-Divide and Conquer-

“So Mercedes, what’s up with you and Kurt?” Quinn asked as she hooked her arm into Mercedes'.

“I don’t know. I guess we’re friends”

“You guess? Would you like to be more?” Kurt is as gay as the day is long and using Mercedes as a beard will be the perfect betrayal to split them apart.

“I really like him,” she admitted. “But if he liked me like that wouldn’t he have made a move by now? We spend so much time together and aren’t guys like that? Always trying to get into a girl’s panties?”

“Trust me,” Santana interjected, taking Quinn’s place at Mercedes’ side. “Some boys like the girl to take charge. You need to make the first move. You need to make it clear that you want a commitment from him. Insist on it. Demand it.”

“What do you think, Brittany? You’ve been very quiet.”

“You’re going to be very happy with the man of your dreams,” the blond cheerleader chirped happily. 

“Kurt? You think he’s going to make me happy?”

“No,” Brittany said shaking her head in confusion. 

“But you just said...”

“What she means,” Quinn explained quickly, “is that Kurt is just a starter boyfriend but you’ll meet the man of your dreams later. You can always trade up but if you’re single you are so much less desirable. Be direct. Tell him that you like him and that you want to go on a date. A real date.”

Competition Part 1

“Kids, listen up. I’m so proud of how far you’ve come as a group. You’ve all done well in the invitationals and I just found out that we’ve qualified to compete in sectionals! I have our competition for sectionals in my hand. This is going to be our first ever competition so we need to be prepared.  We’re going to be facing The Hipsters, an adult education glee club comprised entirely of senior citizens, and the Dalton Academy Warblers. So in preparation, I want to see you put together a competition of your own. Let’s divide up into two groups and each group will put together a mashup to perform before guest judges Coach Beiste and Ms. Pillsbury. The winning performance will be our set for sectionals.”

“Mr. Schue, how are we supposed to divide up?” asked Rachel.

“I’ll leave that to you guys. I’m not here to micromanage you. In fact, that’s part of the assignment - figuring out your strongest combinations. This isn’t about solos. You can have featured performers but it should be a group effort.”

“Finn, you’re on my team,” Rachel declared resolutely. “We can sing a duet.” 

“OK,” Finn agreed reluctantly.

“Fine, Sam and I are doing a duet,” countered Quinn. 

“Dude, is that OK with you? Are you cool with me singing a duet with your girlfriend?”

“Sure?” Finn half asked as he looked at Quinn, his expression half confusion and half fear.

After some bickering, Rachel, Finn, Tina, Mike, Suzy, and Artie formed one team.   The second team included Quinn, Sam, Kurt, Mercedes, Santana, and Brittany. Kurt wasn’t sure how it had happened but apparently he and Mercedes seemed to be in the cool crowd.

For their first brainstorming session, Quinn’s team met in Cheerio’s lounge while Rachel declared ownership of the choir room. The teams didn’t vote on captains - Rachel and Quinn took on the roles as if there couldn’t be any other option.

“You know what we should do?” suggested Mercedes.

“What’s you great plan, Weezy?” snarked Santana.

“We should go check out our competition. Westerville is only ninety minutes away and they’re having an invitational a week from Saturday.”

“That’s actually a good idea,” agreed Quinn.

“So it’s agreed,” Kurt declared. “We’re going to check out the Dalton Academy for Boys in Westerville. Mercedes, you need to come over to my house so that we can coordinate out outfits.”

Mercedes smiled, “I didn’t know we needed to make a fashion statement.”

“There’s always an opportunity for fashion,” Kurt explained with a toss of his head.

“Mercedes,” Quinn prompted.

“What?”

“Don’t you have something to ask Kurt? You remember? The dance my cousin Sugar is having on Friday? We’ll leave you to it. We can talk about our competition later; we need to get to cheer practice anyway.”

“So, Kurt, Quinn’s cousin is throwing this big bash on Friday and since we’re friends with Quinn now...”

“Since when are we friends with Quinn?”

“Since she’s in glee, Kurt! Anyway, we’ve been invited and I thought...you know you and I could...like go together. It’s going to be at Scandals.” 

“Scandals? Isn’t that a gay bar?”

“Only on Wednesdays and Saturdays. Tuesdays and Thursdays, it’s a honky tonk, and Friday is disco night. Sunday they rent it out to that weird snake handling church.”

“My, isn’t that enterprising of them,” laughed Kurt.

“Well, anyway, Sugar’s dad is renting the entire thing for this dance so what do you say? We could make it official by going together.”

“Sounds like fun, sure. Wait...make what official?”

“You know, us! I know we’ve been keeping it casual and I don’t expect a ring or anything but shouldn’t we tell people we’re dating?”

“Dating?” Kurt answered with a look of a deer caught in the headlights. “It’s complicated,” he finally managed with a gulp.

“No, it isn’t. It’s simple. Don’t you want to be more than friends? I like you and I want us to date, Kurt. Either you feel that way or you don’t.”

“I don’t,” he answered sadly. “I’m sorry; I don’t.”

Her eyes teared with pain as Mercedes turned and walked away. “Why did you lead me on then!” she shouted over her shoulder as she made for the door. Kurt ran after her and grabbed her arm to keep her from leaving.

“Wait, Cedes, please. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I just thought you knew.”

“Knew what?”

“I’m gay,” Kurt answered softly. 

“Oh. That explains so much.”

“You think?” Kurt answered with a chuckle. “I really am sorry. I swear, I thought you knew. I never said it out loud but the whole school calls me...well, you know what they call me.”

“I don’t care what other people say, Kurt. Just because they say it, doesn’t make it true. I’m glad you told me, though. You don’t have to hide from me.”

“Thanks, Cedes. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. You know I would be straight for you if I could, don’t you? I’d be happy to be your boyfriend but I think you’d be disappointed with the results. You deserve someone who can romance you, not take you shopping for fabulous hats.”

-With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility-

Kurt was too focused on opening his locker to notice the jock as he careened toward Kurt and body slammed him into it. Kurt whirled around, grabbed Dave Karofsky by the neck and hurled him into the very same locker. Pinning him with one arm Kurt squeezed the boy’s neck and yelled, “What is your problem with me? What?!”

Whatever reply Karofsky might have attempted was cut off along with his air supply as Kurt’s death grip tightened around his neck. 

“Kurt! Let him go,” ordered his shocked Watcher.

Kurt released the jock who just stood gasping for air for a moment. Kurt stared in stunned silence as he saw bruises start to form around the boy’s neck. Once Karofsky caught his breath, he looked at Kurt with terror in his eyes.

“Just go,” sneered Kurt. “Go before I do worse.” 

“Kurt, my office, now!” 

Kurt sat across from Mr. Schuester stared sullenly back at his disapproving face. 

“That was unacceptable and you know it. You’re better than that, Kurt.”

“Am I? Who says?”

“You’re the Slayer which means you’re faster, stronger, and more powerful than any other human. You aren’t to abuse those powers by tormenting other students. You’re supposed to protect the innocent.”

“Innocent? Who protected me from them when I was helpless? When they were stronger than me? They are hardly innocent.”

“You should be better than they are, Kurt. You’re the Slayer. With that comes a sacred duty.”

“I’m not your Slayer. I reject your sacred calling.”

“Not my Slayer, the Slayer. There’s only one and you are he. There’s no one else.”

“Really? Well, who did it before me?”

Will sighed. This wasn’t how it was supposed to work.

“That’s all part of your lessons. In addition to training, I’ll teach the history. There was a Slayer, of course, but she died so you were called.”

“How did she die?”

“Killed by vampires.”

“Why doesn’t that surprise me? Well, no thank you. Pick someone else. You want a girl anyway, don’t you? Go ahead and make Rachel the Slayer because I bet Ms. Berry would jump at the chance.”

“It doesn’t work like that. I can’t pick a Slayer. You are the Slayer.”

“Why? Why me? Can you at least tell me that much?”

“Actually, I can. I was a bit puzzled to discover a boy Slayer so I did some research. What do you know about your mother, Kurt?”

“My mother? What does she have to do with this? She died in a car accident.” Even as he said it, Kurt wasn’t so sure any more. The dreams of her death were so vivid and now he knew that vampires were real.

“I’m afraid she didn’t. She was the Slayer and she was killed by vampires. It explains why you’ve been called.”

“So it’s hereditary?”

“It’s complicated but I’ll try to explain. At any given time, there are many girls who are potential slayers and when the Slayer dies one of them is called. Only girls between the ages of sixteen and eighteen are called, so if a potential makes it past her eighteenth birthday before the Slayer dies then she’s passed over. Slayers rarely marry or have children but when they do, their daughters are always called...if they are of age when the call comes. There’s no record of a son being called but you have to understand that this is a rare occurrence; most slayers don’t try to have a family. It’s too...”

“Dangerous?” Kurt supplied.

“Yes, exactly,” agreed Will. “Slayers don’t generally live long enough to have families even if they wanted to.”

“Oh Geez, Mr. Shue, maybe you’re in the wrong line of work. You should consider a position in sales given what a great job you’re doing closing the deal on this one.”

“There is no deal to close, Kurt. I’m not trying to get you to become the Slayer - you are the Slayer. And not just any ordinary Slayer - if ordinary could be applied to any Slayer. Second generation slayers are more powerful than most. I don’t think it’s just a coincidence that you were called. There are portents indicating that something unusually evil is brewing and you have the potential to be an extraordinary Slayer; which is exactly what we need.”

Will didn’t tell Kurt the rest of the story that he’d uncovered. There was no need for the boy to know just how Machiavellian the Watchers had become in the desperate times of the black plague. Vampires had massacred with impunity. There was virtually no communication in those days and with disease decimating the population, vampires could murder an entire village virtually unnoticed. The Watchers had hatched a plan to breed the most powerful Slayer ever born. It might have worked if the Slayer hadn’t been tipped off to their plans for her daughter and disappeared. It was generations before the Watchers were able to locate an active Slayer after that. Properly chastised by the consequences their hubris, they swore to allow fate to take its course with regard to slayers from that point on. It wasn’t something taught to new Watchers and Will had done some significant digging to find the almost forgotten tale.

“What if I refuse to cooperate? What difference does it make anyway? The world doesn’t seem to be in any danger.” Kurt’s protests brought Will back to focus in the present.

“It may seem that way but the world is blissfully ignorant of the dangers that the Slayer faces. Disasters are averted on a regular basis. Just because the world doesn’t know doesn’t make the danger any less real.”

“Well, color me skeptical. I’ve only seen one vampire in my whole life.” Not strictly true he admitted silently to himself. He’d seen the ones who’d killed his mother. He believed it now but he wasn’t sure how much was memory and how much exaggerated nightmare.

“We should start training but if you refuse that at least take this,” Will insisted as he pushed the most hideous looking duffle bag across his desk to Kurt.

“I can’t be seen carrying that! Where did you get it? Did you rob a homeless man?”

“Just open it,” Will answered in an exasperated voice. 

Kurt unzipped the bag to examine the contents. 

“Stakes. What are these small ones? What’s this?” He asked pulling out a stoppered vial. “And a cross?” he continued skeptically as he pulled out a large ornate cross. “Does that really work?”

“Well, yes...unless the vampire was Jewish...” Will paused, “or Buddhist.” 

“Or atheist?” Kurt supplied helpfully.

“Well, that would be a problem too.”

“So I should stop and ask if he’s Catholic before whipping out my trusty cross and dramatically declaring ‘back you vile fiend’?”

“There’s no need to be so sarcastic, Kurt. And to answer you’re earlier question, the vial is holy water. Also very effective.”

Kurt snorted.

“I’m an atheist so surely that’s got to reduce the effectiveness.”

“Actually, very true. If the wielder doesn’t have faith, you’d do about as well throwing tap water.  You truly don’t believe in God, Kurt? How can you not when faced with such evil?”

“How can I? What creator in his right mind would create such a thing?”

“Well, they’re demons, not God’s creation.”

“Demons? Seriously? Come on. Surely, they’re just like poisonous snakes or crocodiles - dangerous but hardly demonic.”

“I assure you, there is nothing natural about vampires. They may look human, they may even resemble the human they killed in personality but it’s just a dead body inhabited by a demon.”

“Is that what they teach you in Watcher school?”

“Yes, yes it is.”

“Oh my God! There really is a Watcher school?”

“That’s where I’ve been since I graduated from McKinley. First my bachelor in demonology, then a PhD in paranormal phenomenon. I did my dissertation on... Well, never mind that, just be assured I know what I’m talking about.”

“Well then if you have a PhD in this hokum, I feel so much better. I’ll take the weapons but you keep the bag full of superstitious relics. What’s this do?” He asked pulling out a leather contraption with straps.

“You strap it on your forearm and load it with the spikes - those small ones there… yes, like that. Then you arm it by cocking this mechanism like so,” he continued. “Be careful, it’s on a hair trigger, you should never wear that at school-”

“How do I shoot it?” Kurt asked as he swung his arm toward the wall. Three spikes shot out in rapid succession and buried themselves into the wall beside Will’s desk.

“Just like that,” Will said with a sigh. 

Kurt looked down at his wrist and said thoughtfully, “You know I could make this look work...maybe a little bedazzling...a dash of glitter wouldn’t hurt.”

-Team Quinn-

“That’s a wrap,” called Quinn clapping.  The group gathered around as she continued, “I think we’re ready. Brit, Kurt, you two were fantastic!”

“Yeah, dude, how do you get your legs to do that? In midair!” exclaimed Sam.

Kurt preened proudly at the praise. He hadn’t thought working with Quinn would be anything but a disaster but she turned out to be a natural leader. Apparently, all of that cheerleader experience wasn’t wasted. 

While Sam and Quinn put their heads together whispering about something, Kurt sought a private moment with Mercedes. 

“I think he plays for my team,” he whispered conspiratorially.

“You’re dreaming, Kurt.”

“How would you know? You thought I was straight.”

“Gay boys don’t check out a girl’s tits, and that boy has been eying Fabray’s since the day they met.”

“Maybe you’re right.”

“It just ain’t fair, you know? She has everything. Why does she get two jocks panting after her?”

“Mercedes Jones! Do you have a crush on Sam?”

“Maybe. A little,” she admitted shyly. “It doesn’t matter though; he doesn’t even know I exist.”

“We’ll you see you tomorrow,” Quinn called as the Unholy Trinity exited to get to Cheerio practice.

-A Little Sun-

Coach Sylvester brought her megaphone to her lips and yelled.

“Ladies, it is a beautiful sunny day and some of you are looking a little pale so we are taking it outside today. Now get a move on.”

“Coach Sylvester,” Brittany said quietly.

“What is it, tweeddle dumb, I don’t have all day. Those pyramids aren’t going to build themselves and I’m bored!” she yelled into her megaphone even though Brittany was only two feet away.

“If we go into the sunlight, I’ll burst into flames. I think we should just stay in the gym like we always do. Don’t you?”

Sue brought her mega phone up to her lips again and yelled at the girls heading toward the exit.

“Q, why aren’t you dimwits in formation already? You should be half way done with your first routine and you lazy asses are taking a break? Where are you going?”

“Couch Sylvester, I thought we were going to practice outside today,” said a confused Santana.

“Why would you think that, Boobs McGee? Get your ass into that pyramid before I make you smell your armpits again!”

-Spies-

“Spies!” cried Rachel when she saw Quinn and the rest of her half of the glee club walk purposefully into the choir room which Rachel had appropriated for her team.

“We’re not here to spy,” insisted Quinn. “We already have our routine worked out and I would hope you’re ready too.”

“Then why are you here?”

“We’re planning a trip to Westerville to see the Warblers and we thought the whole club should be in on it,” answered Kurt.

“Oh, that’s actually a really smart idea,” agreed Rachel.

“I can’t,” interjected Finn. “I have football practice.”

“It’s true,” agreed Mike. “We can’t go. My parents don’t even know that I’m in glee and I can’t be skipping football practice.”

“It’s OK, we’ll tape it for you,” promised Tina as she patted Mike’s knee and looked at him with adoring eyes. He smiled and they kissed sweetly.

“Oh please, kill me before I die from the cuteness overload,” snarked Santana.

“What about you, Sam? In or out?” Quinn asked.

“Well, I said I’d go...I was going to skip football practice but maybe I shouldn’t.” He looked to Finn for guidance.

Finn shrugged and said, “Dude, you’re second string so why not?”

“I can’t go,” said Brittany. “I promised Lord Tubbington that we would play hide and seek so...” she shrugged. “He cheats but he promised to stay in this dimension this time so I might win.”

-Competition Part 2-

Quinn and Sam opened with a duet, then Kurt and Brittany did a jaw dropping dance routine as Mercedes and Santana picked up the routine with complimentary vocals. Judging by the reactions of Ms. Pillsbury and Coach Beiste, the team had achieved their goal to impress.

After Rachel's team performed, Mr Shue took the stage.

“Well, Quinn, I applaud you for putting together a set that really displayed everyone’s strengths and allowed for total participation by everyone. Judges, what is your verdict?”

“Team Quinn,” answered Coach Beiste, as Ms. Pillsbury nodded enthusiastically.

“What?” cried Rachel. “You’ve got to be kidding. My solo was flawless.”

“That’s just it, Rachel,” admonished Will. “I asked for a team performance and you gave me the Rachel Berry show featuring the New Directions backup singers.”

“What about Finn and I...”

“What about the rest of your team? I couldn’t even tell if Pepper or Tina were even singing. And you completely wasted Mike and Artie. Did you see the routine Kurt and Brittany did?”

“What was I suppose to do? Have his dancing distract from my voice?”

“You didn’t do the assignment, Rachel. We’re going with Quinn’s set for sectionals. But of course, we’re going to rearrange it so that everyone gets featured. Even you, Rachel. Don’t you think that’s fair?”

“It’s not about fair, it’s about talent.”

“This is our first year competing at sectionals. We should take the opportunity to build ourselves up as a team. That’s what show choir is about.”

There was much grumbling on Rachel’s part but what could she do?