Pelznase78
Oct. 16, 2016, 7 p.m.
What I need most is love: Chapter 2
M - Words: 3,425 - Last Updated: Jan 25, 2017 Story: Closed - Chapters: 14/? - Created: Oct 16, 2016 - Updated: Jan 25, 2017 229 0 0 0 0
Author's Notes:
Surprise! Chapter 2 is up earlier than planned. I have a few days off. So enjoy! I'd love to read your opinion :-) Okay, smut is coming in chapter 3. If it's not your cup of tea, sorry, but I warned beforehand that it is M-rated
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or their characters. Unfortunately...
Chapter 2
I scroll through some pages which don't contain anything interesting, when I stop on a page where I spot a picture of Britt and myself in front of McKinley high school. I show Blaine the picture and he laughs.
“Is that your first day at McKinley?”
I nod and he chuckles. “Baby, you look fabulous in your skin-tights and the black scarf.”
“I know, right?” I ask with a high pitched voice. “Nobody got my sense of fashion in fashion-less Ohio. Thank god that we live here now!” I grumble and Blaine ushers me to go on with the reading:
September 2008
Dear diary.
Oh goodness, my last entry was ages ago. I'm sorry. Will try to write more regularly from now on. ;-)
Linda drove us to our very first day at McKinley high school today. Ugh, we were not even inside the school when we bumped into a tiny brunette girl who had a horrible taste in fashion. I nearly had to puke over the reindeer-sweater. I'm still shuddering right now. She had the insolence to be offended and yelled at us in the middle of the parking lot. What a BITCH! I just glared at her and she ran off into the building. Britt and I got our timetables and THANK GOD, we have many classes together. My first day was okay, I guess. We ignored our classmates mostly. I'm still shy with others. At lunch we sat alone in a corner and eyed the other people. I have no clue what is going on in this school but I have already spotted polyester Letterman jackets and cheer-leading uniforms. Our teachers are okay so far. Let's see what tomorrow brings, harhar. See you, Kurt
Blaine laughs like a maniac and has tears in his eyes. “Tell me, was that Rachel you wrote about?”
“Of course that was Rachel. Can you imagine another person wearing reindeer-sweaters?” I grin and pat Blaine's back.
“Oh god, I have the feeling that your next entries will be a lot of fun. Maybe I should put on some lounge clothes and visit the restroom real quick.” Blaine says and I get up from his lap to let him go. I can still hear him chuckle from the bedroom and shake my head at my silly husband.
I grab us a bite from the kitchen and plant myself back onto the couch, slowly sipping my wine and waiting for my husband to come back.
He enters the living room some minutes later and still, after all these years, my mouth goes dry and my palms start to sweat. He looks ridiculously delicious in his sweat-pants which are hanging low on his sharp hips and his tank top clings to every muscled curve of his tan upper body. He still works out as much as possible and his body is absolutely gorgeous. His curls are gloriously sticking in every direction – I guess he ran his fingers through them after getting changed – as he comes back to me. I gulp audibly and he snickers.
“Darling? Are you getting turned on? Just by watching me in my sweat-pants? We're not even at some juicy stuff in your diaries.” Blaine winks and I grab him around the waist to pull him onto the couch and climb on his lap again.
“Shhhh, less talking, more kissing.” I whisper and attack his warm, inviting mouth for a well practiced make-out session.
After a while Blaine pulls back and I start to whine desperately.
“Nooooooooo, no stopping. I'm getting horny and we have the house to ourselves tonight. The perfect opportunity to have sex anywhere we want, not just the bedroom.” I whimper and Blaine grins.
“Honey, I want to hear more from your diaries and then we can have sex later, when you describe your first kisses and make-outs and blow-jobs and so on. If we have sex now there's no way we can do it again later. I'm no teenager anymore. I'm an old man and happy to get it still up at some point.” Blaine says bluntly and I nearly break down with laughter.
“Oh baby. You are ridiculous. You know very well that we still have sex daily and your stamina is fabulous for our age. So stop complaining and kiss me some more.” I grab his face and push my tongue into his grinning mouth.
But again he pulls back. “Come on, Kurt. I promise to do whatever you want me to do later. Let's just read some more and you can have your wicked way with me afterward.”
I tilt my head to one side and tap my lips with my index-finger. “Hmmmm. This offer is really tempting. I guess we should negotiate. So you're saying if I read you some more from my diary – let's say for another hour or two – you will let me prep myself while you watch and then I can ride you until you pass out?” I watch him cockily and he throws his head against the backrest of the couch and groans.
“Ngh, you are so mean. You know that, right? Now you got me all horny. Wanna have sex now?” He sighs and strokes my thighs.
“No way will I pass up the chance to have my way with you without any complaints. And I mean no whining. We'll have this my way. Later. Much. Later.” I smirk and caress his cheek. He groans again.
“Okay, meanie. Go on with your diary then and don't come near my dick or I'll explode and the fun will be over before it starts.” Blaine states and pats my butt.
I slide off his lap and curl against his side again, grab the diary and open the next interesting entry:
July 2009
Dear diary.
It has been a while again, I know. The summer was boring and apart from working at the garage I spent my time with Britt. We haven't made any friends in our freshman year but I'm totally okay with it. Most of the students are dumb jackasses or obnoxious brats. Britt and I were on our own most of the time and I think our classmates think that we're a couple. What the hell? I'm as gay as they come and if they don't see that, fine with me. But honestly? How blind are these people? Just because we hold hands in the hallways we have to be together? Gah...
I think Britt wants to have a boyfriend soon. She always talks about how she wants to kiss someone already. She told me that she wants to try out for the Cheerios (our cheerleaders) to gain more popularity, meet new people. I'm not sure what to think about it. I have the feeling that she will retreat from me in a way. I'm scared to lose her. What do I have if she abandons me? So maybe I was mean and jealous and told her that she can do whatever she wants because she doesn't respect MY feelings and that she's a bad friend. We didn't speak for nearly a week. It was killing me. Well in the end we made up and she promised me that she would never abandon me. That we will be friends forever. I'm still afraid. We'll see what will happen when she starts cheer-leading.
Off topic: This summer I started to jerk off. I was curious and after the first few times where I had no real idea what to do I have to admit it's fun and I can imagine myself with a boy in the near future. Not necessarily doing THIS to one another in the beginning. I'm a romantic. He has to court me for at least some months before I really think about being intimate in this kind of way. But I want to kiss and someone who sweeps me off my feet. Will I find him at McKinley? I don't think so... I just hope that I don't have to wait until I go to college. I guess, that will be it for now. See you, Kurt
“Oooooooh now we come to the interesting stuff, huh? Jerking off all summer? Oh baby. Wanna show me, what you did?” Blaine smiles teasingly.
“Nope. I have other plans, you know that. Don't distract me. And for the record, I know you started jerking off way before me so shut up.” I smack his thigh and scroll through some more pages in the diary.
“What did you think about when you started?” He asks me with a curious glance.
“Well, I just thought about a faceless, handsome guy. I didn't need much imagination when I started to stroke my dick and pinch my nipples.” I furrow by brow and think for a moment. “Wait, when I recall it properly, he had dark curls.”
Blaine huffs and kisses the top of my head. “You are ridiculous, wonderful husband of mine.”
“No, I really mean it. Since the day we met at the playground all my jerk-off-fantasy-boys had dark curly hair. You made an incredible impact on me.” I kiss him chastely and start to read the next entry:
September 2009
Dear diary.
I really want to have a boyfriend. I want to have my first kiss, I want fireworks, I want love. I'm a teenager. I have feelings. Oh I can't even describe how boring the boys of McKinley are. They have bad manners, bad breath and bad hygiene. And officially they are all straight. My few visits to the showers of the boys locker room provided all this. OH MY GOD! These boys are disgusting. I will have to find ways to skip PE-classes from now on. I can't put a foot back into these showers ever again.
Britt started training with the Cheerios and as predicted, she doesn't have much time for me now. We see each other in classes and every once in a while after school. But she's changing. Maybe we're changing. She introduced me to two of her new friends. Quinn and Santana. Quinn is the typical beauty queen. Blonde, petite, beautiful. But she's kinda bigheaded and we don't get along very well. She doesn't get my snark. Well, it's her loss. Santana is quite the opposite. She's beautiful too, but she has dark hair and brown eyes. A real Latina. And her attitude is very similar to mine. Maybe that's why we're always eying each other suspiciously. And she's very possessive of Britt. Hm, I'm not sure what her motives are.
Then there's Mercedes. She's a black girl I met in my calculus class. We sit together at lunch now. Us 5.
Funny thing: Mercedes hit on me the other day... she thought I was straight. HAHAHAHA. I'm still not over the fact that some people really think that. I let her down gently, I hope. She wasn't offended. I told her that I had that big crush on my curly-haired-playground-boy when I was 9 years old. She was in awe and said that we probably would have made a cute couple. We've become good friends and we often meet in the mall or the Lima Bean after school. Sometimes Britt, Santana and Quinn come too. Have to go. Mercedes is waiting. Goodbye for now, Kurt
I giggle and take the picture of Mercedes, Britt, Santana, Quinn and myself out of the diary to show it to Blaine.
“Aw honey, look at you five. What a beautiful friendship,” Blaine caresses my face on the picture.
“It was nice, yes. But Quinn and I never had any deep feelings for each other. It felt more like we had to be civil with each other for Britt's sake, you know?” I look at the picture and put it back into the diary to turn some more pages:
January 2010
Dear diary.
You won't believe it! Mr. Shuester, our Spanish teacher, revived the old Glee club. YAY. I'm in, of course. Britt, Mercedes, Santana and Quinn are too. Unfortunately the obnoxious girl from our first day as freshmen (reindeer-sweater-girl) is too. Her name is Rachel and she didn't change a bit from last year. Ugh... I don't have a problem with her being driven and ambitious – I am too – but she's self-centered, loud, nosy, tiring and so much more. The worst is, she pretends to be the star of the club and Mr. Shue supports her in her obnoxiousness. We ignore her most of the time. Best thing is: Santana hates her and she makes the best comments possible. I laughed so hard the last time.
Quinn and Rachel fight over the attention and affection of our new Glee club member Finn Hudson – football player, tall, clumsy and kind of good looking. He has a nice voice. Mercedes asked me if he would be the kind of guy who would pique my interest and I can honestly say that he isn't. The other members of the New Directions (I KNOOOOOOOOW, I hate the name...) are Noah Puckerman – football player, tall, Mohawk and self-proclaimed bad boy. He wants us to call him Puck. I refuse (of course) and call him Noah, just because. The next is Mike Chang – Asian guy who can dance like a god and has abs like a xylophone (I know, I objectify the poor boy but come on... though he isn't my type he has a gorgeous body). Tina Cohen-Chang (not related to Mike Chang) is a bit shy but she's kinda nice. And Artie Abrahams. He's sitting in a wheelchair and is mostly on his own, but he's friendly and gets along with everyone. We're a bunch of different people but the club is fun. I need to get a solo, though. All solos go to one Rachel Berry at the moment. DIVA...I need to practice some more songs... Have to go. See you sooner, hopefully. Kurt
Blaine peeks over my shoulder to have a look at our first group picture in the choir room of McKinley.
“You all look really happy in that picture.” He states and nuzzles my neck.
“Yeah, we really were.” I say and stroke the picture.
“How are you the only person Puck lets call him Noah?” Blaine frowns and looks at me.
“Rachel does too, but she mostly calls him Puck anyway. And Noah loves me, that's why.” I snicker and scan the next pages until I find what I was looking for:
February 2010
Dear diary.
It's been bad today. I have bruises all over my back. The throwing into the dumpsters has mostly passed. I still hate the slushie-facials. It's fucking cold and I don't get the stains out of my clothes. I can live with the name-calling. It's been this way all year now. It started after they discovered that I am gay. But now they are shoving me against the lockers. It hurts like a bitch. I don't know their names for sure. To me, they are just nameless jocks. Football-players and hockey-players. I don't care about their names. I just want some peace. Dad hasn't seen any bruises yet. I'm so thankful for my own bathroom these days. I just want them to stop. The other day when one of them shoved me again, Finn was directly behind me and he turned around and hurried away. I don't understand his behavior. He's just a scared little boy. And here I thought the guys from Glee were different or even supportive. Well Mike and Artie are, but they can't do much. These idiots won't break me. They won't take me down. I'm better than them. I will leave this hellhole after high school while these jackasses are working at a diner or burger place.
I'm afraid I can't lay on my back tonight. Fuck...
Enough of the sad stuff. I'd better start my homework. See you soon. Kurt
Blaine starts to kiss along my neck and deeper over my back. He ghosts his hands in the most gentle way over all my back and my sides. I relax into his touch and lay my head back onto his shoulder.
“I'm so sorry, baby. I know how hard this was for you and I wish I could erase these memories from your mind for all times. But I know I can't and that hurts. I wish I was there to help you back then.” Blaine sighs and wraps his arms around my chest.
I put my hands over his and caress them. “Honey no! I know. It's okay. I got through it and it made me stronger and braver in a way. I'm okay. I don't linger on these times anymore. I didn't forget it, but I forgave these brainless boys a long time ago. Let's just go on. The next one I have in mind will be interesting for you. It was shortly before the summer break at the end of sophomore year.”
I turn the pages:
May 2010
Dear diary.
I'm so scared that I will lose Britt. She is so busy with school and Cheerios that we don't see each other more than a few times over the week in school and maybe on a weekend. She's withdrawing from me. And what is my brilliant idea to change that? Yes! I'm the biggest idiot in the world. After the last class I took her hand and led her to the bleachers and sat her down. She was worried and asked me what was wrong and I nearly yelled that I wanted to kiss her. She was a bit shocked and asked me why in the world her dolphin wanted to kiss her – a girl.
I just told her that I wanted my first kiss to be now and with someone whom I trust and she would be the only person who I could imagine it with. She gave me a quick peck on my lips and I told her that was not what I meant and then she dove in for another kiss. She quickly tried to deepen the kiss and caressed my lower lip with her tongue. I parted my lips a bit and she licked her way into my mouth. It was weird. It felt like kissing a sibling or something like that. I pulled back quickly and told her that it was a bad idea. She said that she never got complaints from other boys or girls she had kissed until now and I reassured her that it wasn't bad, just weird for me. After some awkward glances she promised me that we were still best friends and that she would never abandon me. I hope she will keep her word. I miss her like crazy and I asked her if we were okay. She said yes. We made our pinkie-promise and I made her swear that she wouldn't tell anyone that I coaxed her into kissing me. I'm glad that it wasn't weird anymore after a little talking. It was like old times and we laughed on our way back to the parking lot. We hugged each other one last time before we stepped into Linda's car who brought us home.
How in the world could I convince my best friend to kiss me for the first time? I always imagined my first kiss with my first boyfriend. Well, shit...
Next topic: Finn and Carole moved in with us and I have to share my basement room with Finn now. GREAT. No privacy and sharing my bathroom with a boy who is as messy as Finn is horrible. Dad promised that it's temporary and that we will move into a bigger house over the summer. I hope my new room will be miles from Finn's. Ugh.
I love Carole. She's so warmhearted and she's a good cook. Finally I can let someone else do the cooking and dad still gets healthy food. They will marry soon. I'm totally okay with that. And the best is: I WILL PLAN THE WEDDING! YES!!!
Oh, have to go. Finn is coming downstairs and he has company. See you, Kurt
End Notes:
So? Did you like it? I hope so. Smut in the following chapters. Kurt is getting older... See you next week :-) Greets, Dana