowed down by a...whatever it was. He wouldnt be able to live with himself in this life or the next if he didnt save Blaine.

Sue came to a screeching halt and scrambled up a ladder. Cooper jumped, grabbing the highest rung he could reach and swing his feet out of the way as a machine with a wicked looking drill that filled most of the tunnel passed less than an inch from his foot. 

They climbed up several more feet and ended up in a forest. A dark murky forest of dead and dying trees. The air had lost the stale quality that persisted underground. What had happened to the sun? Wasn't it morning? Now Cooper was pissed. When he got to the goblin's castle, he was going to rip that fucker's head off. How much longer did he have? If it was night, he'd already lost Blaine and may as well go home. If he could go home.

“Were you going to take me back to the beginning?” Cooper asked. 

Her shoulders slumped. “Yes,” she finally admitted. “You don't understand. It's a confetti cannon. And Will has to clean up. By himself.”

“I thought you're my friend.” Cooper's hands balled into fists.

“Nothing is what it seems here. You should have figured that out already,” Sue said. “And if you can't, then you can't save your brother.” 

Cooper opened his mouth to yell at Sue when music began playing and he froze. Was that the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs? He listened for a moment, straining his ears to understand the words. It was, but it didn't quite sound right.

Off off off with your head

Dance, dance, dance till your dead

Off off off with your head

Dance, dance, dance till your dead

“Fuck a duck,” Sue growled. “Come on.” She stalked off towards the singing. 

“Why should I trust you?”

She didn't turn around or slow her rapid pace. “What choice do you have?”

None. The answer was that he had absolutely no choice. At least if Sue took him back to the maze he could keep trying. 

Cooper followed after her and the music became louder. Sue stopped so suddenly that Cooper bumped into her. His eyes widened in shock.

A hoard of zombies danced in perfect synchronization while singing Off With Your Head. Wait. They were mashing it up with Thriller. Cooper wanted to run screaming in the opposite direction. He couldn't move. He was going to get eaten by zombies in this crappy forest and Blaine would live the rest of his days stuck in the castle thinking Cooper didn't love him enough to rescue him. 

Sue had dropped the flame thrower back in the tunnel, but there had to be a way. Cooper quickly ran through as many rules from Zombieland as he could remember while being faced with actual zombies. Rule four - double tap. Jesus, he would sell his soul for a fucking gun. Car rules, bathroom, shelter…none of those helped. Kill with efficiency. Yahtzee. 

He grabbed the biggest and sturdiest branch he could easily get. Cooper smacked it against his palm a few times and the swung it in an arc over his head. If he was going down, he was going down fighting. “I'll get the ones on the left, you take the ones on the right. We're going Ash Williams on the army of darkness.”

Sue grabbed the back of his shirt as he started forward. “What are you doing?” she hissed.

“Kill or be killed. I'm not spending eternity wandering around in this ugly forest as a walking corpse.”

“They aren't zombies, you moron. They're goblins dressed as zombies. They get so into their stupid routines we could get naked and dance the cha cha and they won't notice until the music stops. We have to go and we have to go now. They are here to distract you and it's working. They don't want you getting past them.”

One of the zombies was the blonde cheerleader - Brittany. It took a moment, but he spotted the jailbait school girl and the other cheerleader. 

“Fine, but if one of them tries to eat me, I'm whacking it in the head. Twice.”

xoxoxoxoxoxo

“I'll be back with the crown in a moment, baby,” Kurt said. He ran his fingers into Blaine's hair and pulled him into a kiss. “Don't get stated without me.”

Blaine whimpered, “I'll be good.”

Kurt wanted to groan. Blaine would be so good. He pried himself away and calmly walked out of the room. It wouldn't do to have Blaine seeing him all flustered over Cooper. Finn should have things under control, but this was Finn he was talking about. He conjured a peach and hit it with a blast of magic. It glowed a sickly green for an instant and then went back to it's normal rosy peach color. “Becky!” Kurt yelled. 

She appeared a moment later. Kurt handed her the piece of fruit. “Give this to Sue, discretely, and tell her to make sure Cooper eats it.”

Becky held it up and sniffed it. She raised her eyebrows. “Why?”

“I promised Sue she can use the confetti cannons at thirteen o'clock. Getting this to Coper will ensure she gets to shoot them off.”

“Why didn't you say so, boss?” Becky scampered off and Kurt breathed a sigh of relief. He summoned the crown and some lube and headed back to the throne room.

Blaine hadn't moved a muscle. 

Kurt's hands were in Blaine's hair and his tongue in Blaine's mouth before he realized he'd moved. He let go long enough to set the crown down on the armrest and yank Blaine's shirt off followed by his own. Their chests pressed together, the slide of warm skin making Kurt forget about everything but making the boy whimper. Kurt climbed into his lap, his knees resting on the chair, trapping Blaine beneath him. He thrust a few times, the friction driving him crazy.

“I want you so bad, baby. You have no idea.” 

“I think I can guess.” Blaine tilted his head to the side, giving Kurt easier access to suck on his neck. 

Kurt tightened his grip, trying to touch as much of Blaine's body as he could at one time. “The pants have to go,” he murmured. 

“You. Naked. Please,” Blaine said between kisses. Kurt stood up, pulling Blaine with him. They stripped off their pants, Kurt taking a moment to pull the bottle of lube from his pocket. Blaine should still be stretched from the massage, but Kurt wasn't taking any chances.

“Come here, baby.” Kurt bent Blaine over the arm of the chair, making sure he was comfortable leaning on his elbows and wouldn't bump his head when he got fucked. He took an extra moment to put the crown of the prince concert on Blaine's head. The boy made a delicious picture, ass in the air, legs spread, waiting for Kurt's dick. 

Kurt licked his lips. He grabbed the globes of Blaine's ass and spread them, the puckered muscle twitching. “You ready?”

Blaine nodded, the crown slipping sideways over his ear when he turned his head to the side. “Yeah,” he breathed. “So ready.”

Kurt lubed his fingers and his dick. He slowly pressed two fingers inside, allowing Blaine to adjust to the intrusion. Kurt alternated between spreading his fingers and pushing them in as deep as they could go. Blaine turned into a moaning, panting mess. 

“Please, Kurt,” he begged, “fuck me. I'm as ready as I'm going to get.”

Gliding his fingers out, Kurt hissed. Blaine's ass was still so tight. “Alright, baby. But say the word and I'll stop.”

“I trust you.”

Kurt tugged on his dick a few times before lining it up with Blaine's hole. “Keep breathing and relax.” He pushed the tip past the ring of muscles and Blaine clamped down. Kurt cried out. He was going to come before he got all the way in.

“Let me in Blaine. I'm not going to hurt you.” Kurt rubbed a hand up and down Blaine's back, whispering words of encouragement. 

The tension in Blaine's body slowly dissolved. Kurt pushed in a little further and Blaine tightened up again. “Do you want to stop?” Kurt asked, praying the answer would be no.

“I…uh..it feels weird. And it kind of burns.” 

“We can stop, baby. We don't have to do this now. Or ever.”

“No,” Blaine said firmly, “I'm pretty sure this counts as loosing my virginity and it's going to end in actual sex and orgasms. Just get all the way in and stop.”

Kurt admired his determination. He slid forward, pushing through the tightness until he bottomed out and his hips were snug against Blaine's ass.

“I'm in, baby.” Kurt lay his head against Blaine's back, fighting the urge to thrust as hard and fast as he could until he came. “You're so tight, I can feel your pulse.”

Blaine whimpered in the back of his throat. Kurt gripped his hips harder.

“You can fuck me. Slowly!” Blaine said. “Just go really slow.”

Kurt pulled back a few inches and pressed back in. Blaine stretched perfectly around his cock. Kurt didn't move far or fast. He wanted to make it perfect for Blaine. He changed his angle and he knew he found Blaine's prostate when the boy groaned out, “Harder.”

“Your wish is my command.” He'd almost tacked on the words, ‘My Prince,' but the time for declarations wasn't while Blaine lost his virginity. 

“Harder, harder, harder,” Blaine chanted. 

Kurt sped up his rhythm, pushing in harder every time Blaine said the word. “Good, baby?” Kurt managed to get out.

“Just like that,” Blaine panted. “Perfect.” He pushed his hips back, meeting Kurt with every thrust. 

“So close. Can you come from just my dick?” Kurt asked.

“I-I don't know.” 

Kurt reached around and pumped Blaine two or three times. Blaine shuddered, his body clamping down rhythmically on Kurt's dick. He thrust through his orgasm, chasing every last moment of pleasure, and stroking Blaine through his. 

He lay across Blaine's back, panting. Kurts cock softened and he slid out, watching fluid drip out of Blaine. Summoning a warm washcloth took less than a moment. Blaine hissed when the soft fabric touched his asshole. 

"You okay?" Kurt asked.

"Im sore," he said. Blaine stood up and winced. "Really sore. Like Ive been fucked within an inch of my life sore." He smiled shyly at Kurt, which was amusing considering what theyd just done. 

"No regrets?" Kurt asked. If Blaine did, Kurt would show Cooper the way through the maze and hide under the covers for the rest of his life. 

"No regrets, although I do kind of wish we could do that again."

Kurts heart stopped. "What do you mean?”

"Im so sore and Im exhausted. I think I need a nap."

Kurt sighed in relief. He could get Blaine settled in bed. And in a few hours, they could be together forever.