Behind the Mask
PenelopeCough
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Behind the Mask: Questions Only God Can Answer


M - Words: 6,165 - Last Updated: Feb 15, 2012
Story: Closed - Chapters: 14/? - Created: Nov 22, 2011 - Updated: Feb 15, 2012
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Author's Notes: A/N: PLEASE READ BEFORE CONTINUING : Hey guys! Sorry it's late! My laptop battery messed up, and I had to get a new one. Then, I was in a car wreck, and blah blah blah. I just had a shitty weekend, but I'm okay. This chapter has a few questions of sexuality and religion. This doesn't reflect how I feel about God or anything. This is just how I wanted Wes and David to feel about God and the Bible, so please don't send me mean, hateful messages about how you disagree with me and I'm stupid or something. They are two fictional teenagers in high school who are just really confused about whether or not it's okay to be gay according to their Christian religion and if they should be gay. If I offend anyone, I am sorry. With that said, I hope you enjoy the chapter. Please review and let me know what you thought about it all.

David's POV

I woke up with a light in my face and paper stuck to my cheek. I had fallen asleep at my desk again. I looked at my clock. I had only been asleep for 3 hours, but that was more than I got the night before. I couldn't sleep well since I started questioning my feelings for Wes. I couldn't figure it out at all. My whole life I thought I was straight but suddenly, I'm confused about it. I didn't know what to do, so I did what I always did. I prayed, and read my bible. What I did read made me question my feelings and my faith.

I pushed my flexible desk lamp up towards the ceiling, lighting up the room. I carefully peeled my homework off of my cheek, and stared at my desk. There were was school work everywhere in neat little stacks. At the top left corner of my desk was my King James Bible. I had been flipping through it all night. It was open to Leviticus chapter 18. I grabbed the bible and read where I left off of all the things God was saying to Moses. I had highlight verse 22 which read "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination." I sighed. I grabbed my highlighter again and marked verses 29 and 30 which read "For whosoever shall commit any of these abominations, even the souls that commit them shall be cut off from among their people. Therefore shall ye keep mine ordinance, that ye commit not any one of these abominable customs, which were committed before you, and that ye defile not yourselves therein: I am the LORD your God." I sighed and threw down the highlighter.

I searched through the new testament, randomly picking chapters to read most of the night to find some sort of redemption or cancelation for this particular 'abomination,' but I found nothing, just more punishment. I almost gave up hope completely until I saw "That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved" in Romans chapter 10. It gave me some sort of hope towards this situation. Most people say that being gay is a sin, and I haven't found where it isn't yet, but I could be reading it all wrong or just not enough. I have been looking into the question of being gay for some time, but never like this. The Lord puts all of His followers through some sort of test to prove their faith. Was this one of my tests? What was I supposed to do to pass? I wasn't sure if I should ignore my "sinful" feelings for Wes, or acknowledge them. If I did acknowledge my feelings for him, my love for my best friend, then did that mean I would have to give up my faith? I wanted so much to have both, but so far it looked like I would have to choose. I didn't understand how any type of love could be "sinful," so I looked it up. I've been reading and reading trying to find out if this love is against God, and why. If it was against God to be gay because it went against the way we were suppose to procreate, then, I would just have to pray to God and to promise Him that I would adopt children.

My mind came up with so many different ways it could be sinful, so many ways it wasn't, and so many ways that I could repent for it. I had the Bible in front of me and all of the answers were in it, but finding them and interpreting them would be so difficult and time consuming. I felt myself getting tired again so, I stopped, placed a sticky tab at the top of my current page, and closed the book. I yawned, and stretched. I needed food or coffee to wake me up, so I got up and left the room.

I walked into the kitchen and the smell of coffee filled my lungs. It was refreshing in a way and instantly woke me up. Coffee literally just woke me up…oh wow. I'm getting worse than Blaine! I closed the door and turned towards the cabinets to get a mug, and there Blaine was.

"Morning, David!" he said, bouncing around happily.

"Morning," I said with a yawn. "Why are you so excited today?"

"I'm going to try and surprise Kurt with breakfast!" he said. "I was thinking maybe just coffee and a bagel, or coffee and an orange, or coffee and a muffin, or coffee and eggs with a piece of toast, or coffee with jelly on toast, or coffee and—"

"Basically, you have no idea what to make for him," I said with a smile.

"No, no idea, at all," he said. "I even asked Nick because I figured he knew because he gave Kurt breakfast those days he was sick, but he said to just go with coffee."

"What's wrong with just giving him coffee?" I asked.

"Just coffee?" he said, appalled. "That's not romantic at all. Breakfast in bed should be huge and have lots of food. At first I was thinking pancakes, eggs, bacon, and toast with coffee and orange juice."

"Are you trying to make the poor guy explode, Blaine?" I asked, joking. "He's so small there's no way he could all eat of that."

"Yeah, I know," he said. "I know he's just a little bit taller than me, but he's so much smaller than I am. He's just so thin, so I was thinking instead of just coffee, I could throw in some sort of grain."

"Are you trying to fatten him up?" I asked.

"No," Blaine said, "he just needs to eat more. I don't think a coffee for breakfast, salad or fruit for lunch, and soup for dinner are healthy. He needs more food in him." He laughed. "I know I'm over thinking this, but I want it to be perfect for him."

"I get it," I said as I poured a cup of coffee and sat down at the table. "You are just trying to impress Kurt which is strange because you have him now. You guys are together now."

"I just want it to stay that way," he said, quietly.

"It's not going to change," I said. "Kurt seems to like you a lot so, don't worry about it for now. Just be yourself, Blaine. And if Kurt doesn't like you for you then he doesn't deserve you, okay?" I finished with a yawn.

"Okay, yeah, you're right," he said. "Thanks, but, um, are you okay, David? You look so tired."

"I'm fine, Blaine," I told him. "I just need a little sleep."

"You sure?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said, staring down at my coffee. I really did need some sleep. I was so tired, but this coffee was really helping. I wish it could help all these thoughts of Wes just go away, but that wasn't possible. Somewhere in James chapter 1 it says "But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin." So, was this just all just lust and temptation or was I gay? I didn't even know how to tell if I was gay or not. How do people even decide that? How do they decide if they're straight or gay? Is it just sex drive wise, or feelings? I wasn't sure at all.

I looked over to Blaine who was back at the cabinets in deep thought about Kurt, most likely. "How did you first know you were…gay, Blaine?" I asked him.

"Um, wow, that was pretty unexpected," he said with a laugh. He took a seat at the table across from me. "What brought this on all of a sudden?"

"I was just curious," I said. I was curious to know. It was strange to me that we had known each other for so long, and I never asked. When I met Blaine, he was gay, and that was that. I never asked about when he first realized it. "Plus, it's never come up before."

"You're right. It hasn't," he said, looking at the window, crossing his legs. "Well, it was back at that age where you could just go outside and play tag, but you thought you were too old to play. But then again you are really never too old to play tag unless you're an adult or something. Well technically you're an adult because you just turned 18, but I could see you playing tag with Wes. I don't—"

"Blaine!" I yelled. "You're rambling." I laughed when he made a face at me. He looked so seriously hurt. "Don't use those puppy dog eyes on me, Anderson. You always told me to let you know when you ramble."

"Yeah, I know," he said with a sigh.

"I hope Kurt thinks your rants are cute," I joked.

"Oh wow!" he yelled and stood up. "What if he hates them? What am I going to do? This is awful. He'd tell me, right?" he continued to mumble and pace until I interrupted him.

"Blaine," I said with a smile. "You didn't finish your story."

"Right," he said. "It was when I was around 12 or 13." Why didn't he just say that earlier? That's Blaine, though. "I had a best friend named Chris. We hung out all the time and went over each other's houses, too. This one time we were at my house playing around in my backyard playing hide and go seek. I was usually a horrible finder but that time, that one time, I was really quiet and snuck up behind him. He was sitting with his knees to his chest behind a tree. He was looking around the tree in the opposite direction that I was coming. So, I kneeled down beside him and yelled 'Found you!' He jumped, but then smiled and said that it was his turn to find me. He was about to get up, but I put my hands on his knees and leaned in and just kissed him," he said, smiling at the memory.

"How did he take the news?" I asked.

"Oh, he pushed me in the mud, called me disgusting, wiped his mouth, spit on the ground a few times to get the taste out, I guess, and then ran from my house," Blaine said quickly. "My mom asked me why he ran, so I told her about it. She told me about sexuality, in her own way. She told me that kissing someone meant that I really, really liked them, and wanted to be with them, like holding hands and stuff. She talked about how I might feel nervous around them, or get jealous when other people get to close to them, and she described all these things I would feel toward a person that I liked. I told her that I felt all of those things around Chris, and I realized that I never felt any of that towards a girl, ever. I told my mom that I only liked boys."

"…was she upset?" I asked.

"Yeah, a little bit," he said. "She cried a little. I asked her if it was wrong to like boys, and she said that some people think it is and some people think it isn't. I asked her what she thought. She said that her family taught her that it was wrong, but she loved me anyway because I was her son and I wasn't hurting anybody by liking other boys. She said that if that was who I was then it was fine because you can't help who are. At the time, that was all I needed."

His phone buzzed. He took it out, and groaned slightly after.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"It's Kurt," he said, sadly as he put his phone away. "He can't 'hang out' today because he has some group project meeting that he forgot about. He has to go to the library soon, and he'll be there all day! This is awful!"

"You could look at it that way," I said. "But it's actually in your favor, don't you think? You didn't know what to make for him for breakfast anyway, so, now, you have all day to do your work, and plan another surprise for him. You guys haven't really even had your first date yet. You could plan that along with other surprises since he won't be around today."

"Oh wow," Blaine said. "You right! I could do my homework, and then plan our date! I have to find out all these things, like what his favorite flowers are and where to go and everything! Thanks, David."

"No, problem," I said, as Blaine ran from the kitchen. That kid was definitely crazy about Kurt. I just hope that Kurt was crazy about Blaine as well.

I sighed, and laid my head on the table. So, I guess being gay wasn't about the sex drive or anything. Blaine was younger when he found out. It wasn't about lusting after some boy; it was just love. I didn't even lust after Wes though. This wasn't really a temptation either. I remember when Wes and I were younger and first getting girls we would always walk the girls home, holding their hands. At that age that's really all you get. Holding hands was a huge thing to a kid, and a kiss on the cheek was monumental. Even at that age, I always preferred holding Wes's hand over holding that girl's hand. It felt right at the time. I think that I just… I think that I loved him, a lot, and I have for years. I just never realized that that's what it was this whole time, not temptation, not lust, but love. I needed to tell him, but what would he do? How would he react? That didn't matter now because he was moving out of my room, our room. He was just leaving. I guess he was tired of me, so of course, he wouldn't love me back. He might though. I didn't know. If he did, then, what would we even do about it? For now, I just needed to distance myself from Wes until I figured this whole thing out. At least I was sure now that I did love him. Was this sinning? Was me wanting to be with him wrong according to the Bible? Yes, it was. Wanting to be with any man the way I was supposed to be with a woman was supposedly wrong according to my religion. I groaned. Great. I was almost positive that I was gay, and I didn't know what to do about it.

"Hey, David." I looked up and Nick had walked into the kitchen.

"Hey," I said.

"So the sink doesn't work," he said.

"Yeah, they said it's frozen over or something because it's so cold outside," I told him.

"I know. I read the email," he said. "How did you make coffee?"

Oh, right. "Blaine made it," I told him. "I think he used water bottles under the cabinet that Wes got a while ago."

"Oh, thanks," he said. He looked in all of the lower cabinets and then the top ones. He even looked in the pantry.

"I guess we are out of water bottles," I said.

"Yup," he said, with a smile. "All we have to drink is coffee, Coke, and some old Brandy Jeff managed to hide in here."

I laughed. "That's awful. What are you going to do? Just not drink anything?"

"Oh, no," Nick said. "I need something before my run so I'm going to drink some Coke."

"That is pretty bad for you before a run, though," I said.

"All of what I listed is bad for me before a run," he said, with a smile. "What am I supposed to do? Die of thirst? No, I picked my poison, so to speak."

"Ah, okay, but won't drinking that hurt your body while you run?" I asked.

He laughed. "I'm sure my body will be happy that I'm giving it something rather than nothing at all. Hopefully, my body will see it that way, and it won't give me a muscle cramp or any side pains."

"Hopefully," I said, with a smile as he left the kitchen.

I sat and wondered. I wondered if God would make a small exception for me like Nick hoped his body would for him. Yeah, Nick drank coke which was bad for him, and I'm in love with Wes which might be bad for me. Would God be content that I was giving love to another person rather than not giving love at all? He wants us to be loved and give love, freely, but giving it to Wes might not be okay. But that didn't make sense because the Bible says to "Love your enemies" in Matthew, Luke, and in other books. It didn't make sense to me to love an enemy who mistreats me but not to love another man like I would a woman. It didn't make sense for me to marry a woman when I knew deep down that I would prefer a man, either.

The thing about all of this though was that the Bible says that being with Wes the way I was supposed to be with a woman was wrong, and just having thoughts about Wes that way was also wrong. So, ultimately, even if I did ignore my feelings and thoughts about Wes and viewed them as a test of faith, I was still sinning because the thoughts would still be there. The feelings would still exist and ignoring them would not make them go away. Either way, it could be considered a sin. Should I indulge my feelings for Wes and just be a supposed "sinner," should I ignore them and pray to God everyday for forgiveness, or should I spend my entire life searching the Bible for an answer about my homosexual feelings being right or wrong? Did the "sinning" of it all even matter? Romans chapter 3, verse 23 says "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God." So, would this be my sin against God? Would this be the way that I "come short of His glory"? Should I just do as Nick just did and just "pick my poison" as in pick my sin and just be gay and let that be my sin? At that exact moment, I was completely lost at what to do. I wished there was a way that I could just talk to God and ask him what to do, but He is silent and hasn't spoken for many years. The best I could do was pray and read, but I needed to stop thinking because I was getting a headache.

I looked out of the window and tried to clear my mind for a while.

Wes's POV

"Okay, Wes, today is the day," Kurt said to me.

"Yep," I said, slowly. "Today is the day…"

"You don't sound very confident about this whole thing," he said.

"That's because I'm not!" I shouted. "I am so nervous! My heart is beating out of my chest! I'm freaking out, and I haven't even told him yet. To make it all worse, you were right about telling him after I moved my stuff into my new room. He doesn't really even know why I'm moving out! He will probably bring up it while we are caring a bookcase or something! I can't tell him before though because that would make it even more awkward because he'll probably be in the room glaring at me, or trying to avoid eye contact with me! What if he doesn't want to help? What if he freaks out on me? What if—"

"WES!" Kurt yelled. "You are freaking out right now. Just breathe. It's all going to be okay. It won't be as horrible as you think."

"As horrible?" I asked. "As in it's going to be slightly horrible or there will be a hint or horribleness?" I got up out of the chair and started pacing.

"No," he said. "No, just calm down. It will all be okay."

"You were supposed to be there, too!" I shouted. "You were supposed to be some sort of buffer while we moved so he wouldn't bring it up. That way you could leave when we were done, and I could ask him to stay so we could talk!"

"I know, and I'm sorry!" Kurt said. "I completely forgot about this group project. I am so sorry, Wes. I really am."

"I know," I said. "I'm just really, really nervous."

"It's going to be fine," he said. "We have already moved all of the stuff you had moved in here. We moved your bathroom stuff, your bedding, most of your stuff for school, and a random lamp. What do you even have left?"

"All the stuff on my desk, my bookshelf, my vacuum cleaner, and my other lamp," I said quickly.

"See , that's not a lot of stuff at all," Kurt said. "You two will be done in no time!"

"Thanks, Kurt, for helping me out," I said as I hugged him.

"No problem, Wes," he said. I let go of him, quickly, when I felt him tense up a little. He always tensed up a bit when I hugged him which was strange to me. I've adjusted my hugs for him though. They aren't as tight, they are less of a surprise, and they are quick. I call them 'Kurt hugs.' "I have to go, now, Wes," he continued.

"Okay," I said, sadly.

"Good luck and cheer up," Kurt said as he left the room.

I took a deep breath and headed to my old room. I knocked a few times and finally just opened the door. "Hello…" I said as I entered. I looked around and didn't see David anywhere. I felt rude being in there without him there even though, technically, it was still our room and I had a key. I closed the door and tried to think of where he would be. I heard some noise from the kitchen, so I headed there. When I got there, David and Jeff were laughing about something.

"Hey, guys," I said.

"Hey," David said. He stopped smiling and looked away from me. He was probably a little mad at me for just leaving like that.

"Hey, Wes," Jeff said. "I've got a bone to pick with you!"

"What?" I asked, confused.

"This will be the second time you have skipped out on my cooking lessons," he said. "What's the deal?"

"Yeah, I know," I said. "I'm sorry though, Jeff, but I have a really good excuse today!"

"Sure, you do, Wes," Jeff said, sarcastically.

"I'm moving into my new room!" I said, happily. I wasn't really happy about it, but I was trying to be.

"You have a new room?" Jeff asked.

"Yep!" I said.

"Oh, you and David, here, aren't getting along?" he asked, joking.

"Actually, it's rather complicated, and I can't tell you about it," I said, joking. I hoped that he would just leave it alone after that because I didn't want to explain everything to him.

"Aw that's not fair!" he said. "I wanna know!"

"Nope, it's a secret," I said, laughing.

"A very well kept secret," David said, dryly. "I don't even know why he's moving out."

There was an awkward silence. "Oh," Jeff said. "Well, that sucks, David."

"Yep, sure does," David said. I guess he didn't think it was a funny thing to joke about, and he was right. It wasn't.

"Well, anyway, I just came in here to let you know that I'll be going in and out of your room, David, to get the rest of my things." I said, quickly.

"I'll help you move," David said as he got up to stretch a bit. "I'm not doing anything here."

"Okay," I said, nervously.

"Good luck cooking, Jeff," David said.

"I'll be fine," he said casually. "I know the tap's frozen, but you don't need water to cook pancakes right?"

David and I just laughed and left the kitchen together. I guess this fit perfectly with Kurt's plan for me to tell him today.

I opened up our door, well, his door now, and looked around. I started grabbing stacks of books off of the desk, and David did the same.

"Kurt was going to help, but he had to go the library to do this group project thing," I told him.

"Yeah, I know," he said. "Blaine told me this morning. He was so upset because he was going to surprise Kurt with breakfast."

"Aw, that's really sweet!" I said.

"Yeah, it was," he said.

I stood up and headed out of the door with my stack of books. David followed with his.

"Where are you moving to?" he asked.

I walked over to the right a bit, and pushed open the door with my foot. "Right next door," I said.

He smiled. "Oh."

We finished moving the rest of my things fairly quickly, like Kurt said it would be. Once we finished moving everything in the room, David started to put things on the book shelf.

"David, stop," I said. "You don't have to do that."

"Okay," he sighed. "I guess, I'll just go."

"No!" I shouted. He stopped and looked at me. "I mean, um, I want to talk to you about why I'm moving out."

"Alright," he said as he sat in the desk chair, and I sat on the bed. "Was it something I did or said? Did I hurt your feelings in some way? I don't get it, Wes. You just left me with no explanation at all! …you're my best friend, Wes."

"I know, I know, and I'm sorry, David," I said, sadly. "You didn't do anything wrong. It's just kind of complicated," I said. I looked down at my hands. "David, I've been doing a lot of thinking this entire year about myself, and…I'm gay." We were silent for a moment so, I just continued. "I thought that maybe I should ignore this or it wasn't true, but it is. I'm gay, and I think I love you, David. No, I know that I love you. I love how positive you are about everything. You take bad situations and turn them into something good. I love our hugs and how you kind of take care of me. You make sure I don't say too much or tackle people. You enjoy my rants about the Warblers. I love how you're a guy, and you've actually gone out of your way to see The Lion King on Broadway, and you have seen classic movies like The Sound of Music. You're not even afraid to admit that you've seen all of that. You don't care what everyone else thinks. You just care about being yourself. I love how you give the best advice and you worry about your friends like they are your family. I love the way you laugh a little when you're nervous. I love how you never get truly angry at me for waking you up to watch the sunrise, or for sneaking in your bed late at night. I love how even though we wear ties every day, you're horrible at tying them." I laughed a little and looked up at him. "David, I love you. I've been in love with you for years now. I've been confused about my feelings, but I've come to accept them, and I love you," I finished, blushing. "I wasn't sure how you would take it, and I know that you're straight so I moved out. No straight guy wants to live with a gay guy who's crushing on them, right?" I joked. "Plus, I couldn't bear to live with you after you rejected me."

We sat there for a moment. I guess he had to take all of it in. We were silent until David decided to say something. "I…think that I'm falling in love with you, too, Wes. I've missed you since you moved out. I miss having you near me. I've missed sleeping with you, waking up to the sunrise with you, you tying my ties, and the smell of your strawberry shampoo filling our bathroom every morning," he said, as his eyes filled with tears. I didn't understand why he was upset. Shouldn't he be as happy as I am? "But this is…what are you going to do about this?" he asked confused.

"…what do you mean?" I asked.

"About being gay," he said.

"I'm going to just accept it as who I am," I said. "Just like the way you do with Thad, Blaine, and Kurt. You treat them all like good people because they are good people."

"Treating my friends equally no matter what their sexuality is different from actually going against my beliefs. Blaine, Thad, and Kurt are all atheist, so they don't believe in God. I believe in heaven and hell, and so do you. I don't want to go to hell by being a homosexual, and I don't want that for you either, Wes. I know that God is love, and he wants us to be loved and love everyone the same so I do that. He wants us to not judge people so I don't. I respect their views, and they respect mine. They don't judge me for my religious choices, and I don't judge them for their lack of religion. That's just how it is…I'm actually pretty sure that I am gay, but if I am shouldn't I fight these feelings with all I have? Shouldn't I view it as some sort of temptation or test? How have you accepted it so easily?" David asked.

"My mommy always used to tell me that Romans chapter 3, verse 23 says "for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God," so it was okay to make a few mistakes. I'm not sure if being gay is an outright sin, but if it is, then, it's rather cruel of God to allow me feel this way toward you. People throw random quotes about lying with another man being a sin, but they might be misinterpreting it completely, David. It could be talking about all the male prostitution that was happening at the time that that was written or slavery because some people were sleeping with their slaves. Some Bibles even use the word "homosexual" in it, but the word itself wasn't even coined until around 1869! The Bible was written by 11 men that lived in a totally different time than us, and they had totally different rules and social standards that we think are ridiculous today. Since so many different men wrote it, don't you think that, maybe, they added their own opinion to it? Yes, it is God's word, but it is God's word according man. People have been re-writing the Bible for years placing in new words and phrases all the time. I bet the original sounds nothing like the ones we have now. We could be living our lives according to a typo or a translation gone wrong!" I informed him.

"It states multiple times that men sleeping with other men is an abomination, Wes! It says it in more than one of those eleven men's books in that Bible," said David.

"Yeah, I know," I said sadly.

"So, are you not going to be a Christian anymore?" David asked as he looked at me with worry. "Or are you going to accept it as a sin and be Christian, or…" he sighed. "What are you going to do about your religion… our religion?"

"No, I'm still Christian. I still believe in God. I am still going to follow His ten commandments, and try my best to be a good person," I said trying to smile. "At the end of the day only God can judge us on judgment day. So, when we die and the world is at its end, God will let us know what was wrong with our lives. I'm still going to read my Bible and interpret the words I read the best way I know how. I'm still going to pray every day, but I'm also probably going to masturbate every once in a while even though "spilling my seed" is considered wrong by some Christians. I'm also going to eat a little too much cake sometimes even though it's considered gluttony to some Christians and also a sin. There are so many sins committed every day by people. Jesus said in the book of Matthew chapter 5 that getting a divorce is a sin unless someone cheats on you. The person who initiates the divorce is placing that other person in the situation of committing adultery, but people do it all the time. People re-marry, too, inside of Christian churches. Your mother is one of those people," I told him.

"She had to!" David shouted. "She had to get away from my dad. He didn't love her anymore, and she deserved someone who did." I felt a little bad for bring it up, afterwards, because I didn't know talking about that still bothered him. I wanted him to understand what I was saying though.

"Exactly. So don't you think even though Jesus, a long time ago, said that she is now sinning, that he can forgive her? I'm sure that Jesus will understand that situation, David."

"…Yeah, Wes, but this is different, isn't it?" he asked. "I know that thinking and having all these feelings for you is probably sinning, but I thought that if I didn't act on them it wouldn't be sinning. But I was wrong, and it's all the same. If we do get together, then, aren't we choosing to live in sin?" he asked. "Will Jesus really forgive us for this?"

"I think He will," I said confidently. "I really do because I can't help my feelings for you. I've been trying for years, and I figure that I'm supposed to have them for some reason. If it is wrong, then, we'll be just like Christians who get divorces, Christians who have sex before marriage, and Christians who get abortions. I'm sure that they all had good reasons, and I'm sure God will understand those reasons because in spite of it all He is love. I don't think loving another human being is wrong. God loves us and will forgive us for some of the wrong we have done because of that. There are examples of Him forgiving sinners all over the Bible, why not us? We are His children, we love Him, and we've never denied Him, so why not?" I asked.

He smiled. "You've really been thinking hard about this, huh?"

"Yes! I've barely been sleeping because of this," I said. I handed him my Bible. "Look, here's my Bible. I've put little sticky note tabs on all the pages that talk about different types of homosexuality in the Old Testament and forgiveness of sins in the New Testament. I'm letting you borrow it so you can interpret them the way you want to. …I know you're just as confused as I was about my feelings for you.." He looked away and blushed. "I just hope that in time, you will be able to accept yourself and still stick with your religion. I know that if you come to a different conclusion than me, then, you will probably just continue to deny your feelings. I just hope that with whatever you chose you are okay with your choice and yourself. Please, read through the verses. I know you probably already have, but do it again and again until you're sure…let me know what you decide," I said gravely.

"I will," he said as he got up. "I'll see you later, Wes."

"Bye, David," I said, quietly as he left the room. I said it as if we would never see each other again because I knew he would never see me the same as he did before. It would never be the same for us ever again.

He came right back in the room quickly. "Here," he said as he extended something to me. I took it, and opened it. It was his Bible. "I thought that since I have yours, you might need a replacement until I'm done with yours," he said, with a smile.

"Thanks," I said, clutching the Bible to my chest, well his Bible.

"See you later," he said, "for real this time."

I laughed. "Good bye!" I yelled and waved as he closed the door. I sighed. There was a piece of paper sticking out of his Bible. I opened it up. It was just random thoughts about a verse he had highlighted about the sins of man. He had been researching just like I was, but it looked like he just started. I flipped through the Bible more and found passages marked off about it and notes about different interpretations. It made me hopeful. I really wanted David to be okay with who he was and learn to accept it. I hoped that he wouldn't grow to hate himself just because he was gay, and it might possibly be a sin. I just wanted him to be okay with whoever he was becoming.

End Notes: A/N: Thanks for reading sorry it was shorter than the most of the other chapters. Please review and let me know what you thought :)

Comments

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Ok, I just read all 12 chapters for the first time today and LOVE IT!!! I love the changing of the first person POV. The focus is still on Klaine but we get a lot of storyline around our other favorite Warblers. I anxiously await an update!

wows thank you! i'm hopefully going to update by tuesday or wednesday next week. i just started school this week so it's been crazy! thanks so much for reading.