Shattered Memories
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Shattered Memories: Innocence


M - Words: 3,976 - Last Updated: Nov 06, 2011
Story: Closed - Chapters: 10/? - Created: Sep 30, 2011 - Updated: Nov 06, 2011
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"I have never liked anyone in this room." Puck grinned as he looked around at everyone. The rest of the crowd glared at him, and everyone took a sip of their vodka. There hadn't been enough liquor present for everyone to take a shot at every statement, so they had to make their resources last as long as possible. (Admittedly, many of them were already buzzed just from the loud music echoing off the walls and the heat of the game).

Kurt looked over at Blaine as he lifted his glass up in recognition and took a sip from his own drink. From the corner of his eyes he noticed Karofsky eyeing him hesitantly before he too, took a sip from his drink.

It was then that comprehension dawned on Kurt. This whole time he hadn't been bullied because of what he was or because Karofsky hated him. Kurt didn't understand how he couldn't have seen it before. The side glances that were thrown his way, the small smiles that were quickly covered up with smirks, the way he would always catch Karofsky watching him...The whole time it hadn't been because Kurt disgusted Karofsky...but exactly the opposite.

He felt as if all of the air had been punched out of his gut. It was a disgruntling realization to make, that someone would hide their feelings for someone else by pushing them, threatening them, and being violent. Kurt almost felt sick at the thought but he was too experienced by now to ignore the problem. If he wanted to deal with Karofsky once and for all, it had to be confronted.

He stood up abruptly, excusing himself to the bathroom while giving a barely perceptible gesture to Karofsky to follow him. Unsure of whether to follow, Karofsky looked up at him and searched Kurt's eyes, seeking an answer. Kurt gave another nod and went up the stairs to the hallway so that they could speak more privately. After a two minute wait, Karofsky also excused himself and went upstairs as well under the pretense of looking for more hidden liquor.

No one thought anything of the two boys' absence, they were far too intoxicated to care. That is, no one except Blaine, who had seen the interaction of looks and noticed Kurt's gestures towards the boy.

x x x

Kurt sat in the choir room all by himself, breathing in the moment. It was his first day back, but with everything that happened at lunch he didn't feel ready to go back to class. He didn't want his mood to be dampened by the boring teachers and the lectures. He just wanted his first day back to be the best, so that no matter what happened in the days to come, he could have something to keep to himself.

He sat at the piano, playing around with the keys, unsure of what to play. His thoughts shifted to Blaine, and he smiled. He remembered the first time his eyes fell on him, as he walked past him on the stairs. How they shook hands and Blaine had grabbed him and started sprinting down the hallway to the Warblers' meeting. He remembered how he found comfort when he started crying after telling his story about Karofsky. He thought of the long and painful months that it took before Blaine realized his feelings for him. And then he remembered their first kiss, that sweet moment in which all worry was melted away with a simple graze of his lips.

He closed his eyes, his fingers poised over the keys, and he started singing.

Remember those walls I built?

Well baby they're tumbling down,

and they didn't even put up a fight,

they didn't even make a sound.

I found a way to let you in,

but I never really had a doubt,

standing in the light of your halo

I got my angel now.

Outside the choir room, Rachel was holding a video camera, taping the moment from the crack in the door. She had followed Kurt after she realized he wasn't going to class. True to her word, she was going to keep an eye on him and she didn't want to let him go off alone to be vulnerable to jocks. But as she had been on her way to her journalism class, her video camera was at hand. She was supposed to make a video of several interviews, but that wasn't important. Taping Kurt singing wasn't only far more interesting, it could help for some innocent blackmailing at a later point in time.

It's like I've been awakened.

Every rule I had you breakin'

It's the risk that I'm takin'

I ain't never gonna shut you out.

Everywhere I'm looking now

I'm surrounded by your embrace.

Baby I can see your halo

you know you're my saving grace.

You're everything I need and more,

it's written all over your face.

Baby I can feel your halo

pray it won't fade away.

Rachel walked in unnoticed, and set the camera down on a desk by the door so that it could continue recording. She tip-toed over to the stands and sat down in a chair, closing her eyes to listen to the song.

I can feel your halo, halo, halo.

I can see your halo, halo, halo.

I can feel your halo, halo, halo.

I can see your halo, halo, halo.

Hit me like a ray of sun

burning through my darkest night,

you're the only one that I want

think I'm addicted to your light.

I swore I'd never fall again

but this don't even feel like falling,

gravity can't forget

to pull me back to the ground again.

She opened her eyes and looked over at Kurt. She could see the emotions playing across his face, could hear the passion in his voice as he sang. And it made her smile...Sure, she might not have gotten Blaine herself, but seeing Kurt so happy, so alive... was worth it.

Feels like I've been awakened,

every rule I had you breakin'

the risk that I'm takin'

I'm never gonna shut you out.

Everywhere I'm looking now

I'm surrounded by your embrace.

Baby I can see your halo

you know you're my saving grace.

You're everything I need and more,

it's written all over your face.

She walked over to the piano and leaned against it gently enough that Kurt still hadn't noticed her presence. She held her head in her hands as she watched him.

Baby I can feel your halo,

pray it won't fade away.

I can feel your halo halo, halo.

I can see your halo, halo, halo.

I can feel your halo, halo, halo.

I can see your halo, halo, halo...

It was then that Rachel's elbow slipped and banged against the piano, startling Kurt.

"RACHEL!" He shouted, falling back from the piano seat and hitting the ground.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" She said as she ran to him to help him up.

"Jeez, I'm not even back for four hours and you're already acting insane." He muttered as he shook the dirt off his clothes.

She smiled apologetically at him as he took his seat back at the piano. There was an awkward silence during which Rachel looked at him with unreadable eyes and Kurt simply stared suspiciously at her.

"You really like him, don't you?" Rachel said softly.

Kurt felt the blush creeping up his cheeks and he turned away from her, not daring to make eye contact. "Why don't you sing this to him? You were thinking about him while singing it weren't you?" She asked.

Kurt only gave a nod in response, feeling his throat constricting from the rush of emotions he was feeling. He didn't say anything for a while, simply looked down at his feet and avoided eye contact with Rachel.

"I just...I don't want to go too fast."

"What do you mean?" Rachel said.

"It's been a few months since I first met him, and only three weeks since we started dating...I don't want to mess this up by singing an overly-clingy song for him or suffocating him." Kurt mumbled.

"But singing this wouldn't be overly clingy would it? It's not like you're telling him that you're in love with him." At this, Kurt almost choked. Rachel turned her eyes suspiciously before slightly parting her lips. "...You're not...in love with him, are you?"

"No, no! It's m-much too soon for that. That's why I don't want to give him the wrong idea. It's only been three weeks Rachel." Kurt blushed beet red and then stood up.

"Well, listen...It's just a song about appreciation. He was there for you when you needed him right? Maybe this could be your way of saying thanks." Rachel smiled at him, patted him gently on the shoulder and then left the choir room, picking up her video camera on the way.

Kurt watched her as she turned the corner and left. He sat back down at the piano bench and sighed. Rachel always found a way of throwing him off sync or making him feel unsettled.

It really is too soon to say that, Kurt thought. I really like him. But I don't want to scare him off implying that my feelings are stronger than they are...

He thought about all of the people he had scared away before. He had almost damaged his friendship with Finn by being as clingy and pushy as he was. And even though Sam didn't say anything, he had almost ruined his reputation by being adamant. Not to mention the fact that he was so painfully obvious about his feelings whenever Blaine was around - he was surprised the boy had liked him back.

He wasn't going to risk messing it up so soon, especially not because of being clingy or pushing too far. I won't tell him that I love him until the time is absolutely right, he thought. Which means, I keep my mouth shut for the next six months at the very least.

"Daydreaming, Hummel?"

Kurt turned around and froze in his seat. Karofsky was standing in the doorway, a smirk evident on his face. Kurt's face paled as Karofsky approached him.

"W-what do you want, Karofsky?" He stammered, trying to hang on to his wits.

Karofsky smiled and took a few steps towards Kurt. "I saw you during lunch. That guy was singing to you," he said. Kurt couldn't read his eyes and wasn't sure where the conversation was headed.

"Yeah, so what?" Kurt managed to retort.

"Is he your sissy boyfriend or something?" He held Kurt's eyes for a moment, and Kurt almost thought he saw fear flicker past them.

"What if he is?" Kurt said, and with more confidence, turned away to play some more chords on the piano.

"Well," Karofsky muttered as he walked over to Kurt and leaned against the piano, "I just thought I'd let you know that while I have to tolerate one fag in this school, I'm not going to put up with more."

Kurt scoffed at this. "You say that as if you weren't gay yourself."

"Listen," Karofsky hissed in response, crouching low so that his head was level with Kurt's, "I have ways of making your life miserable, Hummel. Don't push me. Just tell your faggot boytoy to stay away from this school and from me. You disgust me enough as it is."

Kurt swallowed. He could feel the hairs on the back of his neck standing up, and a bead of sweat trailing down the back of his head. He didn't show his fear though. "Oh really? And how exactly do you intend to make my life miserable when you're on an anti-bullying club, Karofsky? You'll be out of the school in a heartbeat the moment you do anything."

Karofsky only smiled. He leaned in to Kurt's face and pulled him into a hug. To anyone walking past the door in the hallway, it would seem as if the boys were just sharing an embrace. But Karofsky was holding Kurt tightly, his grip digging into Kurt's back. He brought his mouth close to Kurt's ear and whispered, "Your boytoy doesn't go to this school, Hummel. There's loopholes in every rule. I might not be able to do anything to you, but I can sure as hell do something to him. And I'm sure, if you want to keep things around here civil, you won't be telling anyone this either."

"Kurt! What's going on?" Finn sounded out of breath. He had rushed into the room the moment he saw Karofsky there.

Karofsky turned around, letting go of Kurt. "Hey dude, chill out. We're just working out our differences, isn't that right?" He looked at Kurt with a glint in his eye.

Kurt only nodded. Finn didn't look convinced, but before he could say anything else, Karofsky smiled at the both of them and left the room. Kurt watched as he walked away, trying to process all of his words. He turned away from Finn, making it look like he was busy gathering his sheet music together. But his main concern was regaining his composure. He could feel the sweat on his hands, the heat that had reached all the way to his ears, and he could feel that he had surely gotten paler.

"What was up with that? Are you okay?" Finn said in a concerned tone. He approached Kurt and put his arm around him.

"Nothing, I'm okay. He was just being weird." He flashed a bright smile at Finn and rolled his eyes. "You know, just keeping up his friendly act." He grabbed his backpack, put all of the papers back in and hung it over his shoulder. "Anyways, I have to get to class, I can't skip the last two periods."

Finn sat down at the bench and sighed. He knew Kurt was lying to him, but he couldn't seem to get anything out of him. He took out his phone and dialed the first person that came to mind.

"Finn?"

"Hey, Blaine. Sorry for calling you in the middle of the day dude, but-"

"Is everything okay? Did something happen with Kurt?" Blaine automatically said, starting to panic.

"Yeah, everything's fine. I mean, at least I think it is." Finn said. "I just, I ran into Kurt and Karofsky hugging in the choir room."

There was silence on the other end.

It took Finn a second to realize what he had just implied. "Oh, no man, nothing like that! It was more like, a forced hug. I think Karofsky came in here to say something to Kurt and covered up by hugging him. Cause when he left Kurt looked all pale and stuff."

"Oh..." Blaine frowned on the other end of the line.

"I don't know, I just thought if you weren't busy later today maybe you could talk to him or something. It doesn't seem like he's gonna tell me anything cause he just said nothing happened and then he left."

"Considering I already skipped most of the morning, there's really no sense in going back to school. I'll pick him up when school's over and try to get him to talk." Blaine said.

"Alright, thanks dude."

"Yeah, sure."

__________________________________________

"I don't love him...I don't think." Kurt was muttering to himself as he walked out of the front doors of the school. Though he had been plagued by Karofsky's threats for the last two periods of the day, his mind had rushed back to Blaine. He couldn't understand why his heart was beating so wildly every time he thought of him, or why he felt a surge of warmth in the pit of his stomach just at the mention of his name.

He shook his head as if to recollect himself. "God, Kurt, get a hold of yourself." He said. "You just really like him a lot. You can't jinx it by calling it love yet." He kept looking at the ground as he walked down the steps, not even paying attention to his surroundings. He thought of Blaine and his kind smile, and the way his curls fell across his forehead. He couldn't help but stifle a giggle. "Ugh! Why does he have to be so damn handsome?" He groaned.

Suddenly, a pair of hands reached around his face and covered his eyes. "People tell me it's in my genes."

Kurt's heart dropped to his stomach and he fell forward, surprised by the sudden attack. Blaine was pulled along on top of him by the weight of his book bag and they groaned as they hit the floor.

"Blaine!" Kurt groaned from beneath the weight. "Get off me! What the hell are you doing, scaring me like that?"

Blaine laughed, not moving from where he was. "I was just trying to surprise you. Maybe if you weren't walking around talking to yourself about how hot I am, you'd have seen me."

Kurt blushed and tried to force Blaine off, but couldn't. "Can you get off?" He said more irritably.

Blaine leaned forward so that his lips were close to Kurt's ear. "But I like being on top of you like this," he whispered. Kurt could feel the heat rising to his face and expanding across to his ears. He rolled out from beneath Blaine, and stood up with his red face looking down on Blaine. "I hate you." He huffed and started to walk off, unable to believe how slyly Blaine had slipped such a sexual comment into the conversation.

Blaine got up quickly and followed after him. "Really? Because by the way your own personal conversation was going, I thought you said you were in love with me."

Kurt stopped in his tracks and turned around. "For your information, I wasn't talking about you. I was talking about the newest designer featured in Italian Vogue." He had covered smoothly enough, because the grin that was plastered on Blaine's face fell.

"Oh, I see how it is. You're checking out designers when you're with me?" Blaine scoffed. "I can't be with you Kurt."

They laughed at this and kept arguing playfully all the way to Blaine's car. "Why are you here anyways? Weren't you supposed to be back at school by now?" Kurt asked suspiciously.

"Well, since we already missed half the day it didn't make sense to go back." Blaine shrugged. "But I was wondering if we could talk?"

"Yeah, sure." Kurt said. "Let's go for coffee."

x x x

Once upstairs, Kurt pulled Karofsky further down the hall so they wouldn't be overheard. Even with the loud rendition of "Raise Your Glass" coming from the drunk teens downstairs, he couldn't take chances. He stood with his arms crossed and his eyebrows raised expectantly.

"What do you want?" Karofsky spit out.

"Oh cut the act, will you?" Kurt said irritably.

"I don't know what you-"

"Look, I know. I figured it out." Kurt said simply.

Karofsky was getting visibly angrier, unsure of what the hell Kurt was talking about. "Whatever you think you figured out, you're wrong."

"Oh, so you don't like me then? What a pity." Kurt said sarcastically.

The response that followed was unexpected. Kurt barely moved aside in time for Karofsky's punch to hit the wall beside his face. All of the blood drained from Kurt's face as he felt the wall behind him for a way out. There was no escaping unless he called out for help, but he didn't want to be a coward. He swallowed, trying to relieve his dry throat.

"See this is what I don't understand Karofsky!" He didn't know where he got the courage to speak back, but the rant had already begun and there was no way to stop it. "You clearly have feelings for me, but you pull this kind of crap. You push me, throw slushies in my face, threaten me and then try to punch me? You think you can get rid of your feelings for me by beating me up? You think it's going to make me like you any more or make you like me any less?" Kurt hissed at him.

Karofsky brought his face right up to Kurt's, the fire in his eyes dangerously growing stronger. "Shut up." He spit out. "Stop saying that like you know me." He grabbed on to Kurt's shirt collar to make his point.

Under any other circumstance, Kurt would have lost every ounce of pride and courage that he had, but he couldn't hold back. It was as if someone had possessed his mind and taken over his power of restraint. "I'm just trying to help you Karofsky! You owe me, remember? I still haven't told anyone about you being gay! I haven't started screaming for help, because you know my friends would rush here in a heartbeat if they knew something was wrong! So why don't you shut up and listen for once?" Kurt could feel anger bubbling beneath his skin as he hissed every word so that no one else but Karofsky would hear him.

Karofsky's face blanched at this, and he obeyed hesitantly. "You made my life miserable. And still I haven't said a single word to anyone. I could ruin you, I could let you crash and burn but I haven't. The least you could do is to stop taking out your dumb jealousy on me, because it certainly isn't winning my heart over."

"Who said I wanted to win it anyways?" Karofsky laughed bitterly.

"You didn't have to say anything. I've seen the way you look at me. Why are you so stuck in your own little world? God, I can't stand you. You can't accept who you are and you come and take your anger out on me because you like me? What's your problem? You're mad that you have feelings for a guy? You're mad that I'm in love with Blaine and you can't have me?" Kurt pushed Karofsky away from him, unsure about where his sudden strength had come from.

"You're fucking arrogant, faggot." Karofsky shook his head as he talked. "You think I'm actually jealous of you and your dumb boyfriend? I would never look at you even if I was a homo."

"Oh yeah?" Kurt said, breathing hard.

"You're such a prissy know-it-all, you think everyone fucking wants you when you're just pathe-"

Karofsky was taken aback. He didn't know how it happened and he didn't see it coming. But out of nowhere, Kurt had grabbed a hold of his face and pressed his lips to his own. And he felt the chills running rampant up and down his spine, and the bubbling warmth at the pit of his stomach...but just as quickly as it had come, it was gone. And then-

SLAP.

Kurt's face was flushed with anger, he pushed Karofsky into the wall, wiped his own mouth with his arm and looked at him. "You're pathetic. Because if you didn't know you were gay five seconds ago, you know now. Those feelings you just got? Guess what? It means you're gay. I hope you got your answer." He spat on the floor and shuddered, feeling sick to his stomach. "And just so you know, you disgust me."

Kurt turned around and stalked off, his heart still beating a thousand miles per hour. The anger was still bubbling at the pit of his stomach and he couldn't stop his ragged breathing. He had just kissed Dave Karofsky and it was the worst thing he'd ever had to do. He didn't know where it had come from, it just happened. What he did know, though, was that the kiss wasn't out of attraction. He wanted to shut up Dave Karofsky for good. He was tired of the show, tired of the big front he put up, tired of being pushed around because one guy couldn't come to terms with his feelings. Kurt was tired and he decided to close the matter by making it impossible for Karofsky to deny his sexuality any longer. So, he had kissed him, and then slapped him.

He felt disgusted with Karofsky and disgusted with himself. Once again, he shuddered and he rushed down the hallway to the open bathroom to vomit in the toilet. But as he turned into the dark room, he crashed into someone. He fell backwards in the darkness, dizzy from the repulsion and the sudden impact of the crash. He stood up shakily, his face pale from sickness and turned on the light. His gaze fell on the boy standing in front of him, the rims of his eyes were red and there were tear streaks trailing down his cheeks.

"Blaine...?"


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