Chapter 1

I'm sitting on the couch, a glass of wine in my hand and my feet on the coffee table when Blaine enters the living room with a box in his hands. I see the label “Kurt's! Don't you dare ever touch!” on the side and he raises an eyebrow.

“Honey, what is this?” He asks me with a smirk playing on his still handsome face and small wrinkles appear on his forehead and around his eyes and mouth.

My beautiful husband. We are 48 now, married since forever and he still has the power to reduce me to a puddle of goo just with one look or a breathtaking smile. Blaine is the most passionate, caring and loving husband that I ever dared to hope for. We have 3 kids. Tommy is 20 and attending college in Boston and the twins Keira and Lizzy are 17 and well on their way to graduating high school. We live in New York.

“Oh my gosh, where did you find that?” I ask him and make grabby hands at the box.

“It was in the attic. I have never seen this box before. Did you hide this from me?” He waggles his triangle eyebrows and giggles.

“Well maybe in the beginning. And mostly I hid it from the kids and not from you. After I while I just forgot about it.” I confess and he puts the box next to my feet on the coffee table and sits down next to me.

“Are you willing to share the contents of that box or shall I leave you alone with it?” He asks me.

It is early on a Saturday evening and the twins have a sleepover at some friends house.

“Get yourself a glass of wine, my darling. This will take some time.” I grin at him and Blaine gets himself a glass from the kitchen. Meanwhile I open the box, put the contents on the table and watch Blaine's reaction with sparkling eyes.

“Are these diaries, Kurt?” He asks me with big eyes.

“Yes! These are all the diaries I wrote since I was 7. Would you like to dive into my past with me?” I gauge the look on his face when he smiles at me lovingly.

“You know you don't have to share this with me, right? This is very private and I wouldn't ask you to.” He looks a bit concerned but I know my husband like the back-pockets of my skin-tight jeans. He's curious as hell.

“I know, honey. I want to. But I assure you that if I find any passages which I don't want to share or are too hard for me to relive, I'll skip them. Okay? Are you ready to know everything about Kurt Elizabeth Hummel-Anderson?” I lift my glass to my lips and take a sip of my wine.

“I can't wait to see all your naughty entries, my little minx.” Blaine answers and I can't help it – I laugh out loud, put my glass back down and throw myself at my man to kiss him with a passion we can never get enough of.

My diaries all have a number written on the cover and I grab the one with No. 1 on it. I snuggle myself into my husbands side and open the first page:

November 2001

Hello dear diary. My name is Kurt Hummel, I'm 7 years old and I have been to New York for the first time. My aunt and uncle live there and I want to live there when I'm tall and can do the subway on my own. My mommy and daddy are very proud of me and I have made a great friend in my elementary school. Her name is Britt. I can't spell her full name without help. My mommy says she can spell it for me but I don't want her to help me too much with writing this. She can help me in the beginning but when I can write even better I want to do this alone. Because she said that a diary is something private and I can write all I want and nobody is allowed to read this. But I think I my mommy can read this. She helps me with the words I can't write yet. Britt calls me a dolphin and says I'm a very special boy. I don't know what she means but I guess I'm okay with that. She is my bestest friend and has blue eyes and blonde pigtails. But not always. She sometimes has a ponytail too. We are always together in school and after school we play at her house or mine. Oh. It is time. She is here. I have to go, diary. I will come back to write some more when I know what I want to write the next time. I'm not sure that you want to read all this because I'm just a little boy and I don't do fancy things right now. But maybe I can write more about Britt or mommy and daddy. See you soon. Kurt

“Oh my god! You were so cute, honey!” Blaine grins and places a soft kiss on my head.

I glare at him. “I was?”

“You still are, of course. But this first entry is so cute. I have no words. Did your mom help you write this?” He asks cautiously and strokes my hair.

“Yes, she did. But only a few entries. I didn't write really regularly back when I started. Only when something happened that required an entry. I was a good student and my writing got a lot better really fast.” I say and turn some pages until I find one with a picture of my mom in it. I gulp.

“Is this the day?” Blaine asks me with tears in his eyes when he spots my mom's picture.

“Yes.” I say and nod.

“You don't have to.” Blaine lays a hand on my trembling one.

“I know. I want to. Can you just hold me?” I sigh and lay back on Blaine's chest and read the next entry:

August 2002

Hello dear diary. Today was a really sad day. We had to bury my mommy. She's in heaven now, daddy told me. It happened a few days ago. I was at Britt's house to play with her in the backyard. My mommy wanted to get me for dinner but she didn't come. Linda - that is Britt's mommy – had a very sad look on her face when she drove me home to my daddy. Daddy sat on the porch and cried when I got out of the car. He took me in his arms and I asked him where mommy is. He cried harder and said bye to Linda and took me by the hand and guided me inside the house. Mommy wasn't there either and daddy sat me down on the couch and told me that mommy had an accident with her car and someone hit her car and she didn't make it. She will never come home again. We cried a long time. I cry every day because my mommy is gone. I can't have tea-parties with her and she can't pat my hair when I go to bed. Daddy is sad too. He cries very much and he tries to hide it from me. I don't know what to do. We are all alone now, daddy and I. He works all the time and I'm at Britt's house even more nowt than before. I understand that daddy has to work to earn money that we can pay for everything. He can't cook and we have pizza and take out every day. I love my daddy but I miss my mommy so much. She read to me every night when I was in bed and she could make so many different voices. Daddy tries, but he's not as good as mommy. I wore a suit today at the cemetery and there were a lot of people crying too. They patted my cheeks and hugged daddy. Britt was there too and she held my hand all the time. Daddy did too. I threw a lily into mommy's grave. She loved lilies. I'm not sure when I will write again, diary. I'm so sad right now. Kurt

I sniff and Blaine kisses the tears from my cheeks and hugs me tightly to his broad chest.

“Oh baby. You were so strong even at this age. I'm so sorry you had to go through all this.” He presses his mouth against my temple and I just breath him in.

“Wow. This was really hard to read. I'm good though, don't worry. Thank you for being so amazing, Blaine. You are my rock. I guess there will be more painful entries but this might be one of the saddest. So? Want to go on?” I ask and turn my head to look into Blaine's eyes.

“Sure. Go ahead. Whatever you want to share.” He says and I turn some pages until I find the one I was looking for:

June 2003

Dear diary. Today I was at the playground with Britt. She wanted me to play with her and some other kids. I didn't want to. I'm shy with other children. So I sat on the bench and watched her play on the swings. There was a boy who watched me instead. I think he was pretty. He had dark curly hair, his pants had suspenders and on his neck he had a bow-tie. He came over to me and asked if he could sit on the bench too. He was very polite and said that I looked very sad. I told him I was and he reached for my hand. I looked into his eyes when he stroked the back of my hand. His eyes were pretty too. I don't know what they are called but they weren't only one color. Maybe gold, green and brown. I'm not sure. My heart started to beat faster than before and I don't know what happened. My cheeks felt really warm and my tummy was doing funny things. The boy didn't say much. He just looked at me and held my hand the whole time. Then there was a shriek and I saw Britt lying face down in the sand. I ran to her to look if she was okay and she started to laugh when she lifted her head from the sand. I was scared that she was hurt but she wasn't. Then she asked me where the other dolphin had gone and I didn't understand until she said that she meant the boy who sat with me on the bench. He was gone and I was sad. I haven't asked for his name or if he wanted to play some time. Britt was sad too and told me that maybe he will come back to the playground another day. Maybe he will. I hope so. He was pretty and he smelled nice. Today was a better day. Daddy is calling for me. I have to go. Today we will eat Chinese. I think I have to learn to cook. I can't eat this stuff all the time. See you next time, dear diary. Kurt

Blaine has a smug grin on his face when I turn around to look at him.

“You were already in love with me. You loved me since we were 9 years old. Oh my god, Kurt. Why did you never tell me? And I'm so happy that you made notes of our first encounter. Oh my. I can't believe it. I remember some things of that day but thank you for writing it down for all eternity. Did I ever tell you that Cooper just grabbed me from the bench because he had a date with his girlfriend and didn't even let me say goodbye to you?” Blaine asks and shakes his head.

“No. I always wondered where you'd go. And yes, I guess it was love at first sight for me.” I smile dreamily and pucker my mouth for a kiss.

Blaine kisses me softly. “It was for me too, baby.”

“Gosh, we are such saps. Do you think that will ever change?” I ask and pull my legs up to curl against my husband.

“I hope not! I love that we are sappy. Okay, what comes next my darling 9 year old Kurtie?” Blaine chuckles and I only smirk.

“Let's have a look and we shall see.” I just say and turn the page.