March 28, 2013, 2:20 p.m.
Conflicted: Gotta Be Down Because I Want It All
T - Words: 523 - Last Updated: Mar 28, 2013 Story: Complete - Chapters: 11/11 - Created: Mar 28, 2013 - Updated: Mar 28, 2013 138 0 0 0 0
Kurt sat in his room, looking at the ceiling. It's been a few days since his fight with Adam and while they agreed to be friends, there was still the awkwardness of Kurt's confession. And Blaine hadn't contacted him since. Kurt couldn't stop thinking about him though. Blaine was so sweet and such a gentleman about what he heard. He didn't question Kurt or demand answers. He was there, helping Kurt understand what the hell was going on in his brain. But what could he do? He loved Blaine. He could imagine a whole life with him. But would it be worth it?
His subconscious yelled at him the moment the thought arrived in his head. OF COURSE HE IS. HE FEELS SO BAD ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED AND HE IS WILLINGLY TAKING ANYTHING THAT YOU GIVE HIM. WHEN YOU LEFT HIM AT THE WEDDING WITH NOTHING MORE THAN A RUMPLED BED AND THE SMELL OF SEX IN THE AIR, HE STILL ADMITTED THAT HE LOVES YOU. He has done so much for you. Isn't that love?
Kurt retaliated the only way he knew how. But he cheated on me.
But his subconscious had an attack ready for that one too. SO HE MADE A FUCKING MISTAKE. YOU HAVE MADE A MILLION OF THEM. DON'T YOU DARE GO ALL HIGH PONY ON HIM WHEN YOU MADE MISTAKES ALL YOUR LIFE. AND I THINK IT'S SICKENING HOW YOU TOLD HIM THAT YOU FORGIVE HIM BUT TRULY YOU STILL HOLD THAT AGAINST HIM. PICK A FUCKING SIDE, HUMMEL!
Kurt sighed. He knew his subconscious was right. He needed to pick a side. Kurt decided to close his eyes and think about everything that happened the past few weeks. When he was kissing Blaine in the car, it felt perfect. Blaine's body underneath his was comforting yet electric at the same time. Kissing Blaine's lips sent tingles all over his body but still Kurt wanted more. And afterwards, Blaine was as perfect as Kurt remembered. His sounds and the way their bodies just became one. It still made Kurt catch his own breath.
Then the movie. Blaine always sang along with him during "Come What May." It was their dream wedding song. And Kurt couldn't imagine it with anyone else. It was forever Blaine. Only Blaine. And then the disastrous dinner with Adam. Kurt didn't love Adam. Hell, he only liked him but not even that much. It was true that Adam was Kurt's rebound but Kurt didn't want to admit that to him. But seeing Blaine right next to him on the couch, listening to him with his bowtie askew and his curls fighting to get out of their gel-locked cell, it caused Kurt's heart to swell. Blaine would always make Kurt melt. No matter what. And Kurt wanted nothing more to forgive him for real and let him back in but-
This is when his subconscious stepped back in. But what, Hummel? There is nothing stopping you. Kurt sighed and knew that it was the truth. Nothing was stopping him from calling Blaine but his pride.